


Shuri Squad Plus Like Everyone

by Starthewolf1106



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Domestic Avengers, F/F, F/M, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Memes, Minor Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Peter is a Little Shit, Pets, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Avengers, Protective Peter Parker, Pure Peter Parker, Science, Teen Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Vines
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2020-02-29 18:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 68
Words: 73,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18783838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starthewolf1106/pseuds/Starthewolf1106
Summary: PlumsUwU: Make me, assholeLanguage: Bucky stopSnarkShark: ooh things are getting tenseLanguage: Bucky you have such a dirty mouthPlumsUwU: you weren't complaining about my mouth last nightLanguage: BUCKY NOPlumsUwU: odd. You were screaming 'Bucky yes' instead.OwO: @Language get exposedSnarkShark: I'm dead





	1. Welcome to the Dungeon

Spooderman created a new chat

Spooderman renamed the chat to ''Bitchy Bois"

Spooderman invited Tony Stark, Pepper Pots, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, T'challa, Shuri, Hawkeye, Sam Wilson, Black Widow, Thor, Bruce Banner, Loki, Valkerie, Ned, MJ, The Vision, Wanda, Rhodey, Harley, Groot, Doctor Strange, and Wong to the group.

Tony Stark: Kid it's three A.M what are you doing

Spooderman: Hold on

Spooderman changed Tony Stark's name to StarkShark

StarkShark: What does this even mean

Spooderman changed Pepper Pot's name to Pepperoni

Spooderman: Mr. Stark wut should I name Cap?

StarkShark: Language. He'll understand.

Spooderman changed Steve Roger's name to Language.

Spooderman changed Bucky Barnes' name to PlumsUwU.

PlumsUwU: You know me so well.

Shuri: Have you just been lurking this whole time

PlumsUwU: .... Perhaps

Spooderman: Well Shuri, how did you see these messages?

Shuri: I came here to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now

Spooderman changed Shuri's name to OwO.

Spooderman changed their name to UwU.

OwO: We're UwU twins!

UwU: UwU

Hawkeye: i am so confused

Harley: mood

OwO: I AM CONFUSION

Sam Wilson: excuse me wut

UwU changed Hawkeye's name to Birdbrain

UwU changed Harley's name to Potatoes

Potatoes: Mmm watcha say

UwU changed Sam Wilson's name to Birdsofafeather

Birdsofafeather: HA! BETTER THAN YOU, BIRDBRAIN

UwU changed Birdsofafeather's name to Bigbird.

Bigbird: a tragedy has occurred on these lands today

UwU changed T'challa's name to BigOwO

UwU changed Black Widow's name to R-rebecca

R-rebecca: Sweet reference. I approve.

UwU: UwU

UwU changed Thor's name to Thunder thighs.

UwU changed Bruce Banner's name to 7phds

7phds: Finally the respect I deserve

SnarkShark: Bruce is a sweetheart on the streets but a Savage in the sheets

UwU: OH GOD MR. STARK NO

OwO: IM DYING KSKSKSKSK

SnarkShark: what? Did I miss up the lingo?

Potatoes: 1) no one calls it that

Potatoes: 2) You were referencing how Bruce acted in bed

SnarkShark: kskskkdkfkkdkak

Pepperoni: You know, for a genius, you're really dense

SnarkShark: :'(

UwU changed Loki's name to Slytherin.

SnarkShark: Why is the sociopathic murder in this group chat and why do you have his number

OwO: if you think Loki's bad (which he isn't, he got better) you should meet Deadpool

SnarkShark: PARKER

UwU: yes Dad

SnarkShark: ...

SnarkShark: all is forgiven

UwU changed Valkerie's name to Valkereee.

UwU changed Ned's name to ChairDude

UwU: Sorry, GuyintheChair was too long

OwO: that's what she said

BigOwO: SHURI

UwU changed MJ's name to MemeQueen.

MemeQueen: you may live another day, mortal

UwU changed The Vision's name to TheProphecy.

UwU changed Wanda's name to WitchBitch.

UwU changed Rhodey's name to Hurricanetortilla.

Hurricanetortilla: umm what

UwU: I had nothing else

Hurricanetortilla: fair

UwU changed Groot's name to YwY

Potatoes: now I'm feeling left out

UwU changed Potatoes' name to IwI.

IwI: Honestly this is a mood

OwO: We're still missing EwE! And AwA!

UwU: find some more friend perhaps

IwI: straight Savage

StarkShark: I thought you didn't kill people

UwU changed Doctor Strange's name to HarryPotter

UwU: from now on HarryPotter's Cloak, who Shuri named cloakie, shall also be known as AwA

HarryPotter: Good to know

UwU changed Wong's name to EwE.

UwU: happy now

OwO: very

IwI: thank

* * *

 

9:00 A.M

Bitchy Bois

Language: One time guys. It happened one time like 8 years ago

Birdbrain: 8 years?! Damn, I feel old

R-rebecca: Careful, Steve might get mad if you use that word

Language: MY GOD

R-rebecca: In fact, a certain arachnid might want to change the group name to something more Steve friendly

7phds: @UwU

Language left the chat

UwU added Language to the chat

UwU changed the chat name to No Peppermint

OwO: UwU bröther explain

UwU: I'm allergic to peppermint

UwU: like deathly allergic

UwU: if I smell it I pass out

SnarkShark: Why the hell didn't I know of this?!?!

SnarkShark: @Pepperoni

Pepperoni: already on it

Thunderthighs: who got rid of the peppermint cookies?

Pepperoni: I did because it will kill Spidey

Thunderthighs: oh no! No peppermint within the area of the tower! I like the man of spiders!

UwU: thanks Thor uwu

OwO: OwO

IwI: IwI

YwY: YwY

EwE: EwE

AwA: AwA

HarryPotter: I have so many questions

OwO: bitch so do I

SnarkShark: @Language

Pepperoni: @Language

R-rebecca: @Language

7phds: @Language

Language: for the love of all things holy please stop

PlumsUwU: Make me, asshole

Language: Bucky stop

SnarkShark: ooh things are getting tense

Language: Bucky you have such a dirty mouth

PlumsUwU: you weren't complaining about my mouth last night

Language: BUCKY NO

PlumsUwU: odd. You were screaming 'Bucky yes' instead.

OwO: @Language get exposed

SnarkShark: I'm dead

UwU: If you don't mind me asking, who bottoms

OwO: Steve, definitely

SnarkShark: Steve

Birdbrain: steve

R-rebecca: you'd be insane if you thought that Steve isn't bottoming

Language: I'm done. Goodbye. 

Language left the chat

 

 

 

 


	2. Animal Kingdom

Hitormiss @Inevermiss

@pirateman we have a problem

 

Director Fury @pirateman

Hawkeye I swear to God what did you do

 

Sam_Wilson @thebirdiestbird

@pirateman it actually wasn't his fault this time

 

Agent Coulson @sonofcoul

What the hell did you do?!

 

Scottbott @Teenyman

@sonofcoul @pirateman we may have accidentally turned a few of the Avengers into animals

 

Agent Coulson @sonofcoul

@Teenyman how do you accidentally do that

 

Hitormiss @Inevermiss

@sonofcoul we were playing around with some artifacts that Strange left at the Compound when we turned some of the Avengers into animals

 

Sam Wilson @thebirdiestbird

@pirateman @sonofcoul Wong says they'll change back in a week. The first day they'll be cat's, the second day they'll be dogs, the third birds, the fourth rabbits, the fifth horses, the sixth their favorite animal, and the seventh they'll be a random animal

 

Agent Coulson @sonofcoul

@thebirdiestbird omg. I'm surrounded by children.

 

Hitormiss @Inevermiss

@sonofcoul rt

 

Director Fury @pirateman

@Inevermiss @thebirdiestbird @Teenyman who did you turn

 

Scottbott @Teenyman

@pirateman Tony, Peter, Thor, Steve, Bruce, and Strange

 

Hitormiss @Inevermiss

I hope @SnarkShark @peterparkour @thundergod @thelivinglegend @7phds and @notamagician enjoy being animals for a week lmao

 

Bitchlasagna @Emjay

@peterparkour I wish I was there so I could make fun of you

 

NedLeadstheteam @NedLeeds

@peterparkour damn dude hope you okay :'(

 

Director Fury @pirateman

@sonofcoul Coulson I'm going to have to call you right back, I'm going to have a stroke

 

 

 


	3. Animal Kingdumb

Maria Hill @AgentHill

Update: The first day of the spell has begun. Tony Stark and his personal intern, Peter Parker, are now cats along with Thor, Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers, and Steven Strange

 _Attached is an image of a sleek tuxedo (left) hissing with its back arched at a jet black Maine Coon (right). The caption reads '_ **_Tony Stark (left) is in yet another squabble with Steven Strange._ **

_The picture underneath is an image of a massive golden Norwegian Forest Cat trying to play with a ruffled looking Cornish Rex. This caption says ' **Thor keeps trying to annoy Bruce.'**_

_The third image is of a gray-blue American shorthair. The cat is staring directly at the camera with a deep blue gaze. It's oddly asthetic as the tom seems to be lit up by the early-day sun. There's no caption._

_The final image is of an incredibly fluffy gray kitten biting Tony's tail. The kitten seems to be having the time of it's life. Its dark green eyes seem to have the same affect as a puppy's. The caption states ' **Some things will never change, like Peter's urge to annoy Tony.**_

* * *

Maria Hill @AgentHill

Update 2: It's day 2 of the spell, and I'm pleased to say all of them are alive. Tony hasn't appreciated the cat food we've given him, though.

_Below is an image of a Golden Retriever playing tug-of-war with an Border Collie. A confused looking Boston Terrier sits in the background. The caption: ' **Thor and Bruce are at it again. Cap's still confused.'**_

_The second picture is of a sleek Doberman Pinchir. ' **Dr. Strange** ' is all the caption says._

_The third and final image is of an older Rottweiler with a small German Shepherd puppy curled up at their paws. There's no caption aside from ' **#irondad** '._

* * *

Maria Hill @AgentHill

Update 3: The avengers are now birds. Thor's the Golden Eagle, Strange is the Great Horned Owl, Tony is the Goshawk and Bruce is the Krestel.

_An image of all the named Avengers is attached. No caption is needed._

_Another image is also included. This one shows a smiling Melinda May holding up a stunning young Peregrine Falcon. The caption reads ' **Sam is now jealous that Peter is a better Falcon then he is** '._

* * *

Maria Hill @AgentHill

Update 4: The next phase has begun. They are now rabbits. Tony has already eaten everyone's socks out of pure spite.

_The first image is of a Lionhead Rabbit standing on it's hind legs. It's fur is a majestic golden-brown and you can see compact muscle through the long fur. No caption is needed to figure out that this is Thor._

_The second image is a Rex Rabbit, true to Maria's word, eating everyone's socks. The caption, ' **Godammit, Tony** ' completes this._

_The third image is of a Harlequin Rabbit hunched over a carrot. A nearby Dutch Rabbit seems to be chewing in some celery. The caption: **'Bruce likes his celery, but Strange stole it from him. Now he's sticking to carrots.'**_

_The final image is of a smug looking Sam holding a Dwarf Hotot. The small rabbit is barley the size of Sam's hand. The smug look on Sam's face says it all. ' **Revenge.** '_

* * *

 

Maria Hill @AgentHill

Update 5: Had to take the group outside today as they turned into horses. Pictures included. Yes, The other Avengers rode some of the more eager horses.

_The first image is of a black Arabian Horse standing next to a timid Appaloosa. The caption explains ' **Tony and Bruce are still Science Bros, even as horses.** '_

_The second image is of a large golden Clydesdale racing against a jet black Nokata Horse. However, a small Mustang Foal was winning by a little bit. The caption said that ' **Even though they're horses, Thor and Strange are still letting Peter win.**_

* * *

Maria Hill @AgentHill

Update 6: The Avengers have been turned into their favorite animal. 

Also, for those of you wondering what happened to Captain America, he was too embarrassed because he was a pure white Shetland Pony. He was like, four feet tall.

_The first image is of a magnificent Gold-Brown Stag. It's antlers stretch high and it looks completely in control. ' **Thor** '._

_The second image is of a docile looking Rock Dove. **'"I just thing they're neat" --Bruce Banner, who is currently a glorified pigeon.** '_

_The third image is of a frankly adorable Black Bear cub. The cub is munching on a branch of berries, and juice stains it's mouth. ' **Peter likes his cranberries.** ' The caption reads._

_The fourth image is of a dolphin hastily placed into a large salt-water filled swimming pool. The caption is a pin reading ' **Captain Dolphin, fighting the Naz-seas since the 40's.** '_

_The fourth image is of an elegant Snowy Owl. It's feathers are a pure white with speckles of black. It's eyes are a deep amber color. ' **Mr. I'm-Not-A-Wizard's favorite animal is an owl. Coincidence? I think not.** '_

_The final image is of an elegant Jaguar, which seems to be Tony, lays on the couch. You can see the tips of its claws and the whites of its fangs. A dangerous, ambitious aura radiates off the big cat. That all goes down the toilet, however, when you see the small black bear cub curled up in it's paws. Suddenly, the cat has a more tender look in its eyes, and it seems more protective than hostile. There's no caption._

 

* * *

Maria Hill @AgentHill

Update 7: One more day! They are random animals, which trust me, is not ideal. We already had to separate Tony and Cap because apparently grizzlies and raccoons don't mix

_The first image is of a raccoon on the Winter Soldier's shoulder. It's biting into an plum. The caption reads ' **Cap stole a plum.** ' Bucky doesn't look happy at having one of his plums stolen._

_The second image is of a soft-shelled river turtle. The turtle looks friendly and huggable. ' **Bruce is the opposite of ''Gotta go fast" today.'**_

_The third image is of a three-toed sloth. The sloth is hanging lazily off of a bar that the Avengers set up in the kitchen. **'Strange is joining Bruce on the slow train.'**_

_The fourth image is of a grizzly bear. It's devouring a pinapple that somebody gave it. ' **Tony in his natural habitat.** ' The caption said._

_The final image is of a wolf pup. The pup was being handled by a chubby high-schooler tagged as @NedLeeds, as a confident, yet slightly amused girl tagged as @EmJay sketched something. The caption explained that ' **He needed cheering up because he couldn't be with his #irondad.** '_

* * *

Maria Hill @AgentHill

Final Update: All the avengers are back to normal, nobody died, and I'm happy to report that nobody was eaten! Thank you all for your support!

_Attached is a picture of Tony, Thor, Bruce, Peter, Strange, and Peter. Tony has his arms wrapped around Peter's shoulders. Thor has his arms wrapped around Bruce's waist and the other arm is waving at the camera. Steve stands awkwardly to the side along with Strange. The caption is just a single tag._

_' **#Avengefam** '._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Cwimes Against HUWUmanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter, Shuri, Tony, Steven and Loki play Cards Against Humanity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to be in a different style. Usually I stick to social media but this time they are going to be playing a card game. Also, TRIGGER WARNINGS THIS CHAPTER WILL BE VIOLENT AND HIGHLY OFFENSIVE. CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY IS AN INCREDIBLE ADULT GAME. RACISM, SEXISM, SEX, VIOLENCE, AND MURDER IS USED AS A COMEDIC TOOL. IT IS NOT FOR EVERYONE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Peter, Shuri, Tony, Steven and Loki sat in a circle on the ground. A few of the others watched, but most quickly left. 

Tonight, the small group were doing something special. They were playing Cards Against Humanity.

Tony had been against it at first, but with enough pestering, he conceded. 

"Alright, firsts things first, I'm going to give Peter, Shuri and I a blank black card. Then, I'm going to give you each two blank white cards. Fill them out and I'll shuffle them in." Tony explained.

Handing out the cards, everyone eagerly filled them out.

"Everybody set? Let's begin."

Handing out five cards to each player, Tony set down a black card. Turning away, he let everyone place down their choice.

Once everybody was ready, Tony turned around.

"Ooh, a custom black card. Okay, so, ________ is what began WW3. You guys put down 'Becoming a blueberry,' 'Racially Biased SAT questions,' 'An asymmetric boob job,' and ''the dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy." Humming in thought, Tony chose 'Becoming a Blueberry.'"

"It's the most bizare." He said as Shuri greedily grabbed the black card. Passing out new cards, he let Steven place the next card.

"Right. 'What's the most emo?'" Steven read. 

"So you guys answered 'Literally getting your heart ripped out,' which is a custom card by the way." He said with a glance at Tony.

"Anyway, you also answered 'Yeast,' 'Dying of Dysentery', and 'Women in Yogurt Commercials.'" Cocking his head to the side, he seemed to consider his choice.

"While the yogurt commercial one is funny, the 'dying of Dysentery' one is the most offensive, which is what we were going for." 

Peter silently cheered as he took his card.

The cycle continued with Loki as the next cardholder.

"The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History has just opened an interactive exhibit on _____" Loki paused, going over the answers.

"'Tony Stark's dick.', which is disgusting." Tony made an affronted noise at that.

"'The Hardworking Mexican.' 'Grandpa's Playboy years.' and..." Loki was cut off with a shocked chortle as he read the last card.

"Uhh, 'Nuking Civilians'. That's a custom card. Whoever played that take the card. Whoever wrote that should be ashamed." Shuri took her second card with a devilish grin as Peter smirked.

"I thought you were supposed to be innocent!" Tony cried.

"My turn!" Shuri cut off Peter's reply as the next turn began.

" 'I do not know with what weapons World War 3 will be fought with, but World War 5 will be fought with'... Someone answered with 'Hospicr Care'. What does that even mean?" Shuri asked.

Strange snorted. "I didn't have a good card!" He defended. 

"Someone answered with 'Preteens'. Someone else answered with 'Powerful Thighs.' Also, someone answered with ''riendly Fire'." Shuri paused.

"That's kinda poetic." She stated.

"What, powerful thighs?" Tony asked.

"No, Friendly Fire. But Preteens wins." Shuri declared. Loki calmy grabbed his first card. Tony pouted as he realized he was losing.

"Peter, your turn to judge." The next round began.

"Okay. 'Armani suit: $1000. Dinner for two at that swanky restaurant: $300. The look on her face when you surprise her with ________: priceless.' So someone put down 'Land Mines', which is funny, but not that offensive. Someone else pit down 'An uppercut.' Which again, hilarious, but not as offensive. 'A murder most foul?' Great! Might be the winner! BUT, I have to say that 'The heart of a child' wins." Peter finished.

Steven smugly fished the card out of Peter's grasp. Tony was definitely pissed now. It was his turn to judge, however.

" 'What gives me uncontrollable gas?' Well, I'd have to say that 'The Devil himself' wins. The other three are just plain boring. 'Scientology'? Really?" Peter interrupted the rant by grabbing his card. 

"Two down three to go." He said confidently.

"My turn again." Steven began the next round.

'What's the next Happy Meal toy?' Strange read. " Whoever put down 'Cybernetic enchancments and 'Oil!' lose." He continued.

" 'The fall of Asgard.' That one's custom." 

Loki scoffed out a quick 'Too soon.'

"The winner is 'A drunk brain surgeon.' Congrats to Tony for  _finally_ winning his first card." Steven drawled.

"Last time I checked we were both losing to the children." Tony snapped back with a scowl.

"My turn." Was all Loki said before very one turned back to the game.

" 'Major League Baseball has banned _____ for giving players an unfair advantage.' So, out of 'A squadron of molds wearing aviator goggles.', 'The inevitable heat death of the universe.', 'Nipple Blades', and 'Backwards knees', I'm going to have to choose 'Nipple Blades'. 

Shuri cheered as she aquired her third black card and got to be the next holder.

" 'Before I run for president, I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with _________'." Shuri let out a dramatic pause as she analyzed the cards.

"Okay, so whoever played the custom 'Vine going extinct' card, not cool. The 'bullshit' card makes sense, but isn't that funny or offensive. The card that only says 'Me' on it is such a big mood I was tempted to choose it, but then I saw 'Fuck Mountain' and I just lost it. You win." Shuri said as Peter caught back up to her. They were tied 3 to 3.

Peter quickly set up the next round. 

"Ooh, pick 2! '_______ would be woefully incomplete without ______'."

"The first one is 'The human body would be woefully incomplete without Total War. The next one is 'A slightly shittier parallal universe would be woefully incomplete without kids with ass cancer.' 'Drunk Driving would be woefully incomplete without Incest.' However, the winner is 'Auscheitz would be woefully incomplete without German Dungeon Porn.'" 

The room filled with horrified laughter as Strange took his card.

It was Tony's turn again. Placing down 'What ended my last relationship?', Tony allowed everyone to make their play. 

"So while 'Whining like a little bitch' and 'An army of skeletons' along with 'Too much cocaine' are valid plays, the mental image of 'An unhinged fetris wheel rolling towards the sea' is too funny to pass up. Take the card."

Peter nabbed the card. One more and he would win.

It was Strange's turn to hold.

"Right, so it says 'During his childhood, Salvador Dali produced hundreds of painitngs of ______.' Someone played 'A Burmese tiger pit.' Someone else played 'Wearing underwear inside out to avoid doing laundry'. One of you had the AUDACITY to play 'Getting hilariously gang-banged by the Blue Man Group.' However, the winner is whatever mad-lad played 'Ejaculating live bees and the bees are angry.' Now, whoever did this-" Strange was cut off by Peter who was yelling that he had won.

Smiling, everyone patted Peter on the back.

"You know kid, I thought you were the pure one." Tony remarked with an eyebrow raised.

"I am. I am known as the Ra Ra Meme Queen, Vine's smallest UwU bean. I just also happen to be fire at Cards Against Humanity."

Peter walked away leaving Tony to try and figure out what the ever-loving fuck Peter just said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this of you wondering, I literally set up five rocks with names written on them in sharpie in a circle. I gave them all a hand and played as if I were each person. I spent two hours making sure that this was believable. It's midnight and I have school.


	5. Team Bonding Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IwI: @SnarkShark truth or dare
> 
> SnarkShark: truth. Nothing that the paparazzi hasn't already asked.
> 
> IwI: do you think of Peter as your son
> 
> SnarkShark left the chat.
> 
> UwU: Mmm watcha say?
> 
> UwU added SnarkShark to the chat
> 
> SnarkShark: pass
> 
> OwO: lmao @UwU get r e k t

No Peppermint, 10:45 A.M

UwU: OMFG GUYS J HAVE THE BEST IDEA

SnarkShark: I hope this isn't like the time you put sponges in the blender thinking they'll clean it

UwU: no this is worse

OwO: oh no

UwU: let's do some team bonding games

UwU: like let's play truth or dare first

UwU: who's in

OwO: I'm in

IwI: rt

SnarkShark: rt

R-rebecca: rt

HarryPotter: rt

Thunderthighs: Bruce explained this game to me! I'm in!

Slytherin: aye

7phds: rt

Birdbrain: rt

BigBird: rt

Language: Bucky said I should

PlumsUwU: pushover, rt

HarryPotter: @EwE

EwE: fine

UwU: that everyone

OwO: yeet

UwU: sweet. We'll go down the list. Shuri, truth or dare.

OwO: Dare.

UwU: I dare you to do the ice bucket challenge

OwO: bitch please. 

OwO: done. Check my YouTube

OwO: now, @IwI, truth or dare

IwI: hmmm

IwI: truth

OwO: who's your favorite Avenger

IwI: dammit 

IwI: uhhhh Spider-Man

UwU: ily IwI

IwI: ilyt 

IwI: @SnarkShark truth or dare

SnarkShark: truth. Nothing that the paparazzi hasn't already asked.

IwI: do you think of Peter as your son

_SnarkShark left the chat._

UwU: Mmm watcha say?

UwU added SnarkShark to the chat

SnarkShark: pass

OwO: lmao @UwU get  r e k t

SnarkShark: @R-rebecca truth or dare

R-rebecca: dare

SnarkShark: I dare you to reverse pick-pocket Pepper

R-rebecca: done and done

SnarkShark: wait wut

R-rebecca: just wait a bit

R-rebecca: @HarryPotter truth or dare

HarryPotter: truth 

R-rebecca: have you watched the Harry Potter movies

HarryPotter: ......

R-rebecca: well?

HarryPotter: ....yes

SnarkShark: HA! I KNEW IT

HarryPotter: shut up Stark.

HarryPotter: @Thunderthighs truth or dare

Thunderthighs: dare! I choose dare!

HarryPotter: I dare you to give your hammer to @UwU

Thunderthighs: :((((

Thunderthighs: fine

SnarkShark: that'll take them a while

Thunderthighs: BY ODIN'S BEARD

SnarkShark: what!? What happened?! Us he hurt?

SnarkShark: ANSWER ME

Thunderthighs sent a photo.

_The photo is of a shocked looking Spider-Man holding Thor's hammer with ease. He seems perplexed as he admires the hammer._

SnarkShark: holy mother of hell

Birdbrain: what the FUCK

PlumsUwU: @Language

Language: I think we have more pressing concerns

PlumsUwU: @Language

PlumsUwU: @Language

PlumsUwU: @Language

Language: fine.

Language: Language, Clint

UwU:  : 0

OwO: ;)

UwU: :))))))

SnarkShark: impressive, kid

UwU:    : ) ) ) ) ) )

SnarkShark: now, before he gets overwhelmed, @Slytherin I believe it's your turn

Slytherin: fine. I choose dare as well

Thunderthighs: brother! I dare you to play tag with the children!

Slytherin: why, Thor?

Thunderthighs: to socialize! 

Slytherin: fine. But first @7phds

Slytherin: truth or dare

7phds: uhhhh truth

Slytherin: are you and my idiotic brother dating

7phds: .......

SnarkShark: oooh

UwU: UwU? What's this?

OwO: spill the tea, sis

7phds: yes...

SnarkShark: I KNEW IT! 

UwU: congrats at coming out of the closet, Bruce. I know how hard that can be

SnarkShark: @UwU explain?

UwU: let's just say they call me Bider-man because I swing both ways

OwO: OH MY G O D 

SnarkShark: good for you. 

7phds: @Birdbrain truth or dare

Birdbrain: dare

7phds: I dare you to throw a pillow at Natasha

Birdbrain: o h  n o

UwU: uwu

SnarkShark: you want him to die?! I'm on board

Birdbrain: @UwU quick I need a witty vine response

UwU: @birdbrain @SnarkShark I feel REVOLTED, I feel DISGUSTED, I dedicate my life to our LORD AND SAVIOR Jesus Christ and THIS is the thanks I get?!?!

Birdbrain: done. Somehow I survived

Birdbrain: @BigBird truth or dare

BigBird: truth

Birdbrain: who was your worst girlfriend

BigBird: oh boy

BigBird: well this one girlfriend I had would NOT stop adopting cats

BigBird: it got to the point where we had like 20 cats

OwO: @BigOwO would've liked that

BigOwO: fuck off

PlumsUwU: @Language

SnarkShark: @Language

UwU: @Language

OwO: @Language

Language: I hate all of you

Language: Watch your language 

BigBird: @Language truth or dare

Language: truth.

BigBird: are you and Bucky dating

Language: yes

BigBird: Clint owes me $10. 

Language: w h a t

Language: @PlumsUwU did you know about the bets?

PlumsUwU: I choose truth and yeet 

Language: where did you learn modern speak?

PlumsUwU: I spent too much time around Shuri

PlumsUwU: @EwE truth or dare

EwE: dare

PlumsUwU: @UwU have any ideas

UwU: @EwE every ten minutes portal a cup of milk with ice in it to Mr. Stark's desk for an hour

SnarkShark: @UwU   b e t r a y a l

EwE: done.

Pepperoni: who put this hockey puck in my purse

R-rebecca: run

 

 

 

 


	6. Team Bonding Part 2

No Peppermint, 11:23 A.M

UwU: Alright. Let's play Two Truths One Lie

UwU: but first I'ma add some people

UwU added PKStarStar, pirateman, ThisBitchEmpty, and YEET to the chat

PKStarStar: hey babe @valkereee

Valkereee: baeeeee

Thunderthighs: Brunhilde! You are in a relationship?

pirateman: the fuck @PKStarStar? You never told us you were dating? 

PKStarStar: for those of you asking, I'm Captain Marvel, and I'm Brunhilde's gf

pirateman: I am Fury

ThisBitchEmpty: I'm Coulson :)

YEET: Daisy Johnson, also known as Quake

pieateman: She's Coulson's unofficial adopted daughter

ThisBitchEmpty: false

PKStarStar: don't deny it

OwO: yeah don't play a Tony and deny it

ThisBitchEmpty: we're not even that close

YEET: Why the fuck you lying, why you always lying, Mmm oh my God, stop fucking LYING

OwO: I vote to include her in the council

UwU: hmmmm. I must call them first

UwU: UwU

OwO: OwO

IwI: IwI

EwE: EwE

AwA: AwA

YwY: YwY

UwU: UwU council? What's your verdict?

UwU: UwU if you agree, OwO if you don't think so

UwU: UwU

OwO: UwU

IwI: UwU

EwE: OwO

AwA: UwU

YwY: UwU

UwU: it is decided. From now on YEET, also known as Daisy Johnson/Quake, shall be called UwO

UwU changed YEET's name to UwO

UwU: Council dismissed. UwU

OwO: OwO

IwI: IwI

EwE: EwE

AwA: AwA

YwY: YwY

UwO: UwO

Birdbrain: did I just witness a cult meeting

BigBird: I think so

PlumsUwU: hey how come @BigOwO and I aren't on the council

UwU: you are secondary members

BigOwO: :'(

OwO: are we gonna play Two Truths One Lie or not

PKStarStar: ooh I love this game

PKStarStar: can I start?

UwU: sure. You can choose who goes next and who answers

PKStarStar: Okay. I was in the Air Force, I fought the Kree, and I helped Fury break into a building @OwO

OwO: uhhhh You fought the Kree?

PKStarStar: damn I thought it would be harder

SnarkShark: you need to tell us that story later

PKStarStar: k, before we can continue can I add a close friend of Fury and mine? @UwU

UwU: yeet send me the info

UwU added Goose to the chat

pirateman: GOOSE?! YOURE ALIVE?!

PKStarStar: I kept him alive by taking him to Asgard. Turns out they loved him and used their immortality magic on him

pirateman: GOOSE :))))))

SnarkShark: okay who is this and why is Fury so unsettlingly happy to see them

PKStarStar: this is Goose, our cat

Birdbrain: Fury has a cat?

UwU: can we continue pls

PKStarStar: oh shit sure

PlumsUwU: @Language

Language: no

PKStarStar: @PlumsUwU your turn

PlumsUwU: okay so I don't remember much about myself so can I do facts about Steve

UwU: gladly

PlumsUwU: Steve and I are dating, Steve is allergic to walnuts, and Steve used to do dance recitals @BigBird

BigBird: the dance recital one, obviously

PlumsUwU: nope : )

SnarkShark: I ' m  s o r r y  w h a t

Language: it was for the military!

PlumsUwU: still a dance recital, Mr. 'Man-With-A-Plan'

UwU: what was the lie

PlumsUwU: Steve is allergic to peanuts, not walnuts

PlumsUwU: @pirateman your turn

pirateman: I am a cat person, I went to boarding school, I at a pinecone to impress my crush @7phds

7phds: oh uhhhhh you went to boarding school?

pirateman: motherfucker

PlumsUwU: @Language

Language: @PlumsUwU

PlumsUwU: I have no idea why but I am so turned on right now by that

Language: :)

Language and PlumsUwU left the chat

UwU: oh no

UwU: @friday @karen activate the Sock-on-the-doorknob protocol for Bucky and Steve

friday: activated, mini boss

SnarkShark: how long have they been here?

UwU: since before you

SnarkShark: how come I didn't know about it

UwU: you never @ them

pirateman: @BigBird your turn

BigBird: my favorite food is cookies, I have a pet quail, I hate the color blue @Birdbrain

Birdbrain: you don't have a pet quail

BigBird: wrong. Her name is Aurora

BigBird: @ThisBitchEmpty your turn

ThisBitchEmpty: uhhhh I've had no pets, my favorite movie genre is Comedy, and I've had three girlfriends @IwI

UwO: including or excluding May

ThisBitchEmpty: I'm going to eat your cerial 

UwO: I'll steal all your pillows

pirateman: don't be fooled they love each other

PKStarStar: this is how they show affection

IwI: UwO told me you have two leopard geckos so the first one is a lie

ThisBitchEmpty: how??? You've known her for five minutes????

IwI: council secret

IwI: she also told me you named them Sandwich and Martini and that you talk to them

UwO: it's true. You can walk past his room on the plane and just hear him telling jokes or watching a movie with them

UwU: that's so pure I love it

ThisBitchEmpty: w h y also @OwO your turn

OwO: I am actual royalty, I am the sibling of Black Panther, and I have a crush on MJ @Thunderthighs

Thunderthighs: You are royalty? Is that the lie?

OwO: Wrong! I am princess Shuri of Wakanda, daughter of king T'chaka and sister of king T'challa

Thunderthighs: M'lady! If I had know you were royalty I would have brought gifts!

PKStarStar: :0

OwO: nah it's fine I actually low-key hate it when people treat me like royalty

MemeQueen: well Shuri that's good because I like you too but I don't want people thinking it's because your royalty

UwU: : 0

OwO: HOLY SHIT YOUR IN THIS CHAT AND YOU LIKE ME?

MemeQueen: yes. Now do you accept my token of mutual love or not

OwO: I will be your nerd forever 

MemeQueen: good now @Slytherin it's your turn

Slytherin: I am Genderfluid, I am a frost giant, and I can shapeshift @SnarkShark

SnarkShark: you're a frost giant?

Slytherin: Ha! They were ALL true! I tricked you!

UwU: Mr. Loki sir prince sir that's not how he game works 

SnarkShark: 'Mr. Loki sir prince sir'

Slytherin: ....

Slytherin: I would die for you child

Birdbrain: we've lost another one boys

R-rebecca: don't pretend that you haven't cried because the kid gave you chocolate

Birdbrain: I feel so attacked right now

Birdbrain: like I'm about to die 

R-rebecca: then p e r i s h

Birdbrain: 9-1-1 I'm being bullied

Slytherin: @UwU it's your turn

UwU: okay. I have spider genetics, I can't thermoregulate, and I live swimming @R-rebecca

R-rebecca: you hate swimming

UwU: damn

UwU: has everyone who wanted to go gone?

friday: everyone says yes

UwU: thanks, Fri

UwU: I must go and eat some food bye everyone but first

UwU add Language and PlumsUwU to the chat

UwU left the chat

Slytherin: I would die for him

SnarkShark: rt

 

 

 


	7. Birds of a Feather

No Peppermint, 12:39 A.M

SnarkShark: Guys help Peter wants a pet

SnarkShark: @Pepperoni @HurricaneTortilla 

Pepperoni: Tony it's midnight

Hurricanetortilla: and a half

SnarkShark: this is an emergency

SnarkShark: he says he want a birf

Hurricanetortilla: just get him the bird, tones

Pepperoni: yeah. Just get a few doves or something

SnarkShark: okay. I can do that

SnarkShark: I'll get a few birds

SnarkShark: I'll start making the cage and ordering the birds

SnarkShark: night

* * *

 

The same chat 10 hours later

Pepperoni: TONY THAT IS NOT A FEW

SnarkShark: what do you mean

SnarkShark: there's only 6

Hurricanetortilla: Tony by a few we meant like two or three small parakeets

Hurricanetortilla: not 6 exotic birds

SnarkShark: technically the mourning doves aren't exotic

SnarkShark: in fact the only birds that are exotic are the four I left outside

Pepperoni: what. did. you. do.

SnarkShark: I decided that the compound needed some wildlife

SnarkShark: also Peter said they were his second favorite animal

Hurricanetortilla: that kid could ask you to buy him Russia and you definitely would

SnarkShark: oh yeah totally

SnarkShark: in my defense tho those puppy eyes are irresistible

Hurricanetortilla: yeah I know he asked me for ice cream once with them

SnarkShark: anyway Peter will be here at around noon

SnarkShark: cus it's a Saturday

SnarkShark: I'll update you then

* * *

 

No Peppermint, 12:06 P.M

UwU: OMFG GUYS MR STARK GOT ME SOME BIRBS

OwO: oh? Spill the tea

IwI: yeah

UwU: so like he told me there was a surprise for me in my room so I go there and I see a bird cage 

UwU: inside the cage is three beautiful mourning doves 

UwU: they've already been banded and all that so I just need to name them

UwU: then I see that there's another larger cage in the corner 

UwU: let me tell you I was not expecting a pair of angry krestels to jump out at me

IwI: wait what the hell is a kestrel

UwU: they're really small falcons

OwO: and the males have gorgeous plumage

UwU: look them up

UwU: and it gets better

UwU: next to my bed there's a big nest/scrape

UwU: guess what was in it

OwO: what what what what

UwU: an absolutely stunning peregrine falcon

UwU: like she's perfect

UwU: I've named her UwU, like me

OwO: perfect

IwU: UwU part 2, electric boogaloo

UwU: UwU2 for short

IwI: what are you going to name the kestrels

UwU: I'm going to name the female Small Bean

UwU: because she's very tiny and smol

OwO: I approve

IwI: valid

UwU: I'ma name the male Anger

UwU: he's very Angry

OwO: but what of the doves

UwU: the one with the red band will be Ruby

UwU: she's the smallest

UwU: the blue banded one will be Saphire

UwU: and the biggest one with the green band will be Emerald

OwO: you know I was expecting you to name them after star wars characters

UwU: if something happens to the character tho I don't want to worry about my birbs :'(

OwO: valid

IwI: I was expecting science names like Rosalind Franklin or Issiac Newton or Einstein

UwU: ......

OwO: you okay

OwO: it's been like 15 minutes

OwO: did we upset you

OwO: @IwI apologize

IwI: I'm sorry?

UwU: it's uhh

UwU: it's nothing

UwU: just please don't say that name

OwO: what name

UwU: Einstein

UwU: it brings back really bad memories

UwU: I'm gonna go play with UwU2 now

UwU: bye

UwU left the chat

OwO: wow we messed that up

IwI: he'll be fine

OwO: I hope so

IwI: he will be

IwI: he's got a support animal now

OwO: you mean UwU2

IwI: ye

OwO: IwI UwU2's a falcon

IwI: so

OwO: there's no such thing as a support falcon

IwI: well there is now

OwO: whatever

OwO: let's just bake him cookies and apologize

IwI: agreed

* * *

Language: guys

Language: why is there a bunch of pissed off peacocks on the track

PlumsUwU: haven't you heard

PlumsUwU: those aren't peacocks

PlumsUwU: someone changed some S.H.I.E.L.D agents into peacocks

Language: what? Really?

PlumsUwU: yeah it was really bad

PlumsUwU: Stark's working on a cure

Language: I didn't think that was possible

PlumsUwU: you literaly spent a week as different animals

PlumsUwU: you were a Shetland Pony 

PlumsUwU: you really think it's a far cry that a few agents accidentally got turned into peacocks

Language: I guess not

PlumsUwU: yeah

PlumsUwU: I'd avoid them. Be nice tho

Language: I'll read them a story and feed them!

Language: Bye Bucky! I'm going to visit my new friends!

Language: wait do they have names

PlumsUwU: yeah the male is Agent Pratt

PlumsUwU: the largest female is Agent Johansson

Plums UwU: the one with the small white streaks in her feathers is Agent Lawrence

PlumsUwU: the smallest female is Agent Watson

Language: great! I'll be back soon!

Language: peacocks eat kale right

PlumsUwU: yeah they love it

PlumsUwU: in order to befriend them faster you gotta cover yourself in kale and lay down in front of them

PlumsUwU: like kale in your boots in your hair tied to your chest

PlumsUwU: you'll become like a human bird feeder

Language: Great! Anything else

PlumsUwU: yeah you gotta make the noises

PlumsUwU: like as you walk towards them mimic their calls

Language: perfect

Language: I think I'm ready

PlumsUwU: great

PlumsUwU: I'll record it so that you can review the first time you met your friends

Language: great idea! 

Language: alright I got the kale from Bruce I'm ready

PlumsUwU: I got the camera ready

Language: lets do this!

* * *

_"Uhhh, Bucky?" Sam asks, his brow furrowed in confusion._

_"Yeah?" Bucky responds, his eyes never leaving the scene in front of him._

_"What is Steve doing?" Sam questions._

_"I convinced him that the peacocks were S.H.I.E.L.D agents that just got turned into peacocks." Bucky replied._

_"Why?" Sam says as he makes a face._

_"Because I can." Was all Bucky responded with._

_"What did you say their names were?"_

_"I used famous actor names."_

_"Of course you did." Sam scoffed._

_The two paused their conversation. Steve was now shrieking loudly at the birds._

_"So uh, you never answered my question. What is he doing?" Sam asks._

_"Well, I told him that to befriend the peacocks he had to cover himself in kale and make peacock noises at them." Bucky answers. All this time his eyes have never let the scene ahead if him._

_"Hmmm." Was all Sam said before focusing on the scene._

_Steve laid down in the grass, still screaming bad peacock sounds at them. The peacocks seemed to look at each other, confused, before making a decision._

_Letting out a small cry, the peacocks swarmed Steve in a fit of feathery rage and hunger._

_Steve screamed as he was swarmed by the big birds. They pecked at the kale on his clothes as Steve covered his head._

_Bucky and Sam couldn't stop laughing at the sight. This guy who was 200 odd pounds of muscle was screaming like a child as he got swarmed by hungry birds._

_Eventually, Steve walked back to the compound._

_"I don't think the agents like me." Steve said sadly._

_"Cheer up, buddy. I'm sure they'll warm up to you." Bucky comforted his friend, somehow maintaining a completely straight face._

_In the corner, Sam was silently losing it._

_In the end, the peacocks got fed, Steve was fine and somehow still believed Bucky, and Sam had another treasured memory._

 


	8. HallUwUween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UwU: you're absouwulutley right!
> 
> SnarkShark: stop
> 
> OwO: nOwO
> 
> SnarkShark: kid you need to revaluate your choice in friends
> 
> UwU: rich coming from the guy who's only friends are his fiance, his college roommate, a 15-year-old and a bunch of robots
> 
> SnarkShark: 911 I'm being bullied
> 
> OwO: T H E N P E R I S H
> 
> SnarkShark: *gasps*
> 
> SnarkShark: rude!

No Peppermint, 9:47 P.M

UwU: guys it's almost HallUwUween

UwU: time to get spoopy

OwO: @UwU

OwO: let's tell each other a secret about sourselves

OwO: I hate you

UwU: :'(

SnarkShark: Peter it's the beginning of October

UwU: so

SnarkShark: that means that we have to start getting ready! We're late!

Pepperoni: *sighs*

OwO: pepper wut

Pepperoni: no. You will not.

Pepperoni: Peter go play with UwU and Small Bean

Pepperoni: Tony you're late for a meeting

UwU: hahaha Pepper UwU and Small Bean are already with me

UwU: which reminds me

UwU: does anyone else have pets

Hurricanetortilla: I have a quail named Aurora

UwU: adorable

Pepperoni: I've been pestering Tony to get me a kitten

SnarkShark: fine. As long as it doesn't eat Peter's birds

Pepperoni: : )

PlumsUwU: I have a small herd of goats

PlumsUwU: there's Steve, Peggy, Queens, and a set of twins kids that I haven't named

OwO: name it Peter if it's male Shuri if its female

PlumsUwU: actually ones male ones female so that works

Birdbrain: I have a dog

Birdbrain: his name's lucky

Language: I don't know if it counts but the NYPD sometimes let me ride one of their horses

 UwU: really? 

OwO: what name/type

SnarkShark: the NYPD has horses?

Language: well the one I like the best is a gelding named Snowball

Language: but they also have a mare named Buttercup and a stallion named Hurricane

Language: I haven't been able to ride Buttercup though because she's expecting

UwU: awwww

OwO: does my brother count as a pet

UwU: Yee because he a cat

BigOwO: really Shuri

OwO: owo

UwU: I know agent Coulson has those leopard geckos or something

OwO: yeah, Martini and Sandwich i think

Hurricanetortilla: my nephew has a cat named Sami

Thunderthighs: I also have goats! Loki has a horse!

7phds: Thor I've seen the 'horse' and I don't even think it qualifies as a horse anymore

Slytherin: hey Sleipnir is a gift 

Thunderthighs: indeed, brother

UwU: isn't Sleipnir the name of the foal that Loki gave birth to

Thunderthighs: Indeed! Sleipnir is the foal of horse-loki and a troll's stallion!

SnarkShark: I'm sorry w h a t

OwO: hey @UwU Sleipnir has eight legs

OwO: so that means that he's a spider horse

UwU: UwU

SnarkShark: no, we are NOT doing the UwU OwO chain thing again

Thunderthighs: don't say anything bad about Sleipnir because Loki is very protective and proud of his child

Slytherin: damn right I am Sleipnir is fucking amazing

PlumsUwU: @Language

Language: Bucky I am not about to tell the homicidal god of mischief to watch his language

Pepperoni: besides he's allowed to feel happy about his child

OwO: Yee precious baby

UwU: Mr Loki sir may I please meet Sleipnir he sounds really nice

Slytherin: I'm sure Sleipnir would be very happy to meet his fellow spider-but-not-really-a-spider 

UwU: UwU

OwO: OwO

SnarkShark: NO

UwU: yuwu cannot stop uwus

OwO: we areowo inevituwuable

UwU: UwU

OwO: OwO

IwI: IwI

EwE: EwE

AwA: AwA

YwY: YwY

UwO: UwO

SnarkShark: I am so done

PKStarStar: is this a common occurrence

SnarkShark: yes

PKStarStar: I'm so sorry

7phds: also Loki I'm sorry for insulting your child

7phds: I did not know he is your baby

Slytherin: accepted, but only because Sleipnir is very kind and doesn't want me to be mad

Thunderthighs: it's true! When father was alive he'd consult Sleipnir for wisdom! Very wise!

SnarkShark: why do you text like that

Thunderthighs: like what, my dear friend?

Slytherin: like an over excited puppy

Hurricanetortilla: wait wasn't this conversation origanally about 'HallUwUween'?

UwU: you're absouwulutley right!

SnarkShark: stop

OwO: nOwO

SnarkShark: kid you need to revaluate your choice in friends

UwU: rich coming from the guy who's only friends are his fiance, his college roommate, a 15-year-old and a bunch of robots

SnarkShark: 911 I'm being bullied

OwO:  T H E N   P E R I S H

SnarkShark: *gasps*

SnarkShark: rude!

UwU: but uncle Rhodey's right it was about HallUwUween

Hurricanetortilla: 'Uncle Rhodey's ahhhhbb I'm dying I love it

UwU: UwU

Hurricanetortilla: kskksksksksjsjjsljs

UwU: anyway Mr. Stark what candy are you going to get

UwU: and what costume are you doing

SnarkShark: kid I live in the middle nowhere I'm not doing trick or treating

R-rebecca: Tony you better be taking Peter trick-or-treating 

Pepperoni: if you don't you'll be sorry

SnarkShark: okay okay fine

UwU: can Shuri come too?

OwO: please brother?

UwU: please? @BigOwO

OwO: pretty please? @BigOwO

BigOwO: fine! We'll visit a week before Halloween and we'll stay for another week

BigOwO: if you're good you can stay until New Year's, Shuri

OwO: THANK YOU BROTHER

UwU: THANK YOU MR. BLACK PANTHER T'CHALLA SIR

UwU: what is everyone being?

OwO: UwU let's do matching costumes!

UwU: wait I have an idea! I'll be iron man and you can be black panther!

OwO: YES

PKStarStar: okay that shits adorable

PlumsUwU: @Language

Language: she's not wrong

PlumsUwU: @Language if you wear your old 'Star Spangled Man With A Plan' outfit for Halloween we can spend some.... Alone time later

Language: deal

BigOwO: gross

SnarkShark: really? In front of the children? 

PlumsUwU: i don't thing they care @UwU @OwO

OwO: SKADADLE SKADOODLE

UwU: YOUR DICK IS NOW A NOODLE

PlumsUwU: see

SnarkShark: you know what nevermind

SnarkShark: everybody in a relationship make a dirty joke to your partner

SnarkShark: @Pepperoni your body is so hot I can roast marshmallows on it

Pepperoni: @SnarkShark game so strong you need to thin the herd

SnarkShark: I can thin your herd later ;)

UwU: O H  N O

OwO: HAHA BITCH

BigOwO: guys I need to embarrass Shuri partner up with me quick

R-rebecca: I'll let you access my panther later ;)))

OwO: AHHHH REGRET

PKStarStar: You're brighter than the stars @Valkereee

Valkereee: you're as beautiful as a Pegasus @PKStarStar

Thunderthighs: I love both of you, but mostly you you! @7phds

7phds: Thanks Thor. You're brighter than lightning ;)))) @Thunderthighs

OwO: jokes on you fools I'm in a relationship

OwO: @MemeQueen leg so hot, hot hot leg, leg so hot you fry an egg

MemeQueen: @OwO I love you bitch, I ain't never stop lovin you, biiiiitch

SnarkShark: what the fuck

PlumsUwU: @Language there's a lot of bad language here

Language: watch your language

UwU: this is pure literature what are you talking about

SnarkShark: hey kid anyone you're dating

UwU: no 

SnarkShark: why not

UwU: I'm ugly

UwU: kidding it's because I don't want a relationship

SnarkShark: that's okay, mind telling us why

UwU: Mr. Stark the last person I tried to date turned out to be the daughter of a supervillian who tried to kill me like four times

SnarkShark: I'm sorry w h a t

UwU: I know right

UwU: like what are the chances that the one girl I like's father is the vulture 

UwU: hahahahah

SnarkShark: we are going to talk about this later

UwU: about what 

UwU: I asked this girl to prom I arrived at her house her dad pointed a gun at me then tased me

SnarkShark: what the FUCK

UwU: it's not that bad! In fact it was nothing compared to when the plane crashed!

SnarkShark: THAT WAS YOU

SnarkShark: YOU COULDVE GOTTEN KILLED

UwU: but I didn't

SnarkShark: oh my God this kid is giving me gray hairs

UwU: good now they'll blend in

SnarkShark: fuckin rude

OwO: yeah Peter respect your elders

SnarkShark: MOOOM THE KIDS ARE BEING MEAN

pirateman: kids listen to your dad

SnarkShark: W H A T

pirateman: we all know that Peter is your unofficial kid

SnarkShark: no

OwO: that's not very convincing

UwU: guys stop

OwO: fine but only because I'm right and your in denial

UwU: wait you guys never answered the question 

SnarkShark: oh yeah I'm just gonna go in this onsie that Rhodey got me in college

Hurricanetortilla: you don't mean the Easter one, do you

SnarkShark: you know I do

Hurricanetortilla: oh no

UwU: @Hurricanetortilla what about you

Hurricanetortilla: I'm going to go as Pikachu

UwU: oh my god yesssss

UwU: @PlumsUwU what about you

PlumsUwU: I haven't done Halloween in so long

PlumsUwU: ooh I'm going to go as Falcon

BigBird: then I'll go as Sargent Barnes of the Howling Commandos

Birdbrain: I'll be going as a vampire and Lucky will go as Hawkeye

Birdbrain: compete with the bow and all

UwU: Mr. Stark is it legal to dress up your pregrine falcon and take her on a walk through Queens

SnarkShark: kid i have no idea

SnarkShark: I mean you take her to Central Park to fly her

SnarlSnark: and you've been sneaking her out with you when you go on patrol

OwO: oooh busted

UwU: shut up Shuri

UwU: yeah I'll probably dress her up along with Small Bean and Angry 

UwU: but I'm going to leave them there

UwU: ooh UwU2 will be something really scary like ill use the ointment and streak back her feathers so that she looks really scary

UwU: I'll dress up Angry as a bumblebee and Small Bean as a butterfly

SnarkShark: kid please don't torture the birds 

UwU: I won't! Small Bean loves being groomed and dressed up and UwU2 is really patient. Angry might be a bit difficult though

Slytherin: I'm going to go as a cat >:) 

Slytherin: not even as a costume I'll shapeshift into an actual cat

Thunderthighs: I will go as a koala! Loki showed me one and I think they are neat!

7phds: I'll go as a Kangaroo then

UwU: can you carry cat-loki in your pouch 

7phds: yeah sure he's chill

SnarkShark: you were literally trying to kill each other less than five years ago

7phds: yeah but that was before I went to space with him

Slytherin: yes. We battled Thor's biological sister and my adopted sister

Thunderthighs: she broke my hammer and then Loki allowed us to become gladiator slaves

Slytherin: then we stole a ship and we flew into the anus

Thunderthighs: we rescued Asgard by destroying it and taking the people

7phds: and now Norway is the New Asgard.

Thunderthighs: make sense

SnarkShark: no

Slytherin: too bad moving on what is everyone else being

Pepperoni: I'm going to go as Marilyn Monroe

PKStarStar: I don't know what Halloween is but I will dress up as whatever Brunhilde wants

Valkereee: let's dress up as Jedis

Valkereee: they seem cool

UwU: :)

UwU: I love star wars

UwU: speaking of which

UwU: @ChairDude what about you

ChairDude: I'm going as Spider-Man 

UwU: <3

pirateman: I'm going as Nick Fury

R-rebecca: so am I

pirateman: please don't

R-rebecca: >:)   (:<

UwU: Natasha has Big Dick Energy™

SnarkShark: Friday says that everyone else is either not going or still thinking about it

UwU: good

UwU: Mr. Stark you should have the avengers come over and pass out candy in front of the tower

SnarkShark: fine. I'll see who wants in

SnarkShark: it's time for you to go to bed though. It's almost midnight.

UwU: already? Wow this was a long chat

SnarkShark: yeah, now go to bed

UwU: night Mr. Stark UwU

SnarkShark: goodnight, kiddo

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha how many vine references can you spot


	9. What The FU-- is up, Kyle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OwO: *Rusty, chewing Peter's shoes* "R-rebecca, it's not what you think
> 
> OwO: *Peter, holding up a spray bottle* "I won't hesitate, bitch"
> 
> OwO: wow
> 
> OwO: a solid vine reference and you ignore me
> 
> OwO: you will all soon learn to appreciate me

**Day 1**

_The video opens up to an excited looking teen. The teen looks disheveled but he has an excited look in his eyes._

"Hey guys! You might not know me, but I'm Peter Parker! I like Star Wars, Science, and food! I have three best friends. There's MJ, Ned, and Shuri. Unfortunately Shuri lives in Wakanda which is like, really far away so I never see her. That sucks because while Ned and MJ are cool and all Shuri knows more about vines and science." He pauses his rambling when another voice sighs heavily.

"Oh! Yeah, this is Mr. Stark!" 

_The camera pans to a tired looking Tony Stark. Tony's sitting on a fancy black couch with a StarkPad in his hands._

"That reminds me! The reason I'm making this video is because Shuri is going to be visiting for Halloween! It's going to be great! It's about a week before she arrives, 8 days to be exact, so I decided to document my life up until she gets here! Maybe I'll even document a little afterwards, but for now-"

_Peter is interrupted when Tony throws his head back._

"Kid, you're great and all. You're pure, and sweet, and everything good in the world. But I swear to god if you do not stop talking I am literally going to throw you into my office and lock you in there with an angry Pepper. Just for the fun of it, I'll add in a pissed off Aunt May. Now, would you ever so kindly go play with your birds so I can deal with my migraine in peace?" Tony snaps. He looks more like an irritated father than an angry mentor. 

_Peter laughed slightly as he quickly shuffled to his room, not before quietly telling F.R.I.D.A.Y to turn off the lights. A shout can be heard from Tony as Peter scampered away._

"So, anyway, these are my birbs! They are precious and pure!" 

_The camera is turned around as Peter runs to the bird cage in the corner of the room. The room itself was wide and spacious, with a vast view of the New York skyline._

_Peter set down his device on a desk, allowing for a direct view of the room. In the far left corner is a red-and-blue bed with web-themed blankets. Spider-Man pillows lay on his messy bed, and another desk sat next to the bed._

_Above the bed was a small cleft in the wall. It seems near impossible to get up there. Straw and hay droop down with feathers tangled in the mess._

_The desk seemed to be heavily-used, as beverages, a laptop, crumpled notes and other supplies were strewn on top of it._

_Opening up the door to the lavish cage, Peter gently picked up a small mourning dove. Putting the bird into the other hand, he reached in again. Pulling out another dove, he placed the larger bird on his shoulder. The final bird didn't wait for Peter to reach in, and instead flew out and onto Peter's head._

"Okay. This is Ruby, because she has a red band." He gently lifted up the small dove on his hand.

"She's very timid and shy. She loves attention and having her feathers stroked." He explains.

Then, motioning to the bird on his shoulder, he smiled.

"This is Emerald. She has a dark green band. She's patient and pretty smart, she knows a few tricks and commands. She likes getting treats and playing in the bird bath." 

"The rascal on my head is Saphire, and I'm not sure the gender. Mr. Stark said they were all girls but I have a feeling that's not right. Anyway, he/she is very adventurous and loves flying around the room. They like mischief and sititng on my head. His/her favorite thing is singing loudly, albiet beautifully at three in the morning."

Smiling brightly now, Peter gently took the doves and placed them back into the cage. Sighing softly in content, he moved on to the next cage.

This one was next to what appeared to be a balcony door. Part of the cage was outside, with a divider set up. This cage was larger than the first.

_When Peter opened the door, an immediately a loud klee klee klee klee sound could be heard. A stunning kestrel popped it's slate-blue head out. Peter gently slid on a raptor glove and offered his arm. The kestrel hopped on, still making angry noises._

_Another kestrel was quick to join. This one was slightly larger, with soft brown feathers. It too, let out a series of chirps._

"The smaller one with the brighter feathers is Angry. He's the male. As you can see he is very angry at everything, thus the name. This sweety here, however, is his loving mate. She's really gentle and well-mannered. Her name's Small Bean because she's small and soft."

_A loud kreee sound sounded throughout the room. The two kestrels flew off Peter's hand and into the cage. Sighing, Peter shut the door._

_Grabbing the camera, Peter approached the cleft above his bed. Now, a sleek Peregrine Falcon stuck its head out._

"This pretty girl is UwU. She's a peregrine falcon, which is the fastest bird in the world."

_Whisteling at the bird, Peter held out the gloved arm. UwU was quick to fly onto the outstretched limb._

"She gets jeaslous easily. I've only had her for about a week but I love her very much. She's loyal and smart." Peter said as he fed the large bird a treat. 

"I love her more than anything. Mr. Stark said that I loved the falcon more than him. He was joking, but we both know it's true. She's just amazing." Peter said. The raptor's glinting talons dug into the leather as Peter softly touched his forhead with hers.

"Anyway, dinner is soon, and Mr. Stark said that he wanted my Aunt and I there. He said he had a surprise for Pepper, Aunt May and I. Gotta go!" Peter smiled as he shut off the video.

* * *

No Peppermint, 8:27 P.M

OwO: What the FUCK is up, Kyle

UwU: so apparently the surprise Mr. Stark had for us was actually a surprise for Pepper and I. May already knew

OwO: spill the tea, sis

UwU: he got both Pepper and May some kittens

OwO: kittens????.

UwU: Pepper and May both got two

UwU: they're all siblings

OwO: please tell me you got something

UwU: he got me an 'All About Bird Of Prey' book and a 'Falconering: The Basics' book.

OwO: what are the kitten names

OwO: I must know

OwO: for research purposes

UwU: OMG

OwO: what happened my UwU bröther

UwU: Pepper and May said I could name one of theirs!

UwU: Shuri, you can name one and I'll name the other!

OwO: oooh what does the one I'm naming look like

UwU: the kittens we get to name are both girls

UwU: the one you get to name is a calico with cute green eyes

UwU: she has a reddish tint to her fur and one of her patches looks like a leaf

UwU: it's gonna be one of Pepper's cats

OwO: hmmm

OwO: you? 

UwU: I don't know

OwO: you should name it What'sUpPussyCat

UwU: no

OwO: Puss and Boots

UwU: Shuri this is serious

OwO: Peter we're talking about naming 3 pounds of murdery fluff

UwU: I got it!

UwU: I'm going to name her Rosalind. Like Rosalind Franklin.

OwO: the geneticist?

UwU: ye

OwO: nerd

UwU:  :(

OwO: what does she look like

OwO: I bet mine's prettier

UwU: mine is s ginger she-cat with white tuxedo markings

OwO: are her eyes green

UwU: one eye is. The other is amber

OwO: ayyyy that's fuckin sick

UwU: not really. It means she's blind :( or at least half blind

OwO: oh :'(

UwU: I still love her

OwO: Rosalind can have all my UwUs

OwO: I'll name the other one Maple

OwO: but you pronounce it like Mable because Gravity Falls is the best

UwU: mood

UwU: okay I told the adults

UwU: Pepper has another pure ginger cat named Strawberry

UwU: Tony hates the name because apparently it's a jab at him

OwO: man he really hates strawberries

UwU: I guess

UwU: pepper finds it funny though so idk

OwO: oh well

OwO: what eye color

UwU: what is it with you and eye color

OwO: it's my asthetic

UwU: fine her eye color is green

UwU: May's other cat is Rusty

UwU: but sometimes I hear her calling him Ben

UwU: he's a dark ginger with blue eyes

OwO: noice

UwU: yeah

UwU: OH SHIT GOTTA GO

OwO: Peter what the f u c k did you do now

UwU: nothing! Rusty/Ben is trying to eat my shoes!

OwO: good luck, fool

UwU: farewell mortal

OwO: I fare thee well, my dear maiden

UwU: hey >:(

OwO: *Rusty, chewing Peter's shoes* "R-rebecca, it's not what you think

OwO: *Peter, holding up a spray bottle* "I won't hesitate, bitch"

OwO: wow

OwO: a solid vine reference and you ignore me

OwO: you will all soon learn to appreciate me

 

 


	10. And They Were Roommates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UwU: >=|\
> 
> SnarkShark: kid what does that last face even mean
> 
> UwU: it's calling you a massive bitch
> 
> OwO: honestly big mood
> 
> SnarkShark: fuckin rude
> 
> UwU: •×•
> 
> UwU: little squishi says {You're a cunt!}
> 
> SnarkShark: little squishi needs to watch his goddamn mouth
> 
> OwO: *Me, watching the drama* °_°
> 
> UwU: ^~^ 
> 
> UwU: wiggly says (Threaten the birbs again and your kneecaps will cease to exist!)
> 
> SnarkShark: bitch
> 
> OwO: #_#
> 
> BigOwO: oh my god

No Peppermint, 12:19 P.M

UwU: GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUESS WHAT

SnarkShark: what

UwU: MY DOVES LAID EGGS

SnarkShark: what?!

SnarkShark: I thought the were all female!

UwU: apparently Saphire is a boy!

OwO: oh my god

UwU: so my male mourning dove has been living with my two females, apparently mating with them too

OwO: and they were roommates

UwU: oh my god they were roommates

SnarkShark: okay okay

SnarkShark: how many eggs

UwU: there's four

UwU: I looked it up and each dove only lays two which means that Ruby and Emerald are sharing a nest

OwO: can they even do that

UwU: I don't know

UwU: they did it anyway

SnarkShark: kid, you need to make a decision

SnarkShark: what are you gonna do with the babies once they hatch

UwU: Shuri you want some doves

OwO: hell yes gimmie the feathery fucks

SnarkShark: ask your brother first

OwO: @BigOwO

BigOwO: Shuri what do you want

OwO: Peter's bird are pregnant can I have the babies

BigOwO: okay, a lot to unpack there

BigOwO: first off, what the FUCK

BigOwO: birds can't get pregnant Shuri

OwO: technically they can but Peter's laid eggs so like same thing

SnarkShark: I'm not even gonna touch on what 'technically they can' means

BigOwO: agreed

BigOwO: second, did Peter say you can have the babies

UwU: yes

OwO: yes

BigOwO: alright alright 

BigOwO: finally what is Stark's opinion on all of this

SnarkShark: well it's better than feeding them to the cats

UwU: O:

OwO: :0

BigOwO: he wouldn't dare

OwO: >:(

UwU: >:0

UwU: >=|\

SnarkShark: kid what does that last face even mean

UwU: it's calling you a massive bitch

OwO: honestly big mood

SnarkShark: fuckin rude

UwU: •×•

UwU: little squishi says {You're a cunt!}

SnarkShark: little squishi needs to watch his goddamn mouth

OwO: *Me, watching the drama* °_°

UwU: ^~^ 

UwU: wiggly says (Threaten the birbs again and your kneecaps will cease to exist!)

SnarkShark: bitch

OwO: #_#

BigOwO: oh my god

SnarkShark: the birds will be thrown out the window

UwU: I will harvest your toes

SnarkShark: I'm sorry what

UwU: I will boil your teeth

UwU: I will make your bones into pottery and your flesh into bubblegum

SnarkShark: help I'm scared

BigOwO: you know what

BigOwO: you deserve this

OwO: I will tickle your femur

UwU: I will squeeze your organs

BigOwO: I will stroke your skin

SnarkShark: 911 I'm fucking terrified

UwU: i will steal all your UwUs

OwO: and your OwOs

SnarkShark: I'm shaking what does this mean

UwU: I will make you into a unicorn

SnarkShark: okay okay Shuri can have the birds Jesus

UwU: it's too late

UwU: the kraken is upon us

SnarkShark: I regret e v e r y t h i n g

OwO: everything

SnarkShark: e v e r y t h i n g

OwO: even adopting Peter

SnarkShark: I haven't adopted him yet!

OwO: yet O-O

SnarkShark: oh my god byeeee

SnarkShark left the chat

UwU: Mrs Kiesha?

OwO: Mrs Kiesha!

UwU: oh my fuckin god she fuckin dead

OwO: anyway getting back to our previous conversation

UwU: well I'm gonna place a small camera inside the nesting box

UwU: I'll hook it up to both our computers so we can both watch

OwO: yay

UwU: when you visit you can watch the eggs/babies!

OwO: when will they hatch

UwU: the website I'm using says they'll hatch in about two weeks

UwU: they'll be ready to leave in about another two weeks

OwO: so about a month

UwU: ye

OwO: cool. I gotta go

UwU: -_-

UwU: bye Shuri 

OwO: farewell

UwU: I'll miss you :'(

OwO: you'll see me in 6 days

UwU: I still miss you :`(

OwO: byeeee

UwU: bye

UwU added SnarkShark to the chat

UwU: you're still a major jerk

UwU: but I still give you all of my UwUs

SnarkShark: thanks kid. Go eat

UwU: okay

UwU left the chat

BigOwO: teenagers

SnarkShark: teenagers

 

 

 

 


	11. UwU What's This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UwU: *snaps your neck and sends you to the ethereal plane*
> 
> OwO: hmmm?
> 
> UwU: *emerges from the shadows like a snake*
> 
> OwO: OwO? I'm scared •-•
> 
> UwU: *in deep demonic voice* UwU What's this?
> 
> OwO: owo oh no mistwer monstwer pwease don't kill me owo
> 
> UwU: *unhinges jaw*
> 
> OwO: OwO?
> 
> UwU: *thousands of live sheep fall from my mouth as I deflate like a balloon*
> 
> OwO: *starts to eat the sheep*
> 
> UwU: feed my youngling
> 
> IwI: okay I'll admit I was lurking but what the ever-loving FUCK was that

**Day 3**

No Peppermint, 3:00 A.M

UwU: UwU2 can have all of my uwus

UwU: uwu uwu to yuwu my pwecious biwdie uwu

OwO: Peter isn't it like 3:00 am where you are

UwU: twime is just a mwortal constwuct

OwO: oh my god

UwU: W h A t 

OwO: PETER GO TO BED

UwU: in all seriousness I can't sleep

OwO: why

UwU: I just keep thinking about what we'll do together

UwU: it's the first time I get to meet you in person

UwU: I also keep thinking about what I'll name the chicks once they hatch

OwO: thaats all valid

OwO: how about I help

OwO: let's start with the chicks?

UwU: thanks Shuri 

OwO: but first

OwO: @IwI

IwI: you two better have a good reason to be texting me at 5 in the morning

OwO: Peter needs help naming his birbs

IwI: -_-

IwI: fine

UwU: UwU

OwO: okay so what are the names you had in mind

IwI: let's start with the girl names

UwU: well if they are all girls I was thinking Jasmine, Quartz, and Diamond

UwU: I wanted to continue the gemstone theme

UwU: but I can't think of another female name

IwI: what about just naming her Jewel?

OwO: yeah, Jewel is good

UwU: I like it

OwO: good. Now for the males

UwU: Topaz, Gold, Gemstone and Tanzanite

IwI: Tanzanite?

UwU: it's a type of bluish red gemstone

OwO: its really pretty 

OwO: I like it

IwI: me too

UwU: UwU

OwO: now we should talk about what we'll do together

IwI: goodnight you insane waffles 

OwO: night IwI

UwU: night IwI

UwU: so like, on the first day I can give you a tour of the tower and all that

OwO: sounds fun

UwU: if we have any extra time we can tinker in the labs

OwO: sure sure

UwU: for the second day I can take you out

OwO: on a date or with a sniper rifle

UwU: I meant to New York to visit the tourist traps

OwO: dissapoint

UwU: mood

OwO: what about day three

UwU: well we could pester the adults to visit Coney Island 

OwO: what's that my UwU bröther

UwU: Coney Island is a theme park, my UwU sïstër

OwO: fün

UwU: Yee

UwU: after that we can hang out at the tower and play video games, maybe recreate some vines

UwU: and on day five we can have a Nerf war

OwO: it's Nerf

UwU: O R  N O T H I N G

OwO: I choose the N O T H I N G

UwU: UwU

UwU: *snaps your neck and sends you to the ethereal plane*

OwO: hmmm?

UwU: *emerges from the shadows like a snake*

OwO: OwO? I'm scared •-•

UwU: *in deep demonic voice* UwU What's this?

OwO: owo oh no mistwer monstwer pwease don't kill me owo

UwU: *unhinges jaw*

OwO: OwO?

UwU: *thousands of live sheep fall from my mouth as I deflate like a balloon*

OwO: *starts to eat the sheep*

UwU: feed my youngling

IwI: okay I'll admit I was lurking but what the ever-loving FUCK was that

UwU: just like the 'beyond' in 'Bed, Bath and Beyond', the world may never know

OwO: okay it's time for everybody to go to bed

UwU: make me UwU

OwO: I'll tell Mr. Stark you secretly hate his cooking

UwU: oh No!

UwU: goodnight my friends! See yuwu tommorowo!

UwU left the chat

IwI: okay what

OwO: owo

OwO: go to bed IwI 

IwI: no

IwI: you go to bed

OwO: IwI it's 10:00 am here

IwI: oh

IwI: go to bed anyway

OwO: fine. Night

IwI: night

 

 


	12. Team Bonding 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UwU: >=/\
> 
> BigBird: ....
> 
> BigBird: this makes me feel an emotion that doesn't exist
> 
> UwU: DUcK calls you a fucking twat
> 
> BigBird: hey now
> 
> UwU: •×• little squishi says {You are a cunt!} 
> 
> BigBird: little squishi?
> 
> UwU: ^~^ wiggly says (disrespect me again and I will replace your blood with vinegar)
> 
> BigBird: wow

**Day 3**

No Peppermint, 2:09 P.M

SnarkShark: oh my God sjsksksjsksjs

SnarkShark: @everyone

SnarkShark: Peter taught his birds to whistle *This Bitch Empty* whenever their food or water was out

SnarkShark: he would then answer by screaming *YEET* at the top of his lungs and refilling the dishes

Birdbrain: oh my God that is adorable

UwU: hey guys since you're all here how about a G A M E

OwO: game game game game game game

IwI: GAME GAME GAME GAME GAME

Thunderthighs:  GAME GAME GAME GAME GAME GAME!!!!!

Slytherin: brother do you even know what we are playing

Thunderthighs: no but everyone else was really excited

WitchBitch: fair

OwO: sweet mother of fucks is this your first text is this group

WitchBitch: oh yeah

PlumsUwU: @Language

Language: Bucky said that we could do some adult things everytime I told someone to watch their language

Language: so

Language: watch your language

OwO: Bucky be like: ;)

UwU: Steve be like: ;D

SnarkShark: oh my GOD

OwO: Clint, in the vents: °_°

UwU: Natasha, also in the vents: °×°

R-rebecca: don't pick on Hawkeye

R-rebecca: we all know he's an idiot 

R-rebecca: anyway what's the game

UwU: the game is everyone says who their favorite Avenger is

UwU: everyone who likes iron man the best comment

Hurricanetortilla: he's my favorite

Pepperoni: what a coincidence. Mine too

SnarkShark: he's also mine. He's brave, smart, and handsome!

UwU: MR. STARK YOURE MY FAVORITE UWU

SnarkShark: okay I lied Peter's my favorite

UwU: Mr. Stark wins hands down no questions asked hes my favorite

ChairDude: it's true 

ChairDude: his room is covered in iron man merchandise

UwU: *gasps*

UwU: betrayed by my own best friend?!

SnarkShark: I'm honored

OwO: who likes Captain America best

BigBird: I do

PlumsUwU: so do I

Birdbrain: I'm gonna have to say it's cap

ThisBitchEmpty: oh yeah definitely

pirateman: what about Natasha

pirateman: because she's my favorite

pirateman: goose agrees

Goose: shoqlqbdgkwn

MemeQueen: mine too. In fact I'm going as you for Halloween

OwO: um I think you mean HallUwUween

UwU: hey what about black panther

BigOwO: yeah! I'm my favorite

EwE: I'm a big fan

AwA: I. Am a. Fan. I will. Spare. You. Mortal.

HarryPotter: mine too but only because Cloakie and Wong like you

PKStarStar: I'm my own favorite

SnarkShark: you're not even an Avenger

PKStarStar: uhm Mcfuckin scuse me bitch

OwO: you come in here and step on my toes with your fucking cowboy boots bitch fuckin d i s g u s t i n g

PKStarStar: I'm the ORIGINAL avenger

pirateman: this is true

pirateman: you know where I got the term 'Avenger' from

pirateman: Carol 'The Avengers' Danvers

UwU: bitch

SnarkShark: kid did you just call the head of S.H.I.E.L.D a bitch

UwU: it seemed fitting

OwO: yeah. Motherfucker.

Language: language

Valkereee: you're my favorite too, Carol

R-rebecca: what about Clint 

R-rebecca: he's my favorite

UwU: ooh Thor

UwU: who likes Thor

7phds: I like Thor

SnarkShark: I would hope so

Thunderthighs: my favorite Avenger has to be Bruce

OwO: my favorite Avenger is Spider-Man

SnarkShark: same

ChairDude: same

Slytherin: the UwU child is mine

UwU: UwU

WitchBitch: okay I leave for a few minutes and u come back to see Loki saying that Peter is now his

BigBird: I know right

BigBird: he's not even a real avenger

UwU: >:0

SnarkShark: bitch

OwO: rude 

SnarkShark: kid do the face

BigBird: wait what face

UwU: Mr. Stark are you sure

BigBird: guys what face

SnarlSnark: yes

BigBird: guys

UwU: here we go!

UwU: >=/\

BigBird: ....

BigBird: this makes me feel an emotion that doesn't exist

UwU: DUcK calls you a fucking twat

BigBird: hey now

UwU: •×• little squishi says {You are a cunt!} 

BigBird: little squishi?

UwU: ^~^ wiggly says (disrespect me again and I will replace your blood with vinegar)

BigBird: wow

BigBird: wiggly is violent

SnarkShark: I know right

SnarkShark: last time wiggly threatened to evaporate my kneecaps

BigOwO: to be fair you deserved it

SnarkShark: yeah but still

UwU: guys we should play a Jeopardy game tomorrow

SnarkShark: that sounds like fun

SnarkShark: I'll get pepper to join

SnarkShark: anyone who wants to join meet

me in the common room at 11:30 a.m

SnarkShark: now if I remember correctly someone needs to check on his birds

UwU: oh yeah bye Mr Stark!

UwU left the chat

SnarkShark: I kinda want a bird now

Pepperoni: no

Pepperoni: get like some mice or something 

SnarkShark: oooh do you think Peter would like guinea pigs

SnarkShark: like to keep him company in the labs

Pepperoni: Tony no

SnarkShark: tony yes

SnarkShark: see you later pep I have work to do

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Jeopardy (Kinda)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I've spent around 75 HOURS trying to write this. Each time I take a break after a few hours of writing, a big chunk of my story was deleted. So, I've decided to just say "fuck it" and add the Guardians of the Galaxy. Enjoy the product of my suffering! :)

Day 5 The video opens once again to an excited Peter Parker. After setting the camera down, he quickly rushed towards where the avengers are assembled. In the background a Jeopardy board was set up.

Pepper smiled smoothly as she looked around the room.

"Hello and welcome to Avenger's Jeopardy! I will be your host tonight, so everyone buckle in!" Pepper began.

"There will be four teams of four. The Red Team will be on the left table, the Green Team will be next to the Red Team, the Yellow Team will be on the middle right table, and the Blue Team will be on the far left table." She explained, pointing to each table as she spoke.

"There are five categories, each with five questions. Each category also includes a bonus question for a randomized amount of points ranging from 100-500. The categories are: Family, Age, Backstory, Favorites and True or False. All set?"

After hearing everyone's affirmations, Pepper pulled out the team cards.

"Alright. On the Red Team will be: Tony, Peter, Bruce and Rhodey." The mentioned people took a seat at the table.

"On the Green Team will be Loki, Valkerie, Natasha, and Strange."

"On the Yellow Team will be Thor, Wanda, Vision, and Scott."

"On the Blue Team will be Steve, Clint, Sam and Bucky."

"Now, each team will have a designated person to choose the questions, and a person to call out the answer. Take a second to decide." Pepper's gaze scanned the room as each team murmured amongst themselves.

"Red Team?" She asked.

"Rhodey will choose the questions and Tony will answer them." Peter told her.

"I will choose the questions and Brunhilde will answer." Loki answered for his table.

"The man of ants will choose the questions and Wanda shall answer!" Thor yelled excitedly.

"Sam will choose and Clint will call out our answers." Steve said.

"Any objections?" Pepper asked after everyone took their seats. "No? Well then, let's begin!" Pepper smiled widely as she turned to the Red Team.

"Family for 300." Rhodey answered immediately.

"Hawkeye's family consists of his wife and _____ children." Pepper read out.

The Jeopardy theme played as the Red Team discussed the answer.

"I should take the time and remind you that it is against the rules for the mentioned avengers to say the answer." Pepper reminded.

"Clint has three kids." Tony answered smoothly.

"Correct!" Pepper affirmed as she marked the 300 points.

"We will do family for 400." Loki said, not one to be outdone.

"T'challa has a ______ and a ______."

"Well, we know he has a sister. I'm gonna go ahead and say that he also has a mother." Brunhilde answered after a few moments of pestering from her team.

"Correct!" Pepper called out. "Yellow Team?"

"Family for 200!" Scott said eagerly.

"Peter has ___ birds." Pepper said with a knowing smirk.

"Well, are we counting the peacocks?" Wanda asked.

An affronted gasp came from Steve.

"Don't talk about the agents like that!" He said, with a completely straight face. He looked offended that they dared to call them peacocks.

Bucky was next to him glaring at everyone and silently shushing them. Sam was laughing quietly with a knowing look in his eyes.

Everyone stared for a bit longer and turned back to Pepper.

"Uhmm, not including the...." Pepper looked at Steve questioningly.

"Not including Agent Pratt, Agent Johansson, Agent Lawrence and Agent Watson." Steve replied firmly.

The avengers all had various levels of confusion.

"Right. Well, Yellow Team? What is your answer?"

"Well, Peter never stops talking about the birds, so 6?" Valkerie explained.

"Correct! Blue Team?"

"We'll continue the chain. Family for 100." Sam stated.

"Thor has a _______ and a _________"

"Thor has brother and a boyfriend." Clint said with an roll of his eyes.

"Wrong!" Thor bellowed. "I have a brother and a fiancé!"

He yelped as Pepper threw one of her shoes at him.

In the background, everyone fell silent as Bruce slammed his head on the table.

"Thor." Bruce bit out. "It was supposed to be a surprise."

"Oh." Thor said dumbly as he sat back down.

Tony opened up his mouth as if he were about to ask a question, but Bruce beat him to it.

"The Asgardian Wedding will be in December, the actual wedding will be in June. No, you cannot come to the Asgardian wedding, sorry. My name will be Bruce Odinson. We were gonna tell you once it drew closer to the wedding. Thor proposed to me in July." Bruce paused and looked around the room.

Satisfied that nobody had any questions, he nodded to Pepper.

"Yes, well then. I'm not going to count that as wrong, because nobody knew. Blue Team?"

"Hey wait, isn't anybody going to congratulate the happy couple?" Tony asked. A murmur of congratulations rang through the room. Peter was the most enthusiastic.

"Favorites for 400!"

"Peter's favorite movie is __."

"Ummmm, Coco?"

"Ahhh, that's his second favorite. His favorite movie is UP."

"It's just so sad!" Peter said, dramatically wiping a fake tear from his eye.

"Wow. Anyway, it's Red Team's turn!"

"Okay, well, the Red Team will do Family for 500." Tony said.

"Sam Wilson has a ______ and a pet bird named ______."

The Red Team thought hard on this.

"Well, Sam sometimes brings in cookies. He says they are from his mother. Peter says that he has a quail named Aurora that his birds love to play with. So I'm going to have to go with Mother and Aurora." Rhodey answered.

"Correct!" Pepper smirked.

"Green Team will do True or False for 200." Loki stated before Pepper could ask.

"There are nine realms, including Midgard, Asgard, and Jotunheim."

"True." Loki and Brunhilde answered in unison.

"Good. Yellow Team?"

"Family for Random!"

"What are the names of the three guinea pigs Tony's hiding in the lab?" Pepper stared accusingly at Tony as she read the question. 

The other avengers whistled as Tony realized he was caught. Ducking his head, Tony grumbled under his breath.

"Uhhhhhh, are we allowed to call on someone?" 

Before Pepper could answer, a small jet crashed through the window. Peter jumped about seven feet in the air, while Tony lunged for Pepper. 

Bruce rushed to Thor, and the other Avengers prepared for battle.

Steve was underneath the ship, but was uninjured.

The side of the jet opened up to reveal a pale alien with large black eyes and antenna. 

"Oops." Was all she said.

A gray-and-red muscular alien followed, smiling like an excited dog.

"Friends!" He bellowed. The Avengers relaxed a tad bit knowing that their intentions weren't malicious.

"Drax, stop." A tired-looking human followed. Upon seeing a pinned Steve, he immediately ran over.

A green-skinned alien with red-tipped hair stopped him. The human shot a questioning look at her, but the alien just nodded to Bucky and Thor, who were helping Steve.

"Great. We crash land on Earth into the living room if some rich pompous asshole." What seems to be a talking raccoon bit out.

"Hey, dipshit! Don't talk about Mr. Stark about that, you fucking trash panda!" Peter shouted at the raccoon, anger and protective rage evident in his voice. 

The raccoon didn't respond, just flattened his ears and narrowed his eyes.

"I am Groot?" A talking tree poked it's head out from the ship. 

"Groot!" Peter yelped happily. Rushing forward to hug his friend, Groot smiled. 

A chorus of "You know him?!" echoed throughout the room. 

Peter and Groot smiled at each other. It was going to be a long day.


	14. Gaurdians of the Group Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UwU: B
> 
> OwO: I
> 
> IwI: T
> 
> AwA: C
> 
> EwE: H
> 
> YwY: !
> 
> UwO: !
> 
> SnarkShark: hey wait a minute
> 
> SnarkShark: @Pepperoni
> 
> SnarkShark: the kids are being mean to me :(
> 
> Pepperoni: I don't care
> 
> SnarkShark: :(((

No Peppermint, 4:56 P.M

UwU: so Mr. Stark, when were you going to the me about the guinea pigs

SnarkShark: I wasn't

UwU: :'(

Pepperoni: bullshit he only got them because he thought you'd like them

SnarkShark: I feel called out

UwU: what are the names

SnarkShark: well I was thinking you'd name the ladies

UwU: Zelda, Samus and Pikachu

UwU: Peach if there's a fourth

SnarkShark: Jesus that was fast

SnarkShark: did you already have a name planned

UwU: perhaps

SnarkShark: well there's three now named after video game characters

SnarkShark: Samus will be the gray one, Pikachu will be the Golden and white one, and Zelda will be the brindle one

UwU: UwU

SnarkShark: No

UwU: weuwu areuwu unstoppableuwu

OwO: weuwu are all that has ever been UwU

IwI: and alluwu that will ever be UwU

AwA: we. Ar.e.UwU all. That is here.

EwE: and all thatuwu is elsewhereuwu

YwY: embraceuwu the UwU gods

UwO: embwance the UwU gods

UwU: UwU

OwO: OwO

IwI: IwI

AwA: AwA

EwE: EwE

YwY: YwY

UwO: UwO

SnarkShark: okay how do you guys manage to do that in the same exact order everytime

UwU: we are the UwU masters

SnarkShark: no

SnarkShark: I forbid you from UwUing

UwU: E

SnarkShark: you know I expected a wide variety of emotions

SnarkShark: this was not one of them

UwU: B

OwO: I

IwI: T

AwA: C

EwE: H

YwY: !

UwO: !

SnarkShark: hey wait a minute

SnarkShark: @Pepperoni

SnarkShark: the kids are being mean to me :(

Pepperoni: I don't care

SnarkShark: :(((

UwU: Mr. Stark

SnarkShark: yes

UwU: could you please get me Netflix

SnarkShark: what

UwU: please? That way when I go back home I can still watch the shows I was watching!

SnarkShark: fine

SnarkShark: go eat dinner

UwU: thanks Mr. Stark!

UwU: :D

UwU left the chat

* * *

 

No Peppermint, 12:48 P.M

**Day 6**

SnarkShark: @everyone gather around there's a few things you should know

SnarkShark: 1. The Guardians of the Galaxy are going to be staying with us for a few months. Apparently, Thor and Loki know them

Thunderthighs: it's true! Star Lord is the 'Captain', Gamora is the fierce warrior woman, Rabbit is the angry tech guy, Groot is the tree, Drax is a warrior, and Nebula is 'A ball of vibrating hatred'

BigBird: okay, there's a lot to unpack there

SnarkShark: we don't have time to unpack all of that

SnarkShark: 2. I will be adding them to the chat. Groot is already here, so I trust him to explain everything to them

YwY: yee

SnarkShark: kid? Add them please

UwU: uwu

UwU added Star Lord, Drax, Gamora, Rocket, and Nebula to the chat

UwU changed Star Lord's name to 'Captain'

'Captain': hey, what's that supposed to mean?

'Captain': Gamora! Make him change it

Gamora: you are such a child

UwU changed 'Captain''s name to StarFox

StarFox: hey I understand that reference

UwU changed Gamora's name to IWon'tHesitate

IWon'tHesitate: Groot showed me this 'vine' so I understand it

UwU: I saw you hanging out with Caitlyn the other day!

R-rebecca: it's not what you think

IWon'tHesitate: bitch

OwO: okay that was perfect

UwU: UwU

UwU changed Rocket's name to Rabbit

Rabbit: really, Thor

UwU changed Nebula's name to Number1

UwU: congrats! You're a winner!

Number1: wh... What?

Number1: I'm... A winner?

Number1: I would fucking die for you

Number1: I would travel across galaxies just to be next to you you are the fucking best thing in the entire universe I fucking love you

SnarkShark: umm, wow

IWon'tHesitate: this is the very first time she's been called a winner for something non-violent

BigBird: wow. That's really sad

Number1: what is your name, UwU

UwU: I'm Peter Parker

Drax: ooh ooh I want to be part of the naming ceremony!

UwU: okay

UwU changed Drax's name to Destroyer

Destroyer: very fitting

SnarkShark: right. 3. I got Peter Netflix

UwU: you got me a Netflix account? Thank you Mr. Stark! Now Ned, MJ and I will be able to watch stuff at home!

SnarkShark: an account?

UwU: yeah! A Netflix account!

SnarkShark: oh boy

UwU: ?

Pepperoni: Tony what did you do

SnarkShark: well I may have misunderstood

Pepperoni: Tony

SnarkShark: I may have bought Netflix

SnarkShark: as in the company

Pepperoni: WHAT

SnarkShark: in my defense I thought that was what Peter wanted!

Hurricanetortilla: oh my God this is gold

UwU: Mr. Stark... I don't even know

SnarkShark: sorry

UwU: thanks???

Hurricanetortilla: you proved my theory right!

SnarkShark: shut up, Tortilla

BigBird: okay, since there a lot of people let's take turns saying our name, age, and a fact about ourselves

BigBird: I'm Sam, I'm 27, and I used to be in the Air Force

SnarkShark: I'm Tony Stark, I'm 43 and I am a genius billionaire philanthropist playboy

Pepperoni: I'm Pepper Pots, I'm 39, and I'm going to get married to the 'genius billionaire philanthropist playboy'

UwU: Mr. Stark what's a Playboy

SnarkShark: shit

SnarkShark: don't Google that

UwU: too late

UwU: OH MY GOD

UwU: Mr. Stark!

UwU: I'm very dissapointed in you!

SnarkShark: umm, ow

SnarkShark: that hurts more than it should

SnarkShark: also it was like 10 years ago

R-rebecca: I'm Black Widow, none of your business, and none of your business

Destroyer: your age is none of your business?

Hurricanetortilla: I'm Kernel Rhodes, Im 47, and I have been Tony's best friend since college

Language: I'm Steve Rogers, I'm 99 and I want to throw myself out of a window constantly

UwU: big mood

PlumsUwU: I'm James Buchanan Barnes, I'm 101 and Im dating the idiot who wants to throw himself out of a window

Birdbrain: I'm Clint Barton, I am 46 and I have a family

WitchBitch: I am Wanda Maximoff, I am 19, and I am dating a literal Android

TheProphecy: I am Vision, I am 6 years old, and I was created to destroy my evil brother

Thunderthighs: I am Thor Odinson! I am 2025 years old! I am the God of Thunder and the ex-king of Asgard!

Slytherin: I'm Loki, I'm 2014 years old, I am the God of Mischief and the Prince of Lies

Valkereee: I am Brunhilde, I am 2017 years old, and I am the new Queen of Asgard

PKStarStar: I am Carol Danvers, I'm 31 years old, and I am technically the other Queen of Asgard

7phds: I am Bruce Banner, soon to be Bruce Odinson, I am 35, and I am the fiance of Thor

BigOwO: I am King T'challa of Wakanda, I am 22, and I am the Black Panther

OwO: I'm Shuri, I'm 17 and I am still a piece of garbage

IwI: I'm Harley Keener, I'm also 17, and I am never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you

UwU: I'm Jared, 19 and I never fuckin learned how to read

UwU: kidding. I'm Peter Parker, I'm 16, and I live with my Aunt in Queens

UwU: oh also I'm Spider-Man

SnarkShark: ah shit

SnarkShark: U just set the lab on fire

SnarkShark: I gotta go put it out before Dum-E sprays me with a fire extinguisher or Butterfingers falls in

UwU: I gotta go too

UwU: you would think that a 2 pound ball of freathery hatred would learn that it can't pick fights with a bigger ball of feathery hatred 5 times it's size

UwU: but nope! Angry keeps trying to fight UwU2!

UwU: I gotta go before Angry gets hurt

UwU: bye

UwU left the chat

Destroyer: I want to meet the 2 pound ball of feathery hatred

IWon'tHesitate: Drax no

 

 

 


	15. Almost Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thunderthighs: but Maple adores you
> 
> Thunderthighs: she wouldn't stop talking about how you rescued them from the 'Cage Place'
> 
> SnarkShark: m y h e a r t
> 
> Thunderthighs: she is in love with you
> 
> SnarkShark: aahdgddhjakaajgxha
> 
> UwU: that is too pure omg

No Peppermint, 8:46 A.M

UwU: MR. STARK SHURI GETS HERE TODAY

SnarkShark: yeah, kid

SnarkShark: they'll arrive around 1:00 A.M

UwU: I'M SO EXCITED AHHHJJH

SnarkShark: I'm glad

SnarkShark: but aren't you supposed to be at school

SnarkShark: it's Monday

UwU: it's fine

UwU: but you're right I'll go

UwU: bye Mr. Stark!

* * *

No Peppermint, 6:27 P.M

SnarkShark: @UwU Thor keeps whining to me about your birds

UwU: ?

Thunderthighs: young Peter! The bird you call 'Angry' is very mean!

UwU: how so

Thunderthighs: he said my hair was dumb and then called me a bitch :(

UwU: ???????

SnarkShark: I'm sorry what

Thunderthighs: I know! Very rude! And then Small Bean apologized but Angry kept swearing at me

UwU: ??????????????????

SnarkShark: you can talk to birds

Thunderthighs: of course! My All Speak allows me to speak to all animals!

Thunderthighs: I met a very nice bee the other day! He was sad that the city didn't have enough flowers and that his home was polluted :'(

Thunderthighs: I also heard some squirrels talking about how there was so much food that they didn't really need to worry about the winter

UwU: that's so cool, Mr. Thor!

SnarkShark: yeah, that is kinda cool

SnarkShark: what about Pepper's kittens? What do they say?

Thunderthighs: you mean Strawberry and Maple? They are good cats :)

Thunderthighs: Strawberry loves to watch the birds and the sunrise/sunset

Thunderthighs: Maple likes to eat your pudding and cuddle with your clothes :))

UwU: adorable

Thunderthighs: Strawberry and Pepper love each other, or at least that's what Strawberry said

SnarkShark: Pepper loves that kitten more than me

Thunderthighs: but Maple adores you

Thunderthighs: she wouldn't stop talking about how you rescued them from the 'Cage Place'

SnarkShark: m y   h e a r t

Thunderthighs: she is in love with you

SnarkShark: aahdgddhjakaajgxha

UwU: that is too pure omg

UwU: what about the guinea pigs

UwU: Samus Pikachu and Zelda

Thunderthighs: they are very happy! They don't speak much to me though :(

Thunderthighs: they seem to really like Bruce

Thunderthighs: but they hate Clint

SnarkShark: that's amazing

SnarkShark: next time Clint annoys me I'll just tell him that the 'pigs hate him

SnarkShark: but what about Peter's other birds

UwU: Yee what about UwU2 And the doves

Thunderthighs: UwU2 is very calm and collected

Thunderthighs: she doesn't talk much but she seems very valiant

UwU: UwU 

Thunderthighs: she also says that you're her everything

UwU: <3

Thunderthighs: the doves won't stop talking about their eggs and nest

Thunderthighs: they are very protective

UwU: UwU UwU UwU

Thunderthighs: I have to go I see a very good dog

UwU: bye Uncle Thor

SnarkShark: wait why don't I get a title

UwU: you do!

UwU: Iron Dad

SnarkShark: aagdkahsklavdkakscskaka 

SnarkShark: M Y   H E A R T

UwU: UwU

UwU: anyway I got to go

UwU: I have to go prepare my room for Shuri's arrival

SnarkShark: right just dont destroy anything

UwU: no promises UwU

UwU left the chat

SnarkShark: oh no

SnarkShark: *hears explosion* 

SnarkShark: o h   n o

 

 

 


	16. Pokemon GOOOOOOO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ha! I knew you could do it, you magnificent cryptid!" Shuri said as she jabbed his ribs lightly.
> 
> Letting out a small screech, Peter stopped running.
> 
> "Stop! I could've dropped my croissant!" Peter whined as he shook his head.
> 
> Laughing and giggling, the friends made their way to their room, quoting vines all the way.
> 
> "Oh God there's two of them." Tony said at the same time T'challa groaned "This was a mistake."

_The video opens up to an exhausted Tony Stark and an excited Peter Parker._

_Without saying a word, the camera turned to an empty landing pad. A time lapse is turned on, with the duo chatting and bantering back and forth._

_Finally, the gym of a jet could be heard. Turning the camera up, Peter gasps loudly as he turns off the time lapse._

_After gently landing the sleek, black jet, the doors opened. 'Baby Shark' boomed out of the speakers loudly._

_T'challa and Okoye quickly exited the plane with tortured looks in their eyes. Finally, after a few minutes of doing awkward dancing, Shuri followed suit._

_"BABY STARK DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DODOO DO! BABY STARK DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DODOO DO!" She sang loudly as she practically tackled a mortified Peter and hugged him tightly._

_Smiling widely, the two friends laughed and hugged. As they chattered about vines and their plans together, the adults watched with amusement._

_"C'mon, kiddos. Let's go to our rooms and sleep for all eternity." Tony said with a yawn._

_"Yeah, Shuri! I managed to fit another bed into my room so we can share the room together like you said!" Peter squealed as he started running towards his room._

_"Ha! I knew you could do it, you magnificent cryptid!" Shuri said as she jabbed his ribs lightly._

_Letting out a small screech, Peter stopped running._

_"Stop! I could've dropped my croissant!" Peter whined as he shook his head._

_Laughing and giggling, the friends made their way to their room, quoting vines all the way._

_"Oh God there's two of them." Tony said at the same time T'challa groaned "This was a mistake."_

_Realizing that at some point, Peter had given him the camera, Tony rolled his eyes and turned it off._

* * *

 

No Peppermint, 11:04 A.M

HarryPotter: we may have a 'situation' 

SnarkShark: what does this 'situation' entail

UwU: oooh you're in trouble

HarryPotter: okay so 

HarryPotter: I was fighting this demon who's only weakness is mythical creatures

HarryPotter: so I banished him to the dimension of mythical creatures

UwU: this story is already wack and we are only two sentences in

SnarkShark: aren't you supposed to be at school

UwU: Mr. Stark it's vacation

SnarkShark: what

SnarkShark: didn't you go to school yesterday

UwU: no I just didn't have the heart to tell you

HarryPotter: anyway 

HarryPotter: since Pokemon are technically mythical I may have accidentally summoned a bunch of Pokemon

UwU: OH MY GOD

EwE: what he's trying to say is that Tony needs to invent Pokeballs and that the kids need to go catch them

HarryPotter: thanks, Wong

UwU: YES YES YES DREAM COME TRUE ILL GO GET SHURI

SnarkShark: I'm on it

SnarkShark: be done in a few hours

HarryPotter: thanks

* * *

 

SnarkShark: I have the Pokeballs 

SnarkShark: I sent the kids out to catch as many as they can 

SnarkShark: but they insist on keeping six each

HarryPotter: fine

SnarkShark: cool. Friday, could you alert us of what Pokemon they catch

Friday: sure thing, boss

Friday: they have both managed to round up Bulbasaur, Charmander and Squirtle, along with Pidgey, Spearow, Caterpie, Weedle, and Ratatta.

SnarkShark: I have no idea what any of that means

Friday: Shuri has caught a Pikachu

Friday: Peter has caught a Shinx

Friday: Peter has caught an Eevee

Friday: together they both caught an Electrike and a Mareep

Friday: they insist they give the avengers a Pokemon

Friday: Shuri has caught a Vulpix

Friday: Peter has caught a Growlithe and a Ponyta

Friday: Peter has caught a Houndor

Friday: Shuri has caught a Numel

Friday: Shuri has caught a Lotad

Friday: Peter has caught a Seedot

Friday: Shuri has caught a Horsea

Friday: Peter has caught a Poliwag

Friday: Peter has caught a Magikarp

Friday: Shuri has caught a Staru

Friday: Shuri has caught a Lapras

Friday: Peter has caught a Bidoof

Friday: Peter had caught an Abra

Friday: Shuri has caught a Natu

Friday: Shuri has caught a Sneasel

Friday: Peter has caught a Stunky

Friday: Shuri has caught a Swablu

Friday: Shuri has caught a Nidoran (Male) and Peter has caught a Nidoran (Female)

Friday: Shuri has caught a Koffing

Friday: Peter has caught a Grimer

Friday: Shuri has caught a Croagunk

Friday: Peter has caught a Sandshrew

Friday: Shuri has caught a Diglett

Friday: Shuri has caught a Geodude

Friday: Peter has caught a Cubone

Friday: Shuri has caught a Larvitar

Friday: Shuri has caught an Onyx

Friday: Peter has caught an Arron

Friday: Shuri has caught a Magnemite

Friday: Shuri has caught a Beldum

Friday: Shuri has caught a Mankey

Friday: Peter has caught a Riolu

Friday: Shuri has caught a Clefairy

Friday: Peter has caught a Marill

Friday: Peter has caught a Sableye

Friday: Shuri has caught a Duskull

Friday: Peter has caught a Bagon

Friday: Shuri has caught a Dratini

Friday: Peter has caught a Meowth

Friday: Peter has just caught a Chikorita

Friday: Shuri just caught an shiny Alolan Vulpix! 

Friday: Peter has just caught a shiny Growlithe!

Friday: Strange just summoned a shiny Eevee for Peter and a shiny Pikachu for Shuri

SnarkShark: this was an odd day

Friday: they have now returned to the tower with the Pokemon

Friday: they are now assembling their teams

UwU: heeeyyyy Shuri and I are back

UwU: we are making our teams :)

UwU: Shuri chose Charmander as her starter

UwU: Mr. Stark you should choose Squirtle!

SnarkShark: kid I don't need a Pokemon

UwU: pwease?

SnarkShark: goddammit fine what are my choices

UwU: well Shuri chose Charmander but I don't think you'd like a fire lizard

UwU: Squirtle could help in the lab

UwU: but Bulbasaur could like be a good friend

SnarkShark: fine I'll go with Squirtle

UwU: UwU they will be right down

SnarkShark: OW SHURI JUST THREW A POKEBALL AT ME AND RAN AWAY

SnarkShark: wait this is Squirtle

SnarkShark: it's kinda adorable 

SnarkShark: I shall call it bubbles

UwU: that leaves me with Bulbasaur! Bulbasaur, bulba bulba!

UwU: now I need a fire type and a water type

OwO: I need a grass and water type

UwU: I'm obviously going to choose my shiny Growlithe for my fire

OwO: I'll do Horsea for my water type

UwU: I'll probably choose the Poliwag 

OwO: I'll choose lotad for my grass

UwU: electric type next 

UwU: I call dibs on Shinx

OwO: shiny Pikachu for me

UwU: the shiny Eevee will be my companion pokemon

OwO: the nidorans for both of us? 

UwU: yes

UwU: I'll do the Cubone for my final

OwO: dude the Shiny Alolan Vulpix will be my final

OwO: I'll also do the Dratini for my companion

UwU: great. Now we need to assign the others

OwO: Okoye can have the Lapras

OwO: my brother would love the Meowth

UwU: Mr. Stark already has a Pokemon

UwU: Uncle Rhodey's can have the Pidgey and Uncle Sam can have the Spearow

UwU: Uncle Bucky can have the Weedle and Mr. Steve can have the Caterpie

UwU: Uncle Thor can have Electrike and Uncle Bruce can have Mareep

OwO: dude Harley would love the Ponyta

UwU: Natasha would definitely enjoy Houndor

UwU: Pepper would love the Chikorita

UwU: wait Uncle Clint and his family need Pokemon

OwO: yes yes yes 

OwO: Clint should get the Stunky

OwO: His family can get the Sneasel, the Swablu, the Marill and the Bagon

UwU: yeah and Scott could find the normal Vulpix and Growlithe useful

UwU: Hope's father might like Numel

OwO: Hope herself probably likes Seedot

UwU: what about Strange and Wong

OwO: Abra for Strange and Natu for Wong

UwU: Wanda? 

OwO: Staru

OwO: what about Vision

UwU: Magikarp

UwU: but Loki and Brunhilde need one too

OwO: Loki should get Bidoof ;)

UwU: and Brunhilde should get Riolu

OwO: Mankey should go to Fury

UwU: and Grimer should go to Coulson

OwO: Daisy?

UwU: Koffing

UwU: Carol? 

OwO: Croagunk

UwU: uhhj we're running out of people

OwO: does Helen Cho get one

UwU: oh yeah

UwU: so should Ned and MJ

OwO: Cho should get a Clefairy

UwU: MJ should get the Larvitar

UwU: and Ned should get the Sandshrew

UwU: May definitely needs one

OwO: what about the Diglett? It could live in her garden

UwU: good idea

UwU: anybody else

UwU: Rhodey's mother?

OwO: what about Onyx

UwU: cool

UwU: hmmmmm

OwO: oh my mom would want one

UwU: Geodude?

OwO: great. Now the other tribes

OwO: I know that M'baku and Okoye's husband would want one

UwU: I don't know who that is but okay

UwU: Okoye's husband can have Arron 

OwO: M'baku can have Magnemite

UwU: Daisy just told me that there are three others who want them

UwU: she said that one is really tough but caring 

OwO: sound like a Beldum to me :)

UwU: the other two are a brilliant engineer and an incredible biologist

OwO: Sableye and Duskull

UwU: perfect! I think we're done!

OwO: nope!

OwO: we gotta name our Pokemon!

UwU: oh yeah

OwO: I'll start

OwO: my Charmander shall be Coal, since Daddy Stark named his Squirtle Bubbles

UwU: please don't call him that

OwO: I'll name my Horsea Seapony and my Lotad Lilly

UwU: good names

OwO:  My shiny Pikachu shall be Thunder, short for Thunder Thighs ;)

OwO: my nidoran shall be Bro, and you should name yours Bruh

UwU: deal

OwO: finally my Alolan Vulpix shall be Aurora

UwU: my Bulbasaur shall be Leaf and my Growlithe shall be Embers. 

OwO: good good

UwU: Poliwag shall be Fren, and Shinx shall be Shadow

UwU: my Nidoran shall be Bruh

OwO: perfect!

UwU: my Cubone shall be named Buddy

OwO: what about our buddies

UwU: I shall name mine Peter2

OwO: Mine will be Shuri2

UwU: great! We need to make the gym into a Pokemon training arena!

OwO: sweet!

UwU: let's goooo

UwU and OwO left the chat

SnarkShark: haha wittle bubbles wubbles

HarryPotter: what even was this day

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Shout-out to LREL98, Emeral_Break, ChaoticallyAwkward, Anxiety, Peenpals, TheGhostKing44, RichJakeCuresMySadness, navso311, and Mothology101 for commenting on this fic!


	17. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No summary today lads

No Peppermint, 11:06 A.M

SnarkShark: alright it's been nearly twelve hours since Shuri and T'challa arrived

SnarkShark: so far nothing has exploded

BigOwO: yet

SnarkShark: well they can't blow anything up if they're asleep

IwI: Bold of you to assume they slept

SnarkShark: I don't like what you're implying buddy

IwI: -~-

SnarkShark: my point is nothing as spontaneously combusted

_**Ten Minutes Later** _

SnarkShark: I take it back

SnarkShark: they set the ceiling fan on fire

BigOwO: Tony forgot to mention that they had tied at least 12 potatoes to it, set it to max velocity and were screaming 'praise the sun' over and over

OwO: I didn't do it

UwU: I didn't either!

OwO: we just walked in to the masterpiece and decided to make it our new god

UwU: don't lie it's your fetish

OwO: bitch I don't know what you are talking about

OwO: it spontaneously combusted

UwU: spontaneously CUMbusted

OwO: no

UwU: UwU

BigOwO: Shuri stop 'setting shit on fire'

BigOwO: I can't believe you've done this again

SnarkShark: again?

BigOwO: the first time was when she three my royal sandals into a fire pit

OwO: they were fuckin ugly

UwU: who the fuck wears sandals

SnarkShark: watch your language kid, cap won't like that

UwU: sorry

UwU: WHOM the fuck wears sandals

SnarkShark: kid

OwO: whom'st the fuck

UwU: Whom'st've the fuck

OwO: Whom'st've'nt

UwU: Whom'st've'nt're

OwO: Godammit

UwU: UwU

SnarkShark: great now they're having a pillowfight in my room

SnarkShark: update: I've just been hit

SnarkShark: Peter calls it a 'civilian casualty' and Shuri says it was an accident

SnarkShark: either way, this means war

Pepperoni: that will take them a while

BigOwO: ye

* * *

 

Pepperoni: Tony it's been 45 minutes 

Pepperoni: any updates

BigOwO: yeah how badly did you lose

Pepperoni: great no response

Pepperoni: Tony

BigOwO: Tony

Pepperoni: TONY

BigOwO: t o n y

Pepperoni: T o n y

BigOwO: T O N Y

Pepperoni:  ~~ _ **T O N Y**_~~

Pepperoni: whatever we tried

* * *

SnarkShark: update

Pepperoni: Anthony Edward Stark it has been over an hour

SnarkShark: Peter just me so hard with a pillow I fell unconscious

SnarkShark: I wake up an hour later on the bed with my hand in a bowl of water and my sunglasses missing

BigOwO: oh my god

Pepperoni: get  r e k t

SnarkShark: I think I just god mugged by two teens

Pepperoni: good

SnarkShark: another update

BigOwO: spill the tea

SnarkShark: well I was trying to find the kids and Friday said they were in Clint's room

Birdbrain: I don't like where this is going

SnarkShark: I go in and the entire room is painted in glow-in-the-dark paint

UwU: we needed to know what color it would glow!

OwO: yeah, if it's too bright it becomes dark

UwU; and ifs too dark it become light

SnarkShark: interesting expirement but why clint's room

UwU: because we could

SnarkShark: fair

SnarkShark: what was the result

UwU: nothing happened :)

OwO: well aside from finding at least 15 pounds of porn in Hawkeye's closet

SnarkShark: Clint!

SnarkShark: you know what

SnarkShark: it's too early for this

SnarkShark: goodbye

UwU: what a mood

OwI: rt

 

 

 


	18. You Cannot Kill Me In A Way That Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UwU: hewwo I will be your doctow today UwU
> 
> UwU: just some minow suwgewy, huh? 
> 
> IwI: oh no! Doctow we awe wosing him owo!
> 
> UwU: quick! Get the defeibuwatow! 
> 
> SnarkShark: oh God just let me flatline

No Peppermint, 2:07 P.M

SnarkShark: oh shit kid I 100% forgot that I signed you up for a special tour tomorrow

SnarkShark: hope you don't mind

UwU: nope! I can't wait!

OwO: can I join the tour

BigOwO: urrrrrg fine

BigOwO: but only because I know that you'd join anyway

UwU: UwU

OwO: OwO

IwI: IwI

AwA: AwA

EwE: EwE

YwY: YwY

UwO: UwO

SnarkShark: do you have like a superpower to summon these people at will‽

BigOwO: and in the exact same order‽

UwU: @_@

OwO: ooh the face game you first

UwU: !_!

OwO: I love how you can't tell which lines are its eyes

OwO: #_#

UwU: &_&

OwO: $_$

UwU: -_-

OwO: +-+

UwU: +_+

OwO: (O) ----- (O)

UwU: ahh you win

OwO: ¶:

UwU: wanna go watch John Mulaney?

OwO: fuck yeah my dude

OwO: but first we must play another game

UwU: °-°

OwO: @everyone we'll take turns quoting vines and the other person has to @ an Avenger

OwO: I'll start

OwO: Road Work Ahead? Uh, yeah! I sure hope it does! @UwU

UwU: Stop! I could've dropped my croissant! @IwI

IwI: What the FUCK is up, Kyle?! No, what did you say to me you stupid ass bitch?! @YwY

YwY: I saw you hanging out with Caitlyn the other day!  _R-Rebecca, it's not what you think!_ I won't hesitate, bitch! @R-rebecca

R-rebecca: This Bitch Empty! YEET @IWon'tHesitate

IWon'tHesitate: *gasps* Adam! @WitchBitch

WitchBitch: My potato flew around! *Small jump* AHHHHHHHHHH @TheProphecy

TheProphecy: In this world it's either kill or be killed. Watcha gonna do? Watcha gonna do? @SnarkShark

SnarkShark: how did I get roped into this

OwO: leave it to Daddy Stark to not know any vines

UwU: Or memes

OwO: ye

SnarkShark: hey! I know memes!

OwO: bullshit

OwO: show me one meme

SnarkShark: okay, but you have to finish it

OwO: deal, old man

SnarkShark: fine. But you brought this upon yourselves.

SnarkShark: HIT OR MISS

OwO: I GUESS THEY NEVER MISS, HUH

UwU: YOU GOT A BOYFRIEND

IwI: BET HE NEVER KISSED YA

YwY: *background music*

OwO: you know what, daddy Stark?

SnarkShark: please stop calling me that

OwO: Fuck You

SnarkShark: rude you stupid ass midget

UwU: Mr. Stark. I'm not mad at you.

SnarkShark: oh no

UwU: I'm just dissapointed

SnarkShark: *dials 911* help I've just been shot in the chest

OwO: *picks up phone* well that certainly sucks

SnarkShark: please help I'm dying

OwO: Wow! That's interesting, but I sure don't care!

SnarkShark: JUST SEND A GODDAMN AMBULANCE

OwO: fine

UwU: hewwo I will be your doctow UwU

UwU: just some minow suwgewy, huh? 

IwI: oh no! Doctow we awe wosing him owo!

UwU: quick! Get the defeibuwatow! 

SnarkShark: oh God just let me flatline

UwU: fwine. Dweath is a mwortal constwuct

OwO: the magic mwushwoom will tell us the name of God uwu

SnarkShark: I'm sorry what

UwU: TELL ME THE NAME OF GOD, YOU FUNGAL PIECE OF SHIT

OwO: you feel that racing in your heart? You feel that blood in your veins? You feel the fear in yourself? You cannot kill me in a way that matters

UwU: I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU

SnarkShark: I'm sorry w h a t

OwO: as a very brave Tumblr under once said

UwU: decay exists as an extant form of life form of life

UwU: we just changed it up a bit so that we weren't plagerizing

SnarkShark: you know what? That is terrifying and I want to go home

SnarkShark: bye kids, enjoy the tour tomorrow

SnarkShark: if you need me I'll be in my room watching comedy and internally screaming

UwU: mood

OwO: mood

IwI: mood

YwY: mood

 

 

 


	19. He's Yee'd His Last Haw

When Peter awoke, he knew it would be a good day. Smiling, be quickly showered, got dressed and ate breakfast. 

Hugging Aunt May goodbye, Peter quickly raced outside. Suddenly, the Komodo Beads that Shuri gave him started to ring. Smiling, Peter picked up.

"Hey Shuri!" He greeted.

"Hello, Baby Stark." Shuri greeted.

"Are you excited for the tour?" Peter asked.

"Of course! But you mentioned something about a thing your decolathon team was going to?" 

"Oh." Peter's mood fell.

"Well, we were supposed to be going on a field trip, but Mr. Stark signed my permission slip and nobody believed me. The teacher told me not to come because he thought I forged the signature." Peter explained.

"Oof. Well, that sucks. At least now you get to have fun with the kids."

"Yeah." Peter replied, back to his happy self.

"Do you think they'll know memes?" Shuri asked. Peter could almost hear the mischief in Shuri's voice.

"I don't know. Maybe. Anyway, I have to go. I see Happy. See you in a bit, Shuri! Bye!" Peter said as he hung up.

Bouncing on his feet, Peter bounded over to where Happy was and jumped in.

"Hey, Happy! I get to lead a tour today with Shuri! Isn't that amazing?! Like, this is my first tour!" Peter rambled out. 

"Good. Did you bring your badge?" 

Nodding, Peter quickly fished out his badge. It's red-and-gold paint shone in the sunlight, reflecting the Alpha 10 rank on the top.

"No, kid. I mean your tour badge. We can't have people knowing that you have a higher ranking than the avengers." Happy chided.

Rolling his eyes, Peter pulled out the other badge. This one had a much more realistic Omega 10 ranking. The highest intern level there is.

"Good. Now strap in and shut up." Happy grumbled.

Smiling, Peter buckled in and plugged in his headphones. He knew Happy was a big old softie underneath all the unhappiness.

Resting his head against the window, Peter felt his happiness bubble up. 

Today was going to be a good day.

* * *

_Later_

When Peter arrived at the tower, he bounded through the lobby and into the personal elevator with Happy.

Rolling his eyes at Peter's excitement, Happy told F.R.I.D.A.Y to start the elevator. 

With a mischievous smile, Happy backed away from the teen.

"OH MY GOD THERE'S A LIZARD IN HERE!" Happy yelled out. With a shriek, Peter jumped into the ceiling. 

Just then, the doors opened up. Sam and Clint were playing Mario Kart, Steve was cooking breakfast, Mr. Stark was drinking coffee, and Bruce was sipping on his tea. Everyone turned around to see Peter fall down and Happy laughing hysterically.

"Oh my god, you should've seen your face!" Happy bellowed out. 

Grumbling, Peter walked over to Tony. Wolfing down the food that Steve put in front of his face, he didn't realize that Tony was glaring at a still laughing Happy.

"Jesus, kid. Didn't you already eat breakfast?" Tony asked, looking concerned.

"Breakfast Part Two: Electric Boogaloo." Peter mumbled, words muffled by the food in his mouth.

"You can't eat stuff just because you can." Tony scolded.

"Bold words coming from the man who ate everybody's socks just put of spite." Peter snarked back.

Rolling his eyes, Tony huffed and threw Peter's tour guide badge at Peter's head. Peter caught it and strapped it around his neck. Bouncing out of his seat, Peter gave out a quick "see you later!" and sprinted to the elevator.

* * *

 

When Peter arrived to the lobby, he was still thinking about how today would be a good day. As he chatted with the receptionist, he didn't even pause to consider that his infamous Parker Luck™ would strike.

Of course, there were only three things that are truly infinite. The universe, mankind's stupidity, and Peter's bad luck.

Peter didn't pause when he saw Shuri run by him. He knew that she would be overdramatic when leading the group to him. 

After about five minutes, he heard Shuri talking loudly to some kids. Some kids who sounded oddly familiar.

Then he heard Flash's voice.

No. Oh god no.

Turning around, Peter saw his Decolathon team. Everybody froze.

"Parker! I told you to stay home today!" Mr. Flint's voice rang out.

"Uhhh..." Peter froze.

"That's it! When you get back, I'm going to be talking to Principal Morrita about getting you expelled!" The giant ex-body builder snapped.

Nearly everybody on the team protested, except for Flash, who stood there smugly.

"Woah woah woah!" Shuri yelled out over the yelling. "You can't do that!" She growled at Mr. Flint.

"Why not?" Mr. Flint replied, his eyes seething with an unspoken threat.

"Because he works here. Don't you see the badge?" Shuri responded, her voice as cold as ice.

"He probably faked it!" Flash yelled out. "I mean, even if he did work here, he wouldn't be leading tours!" Flash said. Shuri just glared dagger's at him.

Taking a threatening step forward, she narrowed her eyes. Flash gulped and hid between his friends, who he managed to get on the trip.

"He probably sucked someone's dick just to get in the building." He muttered, loud enough for everybody to hear.

Peter looked hurt at this, and MJ smacked him.

Shuri froze. Cold, seething hatred filled her gaze. Everyone at the receiving end of the glare cowered slightly.

"Peter." She hissed, her eyes never leaving the bullies. "I'm going to tell your father about this." 

Peter gasped audibly.

"Shuri! Please don't, you know how he'll react! It's nothing, it's fine!" Peter wailed at her.

"What is she talking about? Your father's dead, Penis!" Flash shouted at Peter, who visibly flinched at this. 

Before Shuri could drag a still begging Peter away, Mr. Flint snapped. Grabbing Peter by the collar, he pulled Peter close to his face.

"Enough! I've had just enough of you, interfering with everything, acting like you're above everyone else! Go home, Parker! Now!" Mr. Flint yelled in Peter's face.

Peter could deal with a lot. He let himself be shoved and bullied everyday, and he rarely stood up for himself. But Peter wasn't going to just leave the place he considered his home because some asshole told him to.

"Let him go, fucktard!" Shuri screamed at him.

"No." Peter spit out quietly. At this point, the only person in the lobby was the receptionist, who seemed very awkward right now.

"What was that, you little shit?" Mr. Flint snarled.

"No!" Peter said again, louder.

Eye twitching, Mr. Flint dropped Peter roughly to the floor.

Then, Mr. Flint placed a powerful, well aimed kick at Peter's ribs. Screeching in pain and surprise, Peter curled up in a ball as a flurry of kicks and punches rained down on him.

Screaming and protests came from the students, some of which tried to get their teacher off of their classmate. Unfortunately, Mr. Flint was 200 pounds of pure muscle.

Frantically tapping on her Komodo Bead Bracelet, Shuri called T'challa.

"Brother! Get Okoye down here now! Please, it's an emergency!" She cried into the bracelet before hanging up and throwing herself at the teacher. 

Kicking and punching at the man's vulnerable sides, Shuri tried to fight the man off of her best friend/non-related brother.

Unfortunately, Mr. Flint was able to throw her to the ground with ease. Landing askwardly, Shuri gasped when she heard her arm break. Pain filled her vision as she cradled the broken limb to her chest. Tears leaked from her eyes as she gritted her teeth.

Peter was bleeding now, and his face was bloodied and bruised from the endless attacks.

Wailing in distress, the students wondered when help would arrive.

* * *

The day was going poorly for T'challa and Tony. The accords were still a mess, despite the fact that they got the Rouge Avengers re-assembled and pardoned. 

Rubbing his face, T'challa was about ready to die of frustration and boredom when his Komodo Beads buzzed.

Looking up, Tony smiled as T'challa accepted the call.

Instead of the happy, laughing voice of the kids, however, they were met with screaming and crying.

" _Brother! Get Okoye down here now! It's an emergency!"_ Shuri yelled into the bracelet before hanging up. 

Eyes widening, Tony called his suit as T'challa activated his. Okoye was already with them, so she quickly stood and followed suit.

Racing through the compound, the trio found the stairs and sprinted down them with dangerous speed.

Throwing open the door, they were met with a group of panicked teens. All three of them saw that the teacher was pummeling the shit out of one of the kids.

"Peter!" Tony screamed out. Racing forward, he delivered his hardest blow on the teacher, who fell to the ground.

Scanning the crowd for his sister, T'challa noticed her curled up on the ground, cradling her arm. She was crying, which was something that she never did.

"Shuri!" He called out, as he and Okoye reached her. Pulling her info a hug, T'challa made sure he wasn't hurting her arm.

"C'mon!" Tony yelled at him. He was carrying an unconscious Peter in his arms. The teen looked pummeled nearly to death. 

Nodding to Okoye, T'challa followed Tony in the direction of the medbay. If he listened closely, he could hear Tony's quiet sobs as he raced to get his kid to the medbay.

* * *

 

Shuri shook violently in her brother's arms. Her arm barely hurt, despite the fact that it definitely should. Everything felt like it was underwater, and she felt as if she couldn't breathe. 

The only thing she could focus on was the small, broken body next to hers. Silently crying, she reached out her unbroken hands and carded her fingers through his hair.

What seemed like only a few seconds passed until they were in the medbay. She was being gently laid down onto a bed.

"She's in shock, and her arm was several damaged. We need to operate before any of the shards puncture a vein." She thinks she hears one of the doctors say. 

Blinking, she looked blindly around for her ~~little brother~~  best friend. 

She didn't have time to contemplate this. A small gas mask was being placed over her face and she felt herself slipping into unconsciousness.

* * *

 

Whimpering with pain, Peter tried to move. Agony shot through his body, and he collapsed back onto his bed. 

Looking up from her laptop, Shuri's gaze brightened when she realized he was awake.

"Hey you, you're finally awake!" She greeted.

Laughing slightly at her reference, Peter nodded.

"You were trying to cross the border, right? Walked right into that imperial ambush. Same as us and that thief over there." Shuri said, motioning towards a sleeping Happy.

Unable to stop the amused snort at her own joke, Shuri made an odd quaking noise as Peter laughed hysterically.

This woke Happy up, however.

"Oh hey, you're awake! What's so funny?" 

"Silence, Thief!" Peter laughed out, causing Shuri to fall into hysterics as well.

"You know what? I don't wanna know. How are you feeling, kid?" Happy said with a shake of his head. 

"Pretty good. What happened? I mean, after Mr. Flint yee'd his last haw." Peter asked.

Happy gave him an odd look, before going on to retell the story and list Peter's injuries.

"Shuri suffered from shock and a fractured arm, which she had to have surgery to fix." Happy started.

"Luckily I'm all healed now, thanks to Wakanda's tech." Shuri said proudly.

"Peter, you have a fractured skull, cracked/broken ribs, a dislocated jaw, and some internal bleeding. Those were were all healed thanks to your healing factor. Unfortunately, you're gonna have to miss the next week of school as well to make it seem like you're recovering." Happy explained.

"Great. I'm healed thanks to the  P O W E R    O F   S C I E N C E!" Peter yelled, deepening his voice.

Laughing, the teens didn't notice that T'challa and Tony had entered the room. Giving their respective teens a hug, everybody laughed out.

Peter and Shuri laughed because this would make for one hell of a story, and Tony/T'challa laughed because they were so happy their teens were alright.

 

 

 

 


	20. Aliven't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OwO: Mr. Flint's Yee'd his last haw
> 
> UwU: Aliven't
> 
> IwI: press F to pay respects
> 
> OwO: no, more like press y to shame
> 
> IwI: rip in the chat
> 
> UwU: big mood
> 
> BigBird: what the ever-loving FUCK just happened
> 
> R-rebecca: I speak 47 different languages, this isn't one of them

Daily Bugle @TheDailyBugle

BREAKING NEWS: AMERICAN TEACHER TAKEN INTO WAKANDAN CUSTODY AFTER VIOLENTLY ASSAULTING TONY STARK'S PERSONAL INTERN AND PRINCESS SHURI OF WAKANDA

Daily Bugle @TheDailyBugle

@TheDailyBugle The attack occured on October 22nd, in the Avenger's compound. The teacher was seen leading his tour group into the building. Security footage from inside of the building were confiscated.

Daily Bugle @TheDailyBugle

@TheDailyBugle The students of the tour say that the tour guide, also Tony Stark's personal intern, was previously banned from the field trip due to their teacher mistaking his guardian's signature as fraudulent. When the teacher saw that the intern was leading the tour, he flew into a fit of rage. 

Daily Bugle @TheDailyBugle

@TheDailyBugle The intern is quoted saying "I didn't even know that they were the tour group I was supposed to lead." More quotes from other students say that nobody believed the intern when he said he had an internship.

Daily Bugle @TheDailyBugle

@TheDailyBugle Princess Shuri suffered from a broken arm, while the intern suffered from broken ribs, a dislocated jaw, and internal bleeding. Both will survive with no complications.

Daily Bugle @TheDailyBugle

@TheDailyBugle Read more on our website at www.DailyBugle.org

* * *

No Peppermint, 10:08 A.M

Hurricanetortilla: oh shit I just saw the news

Hurricanetortilla: you alright kid

UwU: yeah but Mr. Flint isn't

Birdbrain: what's happening?

OwO: Mr. Flint's Yee'd his last haw

UwU: Aliven't

IwI: press F to pay respects

OwO: no, more like press y to shame

IwI: rip in the chat

UwU: big mood

BigBird: what the ever-loving FUCK just happened

R-rebecca: I speak 47 different languages, this isn't one of them

SnarkShark: kid I'm deleting your account

UwU: *evil laughter*

UwU: *eggman voice* you fool!

SnarkShark: I... I don't know what that means

SnarkShark: anyway the kids doing fine

Birdbrain: you never answered us. What happened?

SnarkShark: watch the news

R-rebecca: be right back

BigOwO: Shuri are you okay

OwO: brother I am fine

SnarkShark: wait

SnarkShark: kid are you out of bed

UwU: *shapeshifts into a cow*

UwU: P E R H A P S

SnarkShark: why.

UwU: Galactus must feed

SnarkShark: no.

OwO: BABY GALACTUS! UWU UWU UWU

SnarkShark: you know he eats planets, right?

UwU: *sad UwU*

OwO: suwud

Birdbrain: OH MY GOD

Birdbrain: PETER YOU OKAY

OwO: Peter you okay,

IwI: you okay, Peter?

R-rebecca: Peter, you okay?

OwO: Peter you okay?

IwI: you okay, Peter

OwO: you've been hit by

IwI: you've been struck by

OwO: a big asshole

IwI: *really long, drawn out high pitched scream*

UwU: gay UwU

OwO: Peter you're gay though

UwU: and so are you

IwI: these aren't even insults these are facts

R-rebecca: who did this

SnarkShark: too late for revenge

BigOwO: yeah Mr. Flint has gone to speak with the mushrooms

R-rebecca: damn

BigOwO: at least rest easy knowing that he'll be spending the rest of his days as a coal miner in Wakanda

R-rebecca: so he's alive >:)

SnarkShark: Natasha don't

SnarkShark: it'll upset the kid

R-rebecca: :( but fine

SnarkShark: anyway, it's time for Peter to go BACK TO BED

UwU: *Speaks into radio* mission failed, we'll get em next time.

UwU left the chat

 

 

 

 

 


	21. Spider-Spider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SnarkShark: damn
> 
> UwU: Rawr XD give me your skin UwU
> 
> SnarkShark: what the fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry I didn't post yesterday. I was sick, so I immediately got home and passed out for six hours. :/   
> I'm feeling better now though

No Peppermint, 7:20 A.M

7phds: Tony we may have a slight problem

SnarkShark: oh no

SnarkShark: it's only day 4 of Shuri being here what happened

7phds: you know how Peter dislocated his jaw

SnarkShark: yeah?

7phds: well in the process it damaged a hormonal gland

SnarkShark: meaning

7phds: meaning that Peter may be acting wierdly for a while

SnarkShark: what do you mean wierdly

7phds: we don't know. The gland seems to be a regulator, meaning that he may experience new changes

SnarkShark: oh boy

SnarkShark: thanks bruce. Keep me updated

7phds: will do

* * *

No Peppermint, 10:16 A.M

UwU: Mr. Stark my head really hurts :(

SnarkShark: what did you do

UwU: nothing! I just woke up and the roof of my mouth hurts really badly :'(

SnarkShark: ask Bruce for some painkillers

UwU: okay :(

SnarkShark: anything else hurt

UwU: yeah, my wrists and the space right between my fingers

UwU: everything is really enchanced

UwU: like more than it usually is

SnarkShark: alright. It might be because of the injuries

UwU: yeah

SnarkShark: we'll keep an eye on it

* * *

 

No Peppermint, 3:09 P.M

UwU: MR STARK HELP

SnarkShark: what?! What happened?!

UwU: I have fangs and claws!

SnarkShark: what?

UwU: I woke up from a nap and I have fangs and claws!

UwU: they're retractable but they feel really weird

SnarkShark: Friday, scan him

Friday: Peter seems to have three primary claws in between his fingers. He also has a 'hook claw' extending from his wrist. The claws are around three inches, curved, and fully retractable.

SnarkShark: okay what the fuck

Friday: mini boss also has two one inch fangs that are semi-retractable. When retracted, they simply look like abnormally long, curved canines

Friday: however, when unsheathed, the fangs extend for about half an inch down and then hook backwards 

SnarkShark: damn

UwU: Rawr XD give me your skin UwU

SnarkShark: what the fuck

Friday: scans show that the fangs are connected to a venom gland

SnarkShark: wait what

Friday: when startled, Mini Boss will accidentally unsheathed his claws and fangs

Friday: while it does appear that Peter has the ability to 'dry bite', meaning that he can bite things without expelling venom, he can also expell venom with a 99.99% lethality rate.

SnarkShark: holy fuck

Friday: fortunately, Peter seems to be completely immune to the 'liquid cyanide' in his mouth

SnarkShark: what are the symptoms of the venom

Friday: while it is impossible to know, the venom seems to be able to 'piggyback' on blood cells to the central cortax, where it hijacks the frontal lobe, causing blindness, hallucinations, siezures, coma, brain death, paralysis and total organ failure. It also seems highly corrosive and may cause extreme damage to surrounding organs

UwU: :(

SnarkShark: how long does it take to kill

Friday: after injection, the venom immediately starts traveling to the brain, corroding arteries and organs along the way, sending victims into septic shock. Once reaching the brain, the venom starts corroding the brain matter. Death occured within minutes.

UwU: D:

SnarkShark: alright, tone it down a bit

SnarkShark: anything else?

Friday: the spider part of his DNA seems especially active, most likely due to the damaged hormonal gland that controlled the human hormones

UwU: wait Friday can I make webs

Friday: it appears that you cannot, Peter. However, you can now locate people based on the vibrations they make

UwU: UwU

SnarkShark: okay, okay

SnarkShark: anything threatening to him

Friday: nothing. In fact, it appears as if Peter's immune system has received a major boost from the newly activated DNA

Friday: It also appears the mutations have stopped

SnarkShark: well that's good I suppose

UwU: Mr. Stark can I tell the other avengers

SnarkShark: sure, just nobody at school

UwI: okay

UwU: I'm going to take another nap and then tell them

* * *

The Dining Room/Kitchen, 6:27 P.M

The sound of gentle laughter filled the room as Steve gently laid down the Rabbit Steak. The team may not be as close as they were before the Civil War, but they were getting there.

Tonight, it was Steve's turn to cook. He had chosen to make a Rabbit Steak, served with chopped celary and brown rice. Bruce had recommended it, saying that he had it while serving as a doctor in a third world country.

Upon seeing the meat, Peter's eyes widened dramatically. He had been craving this for a few hours, and he started to drool when he saw it.

As Peter waited patiently for the food to be distributed, he felt his mouth start to itch. Rubbing his tongue against the roof of his mouth, Peter noticed that his fangs were unsheathed.

Panicking, he started to call over Mr. Stark, but then his food was placed in front of him. Momentarily distracted, Peter gazed longingly at the food. Drooling again, Peter noticed that the itching in his mouth was getting stronger. 

"Let's hurry this up, the kid looks starving." Sam said from across the table. With a nod of agreement, Steve gave the go ahead to start eating.

Shaking his head, Peter immediately dug into the food. Shuri laughed at him silently while everyone else, aside from the people he normally sees, stared in horror at the amount that he was shoveling down his throat.

"Jesus kid, slow down a bit." Bucky snarked at him with an amused grin. 

Smiling sheepishly, Peter slowed down and placed a large forkful of meat into his mouth. Savouring the taste, Peter bit down hard into the meat. Letting it sit, Peter enjoyed the warmth it brought.

Suddenly, Peter felt an odd rushing feeling in his teeth. It felt... Nice. However, a strong, bitter-sweet liquid was filling his mouth. It made his mouth tingle unpleasantly, and the meat started to break down. 

He must have had an odd look on his face, because Mr. Stark noticed. 

"Hey, you okay there?" Tony asked as Peter scrunched up his nose in disgust. Everyone was looking at him now, and the liquid in his mouth was starting to block his airways. 

Gagging, Peter stood up and ran to the sink. Quickly getting to his feet, Tony followed suit.

As Peter quickly spit out the sickly-sweet liquid, he noticed that he meat was gone and that the liquid was an odd blackish color. He also noticed that his fangs no longer itched.

Connecting the dots, Tony sighed. Turning around, he began explaining Peter's new 'features' to the others. After expelling the venom, Peter sat back down. 

He was met with some teasing, but overall it was a good dinner. 

 


	22. Babies!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHH I LITERALLY HAVE A HALF DAY OF SCHOOL LEFT BECAUSE OF ONE STUPID ASS SNOWDAY SO NOW I HAVE TO WAKE UP ON MONDAY GO TO SCHOOL FOR THREE HOURS AND THEN ITS SUMMER HOO FUCKING RAH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm exhausted. I haven't slept enough since I was six. I'm in constant pain and school males me want to slam my head against a table. Oh also more angst coming up >:)

No Peppermint, 12:09 A.M

UwU: SHURI

UwU: @OwO

OwO: Peter it's midnight and while I'm still adjusting to the US time zone you aren't

OwO: also were in the same room

OwO: you can literally just talk to me

UwU: THE EGGS ARE HATCHING

OwO: WHAT

UwU: I'm texting you because I don't want to disturb the birbs!

UwU: go to the computer, we can watch the video feed.

OwO: okay

OwO left the chat

UwU left the chat

* * *

 

The same chat 12 hours later

Birdbrain: and that's how I got stabbed by my dog in South America

SnarkShark: that story was wild from start to finish

IwI: hey someone might want to check on Peter and Shuri

IwI: from what I've heard they haven't left the computer since midnight

SnarkShark: what? Why

IwI: something about how the eggs were hatching

SnarkShark: just had Friday pull up their vitals. They're sound asleep, passed out on the bed

SnarkShark: its actually really adorable

SnarkShark: the laptop is near them, but they're full on platonically cuddling

BigOwO: did you get a photo

SnarkShark: of fucking course

BigOwO: good. Mother and I need blackmail >:)

SnarkShark: rt

Birdbrain: hey you guys want to know about the time I got kidnapped by a herd of mustangs

R-rebecca: oh fuck yeah spill the tea sis

* * *

No Peppermint, 3 hours later

UwU: GUYS THE BIRDS HATCHED

SnarkShark: so we've heard

SnarkShark: enjoy your beauty rest kiddo?

UwU: woops uwu

BigOwO: what are you gonna name them?

UwU: well I'm gonna name the smallest one (male) Topaz

OwO: and I'm gonna name the largest one (female) Diamond

UwU: the other female shalp be Amethyst

OwO: oh and the last one (male) will be Jasper

BigOwO: those are.good names

SnarkShark: agreed

UwU: :)

OwO: alright let's go pass out again

UwU: mood

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for angst next chapter!
> 
> *Evil cackling followed by a stranger screaming at me to shut up*


	23. Caught on the Gray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {They had been playing Monopoly in the common room. Peter, Shuri, T'challa and Steve were getting owned by Tony, which was understandable. After all, he didn't become the head of the company by being a nice person.}
> 
> Anybody get my reference? No? That's okay. It's kinda obscure.

It was supposed to be a normal day. It's was only the sixth day that Shuri was here, but they also had the next week off. 

They had been playing Monopoly in the common room. Peter, Shuri, T'challa and Steve were getting owned by Tony, which was understandable. After all, he didn't become the head of the company by being a nice person.

That was when the alarm was sent out. Some jackass was attacking lower Manhattan, but he was pretty low-level. Therefore, T'challa and Shuri stayed behind as Peter, Steve and Tony all suited up.

When they had gotten there, the man had immediately shot at Steve. Steve had tried to block it with his shield, but somehow he disappeared.

Tony had immediately shot at the guy whole Peter looked around. Luckily, Peter's spider sense had prevented him from getting shot. Unfortunately, Tony wasn't so lucky. 

Peter screamed as he saw his  ~~father~~ mentor fly up into the air, only to get shot with the beam and disappear. 

Blinding rage and cold fury filled Peter's soul. He couldn't lose another parent. He couldn't bare it. He knew that if he lost one more person he wouldn't make it.

Snarling, Peter unsheathed his claws and fangs. Mr. Stark had upgraded the suit so that his new features could be used.

Lunging forward with lightning fast speed, Peter slashed his claws across the man's chest. The satisfying tearing of flesh and the man's screaming rang out throughout the now wrecked street. Punching and kicking, the man was on the ground within seconds.

Long wounds littered the man's frame. Raising his gun, the man shot Peter point blank with the gun. Freezing, Peter felt fireh pain shoot up his spine. Tingling numbness corroded his hands and feet. 

Pure, primal pain, fear and anger filled Peter's mind. Growling, he lunged once more towards the man. This time, Peter did not hesitate as he sunk his fangs into the man's throat.

He could feel himself fading. He didn't know what was happening, only that this man had shot his  ~~father~~ mentor and one of his teammates. He also knew that the man would vaporise the rest of New York.

Shaking his head, Peter felt the man writhe and gurgle in his jaws as the venom entered his bloodstream. Finally, after around 12 seconds, the man fell completely limp. Dropping the man, Peter wiped the blood from his mouth. 

Looking down at his shaking arms, Peter realized that he was fading. Collapsing the the ground, the last thing he saw was T'challa, Shuri, and the rest of the avengers rushing towards him.

* * *

When Steve had been shot with the odd beam, he had expected to fall unconscious. What he didn't expect, however, was falling from the sky. 

Twisting in the air, Steve managed to use his shield to slow his decent. Slamming it into the side of a building, he stopped completely. Swinging his body onto a nearby ledge, he paused to look around.

He was in New York City, but the destruction that the man had left behind was gone. Shaking his head, Steve stood up and picked up his shield. 

Tony would know what to do.

 

When Steve had gotten to the tower, he realized that unlike before, the tower was fully operational. 

_Odd._ He thought.  _I thought Tony had sold the tower._

He must've hit his head pretty hard. Walking into the side lobby where the Avengers would enter, Steve held up his Avengers I.D card.

"Access denied." F.R.I.D.A.Y's voice rang out. Frowning, Steve tried again with the same results.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y, let me in." Steve sighed.

"Access denied." She said in response.

Grumbling, Steve shook his head.

"Access code 28479, codeword 'Tony Stark is the best."

"Password?" F.R.I.D.A.Y asked snarkily.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y I swear to God. The password is 1-22-5-14-7-5-18-19."

"Access granted. What floor would you like to visit?" 

"Whatever room the others are in." Steve said as he leaned against the elevator walls.

Closing his eyes, Steve tried to ignore the pounding headache in his head.

The elevator doors opened, and Steve walked out. Placing his shield on the table, he turned to the other avengers. For some reason, they looked shocked and confused.

Slowly drawing their weapons, Steve realized that they were going to ty and fight him.

"Woah, woah woah. What the hell did I miss?" Steve asked. The other avengers looked at each other.

"Who the hell are you?" Clint asked.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUN


	24. "Steve?" "Who the hell is Steve?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Well, I'm going to be perfectly honest here. The most embarrassed I have ever been was when Peter was playing video games in the living room late at night while the rest of you were out on a mission. Bucky and I walked in, and we were this close to fucking like rabbits. Like, we were about to jump each other. Suddenly, just as Buck starts to get all touchy feely in my pants, Peter screams and runs out of the room. Oh BOY was that one hard to explain to you."

It had been uneventful. The avengers had been discussing how to make sure less civilians were harmed during missions when the elevator doors opened.

Out walked a tall, muscular man with an odd red-white-and-blue suit on, accompanied by a matching shield. Taking off his mask, the man stared at the Avengers with friendly blue eyes. Blond hair fell into his eyes, but the man simply pushed it back.

Walking to the table, the man placed down his shield. Taking a seat, the other avengers stared in confusion. Who the fuck was this, and why were they acting as if they owned the place?

Slowly drawing their weapons, the avengers kept their eyes on the strange man, who seemed to be getting uncormfatable.

Realizing what they were doing, the man immediately put his arms up in surrender.

"Woah woah woah, what the hell did I miss?" The man asked, seemingly bewildered. 

"Who the hell are you?" Clint snapped, his bow in hand.

"What do you mean? It's me, Steve. You know, Captain America? Your teammate?" 'Steve' said dryly.

"We don't know any 'Steve'. Natasha spat, her guns trained on him.

"Natasha, please put the guns away." The man said in an authorative tone. Natasha froze.

"How the fuck do you know my name?" She spat.

"Uhh, because we've worked together since 2012?" Steve replied.

"Alright, Mr. America, let's go the interrogation room so you can answer our questions." Tony snapped.

Steve made a face. "I literally have no idea what you guys are doing right now. But fine, Mr. Tin Can."

Clint snickered at this as Tony roughly shoved him through the tower.

Sitting down in the cold metal chair, Steve leaned back. The tension in the room was unbearable as everyone glared at him.

"So... How's Pepper?" Steve asked, trying to break the tension.

"How do you know about Pepper?!" Tony snapped.

"Uhhh, because you talk about her all the time? And we hang out?" Steve said with a 'Bitch, are you fucking shitting me?" face.

"Are you spying on us?!" Rhodey interjected. Odd. Rhodey was standing normally.

"Yeah, Mr. Patriotic. The only way you'd know that is if you were spying on us." Tony spat. Steve sighed.

"Tony, it doesn't count as 'spying' if you guys are loudly making out on the couch. Besides, I can hear you two going at it from the kitchen."

Tony gaped like a fish as Clint had to leave the room, laughing.

"By the way, you might want to quiet it down. The kids don't need to see that." Steve mentioned, offhandedly.

Everyone stilled. Their gazed like daggers.

"What kids?" Tony asked, but his voice shook ever so slightly.

"Peter and Shuri. Harley too, if he ever comes over. Although, does Wanda count as a kid? I don't know." Steve mentioned with a yawn.

Snarling, Tony punched Steve in the jaw. Falling out of his chair, he rubbed his jaw tenderly.

"Stop! I could've dropped my croissant!" Steve whined. He had been spending toouch time around the teens.

"Don't you EVER fucking DARE to threaten the kids again, you bastard!" Tony growled at Steve, his eyes full of rage.

"Jesus, Stark! I wasn't threatening them! I'm essentially their uncle!" Steve hissed.

"Okay, everyone calm down." Natasha said, but it was obvious she was worried.

"I'm not going to hurt them." Steve said queitly. Taken aback by the sincerity in his voice, some of the other avengers looked at each other with doubt.

"Okay. How did you get into the tower?" Natasha questioned.

"I no-clipped through the walls- HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I GOT IN? I used the door, for crying out loud!" 

"Alright, alright. How did you get into the Avengers elavator?"

"I used the password and codeword."

"You know the words?" Tony asked, amazed.

"Yep. Every Avenger know them. That's the point of the words in the first place, is it not?"

"But you're not an Avenger." Natasha pointed out.

"Think again, bitches." Steve said as he dropped his Avengers I.D on the table.

"Fri, call the card." Tony ordered.

"Calling." F.R.I.D.A.Y obeyed.

The card started ringing and vibrating slightly. 

"Captain Hotty Pants needed, please report to duty and start dancing. Everybody GET OUT OF YOUR MIND!" Tony's voice called out from the small speaker on the card. 

Everyone was shocked. That was clearly Tony's voice, and it obviously it wasn't fake. Steve was cringing from the horrid message.

"Yeah, while we're here, can you fix that? I told you not to put that but honestly there's no stopping you." Steve sighed.

"Okay. So, you're an Avenger. But we don't know you. You have strong evidence that we infact DO know you, we just can't remember you. So, mind telling us the story from YOUR perspective?" Natasha asked.

And that was how Steve ended up teaching a crash course of the last 15 years of Avenger history, along with his life story. 

"Alright. I guess we have to figure out how to get you home."

"Home?" Steve asked, puzzled.

"Well, Capsicle, I was doing my research, and it turns out you came from an alternate reality where you didn't die in WW2. So, we gotta get you back to your reality. Luckily, we know somebody who can help." Tony said.

Steve was about to interject, saying how improbable that seemed, but then he remembered all the weied occurrences that he had lived through. Instead, Steve just nodded.

"You're not gonna even question that?" Tony asked, surprised.

"Honestly, this doesn't even rank in the top ten weirdest things that have happened to me." Steve replied.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I would be pretty embarrassed. You know, getting shot, waking up in a parrelell universe and not even knowing that something was very obviously up." Tony teased.

"Well, I'm going to be perfectly honest here. The most embarrassed I have ever been was when Peter was playing video games in the living room late at night while the rest of you were out on a mission. Bucky and I walked in, and we were  _this_ close to fucking like rabbits. Like, we were about to jump each other. Suddenly, just as Buck starts to get all touchy feely in my pants, Peter screams and runs out of the room. Oh BOY was that one hard to explain to you."

"We... We didn't need to know that." Tony said, obviously disgusted.

"Who's Bucky?" Natasha asked, curiosity in her tone.

"My boyfriend." Steve said, casually.

"You have a boyfriend?" Tony inquired. 

For the next few hours, Steve was busy telling embarrassing stories about his friends and family.


	25. I Knew You Once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the first part while listening to the song 'I Knew You Once' by Hollie Allen. The second part was with 'The A Team' by Ed Sheeran. Just so you guys know :)

Shuri stared blankly ahead at the messy bed in front of her. Just yesterday, her  ~~little brother~~ best friend slept on that bed.

Just yesterday, the two had fallen asleep together after spending all day watching the baby birds hatch. After waiting anxiously, the two had collapsed onto the bed. They spent the next few hours quoting vines and singing an offbeat version of 'Ice Ice, Baby'. 

They shared their interests, their skills, their dreams and ambitions. They shared secrets, swapped smiles, and gifted advice. For once, the silence I'm the room was soft and comfortable.

They stared out the window at the rising sun before falling asleep, platonically cuddling. Occasionally, both would stir at the noise the newly hatched chicks would make. 

Once, when Shuri looked over, she could immediately tell Peter was hungry. Giving him one of her gronola bars, the duo quickly fell back asleep. 

Shuri barely registered that she had walked over to the bed and picked up one of his pillows until she started crying. 

Hugging the pillow tightly, Shuri inhaled the soft scent of autumn leaves after a cool rain.

It still smelled like him; a soft mixture of lemon zest and fresh hazelnuts. It also held her scent, of water lilies and honey. It smelled like his soap; a mixture of brown sugar and vanilla. 

T'challa opened the door. Fresh tears ran down his face. Walking up to Shuri, he hugged her tightly. Letting it all go, Shuri sobbed messily into her brother's arms.

* * *

The first thing Tony realized after he had faded away, was that he was quickly falling out of the sky. The second thing was that his suit only had enough power to point him in the direction of the window of the tower. 

The sound of shattered glass was muffled by the ringing in his ears. Groaning, Tony felt his suit power down. Great. He was stuck.

"Ow." He simply stated.

Then, Steve and the other Avengers rushed into the room, their weapons drawn. Perfect.

"Hey guys. Mind helping me out here? Kinda fell out of the sky there. Gotto go find the kid. Unless he's with you?" 

"Uh, okay?" Clint asked, uneasily.

"Jesus, put that bow down, Legolas. I'm not gonna bite you. Though, it's tempting. I'm still angry you ate the last bagel."

"What are you doing here?" Steve asked.

"Wow, Capsicle. Huffy much? I'm not really suprised, considering how we both got fucking evaporated."

"Language." Steve muttured under his breathe.

"HA! Did you guys hear that? Steve brought back the joke! We now have official reason to keep teasing him. Hope you're happy, Capsicle. It was  _this_ close to dying."

"God, do you EVER shut up?" Natasha snapped at him.

"Oof. Everyone's crabby, I guess. Anyway, I thought you guys knew me well enough to know that I don't shut up. Hell, even Butterfingers could tell you that."

"Do we... Do we know you?" Bruce asked, he was in the corner, in the back.

"Uh, ouch. C'mon, Brucie Bear. That hurts. Of course you know me. I'm your brave and fearless leader? The handsome genius/philanthropist/billionaire, you know me." Tony replied with a frown.

Everyone looked at each other with confusion.

"Norman Osborn?" Hawkeye asked.

"Uh, ow? You guys wound me. I absolutely hate that greasy weasel's guts." Tony replied.

Clint snorted. Steve narrowed his eyes.

Sighing, Tony focused his attention the the ceiling.

"Hey, F.R.I.D.A.Y, show these assholes the footage I have of Steve and Bucky going at it in the kitchen in front of the kid." Tony spoke, but was met by silence.

"F.R.I? F.R.I.D.A.Y, you there?" Tony tried, again with no luck.

"Uhh, who you talking to there?" Clint spoke up, confusion showing in his face.

"I'm talking to F.R.I.D.A.Y, dipshit. You know, the A.I that has been in the tower for, like 4 years?"

"You mean J.A.R.V.I.S?" Steve asked.

"Holy shit, Jarvis is alive?" Tony nearly yelled.

"Yeah.... Why wouldn't he be?" Natasha hissed.

"He died during before the Sokovia Battle. Ultron killed him."

"Who's Ultron?" Thor piped in, suddenly standing above Tony.

"Jesus, Point Break. Don't scare me like that. I have heart problems, you know. Anyway, Ultron was the big scary evil robot we fought, like, 4 years ago? Bruce, Thor and I made it thinking that it would help with World Peace, but the A.I went rouge, and tried to kill everyone. Wasn't pretty. You guys don't remember this?" Tony explained.

Everyone looked bewildered at this. Then, Rhodey walked in.

Rhodey looked older, more tired. But he also had a cold, heartless demeanor to him; nothing like the Rhodey that Tony had grown up with. His strides were powerful and confident. Everyone instinctively shuffled out of the way, allowing the seemingly cruel man walk by.

"Who the hell are you?!" Rhodey barked out. Grabbing Tony's suit by the neck, he lifted Tony up to eye level. Rhodey's eyes were narrowed and voice rough, but Tony just shrugged.

"Well hello to you too, Honey Bear." Tony greeted dryly. 

Freezing, Rhodey's eyes widened. Horror took over his face as he roughly dropped Tony to the floor.

"Uh, rude." Tony but out.

"No, no! It can't be." Rhodey whispered out. Pale and shaking, Rhodey fell to his knees. Tears threatened the edges of his vision, and everyone grew concerned.

"Woah, get me out of this suit! I need to help him!" Tony hissed out. Surprisingly, Thor listened and managed to get Tony out of the suit.

Everyone gaped in shock as Tony emerged and ran towards his panicking best friend.

"Hey, hey, hey. Rhodey poo, it's okay. I got you." Tony cooed. Sobbing into his chest, Rhodey hugged Tony tightly.

"But.... But you're dead?" Clint whispered.

"What?" Tony turned to the others, with Rhodey still clinging onto him for dear life.

Natasha handed him a newspaper article, describing his kidnapping and death.

Shaking, Tony racked his brain for how this was possible. He had just saw these people that morning. Now, it was obvious he had apparently died 15 years ago.

"Oh my god, I am going to have an aneurysm. Or a stroke. Or both." Tony mumbled.

"How can this be? This is impossible! I can't be dead, I mean, I saw you guys this morning, and I am obviously still alive, so... No, this can't be right, unless-" Tony froze. He was rambling and pacing, but he finally got it.

"Unless, the beam I got shot with was a teleporter to a parallel universe. Jarvis, scan the area where I appeared for an increased level of radiation."

"It appears as if you were correct, sir. You appeared out of a portal at approximately 12:47 P.M, and crashed into the room." J.A.R.V.I.S answered.

Groaning, Tony turned to the group.

"Guess I have a lot to explain, huh?" 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, so I mentioned to my parents that I liked to write stories and fanfiction for a hobby. Today, my mother asked if I could send her the link to the site where I wrote my stories. Fortunately, I explained that I didn't feel comfortable with that, and she understood. Unfortunately, I have to delete some of my stories, just in case. Don't worry, this story isn't going anywhere, just some of my old, unpopular ones. Have a great day, and feel free to comment! I'll try my best to get back to you :) and always remember to keep UwUing


	26. Leave Out All The Rest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not to worry guys, only a few more chapters of angst, then we're back to memes, dreams, and time machines ;)

Peter could feel the moment his body was stitched back together. He could feel the cold air rush by, and he knew that he was falling.

For a few mind-numbing seconds, Peter considered just letting himself fall. Sorrow and grief filled him. He saw no point in existing if he just kept losing his family.

But then Peter remembered his Aunt, and he remembered Shuri. He also realized that if he was alive, Tony might be too. So, Peter shot out a quick web.

Landing on a nearby building, Peter noticed that there were hundreds of portals in the sky. The Avengers were working on closing them, while simultaneously fighting the odd alien-like creatures opening them.

It seemed as if they could handle this. However, this also told Peter that this wasn't his dimension. Somehow, he could feel the wrongness if the situation, he could feel the difference his presence caused.

Figuring it was for the best that he left, Peter scampered off and quickly changed out of his suit. He was lucky that he had worn his civilian clothes underneath his suit. 

Walking numbly through the streets, Peter paid no mind to the panicked, screaming people. Instead, Peter made his way, dodging small bits of scrap metal and alien carcasses. 

His spider sense buzzed in the back of his skull. Time seemed to slow as the hair on the back of Peter's neck flew up. He could see the shadow of the alien, leaping towards him with aimed weapons. He could feel the air shift behind him, and feel the tension in the atmosphere as Steve saw and prepared to lunge forward.

Instead, Peter turned right on his foot and punched the alien as hard as he could. Peter put all of his anger into the single punch, sending the now-decapitated corpse flying through the air. The sickening crunch of bones and the sound of tearing limbs could be heard as the tangled mess of Gore landed roughly on the asphalt.

Looking down at his hand, Peter realized that in his anger, he accidentally unsheathed one if his claws. Quickly sheathing them, he turned around and kept walking with little more than a scoff.

He could feel the amazed stared of Steve and Clint, but Peter paid them no mind. Instead, Peter pulled his hood tighter over his head.

 

It had taken awhile, but eventually Peter had found a small, run-down hotel door reletivlwy cheap. Pulling out the was of cash that Tony had given him a while back, he silently paid for a room and left.

The room itself was old, somewhat clean, and small. A single bed that looked to be around 10 years old lay in the middle of the room. An even smaller bathroom with a square shower, toilet and sink was attached.

Sighing, Peter turned on the water to as hot as he could with the shitty hotel plumbing system. Pausing, Peter stopped and stared at his reflection.

The face in the reflection had dull eyes, with tired bags under its eyes. Their hair was messy and dirty, and small tear tracks ran down their face.

Dried blood stained the figure's face, streaking from the base of the nose to the shin, and even furthur.

_No wonder I got this hotel for so cheap. It looks like I just ate someone._ Peter thought, before chuckling darkly to himself. 

_I suppose in a way, I did._

Self hate filled himself as Peter realized what he did. Gasping, the events of the day crashed into him with full force. Staring down at his trembling hands, Peter realized that they too, were covered in dry blood.

From the base of his fingers all the way to his wrists, blood stained his skin like a morbid painting. Sobbing, Peter unsheathed his claws. They too, were coated in a thin layer of still-wet blood. Bits of flesh, both alien and human, were caught on it.

Peter had no idea why, but suddenly he had an urge. An urge to bite, to seek out meat and to kill.

Shaking and hyperventilating, Peter quickly plunged his now unsheathed fangs into his arm. Unable to contain the itch any longer, he released his venom into his own blood stream. 

Peter knew that he was impervious from his own venom, but that didn't stop the stinging pain from the bite wound. 

Hissing, Peter quickly fished out an ancient looking first aid kit. Wrapping the wound with gauze and washing it with warm water, Peter sighed.

He was about to start undressing when he heard a rough knocking on his door. Slowly turning off the water, Peter scuttled onto the the ceiling.

Choosing the shadowiest corner, right above a tall, old dresser, Peter waited. Curling himself into a ball, Peter knew he was nearly invisible. 

Once again, the person knocked. They knocked one more time, before stopping. Then suddenly, the door was being thrown open by Captain America. 

Closing his eyes, Peter slowed his own racing heart and focused in the breathing and heartbeats if the others. Gingerly placing his fingers against the wall, he used his hands to track their movement.

"There's no one here." Steve said. He seemed to be looking around the main room, slowly.

"We heard the shower, and we followed the person here. There's no windows or anything." Clint replied. He was checking the hallways again.

"The shower's still wet. There's also an opened first aid kit in here." Natasha said from the bathroom.

"So, he's injured." Tony responded. Peter nearly jumped from the close proximity of the voice. Tony seemed to be sniffing around near the closet.

"Hmmm... Something isn't adding up." Steve muttered.

"What about this doesn't feel right? The fact where you saw a kid punch the head clean off of an alien that took the hulk nearly a minute to pull apart? The part where we followed him to some dingey hotel, where he paid with cash, apparently also coated in blood? What about the part where we heard the shower running, heard it turn off, then when we broke in there was nobody here? Oooh, is it the part where we found a freshly used first aid kit on the bathroom floor, and literally no other clue of to where this mysterious ghost went!?" Clint snapped. Everyone hummed in agreement.

Tony seemed to have turned away from the dresser, and now seemed to be leaning against it.

"This isn't right. F.R.I.D.A.Y's scans show no heat signatures or vital signs, aside from ours and those of some sort of animal." Tony remarked.

Peter stiffled a sigh. After the bite, his temperature plummeted, meaning that he was only slightly warmer than the surrounding environment. He could also make his vitals seemingly vanish, but that was more straining.

"A shapeshifter, perhaps?" Natasha asked.

"Maybe. F.R.I, follow the animal signature." Tony said, pulling up her holographic screen for the others to see. 

After a few second of loading, F.R.I.D.A.Y answered.

"Right above you, sir. In the little area between the dresser, the wall and the ceiling." F.R.I.D.A.Y responded. Everyone, including Peter, froze.

Tensing, the Avengers raised their weapons slowly to where he was. 

Taking a deep breathe, Peter opened his eyes and unsheathed his features. He didn't want to hurt them, but he would if he needed to.

The flashlight that Natasha had attached to her gun reflected off of his fangs and claws, as week as slightly illuminating his small frame.

A soft "What the fuck?" could be heard from the group as they saw the curled fangs reflect off of the small silhouette.

Snarling, Peter lunged forward. Attaching himself to the ceiling, he flung himself over the shocked avengers and toward the door. 

Behind him, Peter could feel Clint loading a snag arrow, designed to trip fleeing suspects.

Growling in annoyance, Peter turned and caught the arrow mid-air. Clint gaped like a fish as Peter stared at the arrow for half a second. Throwing it back at them, Peter heard a satisfying clunk as it dug into Tony's armor.

Racing out of the building, Peter was aware of the Avengers pursuing his trail. Ducking and dodging his way through the streets, he lead them towards Queens.

The closer he got, the safer he felt. He could hear his pursuers chase after him. 

His Spider Sense tingled at the base of his skull, alerting him to where Steve was waiting in ambush.

Rushing forward, Peter ducked into an attaching alley. Silently creeping through a small tunnel that connected the alleys, Peter found himself a few yards behind an awaiting Steve.

Steve was oblivious, obviously waiting for him to run past so he could tackle him. Instead, Peter silently leapt and landed squarley on Steve's shoulders. Steve barley managed out a yell before Peter punched him in the face, as hard as he could.

With Steve out cold, Peter continued running. Clint was watching from a rooftop, drawing his bow. Tony was close on his trail, firing off repulser blasts. 

Grabbing a trash can lid, Peter abrubtly slid to a halt and turned. Tony didn't hesitate to fire a shot, which Peter used the lid to deflect to where Clint was waiting.

Clint went down, and Peter used the distraction to leap onto Tony's chest and rip off the armor like it was paper. Leaving the billionaire in a broken suit, Peter fled through the streets.

Now, Peter realized that he was in Queens. Finally back on his home turf, Peter started racing as fast as he could.

Peter rarely used his full speed, which was around 40 miles and hour.

Feeling as the pavement beneathe his feet melted into a blurr, Peter allowed his heartbeat to match his thundering steps. 

His Spider Sense buzzed once more. Natasha was right in front of him. Growling, Peter leapt a solid 15 feet in the air. Turning, Peter growled menacingly. Baring his teeth and unsheathing his features, Peter waited for a split second before lunging.

They wanted to bring him in alive, which meant that Natasha would be favoring her left side. Lunging towards her left, he feigned at the last second and attacked her right.

She would counter with a dangerous side kick, followed by a hook swing from the opposite side.

Sure enough, just as she began her counter, Peter caught her leg and her punch. Swinging her roughly into the side of a building, he watched as she crumpled onto the ground.

"I don't want to hurt you!" Peter hissed out as he dodged a swift punch.

Turning, Peter saw that Sam had arrived.

Nailing his in his face, Sam stepped back. Kicking him square in the ground, Peter tried to flee again. However, Sam shot a well-aimed super-sonic quill right at Peter's right shoulder.

Stumbling, Peter collapsed. Before he could pull himself up, Sam shot him again in the leg. 

Crawling forward, Peter whimpered as Sam not-so-gently restrained him. At this point, Peter's hood was still somehow on.

Lifting him up from the ground by his hood, Sam whirled him around. Scowling, Peter looked up at Sam with empty, lifeless eyes.

"I just wanted to be left alone." Peter said as Sam froze in shock.

Shaking his head, Sam, now much gentler, leaded him to an awaiting quinjet. As the medics washed the blood off of him and tended to his wounds, Peter let himself drift away into unconsciousness.

 

 

 


	27. Friend, Please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seemingly unable to stop himself, the kid smirked. 
> 
> "Wouldn't you like to know, Weather Boy?" The kid said with a smile.
> 
> "Was that a... Was that a vine?" Clint asked. His kids had been quoting those recently.
> 
> "Hey, Clint. Let's tell each other a secret about ourselves." Clint froze as the kid casually said his name.
> 
> "I hate you." The kid said, with no real heat. It was more of a gentle teasing that family members would use on each other.

When Peter came too, he was in a small cell. His arms were cuffed and he was strapped down to a metal chair.

 _A.C.H.O_. _O._ _Advanced Criminal Holding Operation One._

Peter sighed, and drummed his fingers against the cool metal. Somebody would be here soon.

His wounds stung, but they were partially healed. He must've recieved medical help while he was out.

Closing his eyes, Peter allowed himself to drift into a restless sleep.

* * *

For the Avengers, this whole situation was chaotic.

First, they had to deal with a shell-shocked Steve saying that he saw a  _kid_ punch the head clean off of an alien, which was quite frankly, impossible.

Then, because Steve was in near hysterics, and because they did actually find the alien body, they went on a manhunt for said kid.

Tony had hacked into surveillance cameras; which showed the kid go into a dingey hotel. Tony, Steve, Natasha and Clint all went to check the 'threat' out.

When they got there, they were met with a shaken man, who was about to call the police. The man said that the kid had come in there, paid with cash, and went to the room without a word. The man also said that the kid's chin was covered in blood, and so were his hands. 

Of course, when they went up to the room, they heard a shower. The shower slowly stopped, and the Avengers broke into the room.

Then they preceded to get their asses kicked by a 12-year-old. I mean, this kid took out the worlds most dangerous assassin, Iron fucking Man, Captain America, AND the world's best archer without breaking a sweat.

When Sam finally restrained him, he had told them that the threat was barely over 15. 

"He can't be over 18." Sam had whispered to himself. Obviously, he was horrified that he had shot a kid, not once, but twice.

After securing him, the Avengers all gathered to try and figure out what had happened, which was currently what was happening.

Throwing his head back with a sigh, Clint had to resist the urge to slam his head into a table.

"Right. So, I found some footage of the kid falling out of one of the portals." Tony said after a few minutes of silence.

Groans and yelling errupted around the table.

"Great! Just fucking great!" Clint swore. "Now, not only do we have to worry about a fucking god-like  _child_ , we also have to worry about the other fucking ungodly freakish powered aliens who may be out seeking revenge! This is just goddamn swell!" Clint ranted.

Groaning, Tony let his head fall into the table with a full thud. Steve looked close to losing it. Even Natasha looked annoyed.

"So, what do we do?" Steve asked.

Everyone looked at each other, hoping for an answer that would solve this.

"Interrogate him. Get some information." Natasha offered. Tony nodded in agreement.

"But make sure we do it gently. Make him believe that we're his friend. After all, we just want to send him back as soon as we can, while avoiding war." Tony added.

Pulling up the feeds, everyone watched as the kid stirred awake, tested his restraints gently, and scoffed.

Then, to everyone's surprise, the kid just settled down and fell back asleep.

"I guess he's not that scared. Or angry." Clint said.

"Well, what do we know about him?" Bruce asked. 

"Well, he came out of a portal, he punched the head clean off of an alien, and then preceded to kick our asses." Clint paused.

"Although, I noticed that there was a wierd hole in the alien's jaw. It looked as if the kid stabbed it with those freaky ass wolverine claws." He added, after a few seconds.

"He has claws?" Rhodey asked in surprise.

"Yeah, but unlike Wolverine's claws, they are 100% natural." Tony butted in.

"He also has fangs. Don't forget the fangs." Natasha added. "He jumped a good 15 feet over me, turned around, and bared them at me. I don't know why, but they elicit a feeling of primal fear." She continued.

"Maybe it's the fact that they are around two inches long when unsheathed and full of venom that can kill within seconds?" Tony sighed dryly.

"We're lucky he didn't bite any of us." Bruce muttered.

"Well, he snarled at me that he didn't want to hurt any of us. He also said he just wanted to be left alone" Sam theorized.

"Okay, so we're dealing with a cornered demi-god from another dimension that can kill us with a single bite, punch, or swipe. Marvelous." Tony said, looking about three seconds away from ramming his skull into a wall.

"What powers does he have?" Thor asked. 

"He has claws and fangs, both of which are retractable." Tony began.

"Like a cat." Steve whispered.

"He can run up to 40 miles an hour, jump up to 15 feet in the air, probably higher, as well as having vital signs and a body temperature so low that it's nearly undetectable." Tony continued, shooting a look at Steve.

"He also has advanced healing, enhanced speed, strength, endurance, flexibility, agility, and incredible reflexes. I replayed the footage from earlier, and it seems like he also has a precognitive sense." Tony finished. 

Everyone stared at each other for a few seconds.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y, tell me when he wakes up. Until then, everyone else, go rest." Tony sighed.

* * *

 Clint stared at the stirring teen in front of him. The kid was only slightly older than his own kids. Gulping, Clint grabbed the file from Natasha.

The kid blinked open his eyes and stared at him with a dull, lifeless gaze. Clint was slightly unnerved at the emptiness in the child's gaze.

"Hey there, kiddo. I'm Clint. I'm not going to hurt you." Clint started, using a soft, gentle voice.

Scoffing, the kid rolled his eyes. Bitter amusement filled his gaze, and he let out a dry chuckle. 

"Well, what's your name, buddy?" Clint asked.

Seemingly unable to stop himself, the kid smirked. 

"Wouldn't you like to know, Weather Boy?" The kid said with a smile.

"Was that a... Was that a vine?" Clint asked. His kids had been quoting those recently.

"Hey, Clint. Let's tell each other a secret about ourselves." Clint froze as the kid casually said his name.

"I hate you." The kid said, with no real heat. It was more of a gentle teasing that family members would use on each other.

 "Okay, how do you know my name?" Clint hissed.

" ~~ _ **I know all, foolish mortal.**_~~ " The kid said, purposely making his voice deeper.

"Alright, keep this up and I'll have IRON MAN come in here." Clint stressed the Iron Man part, hoping it would intimidate the kid.

"Bitch I hope the fuck you do, you be a dead son of a bitch I'll tell you that!" The kid quotes another vine, and Clint died inside.

"I hope you know that we could kill you in half a second here. The only reason we're not is because we want to help you." Clint growled.

"Try me bitch." Was the only reply he got.

"That's it! I'm getting Natasha!" Clint threw his arms up.

The kid gasped. Hoping that he had finally got to him, Clint turned around only to see the devilish smirk™ on the kid's face.

"Adam!" The kid said as Clint threw open the door.

"Wow, a minute and a half? That's a new record for you, birdbrain." Tony said as Natasha walked in.

"Right." Natasha said as she sat where Clint was.

"You fell out of a portal." She started off with.

"True." Peter replied without being promoted. Pleasently surprised, Natasha blinked.

"You killed a nearly indestructible alien with one hit." She continued.

"True. Though, I was pretty pissed, so..."

"You were covered in blood that didn't belong to you." 

"True."

"You have claws and fangs, both also stained with blood."

"True."

"You can lower your body temperature and vitals to a level that would be fatal for a human." 

"True."

"You can run up to 40 miles an hour and jump up to 15 feet in the air; possibly higher."

"True."

"You knocked out Steve with a single punch." 

"True. No regrets on that one, by the way."

"You somehow knew exactly where Clint was, and used Tony's blast to take him out." 

"True."

"You tore apart a very expensive, very resilient suit like it was nothing."

"True."

"You managed to calculate my moves before I even used them, and took me out."

"True."

"You have advanced healing, and despite being shot twice, you are nearly healed."

"True."

"You caught Hawkeye's arrow mid-air."

"True."

"You didn't react to being restrained here. In fact, you felt so at ease that you fell asleep."

"True." 

"You're not from Earth."

"False."

Natasha froze. She wasn't expecting that.

"So, you're from Earth?" She asked him.

"Born and raised in Queens, actually."

_That's why he was running towards Queens._

"So what were you doing falling out of a portal?"

"I thought it would be fun to-I was shot with some sort of teleporter." The kid snapped.

"Alright. Are you a god? Mutant? Alien?"

"Uhh, Meta-Mutant technically."

"Which is?"

"Well, they're kinda like mutants, in the way that their powers are genetic. But they don't have an X-gene. They're also like Meta-Humans, where they can't turn on or off their powers, like a superhuman." He explained.

"Okay, so how were you shot?"

"With a gun."

"Why were you shot?" 

"My team and I were fighting him."

"Your team?" Natasha questioned. This guy had a team?

"Yep. You know them." Was all the kid said.

"Right. What about the blood?" 

"Well, the guy who shot me also shot one of my teammates and my fa-mentor. He shot my mentor." The kid said. Ignoring the slip up, Natasha continued.

"So?"

"He was also about to shoot the rest of New York. Also, I saw my mentor fucking evaporate, and I kinda lost it. The guy is aliven't."

"Aliven't?"

"You know. He's Yee'd his last Haw. He went to meet the mushroom god."

"You mean you killed him?" Natasha asked.

Wincing, the kid nodded.

"I really didn't mean too. I forgot that I had fangs and claws. They're newer, so I forgot and I bit him."

"That's rough." Natasha sympathied.

"Yeah..."

"So, you're from a parrelell universe where you and your team are, what? The replacement for the Avengers?" Natasha asked.

Shaking his head, the kid frowned.

"No, we ARE the Avengers. Steve got shot, along with Mr. Stark." The kid explained.

"Right. So, what's your name then?"

"Well, my name's Peter, but my Hero Name is Spider-Man."

"Spider-Man?"

"Yeah, because I have spider powers."

"Is that what they are?"

"Yep. I can climb walls, and with my webshooters I can also use webs. I also have the proportional strength of a spider, but you already knew this."

"Yeah. That's pretty impressive." Natasha complimented.

"I suppose so."

"So you're an Avenger?"

"I mean, Avenger in training, but yeah."

"So we can trust you?"

"I mean, yeah. I never wanted to hurt you. I was just scared and in grief."

"Well, if you're here then I'm sure that the others are in different dimensions. You'll get them back." Natasha soothed.

"Yeah. I suppose I will. Thanks Aunt Natasha."

Unstrapping him from the chair the watching Avengers made a promise that they'd protect the kid until he was reunited with his Avengers.


	28. Taken By Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She spent hours in the lab. Failure after failure drained her motivation. Grunting in frustration, Shuri sat down on the ground. 
> 
> Tears spilled from her eyes. If she failed, she wouldn't be able to see her little brother best friend ever again.
> 
> Pulling out the paper, Shuri reread the words. She read them again and again, each time sparking the blaze of inspiration in her.
> 
> Standing back up, she continued.

As Shuri laid her head down, the cold rain drummed on the windows. T'challa had went back to Wakanda, while Shuri had chosen to stay for a little longer.

Shuri had stayed in Peter's room. Every night she held his pillow and pretended that it was his small body curling up against hers; because he couldn't thermoregulate and was a cuddle bug.

The rain clouds blocked out the dull moonlight. Shuri couldn't look at the moon or stars anymore. Peter had loved the night sky. 

Shuri felt her heart shatter as a bitter-sweet memory played in her head. She remembered Peter pointing out the different constellations and stars, she remembered his wide-eyed wonder. She remembered his smile as he shared one of his passions with her, and Shuri remembered being swept up in the childlike excitement of her  ~~little brother~~ best friend.

Closing her eyes, she tried to drift off to sleep. A soft thud on the window snapped her out of it. Stumbling to her feet with a racing heart, she ran over to the window.

"Peter?" She whispered. No reply came. Slumping, tears pricked at her eyes as she went back to the empty bed.

Sighing, Shuri glanced at the dull clock that read 4:00 A.M before falling into a restless sleep.

_Shuri opened a metal door. The door lead to a long hallway. Peter was right beside her, and they felt no fear. Walking down the hallway, they smiled at each other; knowing that together they could take on the world._

_But then the hallway started to get smaller. Suddenly the walls were pressing against them, and the shadows grew darker._

_A sharp bang was heard from beside her. Turning, Shuri gasped as she saw Peter fading to dust._

_Wailing, Shuri leapt towards him._

Spluttering, Shuri awoke to her own racing heart. Curling her knees to her chest, she began to full on sob.

4:05 A.M. That's what the clock read. A week had passed, and yet the wound on her heart had only festered. 

Walking towards the messy desk in the corner, Shuri grabbed a picture frame. The picture was of them, standing in front of Tony and T'challa, who were covered in silly string. 

Shuri knew it was kinda selfish, but she wished that wherever Peter was, he was thinking of her.

The clock read 4:10 A.M. Sighing, Shuri grabbed a pencil and paper. She started writing. 

She wrote down everyo thought that came to mind. She wrote down what she wanted to say to Peter, if she ever saw him again. Eventually, she ran out of things to write. Shoving the paper into her pocket, Shuri grabbed her things and headed to her lab.

Sudden determination filled her. She would get her brother back. Whatever it takes.

* * *

She spent the next few hours reviewing the footage of their 'death' over and over again. With each viewing, she had more and more information. 

Eventually, she had enough information to form a theory. 

They were teleported. 

Smirking, Shuri got to work.

* * *

She spent hours in the lab. Failure after failure drained her motivation. Grunting in frustration, Shuri sat down on the ground. 

Tears spilled from her eyes. If she failed, she wouldn't be able to see her  ~~little brother~~ best friend ever again.

Pulling out the paper, Shuri reread the words. She read them again and again, each time sparking the blaze of inspiration in her.

Standing back up, she continued.

* * *

Hours turned into days in the lab. Everyone was worried, she knew. But she was so close. Her device was finished, she was ready.

She only had enough power to go to the dimension that Peter was in; which she found by using some advanced math.

Shuri didn't mind. After she and Peter were reunited, they'd be able to come up with another solution.

She had packed already. She had two backpacks. One had food, water, and other supplies. Shuri didn't know where the portal would spit her out.

She also packed a bag of Peter's stuff. His favorite clothes, his suit, his favorite blanket, his toothbrush, his hairbrush, and the picture frame.

She only had to do one more thing. Grabbing some fresh paper, Shuri wrote a note. She explained that she figured it out, and that she was going to go save her best friend. She said that she may not be back soon, or at all, but she would try her best. She wrote that she loved her brother and mother, and she wrote that she would miss them. 

After writing down her letter, she put it in an envelope. Setting it down on the table, Shuri sighed as she activated the portal.

The watch-like device beeped as she turned back towards the lab. Smiling, Shuri closed her eyes and stepped into the portal.

 

 

 

 


	29. Bitch Lasagna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short guys, but I needed to establish some stuff before I could move onto the light-hearted fun.  
> (Technically not light-hearted, but fun none the less.)

Peter looked on sadly as the sun set. It was Halloween, and Peter wasn't able to go. Technically, he could, but he saw no use in it if Shuri wasn't with him.

Sighing, Peter pressed his forehead against the cool glass. Some of the Avengers looked on in curiosity, some in sympathy, and some in pity.

Smiling softly, the other Avengers knew to give him space.

Peter sat and stared at the setting sun for a few hours. Eventually, the New Moon rose, and the streets were illuminated by the lights of the city.

It was nearing 11:30 when Peter heard it. A crash, followed by an 'intruder alert' warning.

Perking up, Peter quickly threw on the suit that his Mr. Stark made, and raced towards the commotion.

Freezing in shock, Peter gaped at the scene in front of him. Shuri was standing on a table with two backpacks at her feet. Pointing one of her blasters at the Avengers, her eyes locked with Peter's.

Dropping the blaster, Shuri gasped as she raced for him; with Peter racing towards her as well. The other Avengers lunged forward, but they were determined to reach each other. 

Hugging, Peter quickly tore off his mask. The two started to cry as they were overcome with emotion.

"You... You came for me?" Peter stuttered out.

"Of course I did! You're my little brother!" Shuri assured.

Clinging onto her, Peter refused to let go, even as Shuri explained to the other Avengers what had happened.

"What's with the backpacks?" Clint asked, now that everyone was calm.

"I don't have a way to get back to our dimension, so I packed some stuff for the meantime." Shuri explained.

"Alright, well. You guys should head to your rooms for the night." Steve said.

"Or..." Shuri began mischievously.

Pulling out a Cards Against Humanity box, she grinned as Peter began laughing and cheering.

"Can we play? Please?" Peter asked, unknowingly putting his Puppy Dog Eyes™ into full effect.

"Fine, fine. I've heard of the game." Tony caved immediately. 

"Great! Who's in?" Shuri asked.

"Me! Me! Mememememe!" Peter bounced on his feet energetically.

Tony nodded. Steve looked hesitant, but caved as well. Natasha rolled her eyes, but gave a confident smirk.

Bounding away, the teens raced to set up the game while Tony explained the rules.


	30. Cards Against HUwUmanity 2: Electric Boogaloo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Same warnings from the first Cards Against HUwUmanity chapter.
> 
> Also, shout-out to all of my readers! I love you guys, and thank you all so much for inspiring me to write over 30,000 words! ILY GUYS SO MUCH!
> 
> UwU UwU UwU UwU UwU UwU UwU

As everyone sat down, Peter took out the cards. 

"I call being the Cardholder first!" Shuri said.

Huffing, Peter shuffled the cards and laid them down.

Flipping over a black card, Shuri began the game.

"The card reads 'Why do I hurt all over?'" Shuri read after giving everyone their cards.

"Right. The contestants are 'A zesty breakfast burrito', 'An Icepick lobotomy', 'Poor life choices', and 'The Trail of Tears.'" Shuri said as Steve let out a horrified gasp.

"What's the matter, Capsicle? Game too hardcore for you?" Tony teased.

"He doesn't like swearing on his Minecraft Christian Server." Shuri explained as she held up the 'The Trail of Tears' card. 

Grabbing the black card, Peter smiled as he was now the Cardholder.

Giving everyone new cards, Peter flipped over the card. 

"Ooh, I've done this one before! 'I'm sorry, Professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because of _______'"

Turning away, Peter hummed in anticipation.

After everyone said they were ready, Peter turned around.

"Cool. Out of 'MechaHitler', 'Dead Parents', 'Michelle Obama's arms', and 'Being on fire', I'd probably have to say 'Dead Parents' takes the cake." Peter explained as Tony took his card and set up for the next turn.

"'Life for American Indians'" Tony paused. "*Cough* Native Americans *Cough* get it right *Cough*."

"Anyway, 'Life for American Indians' was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to ________"'

After everyone played, Tony turned back.

"Someone played 'The Hamburglar', someone else played 'The clitoris', someone had the audacity to play 'Golden Showers', but the winner has to be 'The Gays.'"

Natasha grabbed her card with a smirk and set up the next round.

"'What are my parents hiding from me?'" Steve read out as he turned away.

"Umm, okay. So, people played 'The Great Depression', 'Gloryholes', 'Finding Waldo', and 'The taint; the grundle; the fleshy fun-bridge.' Whatever that means."

"So the winner is probably 'The Great Depression', mostly because I have no idea what the others mean." Steve explained as Natasha grabbed her second card.

"This sign doesn't apply to me because I can't read!" Shuri quoted and Peter giggled.

"Alright, give the card to Tony and hurry up." Natasha said as she set up the next round.

"Ooh! It's in all caps! Can we read it?" Peter and Shuri begged Natasha.

"Fine." She said. The two exchanged a smirk, and took a deep breathe.

"'BILLY MAYS HERE FOR _________'" They screamed at the top of their lungs. Tony and Steve flinched a bit in shock, while Natasha just rolled her eyes in amusement.

Turning away, Natasha waited for the others to get ready. Peter and Shuri whispered something about how 'the card has the same energy as the VSauce opening'. Whatever that meant.

"Everyone ready? I don't care. The choices are: 'Passable transvestites', 'Praying the Gay Away', 'Being a motherfucking sorcerer', and 'Capturing Meet Gingrich and forcing him to dance in a monkey suit'. The sorcerer one would've been perfect if Strange was here, but 'Praying the gay away definitely wins."

Tony grabbed his card, and it was Shuri's turn to set up the play again.

"Tony's up to three now, you guys." Natasha warned as Shuri put down the black card.

"The card reads 'MTV's new reality show features eight washed up celebrities living with _________"

Peter stared in horror as Shuri hummed 'Pumped Up Kicks' while she waited for everyone.

"Right. So, you guys played 'Menstrual rage', Elderly Japanese men', 'Judge Judy', and-" Shuri burst out laughing as she read the final card.

"Alright, alright." She wheezed out. "Whoever played 'Brown People', take your card."

Peter grinned manically as he greedily nabbed his card. Steve looked horrified, Natasha looked indifferent, and Tony looked proud and smug.

"I love how when playing this, Steve is like the living embodiment of the screaming Bear Grills meme." Shuri said as Peter set up the play.

"More like the screaming cat meme. You know, the one with the photoshopped eyes?" He said as he placed down the black card.

"And then there's Tony who's essentially the 'Then Perish' meme." She continued. Peter nodded as he read the card.

"This card reads 'How am I maintaining my relationship status?'"

Turning away, Peter decided to one up Shuri by humming 'Megolovania' loudly. 

Turning back, Peter read out the cards.

"So, out of 'Passive-aggressive Post-it notes', 'A team of laywers, 'My relationship status', and 'The art of seduction', I have to say that 'My relationship status wins', just because it is hilarious."

Steve took his first black card and Shuri groaned.

"How am I losing?" She asked.

"Because you suck." Peter answered, without looking up. Shuri jabbed him lightly in the ribs.

"Settle down, kiddos. The next card reads 'Head my voice, mortals! I am the god of ______ and I will not tolerate ________!' It's a pick two by the way."

As everyone played their cards, a faint giggle was heard from Peter.

"Okay. 'I am the god of wearing glasses and sounding smart, and I will not tolerate an Oedipus complex.', 'I am the god of Anal beads and I will not tolerate The Amish', 'I am the god of Tangled Slinkys and I will not tolerate Christopher Walken', and 'I am the god of Viagra® and I will not tolerate Pulling out', I'd have to say the last one wins." Tony explained. 

Giggling, Peter took his card as the next round was set up.

"My turn? Well, the black card says 'You haven't truly lived until you've experienced _________ and __________ at the same time', which is also a pick two."

Placing their cards quickly, everyone was soon ready. 

"So, I'm gonna just go ahead and say that the 'You haven't truly lived until you've experienced Getting naked and watching Nickelodeon and A live studio audience at the same time' wins." As Tony took his card, Steve continued while the next round was set up.

"However, 'The placenta and Fancy Feast® at the same time', 'Making a friend and Swiftly achieving orgasm at the same time', and '50,000 volts straight to the nipples and Nickelback at the same time' are also priceless."

"Shut up Steve." Natasha said with a friendly jab to the ribs."

"Oof." Was all that Peter said.

"REST IN SPAGHETTI," Shuri screamed.

"NEVER FORGETTI!" Peter finished.

"Right. Well, this card reads 'Your persistent is admiralable, my dear Prince. But you cannot win my heart with _______ alone.'"

Turning, they repeated the same process as before.

"'You cannot win my heart with Finger painting alone', and 'You cannot win my heart with A can of whoop-ass alone' are close ones. I'd have to say that 'You cannot win my heart with Weapon-grade plutonium alone' wins. My favorite, however, is 'You cannot win my heart with A bleached asshole alone', simply because even with context, it makes no sense." Natasha said. Shuri cheered as she got her first black card, and Peter simply cleared his throat.

Everyone braced themselves because Peter had the 'I'm about to quote a vine and nobody can stop me™' face.

"Perhaps it is the context which words are spoken that give them their power or meaning." He began. Shuri smiled as Peter turned to her.

"I LOVE YOU DOG!" Peter screamed as loud as he could in an angry tone.

"Ahem. Moving on, it's Shuri's turn to be cardholder." Tony said.

"Right. Well, this card is ANOTHER pick two. It says 'If God didn't want us to enjoy _______, he wouldn't have given us _________.'"

As everyone played their cards, Shuri spoke up.

"You know, this is so much better in person. Last time we played, I had to use holographic tech." She said.

"Anyway, everyone's ready, so let's get this spaghetti. 'If God didn't want us to enjoy SPolice brutality, he wouldn't have given us Not wearing pants', ''' God didn't want us to enjoy Getting drunk on mouthwash, he wouldn't have given us Leprosy', 'If God didn't want us to enjoy A pyramid if severed heads, he wouldn't have given us Strong Female characters', and 'If God didn't want us to enjoy Child beauty pagents, he wouldn't have given us My soul.' The winner here is the pyramid of severed heads." Shuri said. 

Peter and Tony were tied now. Unfortunately, Peter was the next cardholder.

'"My new favorite porn star is Joey "________" McGee.'" Peter said.

"So, first things first, Tony wins with 'My new favorite porn star is Joey "GoGurt®" McGee.' 'Joey "Puberty" McGee comes in close second. 'Joey "The female orgasm" McGee' and 'Joey "Boogers" McGee we're good, but Tony wins." Peter said with a huff.

Cheering, Tony celebrated.

"Nice job at winning." Natasha congratulated.

"I hope you'll also enjoy cleaning this up." She said as everyone went off to bed. Huffing and pouting, Tony just had one of his hots do it instead.

 


	31. I've Been Nerfed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Damn Sonic, you good?" She teased as he untangled himself.
> 
> "Shut up, Tails." Peter snapped at her playfully.
> 
> Gasping in mock offense, Shuri stared at him in playful horror.
> 
> "I am DISGUSTED, I am REVOLTED, I dedicate my life to our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ, and THIS is the thanks I get?!" She jokingly snapped.

"Two days passed. It is now November 2nd, and the two heroes have enough power to go back home. Unfortunately, they have to wait until Midnight, because Shuri's a dramatic bitch." Peter said dramatically into the camera. 

"Oh, I'm the dramatic bitch? YOU'RE the one that insisted on making a documentary on this." Shuri said, flicking water at him. 

The two were playing in the indoor pool at the compound. Shuri insisted on doing it at the compound, at midnight. So, to pass the time, the two were splashing around in the pool.

"We're here at the coral reefs of Australia. Look at all this wildlife." Peter began in a monotone voice.

Shuri snorted, before diving down into the water. Shuri was actually swimming, and Peter was just sitting in the shallow end.

Gasping, Peter turned the camera to point at Shuri as she surfaced.

"Look! It's the ugliest creature in the world! Run, before it gets us! AHHHH!" Peter said with a dramatic wail.

"I will kick your ass so hard your jaw will unhinged and your vertebrae will go flying out like a pez dispenser." Shuri threatened, but Peter just laughed.

Peter saw Steve creeping up on Shuri. Smiling, Peter made sure he was recording. As soon as Shuri surfaced, Steve did a Tarzan yell and cannonballed right next to her.

"AH FUCK, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE DONE THIS!" Shuri yelled as she paddled away from Steve. Laughing, Peter missed the sly grin on Shuri's face.

Suddenly, a loud screech/war cry echoed through the pool as Bucky did a massive bellyflop right next to Peter.

Stumbling in surprise, Peter lost his balance. Panic overtook him as the waves washed over his head, but he soon found his balance.

Spluttering, he surfaced. 

"I've been nerfed!" Peter yelled as he grabbed the camera from the pool floor. Luckily, it was waterproof.

"Chicken fight!" Shuri squealed as she clambered onto a shocked Steve's shoulders.

Laughing, Bucky squared his shoulders, expecting Peter to climb on.

Smirking mischievously, Peter dove underwater and lifted Bucky onto his shoulders.

Bucky gasped in surprise, but quickly turned his attention to Shuri. Splashing her, Bucky blinded her. Shuri flailed around, landing a good hit on him. Soon, the fight turned into a light cat-fight. They were playfully slapping each other lightly, but they pretending to do it in slow motion.

Eventually, Bucky managed to make Shuri laugh so hard she fell off of Steve's shoulders.

Sighing, the group continued to play different games for the rest of the day.

* * *

Midnight came around. Peter and Shuri exchanged goodbyes with everyone before heading into the portal. Holding hands, the two smiled at each other before stepping into the portal.

They were falling through a tunnel made of stars. Peter didn't know how else to describe it, other than no-clippimg through the Galaxy.

Yelping, the two landed clumsily on soft carpet.  Peter tumbled into a wall, where he stayed. His legs were over his head, and he pouted dramatically.

Shuri managed to land on her feet, but soon fell down.

"Vertigo's a bitch." Peter commented as he watched Shuri stumble around. Laughing, Shuri smiled at him.

"Damn Sonic, you good?" She teased as he untangled himself.

"Shut up, Tails." Peter snapped at her playfully.

Gasping in mock offense, Shuri stared at him in playful horror.

"I am DISGUSTED, I am REVOLTED, I dedicate my life to our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ, and THIS is the thanks I get?!" She jokingly snapped.

"YOUNGLINGS!" Thor's booming voice startled them. Turning to him, they smiled and hugged him tightly.

"We got your father and Friend Steve back!" Thor said as he gripped them in a bone-crushing embrace.

"Aren't you gonna correct that,  _Baby Stark_?" Shuri teased.

"Why? You know it's false." Peter replied.

"When are you getting back from Africa?" Shuri asked to Peter's confusion.

"What?" He questioned.

"Because you're in De Nile." She joked as Peter rolled his eyes.

"Oh my god." He groaned.

"Kids?!" Tony's frantic voice drowned out T'challa's laugh as the two raced to their teens.

"Oh Shuri, you are in SO much trouble." T'challa said as he held her close. Peter stuck his tongue out at her.

"Don't think your free of this too, Mr." Tony scolded as Peter pouted.

"But first, we need to reschedule Halloween. I already made preperations, I just needed a date. The sixth sound good?" Tony asked, hugging Peter close.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that." Peter whispered as he held his father figure close.

"Good. Now, you two better go to bed, otherwise you'll be exhausted." Tony said as he ruffled both of their hair.

Smiling softly, Peter nudged Shuri.

"Thanks, dad." He said. Everyone lost their minds.

 

 

 


	32. Yeet Or Be Yeeted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UwU: yeah I accidentally web swung into another building again :(
> 
> UwU: like I said, the stupid is stored in the me
> 
> SnarkShark: I wish I could disagree

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short and late! I've been working on my 'Your House Is Not A Home' series. Go check that out if you're into some serious angst. As always, have a great day!

No Peppermint, 10:26 A.M

UwU: I lived bitch

OwO: fucking shame

SnarkShark: aren't you the one who literally invented interdimensial travel just to rescue him?

OwO: well someone had to rescue his stupid ass

UwU: it's true. The stupid is stored in the me

UwI: speaking of which, when's Halloween part 2?

SnarkShark: Halloween 2 is an event taking place all over New York on November 6th, dedicated for all of those who couldn't celebrate Halloween the first time around

Pepperoni: Stark Industries is selling candy to be passed out. All of the proceeds go to charities dedicated to children who can't celebrate holidays due to poverty

SnarkShark: as one of the biggest events issued in New York City, the NYPD, Stark Industries, Oscorp, and Roxon Corporation will all be collaborating in this event

UwU: okay ngl that sounds lit af

Thunderthighs: Young Starkson! What does 'ngl' and 'af' mean?

UwU: ngl is short for not gonna lie

OwO: and af stands for 'as fuck'

OwO: like if something is really cool you'd say 'lit af', meaning cool as fuck

Thunderthighs: interesting! I wonder if the Pokemon have something similar to this?

Language: oh yeah

Language: since you've been gone everyone's been battling their Pokemon

Language: by the way, I'm really happy that you guys have me the Caterpie. I named her Lilac and she lives to watch me paint. She became a cacoon recently. Vision told me this was part of 'Pokemon evolution'

OwO: Steve named his Caterpie lilac

PlumsUwU: gay lmao

Language: and what did you name your Weedle again?

PlumsUwU: C.C.

PlumsUwU: it's short for Crack Cocaine

OwO: lmao Bucky's out here wildin'

UwU: Bucky does not give a single fuck 

PlumsUwU: C.C is also a cacoon, though mine is called a Kakoona and Steve's is called a Metapod

PlumsUwU: get your fucking facts right, Steve

UwU: yeah you goddamn son if a bitch

OwO: Ugly boy. Stinky. 

UwU: naughty boy. Brat

Language: you guys are so mean :( 

Language: I'm telling Mom

UwU: noooooooo

OwO: *chuckles* I'm in danger

UwU: mood

SnarkShark: guys I'm dying Peter called me dad last night ksksksksksks

UwU: I feel called out

OwO: yeah no need to expose him for something literally everyone knew already

SnarkShark: May, Pepper and I are already working on his Christmas present it's gonna be great

IwI: let me guess! A car?

SnarkShark: he's 15 and has the self-preservation of a potato

IwI: yeah I was 10 and had the self-preservation of a fucking rock that didn't stop you

SnarkShark: fair, but it's not a car

OwO: a nuclear warhead

SnarkShark: no

UwU: a puppy?

SnarkShark: no

OwO: my shattered hopes and dreams

UwI: my long-lost soul

OwO: the corpse of my greatest enemy

UwU: the bloody skullsku my greatest enemy

SnarkShark: Jesus that turned dark fast

SnarkShark: also kid you have enemies

R-rebecca: who :)

UwU: o h   n o

R-rebecca: who >:)

UwU: myself :(

OwO: big mood

UwU: yeah I accidentally web swung into another building again :(

UwU: like I said, the stupid is stored in the me

SnarkShark: I wish I could disagree

OwO: r/murderedbywords

IwI: wasted

UwU: hey Mr. Stark should I get twiiter

SnarkShark: no

UwU: okay :)

SnarkShark: uh oh

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys have any other ideas for future chapters or details you want me to include or change, just let me know! I live working off of the stuff you guys give me!


	33. This Bitch Empty, TWEET

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bider-man @spooderman
> 
> ONE time Bruce sprained/hit his his elbow on something and immediately screamed "OW MY ARM KNEE!"
> 
>  
> 
> We're connected @potatoface
> 
> Oh my god Bruce is such a mood

Bider-man @spooderman

Tony thought I shouldn't get a Twitter so I immediately got a Twitter

 

Flash Thompson @gottagoflash

I would literally die for you

 

Bider-man @spooderman

Okay flash

 

* * *

Jellybean @peterparkour

Roll call what avengers are on here

 

Flash Thompson @gottagoflash

Nobody's gonna reply to you, dipshit

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

I'm here, kiddo

 

Thor @thundergod

Aye! So is @slytherin!

 

Better Than You @slytherin

Why are we still here... Just to suffer...

 

Bruce Banner @7phds

Leave my little science bro alone >:(

 

Teenyman @scottbott

I'm technically an Avenger but nobody likes me :(

 

Jellybean @peterparkour

I like you Scott 

 

Teenyman @scottbott

:)

 

PlumsUwU @whitewolf

*Breaks through door* heard someone was talkin shit

 

Murder @Natasha

Someone dared to fucking disrespect our jellybean >:(

 

Hitormiss @Inevermiss

Time for a fucking crusade

 

Director Fury @pirateman

Am I gonna have to stop you guys from committing another Peter related murder

 

April Fool's @aprilrainbringsthepain

What the hell is happening here

 

Adam! @Ivebeennerfed

Who is Peter Parkour and why are the avengers so protective

 

Coldfeet @nosleep

"Another Peter related murder" has me dead

 

Senpai @noticeme

From what I've heard this is Tony Stark's personal intern and sources tell me he's fucking fantastic

 

Agent Coulson @sonofcoul 

Who the fuck is this and why are they so familiar

 

Senpai @noticeme

:)

 

Agent Coulson @sonofcoul

Wait

 

Agent Coulson @sonofcoul

Daisy?!?!?!

 

Senpai @noticeme

>:)

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

How does it feel knowing your own kid is a fucking weeb

 

Agent Coulson @sonofcoul

I don't know. You're the one with all the experience in that field

 

King T'challa @whatarethose

Get fucking ROASTED son

 

Warrior Cat Fan @mapleshadeisinnocent

What the fuck is happening here

 

Saberspark Fan @sabersparkuwu

The literal king of Wakanda has a vine as his name and is calling Tony out on his bullshit

 

Antimlm @quityourbullshit

Iron man is beefing with a highly respected shield agent over Twitter and apparently both if them have kids

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

@quityourbullshit We don't have human children, but we do have many other children

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

In fact, I think Peter is currently making a twiiter for all the pets

 

Jellybean @peterparkour

You better believe it 

 

Peter's birbs @bords

I have seven morning doves! I have Sapphire, the male, Ruby and Emerald, the females, and the chicks

 

Peter's birbs @bords

The chicks are named Topaz, Jasmine, Diamond and Amethyst. Technically the belong to @moveimgay but we're waiting until they're older to move them to Wakanda

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

Don't forget about the others

 

UwU2 @electricboogaloo

This is my falcon, UwU2! Mr. Stark gave me her as a gift, and I love her very much! 

 

Angry and Small Bean @smolbirbs

These are my American Kestrels, the smallest falcon in the world! Angry is the male, and he's always angry. Small Bean is the female, she's very nice

 

Trophy Winner @bettygrantyourwish

I know Peter, he's on our Decolathon team

 

Trophy Winner @bettygrantyourwish

Also #ripflash

 

Bitch Lasagna @Emjay

#ripflash

 

NedLeadstheteam @NedLeeds

#ripflash

 

Abraham Lincoln @nothonestabe

#ripflash

 

Werewolves Love Me @CindyMoon

#ripflash

 

Jellybean @peterparkour

#ripflash

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

#ripflash

 

We're connected @potatoface

#ripflash

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

Harley?!?

 

* * *

 

 

Capsicle @thelivinglegend

Guys help Tony made my ringtone the national anthem and keeps calling me just to see my flustered face

 

Ansh Anaheim @bruh

I cannot believe these guys are Earth's mightiest heros

 

Bider-man @spooderman

Man neither can I, I have so much fucking tea to spill

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

If you don't spill it I will

 

Hitormiss @Inevermiss

Tony help the teenage toddlers are about to cause chaos

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

Let them >:)

 

Bider-man @spooderman

*Takes really deep breath*

 

Bider-man @spooderman

ONE time Bruce sprained/hit his his elbow on something and immediately screamed "OW MY ARM KNEE!"

 

We're connected @potatoface

Oh my god Bruce is such a mood

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

Steve doesn't like plums but he eats them anyway to spite Bucky

 

Getoutofmyroom @implayingminecraft

Omg we Stan an icon

 

Bider-man @spooderman

I can beat everyone's ass in Mario kart, except for Natasha because she is literally a goddess

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

One time Scott 'accidentally' set a bunch of dog-sized fire ants loose in Tony's lab

 

Bider-man @spooderman

Thor and Bruce were at a museum and there was a picture of some art that Michelangelo made 1/2

Bider-man @spooderman

So Bruce said "these were painted by Michelangelo" and Thor's response was "I'm not dumb I know the Ninja turtles aren't real."

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

Okay we're done here nothing can top that pack up go home

 

* * *

 

Capsicle @thelivinglegend

Is nobody gonna help me with my phone :(


	34. Memes, Dreams and Time Machines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, slight trigger warning for heavy swearing, some racist language, bullying, slight violence, and scientific inaccuracies. Sources down at the bottom, in case anyone was curious. I did some research on this, because I wanted this little arch to be as accurate as possible. Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of you have any suggestions for the next arch I should do, or just an idea in general, please let me know! After the smol beans get back and HallUwUween happens, I have a ton of free space before Thanksgiving. Let me know if you have questions, suggestions, or opinions! Have a great week!

Peter had only fallen asleep for 10 minutes. 10 minutes, and everything falls apart.

Peter remembers feeling tired, so he closes his eyes and takes a quick nap. He remembers it being November 4th, 2019, New York City, and then the next thing he knows is that he's falling through a portal.

"Shit!" Shuri's voice yells in his ear.

"What the fuck just happened? Why are we in a bundle of hay?" Peter asks, frantic.

"Well I was playing around in the lab, and I thought "Hey! What would happen if I made a time machine?" This is what happens, apparently." She ranted, her explanation only making Peter more confused.

"How did- You know what? Nevermind. Where and when are we?" He asked with a sigh, already fed up with this.

"Uhhhh, about 1100, Europe." Shuri answers as they emerge from the dark alley they landed in.

"Great. Time to die from the plauge™ and shitty food poisoning." He joked, eyeing the people staring at them with interest.

"That's about 200 years from now, dipshit." She replied, pushing her way through a bunch of mean-looking teens without care.

"Hey, are the translater programs you built us working?" He asked, shooting a glare at the muttering teens.

"Yep. So, I'm gonna need to find the fuel for my interdimensial band. We should be able to find the materials in different objects around here." Shuri explained, fidgeting with her watch.

"Perfect. So, what kind of items do we-" Peter was cut off when the group of teens from before grabbed him.

"Hey!" Peter yelped as he was thrown to the ground.

"What the fuck, Richard?!" Shuri snapped at the biggest one.

"What are you doing here?" The one who appeared to be the leader asked. His condescending tone made both of them bristle.

"None of your business,  _bitch._ " Peter snarled, his voice low.

"What we want to know, is why a runt with a weird-ass accent and a filthy  _negro_ are wandering our streets." The leader asked. Shuri tensed, murder in her eyes. Before she could act, Peter lunged forward and punched the guy.

The leader fell to the ground, a sickening crunch sounding from his jaw. 

Staring up at him with large, shocked eyes, he cowered away from Peter.

"Don't you  _ever_ dare talk about my  _best friend_ like that EVER again! As a matter of fact, take that racist bullshit away from here, and don't even THINK about saying anything like that to ANYONE, ever again. You hear me? You better, because I will not FUCKING hesitate to FUCKING end you. Now, get out of my sight, you useless pile of dog shit." Peter ranted, rage flowing through him. His eyes glistening with obvious hatred, and his teeth were bared in an intimidating snarl.

The leader, obviously not expecting the 'runt' to fight back, got to his feet and beat a hasty retreat. The other grunts, confused at what to do, stared with wide eyes.

"You too, fucking creeps." Peter snapped at them, sending them backing away fearfully.

"Yeah! Run back to the barnyard, you goddamn sheep!" Shuri yelled at them as they fled.

Peter's spider-sense tingled, and he managed to turn around just as one of the grunts lunged at him. A sharp dagger was held in his hand, which Peter easily disarmed.

Knocking the dagger out his hand, he was prepared to throw down. Shuri have him a few good kicks, sending the grunt rolling. She punched and hit him with the fury of a sister who's family just got insulted.

The grunt managed to get to his feet, and was about to punch them. Peter and Shuri stood their ground as he raised his arm, but a shout stopped everyone.

"Stop! You fool, stop!" An old man (probably only around 40) fought through the now-growing crowd. 

Out of breath, the man placed himself in between the grunt and the duo. The grunt obviously looked hesitant to punch him, due to the large crowd.

"Look at them! These children are obviously royalty, or at least from a well-off family! There clothes, while odd, are clean! The boy is pale and scarless! The girl holds her head high and her posture in control! You must be a fool for hurting them!" The old man hissed; with each word the grunt's eyes widened.

Looking around, the grunt quickly fled into the muttering crowd.

Turning to them, the man dipped his head politely.

"Dear children, where do thou come from?" He asked, his voice now formal and his posture submissive.

"We come from a place, far far away. I am Princess Shuri of Wakanda, a kingdom seemed mythical by all but us. This is my best friend, Peter. He is the son of a very rich businessman." Shuri explained, adopting the voice the man used.

"Ah, yes. Come with me, I can give you shelter for the night, if you so wish. It is not much, but a warm meal can be prepared and a soft bed to sleep would be best." The man offered.

"We'd like that, thank you." Peter accepted.

"This way, then, my highness, and my, uh..." The man trailed off, looking at Peter, deep in thought.

"Please. You can just call us Peter and Shuri. If you really insist on being formal, Ma'am for me and Dipshit for Peter." Shuri offered with a smile.

Shooting her a look, Peter pouted.

"No, ignore her. Just Peter and Shuri will do." He corrected.

"Ah, if you wish. Unfortunately, I do not have a horse, so we will have to walk to my house. It is quite far, located on a hill outside of the city." The man apologized.

"That's fine, we don't mind." Shuri was quick to assure.

"What's your name?" Peter asked after a few minutes of silence.

"My name is Toma. I own a small field, with livestock and a few dogs." Toma replied, a smile blooming in his face.

"Dogs?" Shuri asked, curious.

"Most of my dogs are dogs I will sell to the rich Lords and Kings, but I do own three. There's Willelmus and Fauna, my two greyhounds that are used in breeding. My personal dog, Rakkí, is a great companion. He's a Southern Hound, so also a great hunting dog." Toma said, pride leekimg into his voice.

"That's nice. You sound really proud, and they sound like good dogs." Peter complimented, shooting a friendly smile at Toma.

"Oh, it's the best life for me. Farming is quiet calming, and I enjoy spending my nights reading with Rakkí at my feet." Toma said with a content sigh.

"That sounds amazing. We're glad you're happy." Peter replied, honesty showing in his smile.

Another ten minutes of so passed in a content silence. Peter and Shuri took in their surroundings, gazing at the land so different, yet so similar to their own. 

There were people shopping, and children playing. Dogs barked and workers did their jobs. Livestock and horses stamped their feet, the scent of hay and manure wafting throughout the city. 

Eventually, the buildings grew sparcer, and opened out into large fields of grain.

"I hate to intrude, but now that we are out of the city limits, what is a Princess and a Peter doing in the great City of London?" Toma questioned, looking over his shoulder to the teens.

"It's... Complicated. We are lost, you see? In order to get back home, I must collect some items to use our tech." Shuri began.

"Ah, so you are on a quest?" Toma asked, go which Shuri nodded.

"What objects do you need?" 

"We need some feathers, of any kind, the juice of a minty herb, river water, an animal product, and some limestone. I'll need to break down the materials to their base compounds, extract the DNA of the organic materials, and mix them with a certain enzyme found in sap. Then, I'll have to combine that with pure gold. That should spit us out in a random period, hopefully close enough to home so that I can get more exact." Shuri rambled. Peter nodded, his mind already listing off how they would do this. Toma looked lost, but he nodded anyway.

"Well, I'm afraid I didn't understand that, but I will allow you to stay at my place for as long as you need. If you need any materials, feel free to ask." Toma offered, leaving no room for argument.

The silence continued for a few more minutes, before a thought occured to Peter.

"Shuri! I swear to God if you make me miss Halloween AGAIN I will not hesitate to obliterate you!" Peter snapped. Toma paused, uncertain, but Shuri simply laughed.

"Not to worry, Peter. A year here is only about an hour back home." Shuri 'comforted'.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Peter asked, his voice raised.

"Sorry to interrupt, but we are here." Toma turned, motioning to a small house on top of a hill.

Nodding, Peter and Shuri followed Toma to the house. His farm was fairly sized, with a few fields of grain and sugar.

"To the left is where you'll find the fields. I grow wheat, barley, oats, and sugar." Toma said, motioning to the fields.

"To the right is a fairly-sized barn. I have a few oxen, a few horses, and a few small herds of different livestock. Of course, I also have Rakkí and some hens." Toma opened the door, showing off a nice home.

"There's a small kitchen to the right, nothing special. Just a small cauldron of water and a few pots. Some plates, a two knives, like I said, nothing special." 

"That's okay. We don't mind." Shuri comforted.

"Yes, well, my room is up that ladder there. In the cellar is an older bed and a furnace, should be enough to sleep in. Apologies if it is not to your standards." Toma apologized, again.

"Dude, this fool over here used to fall asleep on the table. We'll be fine." Shuri teased, motioning to Peter.

"Ahh. Rakkí is older, and is thus, hard of hearing." Toma explained, before calling loudly for the dog.

A medium sized white dog emerged from the kitchen. His brown tail wagged excitedly when he saw Toma, and started to wag faster when he saw new people. 

His coloration resembled that of a beagle, with the ears to match. He barked softly, more of a greeting than an actual bark.

Letting the dog sniff them, Peter and Shuri wasted no time in petting and cooing at the dog lovingly. Toma watched, bemused, but wasted no time in shrugging it off and preparing dinner.

"Wait, Toma! Do you know how to practice good hygiene?" Shuri called to him.

"Hmm?" He asked.

"Well, it's how to properly stay clean and clean the food and stuff so you don't get sick. Like, you should book the water in cooking before you use it for anything. You should wash the meat and veggies and all that, along with washing your hands." She explained.

"Odd. I've never thought of doing that. You said it prevents disease?" Toma asked.

Nodding, Shuri and Peter smiled as they both taught Toma everything they knew about math, science, and hygiene. At the end, Toma thanked them profusely. 

After eating a clean, healthy dinner, Peter and Shuri cleaned up and went to the cellar, where they spent the next hour or so chatting about what they'd do next.

In the end, Peter would get the materials and help out on the farm, while Shuri would break them down into the formula needed.

Drifting off to sleep, they smiled softly to themselves. 

They would get back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sources:
> 
> https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Southern_Hound
> 
> https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rache
> 
> https://www.ecosia.org/images?q=southern+hound#id=5853F0B629420B872CB33329B4D2B1CBDD2A94B9
> 
> www.ellipsis.cx/~liana/names/english/york12thc.html
> 
> https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medieval_hunting


	35. Scaly Little Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Unfortunately, due to some personal issues, I may not be able to write much for the next week or so. This is due to some crippling pain in my lower body.   
> Apologies for any seemingly rushed, low quality, late, or missing work. Have a great week, and enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to those who have Bean with me since day 1! Thank you guys so much for all your support, and keep on being awesome!

Shuri awoke to the sound of Peter falling down the ladder and jumping into bed. Blinking, she sat up at gave him a look as he panted and wiped his brow.

"I've broken the law." Was all he said.

"What did you do?" Shuri asked with a sigh.

"I've broken the law." Peter replied. 

Shooting him a glare, she stood up. The formula was almost done, she just needed to soak it in the gold.

The feather and the animal product were easy enough to get. The river water and the mint were abundant in the nearby forest, as well as the sap. They were able to trade a small chunk of limestone for a small wood carving.

"I got the gold." Peter said, seemingly reading her thoughts.

Turning around, she watched with an unknown emotion as he pulled out a crown.

Deciding that she would just not question it, she glared at him and broke down the base materials.

"I guess we'd better say goodbye." Shuri muttered, a twinge of sorrow in her gut. Peter nodded sadly, dipping his head.

Shoving the rest of the materials in her backpack, which she made from leather, wool and bark, the two bid their farewells.

They managed to have some extra limestone, mint, and gold. Giving Toma a hug and a thank you, they gave him all the gold and riches they had collected over the few days they had been there. 

Tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, Toma itched his scraggly beard and gave them each a greyhound puppy. 

Shuri's greyhound was silver, and Peter's was black. Putting the puppies in the backpack, they opened the portal. Taking a deep breath, they gripped each-others hands and leapt into the portal.

* * *

"Right. So where and when are we?" Peter asked, landing on his stomach.

"Uhh, late Triassic, early Jurassic. Technically we're on the super-continent, Pangaea, though at this point it's starting to drift apart." Shuri explained, checking on the two puppies.

"Ah. Dinosaurs. Lit." Peter stated.

"Technically the small, early forms of dinosaurs. No T-Rexes or Velociraptors yet." She explained, grabbing a smaller backpack from her first backpack.

"How many backpacks do you have? It's like Russian Stacking dolls!" He remarked, grabbing the backpack anyway.

"Go grab us some sap, some feathers, and an egg or something. Oh, see water too. Don't forget to take some samples, because this could really help historians." Shuri instructed, setting up her supplies and a small camp underneath a tall tree.

"Great. Although, you could just grab some sap from this tree. Along with some bark and soil samples." Peter reasoned, leaving his puppy with Shuri. Setting off, he made sure to mark his way. 

Humming the Jeopardy theme, he came across a small pond. 

"Well, this will have to do. From what I learned in science, Pangaea was mostly arid." Peter muttered to himself, taking the samples.

A small chirrup behind him caused him to startle. Jumping about three feet in the air, Peter turned around. A small, dark colored dinosaur stared at him. It's scales/fur/hair was black, with small white spots and a red streak on it's nose.

The dinosaur seemed friendly enough, so Peter immediately tried to pet it. Surprisingly, the dinosaur only flinched away once, before allowing him to touch it. 

Making an odd noise, the dino clambered up Peter's body and onto his head. Nuzzling his hair to the side, the dino nested.

"I'm going to call you Rascal." Peter said, walking back towards Shuri. On the way, he managed to collect the water and a bunch of other samples. A soil sample, bark samples, plant samples, and many others.

"Hey, Shuri. I found a friend." Peter greeted, motioning up to where Rascal was now sleeping.

"Oh my god, Peter! Is that an Alwalkeria?" Shuri hissed, gently collecting samples from the dinosaur.

"Don't hurt Rascal." Peter warned, listening to it's deep breaths.

"I'm not, just make sure they don't eat the dogs." Shuri explained. 

Giving her the samples, Peter ate some of the nuts from the surrounding trees, before laying down on one of the mossy beds they had made themselves.

Sighing, Peter gently stroked the fur on Rascal's side, letting it's soft snores lull him to sleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sources are here:
> 
> https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triassic–Jurassic_extinction_event
> 
> https://www.activewild.com/triassic-dinosaurs/
> 
> https://www.ecosia.org/images?q=dinosaur+eras#id=6155303EE66233E260BE8FB55FA3F76A6BAFA1FF


	36. Q and A: Avengers Style

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teenyman @scottbott
> 
> @f_u_c_k_e_r asked me "How many bones do you have?" Which is downright terrifying, but I have the average amount of bones, 210
> 
>  
> 
> Bruce Banner @7phds
> 
> @scottbott the average human has 206 
> 
>  
> 
> Teenyman @scottbott
> 
> Really? That doesn't seem right
> 
>  
> 
> Bruce Banner @7phds
> 
> How did you not know that you have 4 extra bones
> 
>  
> 
> Tennyman @scottbott
> 
> To be fair they aren't my bones :)
> 
>  
> 
> FBI @openup
> 
> Whose bones are they
> 
>  
> 
> Teenyman @scottbott
> 
> What are you, a cop?

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

Okay the kids have fucked off somewhere and nobody can find them

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

I would be concerned but they're together so they won't be the ones who will die soo

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

Anyway it's time for the Q&A. My A.I will be choosing three random questions that you guys submitted

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

I'll be going first, Rhodey 2nd, Bruce 3rd, Thor 4th, Cap 5th, Falcon 6th, Nat 7th, Clint 8th, Scott 9th, Wanda 10th, Vision 11th, and T'challa will be last

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

I'll answer a question, then it'll be the next person's turn

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

Alright. The first question is from @legos "Whats your favorite color?" Simple and all, but it's red. A nice, basic red.

 

Country Rhodes @takemehome

@nipplelight asks "Where did you meet Tony?" I met him in college. He was a little bitch, and I almost kicked his ass

 

Bruce Banner @7phds

User @sandman asks "What is your favorite fruit?" I'd honestly have to say it's avocado, but watermelon is a close second

 

Thor @thundergod

@shadowcat asked me "what is your opinion on opossums?" I'd have to say I love them. Tiny friends. Bruce likes them too. I wish we had them on Asgard, but we don't :(

 

Capsicle @thelivinglegend

Right, so apparently Shuri submitted this. She said "Help Peter and I are trapped in the Triassic period and we need help he's currently wrestling a fucking dinosaur please help us" I don't know what that means, but I'm sure they'll figure it out

 

The Birdiest Bird @samwithaplan

Fucking hell Bucky, aka @whitewolf, just asked me "How does it feel to be Steve's second favorite" well how does it feel knowing that you're a bitch you cranky old fool

 

PlumsUwU @whitewolf

>:)

 

Getoutofmyroom @implayingminecraft

Jesus Sam is S A L T Y

 

PlumsUwU @whitewolf

Tell me about it

 

Murder @Natasha

@givemeyourfuckingmoney asked me "if you don't mind me asking, what's your sexuality? We all know Bruce, Thor, Cap, Bucky and Sam are all gay as hell, but what about you?"

 

Murder @Natasha

Well, I appreciate the politeness, but I am asexual. Bruce is actually pan, and Cap is bi. 

 

Hitormiss @Inevermiss

@blasizarsaur asked me "What's your favorite animal?" Well it probably has to be the Golden retriever dog, because u have one. His name is Lucky and he is a good boi :)

 

Teenyman @scottbott

@f_u_c_k_e_r asked me "How many bones do you have?" Which is downright terrifying, but I have the average amount of bones, 210

 

Bruce Banner @7phds

@scottbott the average human has 206 

 

Teenyman @scottbott

Really? That doesn't seem right

 

Bruce Banner @7phds

How did you not know that you have 4 extra bones

 

Tennyman @scottbott

To be fair they aren't my bones :)

 

FBI @openup

Whose bones are they

 

Teenyman @scottbott

What are you, a cop?

 

Maxifuckoff @witchbitch

@moveimgay submitted another one she says "seriously help Peter had has adopted a fucking Alwalkeria and he named it Rascal I can't fucking do this anymore OH MY GOD PETER IS THAT A FUCKING PTERODACTYL-" 

 

Maxifuckoff @witchbitch

Wow these asks are getting wierd

 

The Prophecy @imafiringmylaser

@samanthab asked me "what are your opinions on memes?" Well, Peter and Shuri introduced them too me, and I quite enjoy them

 

King T'challa @whatarethose

@midnightmidflight asked me "do u know de wae?" Which is a dead meme, but whatever. I do, in fact know the way, but I don't want to tell you

 

Pepe @hatesymbol

"Why? 'cause fuck 'em, that's why!" -King T'challa, literal royalty

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

My next ask is from fucking Thor who asked me "Tony what's a dinosaur nobody will tell me pls help"

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

@7phds please help

 

Bruce Banner @7phds

I gave him a book

 

Country Rhodes @takemehome

@pollenator asked me "how does it feel knowing you'll never be as good as the other avengers?" All I have to say is fuck you

 

Country Rhodes @takemehome

Breaking News! The government is now looking for a way to extract the salt from my haters to apply to the roads this winter! Will keep you updated!

 

Bruce Banner @7phds

@dollarsign asked me "what are your phds for?" Biology, chemistry, bio-chemistry, bio-engineering, bio-mechanics, forensic chemistry, micro-biology, and being a badass

 

Thor @thundergod

@spiderweb asked me "Is being gay acceptable on Asgard" well my mother was bi and my brother is Genderfluid so...

 

Capsicle @thelivinglegend

@yourestunning said "You and Bucky are fucking, aren't you?" You'd be correct, we fuck like rabbits. This makes Sam incredibly salty, I don't know why though :(

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

You... You don't know why? My dude, he's into you

 

Capsicle @thelivinglegend

Oh. That's awkward.

 

PlumsUwU @whitewolf 

I have a solution

 

Capsicle @thelivinglegend

What?

 

PlumsUwU @whitewolf

How do you feel about a polygamous relationship?

 

The Birdiest Bird @samwithaplan

I'm down

 

Capsicle @thelivinglegend

I've toyed around with the idea... Let's try it, because honestly I have feelings for both of you <3

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

Alright enough with the fluff before I get a goddamn cavity

 

The Birdiest Bird @samwithaplan

@someone just asked me "what are your thoughts on Bucky" well we're dating now, and while I find him obnoxious as all hell, i do have feelings for him

 

Murder @Natasha

@pirateman just asked me who I was going to kill next

 

Murder @Natasha

Spoilers, it's going to be @pirateman

 

Hitormiss @Inevermiss

@dantesinferno asked "who is your favorite Avenger?" It's Natasha

 

Teenyman @scottbott

@openup just asked "who's bones are they?" And I plead the third

 

Maxifuckoff @witchbitch

@asterix says "who is the spiciest meme Lord" and I have to say that it's 100% Peter

 

The Prophecy @imafiringmylaser

"Wanda tells me you don't like to use doors. Is this true?" @noticeme, aka S.H.I.E.L.D agent Daisy Johnson, you are 100% correct. Doors suck

 

King T'challa @whatarethose

Shuri just asked me again 

 

King T'challa @whatarethose

This time she said "Jesus fucking Christ Peter ate some wierd ass mushrooms and is now full-out sobbing about how 'he can't save all the catfish in his teeth' I'm about to commit a hate crime please come help us" 

 

King T'challa @whatarethose

I'm sure the genius children will figure it out. Coulson's out looking for them, for anyone wondering

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

@thundergod just asked me "can you please bring dinosaurs back? I didn't get to see them :'(" Thor, I'm not bringing he dinosaurs back

 

Country Rhodes @takemehome

@deadpool asked me "what is your opinion on Mexican food?" And I honestly say that I enjoy it. I have to be in the mood, but it's pretty good

 

Bruce Banner @7phds

I'm going to kill whatever god is up there Thor just asked me "why can't I bring the dinosaurs back?" Then when I told him no he said that I didn't have all of the facts 1/3

 

Bruce Banner @7phds

I asked him what the facts were and he said "I like them" and just pouted at me 

 

Bruce Banner @7phds

Anyway @irongolem asked me "do you play Minecraft?" I sometimes do, I watch Peter and Shuri play, which is kinda relaxing. I really like the music/sound effects, and the animals are cool

 

Thor @thundergod

@sneakysnake asked me "how is New Asgard doing?" We're doing good, everyone's settled down, and we are all happy!

 

Capsicle @thelivinglegend

@puppywuppy asks "who's your favorite Pokemon" and I have to say it's either Caterpie or Butterfree, because I have one

 

The Birdiest Bird @samwithaplan

@eastwest asked me if I could eat a bunch of grapes on camera but I feel like that's a fetish thing so no thank you

 

Murder @Natasha

@somebodythatiusedtoknow asked me "can I worship you like a goddess?" You can, and a lot of people already do

 

Hitormiss @Inevermiss

@falconrod asked me if I had ever been arrested. I have, and I refuse to clarify

 

Teenyman@scottbott 

@moveimgay messaged me again. Im pretty sure she's hacking at this point. Said something about Peter having a breakdown because it started to rain and 'all the dirt was drowning'

 

Maxifuckoff @witchbitch

@ashketchup asked me what my favorite food is, and I have to say cheesecake. It's just really tasty

 

The Prophecy @imafiringmylaser

@rude says "how old are you?" I am 8 years old

 

FBI @openup

Hmmmmmm @witchbitch

 

Maxifuckoff @witchbitch

Bitch he's a robot if I'm fucking him it's none of your business

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

"if" There's no 'if' Wanda, I can hear you 

 

Senpai @noticeme

Wow Wanda's getting called out

 

King T'challa @whatarethose

@igiveup literally just asked me if I ship anyone it's 1:00 A.M here in Wakanda goodbye

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

Great. Now, I should probably go find the kids

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 1:00 a.m here I can't sleep I snsoanaiownebdjskamsbdgiskama


	37. Star Spangled Man With A Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this little arc. Next is the HallUwUween chapter, and then an angst chapter. Thank you to Emerald_Break for sharing their idea with me for the chapter.
> 
> If anyone else has any other ideas for a chapter, let me know in the comments. I'm always looking for new ideas to use.
> 
> As always, enjoy reading and have a great week!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sources for the first part:
> 
> https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postosuchus
> 
> https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pterosaur

Shuri couldn't take it anymore. Peter was high off his ass from the mushrooms he ate, and was currently acting out the entire Star Wars series.

After remaking the fluid using the materials Peter got, she started packing. After watching Peter steal an egg from a Pterosaur and wrestle a Postosuchus, she was eager to leave.

Grabbing their stuff, she put Rascal on her shoulder. Making sure the puppies were set, she grabbed Peter by the hand and shoved him through the portal.

* * *

Landing on her feet, she looked around. Peter was on the ground, giggling. Sighing, she picked him up by the shirt and started dragging him to where she heard noise.

Blinking in shock, she looked around. They were at what appeared to be an army training camp. However, all the gear looked old, and Shuri heard something about WW2. 

Grumbling, she turned to Peter. He was staring at Rascal, and muttering about how they 'understood eachother'. Slapping him, she grabbed him by the shoulders.

Peter stared up at her with wide, surprised eyes. 

"Wake up! It's World War Two, you imbecile!" She tried, shaking him.

Peter simply have her a dopey smile and say down. Internally screaming, she turned back to the camp. 

There seemed to be a commotion. The soldiers were gathering around what appeared to be a stage. It was probably used to give out commands or share news, but right now there seemed to be a show.

Then, to her surprise, Steve walked out onto the stage. Music started playing, and some backup dancers danced onto stage with him.

Muffling her laughter, she grabbed Peter and showed him the show. As 'Star Spangled Man With A Plan' kept playing, they both laughed.

"Oh my god, the others will NOT believe this." She whispered, motioning for Peter to be quiet. 

After the show ended, she sternly told Peter to stay with the stuff while she went to talk with Steve.

 

Creeping into the camp was easy enough with her tech. By tech, she meant that she literally just hopped the fence. 

Sneaking past the other soldiers, she shadowed Steve. As he entered a small tent, she followed. 

"Hey! Pssst, Steve!" She hissed quietly, hoping that he would notice.

Snapping his head up, Shuri motioned for him to not say anything. Jerking her head to an empty area nearby, she raced over. To her relief, he followed.

"Who are you, and what do you want? Also, how did you get in here? Holy shit is that a fucking dinosaur on your shoulder? And what are you weari-" Shuri cut him off by slapping a hand over his mouth.

"Listen here, Steve. You don't know us, but we know you. We're from the future. I know you don't believe that, because we know you too well." She began.

"Your name is Steven Rogers, codename Captain America. You are... What's today's date? Well you're either 16 or 17. Your best friend, James Buchanan Barnes, aka Bucky, is 18. You lied to get into the army, which by the way, broke the law, and you were entered into the Project: Rebirth program, where they injected you with the Super-Soldier Syrum." She continued, keeping her hand firmly pressed against his mouth.

"Now, all of that is highly classified, and you might object that I simply hacked into your files. However, what's not in your files, is your personal info that we know because you're our teammate." She said, keeping her voice low and gaze stern.

"Your favorite color is dark blue, because that was your father's favorite color. You like Chesapeake Bay Retrievers the best, because your mother had one when she was growing up. Violin music is your favorite genre, and you enjoy mystery books. You're not a fan of horror movies, because when you were younger you had asthma and jump scares triggered an attack. You secretly hate plums but you eat them anyway to spite Bucky because you're secretly in love with-" Shuri was cut off by Steve grabbing her arm.

"All right, all right. No need to divulge personal info, I believe you." He said, pouting.

"Great. Like I said, we're from the future and we need your help." She smirked, daring him to object.

"Who's this we?" He asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

Nodding at him, she climbed over the fence and rushed back to Peter. Steve followed, alarmed at how easy it was to sneak in and out.

"This is Peter. He's a little out of it at the moment, because he was a fucking idiot and ate some mushrooms from the Triassic era." She explained, motioning to where he was chewing on his thumb." She explained, sitting down next to him.

"Hey, dipshit. I found Steve. Say hi!" She said, watching as Peter gave another dopey smile and waved.

"Hi, Mr. Steve!" He said, his voice slurred.

"Oh. Is there anything we can do to help him?" Steve asked, concern evident in his voice.

"Nah, he's good. He's just gonna act a bit goofy for the next hour or so. Or however long they last." She shrugged, patting Peter's head like a dog.

"Now, we need your help. We're gonna need some equipment. I'm talking actual lab equipment. And while your tech is ancient, I should be able to make an accurate portal maker out of it." She explained, grabbing her bags.

"Umm, well, I guess I could help you sneak into a base." Steve offered, his voice hesitant.

"Oh, we don't need you to do that. We just need you to tell us where one is. We can sneak in ourselves." Shuri lifted Peter to his feet, guiding him by his shoulders.

"Are you sure? I mean, you're talking about a highly secure military base. And you're like, 16. Nah, I'm coming with you." Steve insisted.

Rolling her eyes, Shuri sighed.

"Fine. Where are we headed?" Shuri conceded, allowing him to join.

"Well first I'm going to go get permission to go off base for a mission. Don't worry, Peggy will allow us to go." Steve said, rushing off.

"Be right back!" He whisper-yelled over his shoulder.

 

After they had gotten permission, Steve had taken them to the base where he became Captain America.

Sneaking in was easy enough, and by time they got there, Peter had sobered up. 

"Right. Peter, you know what to do? Here's the formula, let's get to work." Shuri said, handing Peter the paper with the formula on it.

Steve kept guard at the door. Luckily, the base was pretty much empty, aside from some janitors. After the incident with the scientist, many were reluctant to be in the base.

After around 20 minutes of 'wierd science babble' as Steve called it, they had the exact date set. High-fiving eachother, Peter and Shuri glanced at Steve.

"Thanks, Steve. For helping us. You're destined for great things. You'll lose a lot, but in the end, you'll be a lot happier. Trust me on that." Shuri explained, giving him a small hug. Peter joined in, and forgetting his strength, nearly broke one of Steve's ribs.

"Jesus Christ. What the hell have you been eating?" Steve joked, fighting his way out of Peter's death grip.

"Sorry, I sometimes forget I have powers." Peter explained, a sheepish smile taking over his face.

"You have powers?" Steve questioned, his eyebrows raising.

"Yeah. Wanna see?" Peter asked, to which Steve nodded.

Jumping on the closest wall, be showed off his stickiness. He also showed off his claws, fangs, agility, healing ability, and strength. 

"That's... Actually pretty impressive. And cool." Steve complimented, earning a smile from a blushing Peter.

"Right. As much as I enjoyed this, we really must go. Farewell, fellow traveler." Shuri said in her fake olden-day accent.

"We're not in 12th century Europe anymore, you don't have to talk like that." Peter pointed out as Shuri opened the portal.

"Shut up before I strand you back in the Triassic." She threatened, with no real heat.

"You wouldn't dare. If anything you'd leave me in 14th century Europe to die of the plague." Peter corrected, their argument fading out as they stepped into the portal.

Steve blinked in utter confusion, bewildered about what just happened.

* * *

Landing back in the lab with a thud, Peter and Shuri groaned.

Making sure Rascal and the puppies were okay, Peter and Shuri laid out the different samples they collected.

Sharing a look, they both silently agreed that if anyone asked, these were found in the Ancient Land.

"Let's never do that again." Peter groaned, slumping down to the floor.

"Agreed." Shuri said, joining Peter on the floor. The puppies were sniffing around and exploring, but Rascal chose to instead jump on Shuri's face.

Laughing, Peter got smacked gently by Shuri. Still giggling, he watched in amusement as Rascal settled down on Shuri's chest.

"It wasn't that bad." He muttered sleepily.

"No, it wasn't." Shuri agreed with a yawn.

Falling asleep on the lab floor, Peter, Shuri and Rascal were out cold in minutes.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No sources for the second part! Sorry!


	38. Filler Chapter + Author's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to all the people who have left kudos on this work, as well as Emerald_Break for giving me a chapter idea!

No Peppermint, 3:04 P.M

SnarkShark: @UwU can you add Scott to the chat

SnarkShark: name him 210Bones

UwU: okay, any reason for the name

SnarkShark: where were you the last 20 minutes?

UwU: the late Triassic period

OwO: 12th century Europe

UwU: watching a teenage Steve embarass himself in 1940

OwO: passed out on the lab floor because we spent the last three months in different time periods

SnarkShark: wait what the fuck

UwU: oh by the way we have a pet dinosaur now

Thunderthighs: :D

SnarkShark: now we don't have time to unpack  _all_ of that

UwU: I was taking a nap while Shuri was playing with her interdimensial portal device (IPD) and accidentally invented time travel

SnarkShark: :/

UwU: anyway, we now have two greyhounds, an Alwalkeria, and some dope ass pennies from the 40's

Hurricanetortilla: so the last 20-30 minutes here was 3 months there

UwU: yee

Hurricanetortilla: well at least you won't miss Halloween 2

SnarkShark: speaking of which, what is everyone being? We don't want any duplicates

Language: well I'm going in my old 'star-spangled man with a plan' outfit

OwO: oh yeah we saw you preform in that

UwU: you looked ridiculous, and I was high off my mind so....

SnarkShark: why were you high

UwU: I was hungry so I ate some mushrooms from the Triassic

SnarkShark: *internal screaming intensifies as crawling by Linkin Park plays*

OwO: seriously though that's a dope ass song

UwU: Shuri we should dress up rascal as blue from Jurassic Park

OwO: no it's not scientifically accurate

UwU: I don't care

BigBird: I'm going as Bucky

PlumsUwU: I'm going as falcon

SnarkShark: yeah well I'm going in the old Easter onsie that Rhodey gave me in college

Hurricanetortilla: please don't

Hurricanetortilla: I'm begging you

UwU: then beg

UwU: Shuri and I are going to be black panther and iron man

Hurricanetortilla: Pikachu

Birdbrain: Lucky is going to be dressed up as me, and I'll be a vampire

7phds: Thor, Loki and I are doing similar costumes

7phds: I'm going as a Kangaroo, Thor as a koala, and Loki as a cat

Destroyer: I don't know what any of those are

StarFox: how are those similar

Thunderthighs: Loki is going to stay in Bruce's pouch

SnarkShark: that sounds dirty but okay

Slytherin: shut it, Stark

Pepperoni: I'm being Marilyn Monroe

PKStarStar: Brunhilde and I are both going to be Jedis

pirateman: I'm going as myself, so is Natasha

ChairDude: I'm being Spider-Man, MJ is going as Black Widow

UwU: wait let me add Scott so he can tell us

UwU added Scott to the chat

UwU changed Scott's name to 210Bones

210Bones: what is this

SnarkShark: who's bones are they

UwU: we just want to know what you're going as for HallUwUween

210Bones: what

UwU: this is an avengers (+Guardians of the Galaxy and other heros) group chat

210Bones: oh. Well, I'm going as Sully from Monsters. Inc, Cassie is being Mike, and she insists on dressing up Anthony as the girl

210Bones: anyway, the name's Scott

UwU: it's me, ya boi, Spidey

OwO: you thought it was Shuri, but it was really me, Dio, all along!

IwI: *no clips through the floor in the wrong area*

OwO: *florescent lights buzz on full volume as you look around and see nothing but an endless maze of horrid old rooms that look exactly the same*

IwI: ??? *I start walking, slowly picking up my pace until I'm sprinting, panic overtaking me*

UwU: *thump. thump.*

IwI: "what was that?" I ask, pausing with my back against the wall

UwU: *an elongated, shadowy humanoid figure rounds the conrer, stares you in the eye, and lunges at you*

IwI: *screams, trying to break free*

UwU: *the shadows overtake you as static fills your head and your vision fades to black*

IwI: "am I dead?" I ask, trying to move

UwU: *you slowly open your eyes, only to see your in the back if a horse-drawn wagon with some other people*

UwU: "Hey! You're finally awake!"

IwI: oh god fucking dammit

OwO: I don't know what you expected

UwU: yeah. I have the power of God AND Anime on my side!

SnarkShark: okay enough of whatever the hell that was

SnarkShark: everyone else go find a costume or ask me for one

SnarkShark: Halloween 2 is tomorrow, and we don't want to dissapoint the kiddos

UwU: okay old man

SnarkShark: this again?

OwO: yeah Peter

OwO: respect your elders

IwI: be nice to the elderly, animals, and disabled people!

OwO: which one is he

IwI: that up for you to decide

SnarkShark: I'm out. 

UwU: yeah well I think I know more about American girl dolls than you so

SnarkShark: I don't even know what this means

SnarkShark: bye, I've had enough of your shit

* * *

**AUTHORS NOTE**

1\. For the last few weeks, I have either been sick, in pain (due to personal issues) or busy because of my new horseback riding lessons. I apologize for any seemingly rushed, short, or late work.

2\. I would appreciate it if you guys would comment suggestions, concerns, opinions, or anything else. Giving kudos, commenting, or even viewing my work really help me, and I love making content for you guys. If there are any inaccuracies in my work please feel free to correct me. I'm always looking to learn. If you want, you could also comment some facts that you found interesting! If you do, I'll share some interesting facts that I know.

3\. My plans for this work is that I'm going to post the Halloween chapter, then some angst, courtesy of one of my earliest supporters. After that, I still have quite a bit of free time before Thanksgiving, and while I can do some filler chapters, I would appreciate it if you guys could give me some ideas.

4\. If any of you personally feel offended or triggered by my work, feel free to reach out to me, and I will try to resolve the issue.

As always, enjoy reading, and have a great week!

 

 


	39. HallUwUween (Attempt 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> S P O O K Y
> 
> S C A R Y
> 
> S K E L E T O N S

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose crustaceans because personally I have arthrophobia. Essentially, I fear crabs, lobsters, scorpions, isopods, and other crustaceans. Researching this chapter was rough because if this.
> 
> Another thing you should know is that I had to get blood work today to find out what's going on and why I'm sick :( They don't know yet, but hopefully I'll find out soon. 
> 
> As always, enjoy reading, and happy 4th if July!

No Peppermint, 6:09 P.M

UwU: GUYS GUYS GUYS ITS HALLUWUWEEN

SnarkShark: yep. Go get your costumes on everyone

SnarkShark: I've been in my costume for 30 minutes

Hurricanetortilla: w h y

Birdbrain: how did you pull this off

SnarkShark: I contacted some local charities and pulled some strings, and scheduled the 'festival'

SnarkShark: a lot of companies and stores are closing early or letting some of their night-shift employees off for the night

SnarkShark: first responders can be visited and given candy

Language: Tony, that's amazing

SnarkShark: what's more is that the NYPD has upped it's precense, meaning that there's less crime

SnarkShark: charity donations have skyrocketed, and general citizen happiness has also been boosted

Pepperoni: it's also brought good PR to the charities, along with the companies founding this festival, such as SI

Pepperoni: it's trending on Twitter as #hallowween2 and #HLOW2

BigBird: I just looked it up and apparently its also boosted tourist traffic, which helped smaller businesses, so it's good for the economy

SnarkShark: the city, along with SI, have hired both volunteers and workers to help pick up litter and clean the streets for the festival

BigOwO: it's good for the economy, environment, and happiness of New York

BigOwO: you know Wakanda should do something like this, might be fun

BigOwO: I'll ask the council and Shuri

SnarkShark: oh god what the hell 

UwU: no swearing on my Christian Minecraft server!

SnarkShark: Steve just walked in wearing this hideos skin-tight dance suit from the 40's I'm allowed to swear

PlumsUwU: oh my God this is so much better than I thought it would be 

SnarkShark: you put him up to this?

PlumsUwU: of course I did! I'm one of his boyfriend(s)!

BigBird: It is pretty hot and that's coming fr

UwU: Sam just got sucked into the void

OwO: looks like Steve just lost one of his boyfriends

UwU: I love how we keep referring to Bucky and Sam as Steve's boyfriend's, but we all know Steve is the bottom

OwO: Bucky is top, Sam is bottom, and Steve is power bottom

UwU: both bottoms like messing with the top

UwU: but the bottom bottom LOVES annoying the top

BigBird: you better believe it. Also I'm back from the vo

UwU: anyway is anyone else ready? (Besides Sam) I'm so excited

OwO: I'm ready!

Pepperoni: tiny you might want to take the kids out before they break something in their excitement

Pepperoni: *Tony

Hurricanetortilla: I don't know I kinda like tiny

SnarkShark: shut it Rhodes

Hurricanetortilla: tiny you're literally dressed in a purple rabbit onsie I'm allowed to make fun of you

 Hurricanetortilla: Tiny Stank

SnarkShark:  _im going to shatter you like glass_

Hurricanetortilla: wow

R-rebecca: okay everyone ready? I want to try to avoid getting caught up in their childish squabble

pirateman: while I agree with you, you're starting to sound like Loki

pirateman: Should I be concerned

R-rebecca: insult me again and I will not hesitate to commit a war crime in your ass

pirateman: that's a no then

R-rebecca: I meant on your ass but in your ass works too

SnarkShark: I love how fury ISN'T concerned when she's threatening to murder him

R-rebecca: don't worry Stark, you're next

SnarkShark:  **O  H   N O**

 

{[(10 Minutes Later)]}

 

UwU: we're ready

OwO: same

Pepperoni: good

Pepperoni: now someone go save Tony

Pepperoni: or don't I don't care

* * *

 

Upon arriving at the tower, Peter, Shuri, and the others quickly set off to do their own thing.

Peter and Shuri went to go meet up with Ned and MJ, along with Clint and Lucky. Natasha teased Fury a bit, before shadowing the group as well.

Tony, Rhodey, Steve, and Pepper stayed at the tower. They explained the event, gave out candy, took photos, and autographed different objects.

Bucky and Sam were inside, doing some 'bonding' because Steve insisted that they had some alone time together. 

All was well, all was right.

Then the crustaceans came.

* * *

 

Peter stared up at the different decorations in wonder. Everyone went all out, even more so than on actual Halloween.

Jumping as a small robotic spider leapt at him, he blushed. Ignoring Shuri's giggles and jabs, he glared at the spider and moved on.

The crowds were a lot better than what they expected, especially since there was additional tourist traffic. 

Letting out a  _very_  badass squeal, Shuri rushed forward. Peter was quick to follow, leaving Clint and Lucky in the dust.

Confused, Clint walked to the small commotion the kids were causing. Pushing through some tourists, he was shocked to see Shuri full out french-kissing MJ while Peter and Ned watched awkwardly.

Turning away, red in the face, Clint called the kids toward himself.

"Right. Here's the rules." Clint said, ignoring the groans and complaints.

" 1. You each get a bucket. 2, stay together. 3. Once your buckets are full, you go meet me at the tower. Uhh, 4, your curfew is 12:00, 12:30 at THE ABSOLUTE latest. 5. No fighting/getting in trouble, and 6 is have fun. Now go get your candy, you teenage toddlers." Clint explained, getting whiplash at how fast they left him in the dust.

Sighing, Clint turned to Lucky.

"Well, you'd never leave me, right buddy?" Lucky just cocked his head and panted.

"Ah, good boy." Clint sighed in content.

A scuttling sound, followed by screams, alerted Clint to a threat.

Following the commotion, Clint and Lucky found themselves in front of an open sewer lid, staring at two screaming workers.

"Hey, what's going on here?" Clint asked, slipping into Hawkeye mode. Taking out his bow and glasses, he also pulled out his Avengers I.D card.

"Oh hey, it's that hawk dude! Falcon, or something?" One of the workers said, and Clint had to resist shooting him.

"Hawkeye. I've been an Avenger since the very beginning. Falcon joined like three years ago." Clint corrected dryly.

"Oh, sorry. Anyway, think you can help us? We have a.... Situation." The same worker asked, motioning towards the open sewer grate.

"Yep. What's the issue here?" Clint questioned, motioning for Lucky to stay.

"Crabs. Lots of them." The second worker replied, his voice monotone.

"Umm, what?" Clint asked, shocked.

"Big crabs. Lots of them. No escape, we're all gonna die. Bow down to our crustacean overlords and hope they show mercy." The same worker explained, as if that made it any clearer. He also had that same monotone voice.

"... Right. I'm going to go down there and see what I can do." Clint said, giving the second worker an odd look.

"Oh, and don't touch my dog! Pet him, but don't hold him or take him! Remember, I can find out where you live!" Clint threatened, patting his dog on the head.

The first worker cooed and started stroking Lucky's head, much to Lucky's delight. The second worker kept muttering something about crabs.

Jumping down into the sewers, Clint scanned the area.

It seemed to be empty, until he realized something. Wasn't there supposed to be water in a sewer?

Squinting his eyes, Clint drew his bow and aimed at where the water should've been. The flash glow arrow pierced the dark, landing on a bony white crab. 

Suddenly, hundreds of Tasmanian Giant Crabs were scuttling out of the water and at him. Noticing something horrifying, Clint called in for backup.

"Hey, Rhodey. I need some help. I'm in the sewers, fighting some skeleton crabs. No, I'm not joking, yes, this is real, and if you don't hurry your ass over here I WILL become food for Tasmanian Giant Crab skeletons. Bye."

How these things were moving, Clint had no idea. He simply shot his arrows at them, watching as they crumbled to a pile of bones.

After what seemed like an endless stream of skeleton crabs, Clint thought he had defeated them all. Slow, heavy taps on the concrete let him know he was wrong.

Turning with his bow still drawn, he stared up at the face of the biggest fucking crab he had ever seen. 

Shooting arrows at the crab did very little, and soon Clint ran out of arrows.

"God fucking damn it. Can I surrender now and join your crustacean army?" Clint asked with a frustrated sigh.

A blinding repulser blast shattered the skeleton to dust.

Turning to see Tony in his armor throwing him another quiver of arrows, he only blinked before following as Tony led him out.

"What was that thing?" Clint asked, confusion making his head hurt. He knew what the first one was because he and his family had eaten some, but the other one was a mystery.

"Japanese Spider Crab, largest crab species on Earth." Tony explained, grabbing him by his shoulders and flying him over the city.

"I don't like the way you phrased that. Are there crabs on Mars or something?" Clint snarked as Stark lowered him to the ground.

"Maybe." Tony replied, firing a shot at a horde of American Lobster zombies. Joining in, Clint fired some blast arrows into the mass, watching in disgust as their rotting flesh splattered everywhere.

"Behind you!" Steve shouted as he finished off the last lobster. Turning, Clint nearly shit himself as a Giant Isopod with bat wings was flung towards him.

Uni-beaming the monstrosity into the asphalt, Tony saved Clint from an embarrassing death.

"Thanks." Clint grunted, turning to fight the new threat.

 

It was near endless. After the Isopod vampires there were scorpion mummies and another wave of skeleton crabs. Finally, after roughly 4 hours of fighting, Steve, Tony, Clint, Natasha, and Rhodey were exhausted.

Panting and sweating, Clint stumbled into a wall. Collapsing against the cool bricks, he lay his head in his hands and silently screamed.

"Who would bring that many horrid creatures into this world?!" Clint wailed dramatically, groaning.

"Hey guys. Wow, what happened here?" Peter's voice immediately cheered Clint up. It seemed that Tony felt the same, because he immediately began helicopter parenting.

"Are you hurt? Where you involved in the fight? Is that Lucky? Where did you find him? Oh my god, did you get attacked?!" The barrage of questions overwhelmed the teens, who backed away.

"No, we're fine. Lucky came and found us. MJ and Ned went home already because it's late, and Uncle Clint said to meet up with him at 12:00. We ran out of room, so we went amto look for you, when we found Lucky. He lead us here." Peter explained, rambling a bit while Tony stared on in amusement and affection.

"Well, at least you're safe. C'mon, let's head back to the tower. After all, vacation's over and you go back to school in a few days." Tony teased, watching the teen's disgruntled expression.

After a few minutes of laughter and story telling, Peter pipes up.

"You know, I got kicked out of a Renaissance Fair once for making a joke." Peter stated, with absolutely no context.

"Oh? What was the joke?" Clint asked curiously.

"I said that shields should be given to people of all ages." Peter replied, stretching his arms behind his head.

"That's not a joke, that's an opinion." Tony chided. Making direct eye contact, Peter smiled.

"I know! It's a tool for all aegis!" He finished, grinning at everyone's groans.

"This is the timeline god abandoned." Shuri muttered, jabbing Peter in the ribs.

Falling down dramatically, Peter dramatically pretended to suffer.

"I've fallen, and I can't get up!" He mimicked, laughing as Shuri rolled her eyes.

Getting off the ground, Peter climbed up Tony's back. Sitting in the man's shoulders, he rested his head in Tony's hair.

"What the fuck? Dammit, he's asleep, isn't he. He's using his sticky powers. Fuck." Tony cursed, trying to gently pry Peter off if him.

"This is your life now!" Clint teased, only grunt as Shuri climbed up his back.

"Dammit." Was all he said. Laughing, the group escorted the two sleeping teens back to the tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sources:
> 
> https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tasmanian_giant_crab
> 
> https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_spider_crab
> 
> https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_lobster


	40. Press F To Pay Respects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, PunkPamther and Emerald_Break, your chapters are coming next. Here's the schedule:
> 
> Date-Night chapter  
> Angst arc 2-5 chapters, probably 3  
> Empty Space, comment suggestions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's too many people in this chat

No Peppermint, 9:54 A.M

210Bones: hey @snarkshark

Pepperoni: he's still asleep

Pepperoni: what do you need?

210Bones: oh well Clint and I were thinking about bringing our families to the city for a few days

Pepperoni: they can stay at the tower. Might be a bit crowded because of the added people, but it's not like we're low on space

Pepperoni: I'm sure Peter, Groot and Shuri would be more than happy to babysit, and all the couple's could go out on a date night

210Bones: sounds good! Hope, Cassie and I have already packed out bags, we should be there by tonight! 

210Bones: speaking of which, can @UwU add Hope to the chat? I assume he's still sleeping, but when he wakes up

Pepperoni: I'll ask just send the contact info and I'll pass it on

210Bones: great! See you tonight!

* * *

No Peppermint, 7:15 P.M

UwU added Hope to the chat

UwU renamed Hope to HopesAndDreams

UwU: sorry, Shuri, Groot and I were recreating vines

YwY: wait question

SnarkShark: I love how the tree can text but can't speak

OwO: his brain can process different languages but his vocal system can't

YwY: yeah, how is everyone's Pokemon doing?

UwU: My team's been great

SnarkShark: Bubbles 'evolved', as F.R.I.D.A.Y calls it, into a 'Wartortle'

OwO: ooh nice

OwO: Peter and I have been battling a lot, against eachother and against the other Avengers

OwO: my team now consists of Charizard, Kingdra, Ludicolo, shiny Raichu, Nidoking and shiny alolan Ninetails

OwO: my Dratini is a Dragonair, and I'm still debating in wether or not I should evolve her

UwU: my companion is still a shiny Eevee. I don't really want to evolve them

IwI: that's fine. What's your team?

UwU: Venosaur, Politoad, Luxray, shiny Arcanine, Nidoqueen, and Marowak

IwI: sweet! My Ponyta is a Rapidash, but I can only ride her in the rural fields at night

IwI: last week someone saw and now I'm an urban legend

UwU: mood

OwO: mood

YwY: mood

YwY: btw thanks for not giving me a Pokemon /s/

UwU: woops sorry

YwY: it's fine. Rocket is my pokemon now

UwU: @everyone how are your Pokemon?

BigOwO: my Meowth is now a Persian. Okoye's Lapras is still a Lapras

BigOwO: mother's Geodude is a Golem. She's been battling it against M'baku's Magnezone and Okoye's husband's Aggron

Hurricanetortilla: my Pidgey is a Pidgeot. My mother has put different types of decorations on her Onyx, such as a potted plant, different types of paint, gems, and a saddle

BigBird: my Spearow is a Fearow. His name is Jack. Jack Sparrow.

UwU: w h y

Language: Lilac is a Butterfree, and Bucky's C.C is now a Beedrill

210Bones: C.C?

PlumsUwU: it stands for Crack Cocaine

210Bones: oh

210Bones: okay then

Thunderthighs: I have a Manectrike now!

7phds: I have an Amphoras now!

Slytherin: my biddof is still a bidoof. I find it a simple companion that I can tell everything too.

Valkereee: Lucario is a valiant sparring partner

Pepperoni: I'm keeping my Chikorita as a Chikorita :)

Birdbrain: my wife has evolved her Swablu into an Alteria, and I have evolved my Stinky into a Stuntank

Birdbrain: all the others are the same

R-rebecca: my Houndoom is perfect for me

210Bones: Cassie loves her Vulpix, or Vulpin, as she named him, while I find my Arcanine useful.

210Bones: Archie (ark-ee) is very protective of her and sleeps at the foot of her bed, while Vulpin cuddles with her

HopesAndDreams: my Seedot is a Nuzleaf. I've been working on evloving it to a Shiftry

HopesAndDreams: my father loves his Numel, and has named it Cameron. He's evolved it to a Camerupt

EwE: @HarryPotter would never admit it, but his Alakazam comes in handy with some spells

EwE: personally, my Zatu is a very nice companion to read with. Seems to really enjoy the library

WitchBitch: my Starmie is very fabulous

TheProphecy: my only regret is that my Gyrados is really big

pirateman: my Manky is really good at keeping Deadpool away. I haven't evolved it yet.

PKStarStar: Croagunk is now a Toxicroak. I enjoy her fighting style.

UwO: yickety yuck and Jesus fuck, Coulson's Grimer is now a Muk!

UwO: also my Koffing is now a Wheezing

UwO: the other three still have the same Pokemon

ChairDude: I named my Sandshrew (now a Sandlash) Padalon

MemeQueen: my Larvitar is a Tyranatar, capable of overthrowing any government.

UwU: MJ please don't overthrow the government (yet) 

OwO: do you plan on overthrowing the government?

MemeQueen: the law requires that I answer 'no'

UwU: May's Diglett has become a Dugtrio, each with a different flower on it's head.

UwU: that also means that little bumblebees like to visit them!

SnarkShark: I don't mind bumblebees, but other bees suck

UwU: I agree, but that's not very nice

SnarkShark: they can all be out in a bottle and shot into the sun for all I care

UwU: Mr. Stark, they're valuable pollinators!

SnarkShark: mosquitos do more for the environment than wasps!

OwO: that doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough about mosquitos to correct him

UwU: I don't think that's true

SnarkShark: you know ajshkqkwnbse

UwU: Mr. Stark did you just have a stroke

OwO: the wasps got him before he could finish

UwU: rip Tony

OwO: rip in the chat

UwU: I can't believe Mr. Stark's Yee'd his last Haw :(

OwO: press F to pay respects

UwU: F

IwI: F

AwA: F

EwE: F

YwY: F

UwO: F

ChairDude: F

MemeQueen: F

PlumsUwU: F

BigBird: F

Language: F

Birdbrain: F

R-rebecca: F

7phds: F

Thunderthighs: F?

Slytherin: F

Valkereee: F

friday: F

karen: F

pirateman: F

ThisBitchEmpty: F

Pepperoni: F

Hurricanetortilla: F

210Bones: F

HopesAndDreams: F

Goose: ffyez F yftz

WitchBitch: F

TheProphecy: F

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Shout out to everyone who's read this work! I'd like to thank all of you for making this possible.
> 
> I'd like to give a special shout-out to Emerald_Break and PunkPanther for giving me chapter ideas! Thank you so much for allowing me to use your great ideas. Hopefully everyone else will love them as much as I do.


	41. ♥️ Date Night With The Lads ♥️

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SnarkShark: okay then
> 
> SnarkShark: wanna play a prank on her
> 
> SnarkShark: like, let's fill a balloon with water and put it on her lab chair
> 
> UwU: that's a funny trick to play on God
> 
> IwI: I was not prepared for the raw power of that line holy hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, just a quick warning. My family and I are going to Cedar Point for the week, meaning that I probably won't be able to post much. Or I'll post more than usual. Who knows? I certainly don't, and neither does whatever diety may or may not be up there.
> 
> As always, have a great week, and enjoy reading. :)
> 
> -Star

No Peppermint, 3:41 P.M

UwU: today was amazing! Shuri, Cassie, Scott and I woke up early and went to Coney Island! 

SnarkShark: sounds fun

UwU: it was great! Shuri's really excited about the date night thing tonight

UwU: she says that she and MJ are going to go on a walk through the park while you guys eat dinner

SnarkShark: okay then, as long as nothing/no-one gets murdered

IwI: wanna play a prank on her

IwI: like, let's fill a balloon with water and put it on her lab chair

UwU: that's a funny trick to play on God

IwI: I was not prepared for the raw power of that line holy hell

UwU: I heard it from someone else's podcast

IwI: why were you listening to someone else's podcast?

UwU: you're rearranging deck chairs in the Titanic, my friend

IwI:  _goddammit was that another quote_

UwU: perhaps

OwO:  **THATS ILLEGAL**

UwU: "We can do whatever sins we want! There's no god here to observe this!" -A big fucking mood

OwO: I dont like you

UwU: too bad, I'm here to stay

OwO: pity

UwU: anyway I'm going to start babysitting the children with Ned while you guys go get ready

* * *

 

Where? Classified.

When? November 8th, 2019 A.C, 6:30 P.M.

Why? Not even god knows, my friend.

As the group entered the fancy restaurant that Tony and Pepper frequented, they couldn't help but gape at the expensive decor.

Quickly being seated, the group was spilt into different tables. Sam, Bucky, and Steve sat at one side of some table, while Clint and Laura sat at the other side.

Tony, Pepper, Scott, Hope, Coulson, and Melinda all sat at one of those curving tables in the corner.

Bruce and Thor sat opposite of Loki, who surprisingly brought along another man named Rowan.

Rowan himself was interesting. His father was from Niflheim, and his mother was from Vanaheim. He travelled frequently between the realms, helping people wherever he went. He was a shapeshifter, and much like Loki, had a pension for mischief. He was the chaotic good type of man, with a childish purity to contrast his intelligent appearance.

Thor couldn't help but approve of Loki's choice, even after Rowan admitted he was much happier in his wolf form.

Despite the fact that the different couples were combined, nobody seemed to mind. Everyone ordered and ate without complaint, and everyone enjoyed themselves.

Calling in to check on Peter and the kids, Tony said that each couple should go do their own things. Nodding in agreement, the group split up.

Thor and Bruce headed to a darker area where they could watch the stars. It was only around 7:30, but the sun had set early.

Loki and Rowan went to go make mischief, in the form of two really fat raccoons.

Steve took Sam and Bucky to see the horses that he had been riding and training for the NYPD.

Tony and Pepper headed back to the tower, along with Clint and Laura. 

Scott and Hope decided to look around at the different tourist attractions, while Coulson and Melinda went to a nearby bar.

* * *

Back at the tower, Peter was dealing with the kids. They were well-behaved, and preferred to do their own thing. Ned was playing Uno with Cassie and Clint's two older kids, while Peter watched Nathaniel, the baby.

Peter couldn't help but feel a stab of jealousy in his heart at watching the kids. They all had a loving family, complete with parents and a home.

Peter knew he was being unreasonable, and was remorseful of his spite. Despite this, he could do nothing to quench the aching thirst in his heart that longed for a family. He could not soothe the festering wound on his soul where his family was ripped away, where he was marked as an alien walking on Earth.

He couldn't help the way his shoulders hunched in grief at the mention of family. He despised the way his heart clenched when he saw kids outside, their mother's mothers and father's watching them with pride. He hated the way that tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill out and drown him when he remembers what he could've had.

He knew other kids had it worse, but he couldn't help but feel alienated.

He was broken out of his self-deprecating thoughts by Tony and Pepper returning. Clint and Luara collected their children, paid and thanked the flustered teens, and left to their room.

Pepper had lead Cassie out of the room to go get ready for bed, while Ned said his goodbyes. Tony was about to follow Pepper when he saw the dejected look on Peter's face.

"Hey, what's wrong, kiddo?" He asked, worried something had happened during the babysitting.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing. Just tired." Peter murmured, so quietly Tony had to strain to hear it.

"Bullshit. Now, come with me to the kitchen, get some hot chocolate, and tell me what's bothering you." Tony stated, firm, but not demanding. It was more of a statement than an order.

After everything was settled, Tony turned back to Peter.

"C'mon Buckaroo. Tell me what's happening." Tony prodded, gently.

Peter hesitated for a long moment, staring down at his mug with an unreadable expression.

Just as Tony was about to sigh and ask again, Peter spoke up.

"It's just... I guess it's just hard seeing other kids. Kids with families, you know?" Peter finally answered, his eyes downcast and fingers drumming against the table anxiously.

"Oh. Yeah, I know that feeling." Tony replied, thinking back to the days where he'd daydream about being a normal kid. Hesitating, he thought carefully about his response.

"You know, you  _do_ have a family." He finally settled on, hoping it was enough.

"Yeah, I just wish May didn't work all the time. I have to stay at the Compound more and more because she doesn't feel comfortable leaving me alone. Not that spending time at the Compound is a bad thing, I really enjoy it, I just also wish that-" Tony inturrupted his rambling by laughing silently to himself.

Blushing, Peter gave a sheepish smile before returning to deep thought.

"Peter. May's not the only family you have here. You have Pepper, Happy, Rhodey... You have me." Tony tried to explain, hoping he didn't sound selfish.

Peter's eyes widened slightly, and Tony briefly wondered if he said the wrong thing.

"Tony... There's something I need to tell you. I... I think of you as a father-figure." Peter blurted out, eyeing him apologetically.

Shocked, Tony stood still for half-a-second, before sighing a big sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank God. I've thought of you as a son for the longest time, and I was just too scared to tell you." Tony admitted, ruffling Peter's hair before pulling him into a hug.

"Well... I guess I have a family now?" Peter asked, softer than a butterfly's wings.

"Yeah, kiddo. You have a family now." Tony replied, holding his son on his arms, without a care in the world.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the fucking idiots have become father and son. Too bad there's some bad angst coming up in the next 2-5 chapters! 
> 
> *EVIL LAUGHTER*


	42. ∆•Everybody Wants To Rule The World•∆

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *chanting* ANGST ANGST ANGST ANSGT ANGT ANGST ANGST ANG-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no my babies :(
> 
> By the way, I'm enjoying the first day of vacation! Later today my family and I are going on a bunch of rollercoaster at Cedar Point!

Warm sunlight shone down on the chilly streets of New York City, where Peter and Shuri were walking to his small apartment in Queens. 

_It had been an odd week._  He thought to himself.

It started with Mr. Stark saying that he thought of Peter like a son, and ended with Shuri joining his school, much to his dismay.

Now, as the duo made their way through the city streets, they couldn't help but feel paranoid. There was something else here, something dangerous.

Peter and Shuri moved closer to eachother, a tense silence filling the air around them. As they held eachother's hands, ensuring the other's safety, a loud explosion sounded next to them.

Forced to the ground by the force of the blast, broken glass and gravel stabbed Peter's skin.

Ears ringing, Peter stumbled to his feet. Helping Shuri up, his spider-sense buzzed. Turning, he didn't have time to stop the embedded itself into his flesh. 

Fear, combined with whatever was in the dart, made his head light and his thoughts distant. Vision swimming and twisting, he collapsed into Shuri's arms, where another dart also dug into her skin.

World going black, Peter registered being pulled into a stereotypical white van with Shuri. The last thing he feels is a cold, metal muzzle being placed over his mouth.

* * *

When Peter awoke, he felt am excruciating pain in his head. His arms were sore from the glass and gravel, and his limbs heavy. Blinking open his eyes, he realized three things.

1\. Shuri was with him. That was good, because it meant he wasn't alone. It was also bad, because he couldn't let anything happen to her.

2\. There was a muzzle placed over his face, and an odd type of glove on his hands. The gloves were a type of sharp metal that dug into his skin and prevented him from unsheathing his claws. That was bad, because that meant they knew about his powers.

3\. They were in a damp cell. It was cold, even more so than the mid-November air back in New York. Wherever they were, unless the cell was air conditioned, it was much colder than New York.

Turning to Shuri with wide, fearful eyes, he checked her over for injuries. She seemed to be fine, and she immediately got up and hugged him.

Whispering sweet nothings in his ear, they held eachother for what seemed like hours.

Exhaustion coursing through him, he felt himself doze off in her arms.

* * *

 

A sharp bang made him jump. Blinking the sleep out of his eyes, he moved closer to Shuri. 

Two men and a woman entered the cell, and glared at the teens.

A condecending, smug smirk crawled it's it' onto the woman's face at the sight of the muzzle. Peter could almost taste Shuri's anger, and could feel her protective rage.

"What the hell do you want?!" Shuri spat, moving in front of him protectiveley. The woman's smirk turned into a frown, which she quickly corrected to a blank facade.

"What we want, is a safer, pure, world. A world where Mutants, Inhumans, and Humans can all live in peace. Unfortunately, Meta-Mutants don't fit into that vision." She said, her words blunt and brutal.

Shuri blinked at them, pure disbelief on her face.

"I'm sure you can see where this is going? We took your friend, so the world can be safer. We took you, to prove a point. The world will be forced to listen to us, forced to agree."

"Do... Do you realize how hypocritical you guys are?! You hate Meta-Mutants for what, existing?! You preach about how you're discriminated against, but then you go and try to purge eachother?! Just because he's a different type of mutant?!" Shuri ranted, her voice raising to a yell.

The leader's eyes sparkled with rage, her teeth bared in a snarl.

"They are not like us. They are a disgrace. They don't have an X-gene, or an Inhuman family, yet they still have altered DNA. You can't possibly expect us to accept those... Creatures!" She snarled, fists clenching.

"You know where I heard that argument before? In anti-mutant ralleys, you fucking bitch!" Shuri howled, having to be physically restrained by Peter.

"Enough of this. If you're so adamant to support an abomination, how about we change your little friend into more of one. Dark? Rain?" She said, turning to them.

"Yes, Sleek? I mean, Boss?" Dark asked, with an Irish accent.

"Hold her back." Sleek instructed, motioning to Shuri.

Thrashing and flailing, the two men struggled to hold her back. Eventually managing, they nodded to Sleek.

Grabbing a syringe out of a small case, she approached Peter, who shrunk back into the corner.

Wrestling with the boy, Sleek injected the odd, blue syrym into him. Wailing, Peter flailed his limbs as Sleek retreated. The smug smile back on her face, she motioned to Dark and Rain.

Exiting the cell, they paid no mind to Shuri, who was holding Peter's unconscious form in her arms.

* * *

 

The night passed, or at least Shuri thinks it did. The only light they had was the smallest crack in the roots that spread through their cell.

The cell itself was lined with stone, but seemed to be made from a hollow cavern underneath some tree roots. The scent of wet soil and pine needles was strong, and the sound of creaking wood could be heard.

Peter wailed, whimpered and cried all through the night. He seemed to be unconscious, yet in pain. A nasty fever swept through his body, and Shuri had to pry his jaws open to vomit multiple times. 

His twitching and shallow breathe concerned her beyond reason. Blood dribbled down his chin, except this time it was blue. When Shuri checked his pupils, she found that his eyes were slightly darker in color, and his body colder.

Eventually, after what seemed to be an eternity, he awoke. Flinching away, he whimpered and retreated to a corner. Shuri knew him well enough to recognize the signs of a sensory overload. 

Giving him space, she waited it out. Eventually, Peter bolted up and stared at her, pale as a ghost.

"They're gonna kill us. Tomorrow night." He whispered, his voice muffled by the muzzle, yet horrified.

"What?!" Shuri hissed, keeping her voice low.

"I heard them talking about it! They plan to kill us tomorrow night! We need to escape." Peter retorted, waving his hands in the air.

"Right. Yeah, we need to do that. We needed to do that yesterday. Let's get to work. We can dig out way out, starting with that root over there." Shuri said, motioning to the root.

Nodding, they got to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed reading. As I mentioned last chapter, I'm on vacation, so chapters may be delayed or missing. Apologies on my behalf, and have a great week!


	43. ~|Freedom|~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Love let my nightmares,  
> Turn into dreams  
> Love let the aiges into my sleep  
> Love let the spirits,  
> Fly out of me  
> Love let my love inside go FREE"
> 
> -Free, by Mother Mother
> 
> QUICK WARNING: LOTS OF SWEARING AHEAD. SOME CONTENT MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO OTHERS. I MEAN NO DISRESPECT TO SCOTTISH PEOPLE, AND I RESPECT THEM DEEPLY. IF I OFFEND YOU, I APOLOGISE PROFUSELY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Love let my anger,  
> Turn into peace  
> Love let the doves cry out in the streets  
> Love let the poison,  
> Bleed out of me  
> Love let my love inside go FREE"
> 
> -Free, by Mother Mother
> 
> Also guys, I wanted to apologise for not writing chapters for a while. I was on vacation, and didn't have the time to write more chapters. Sorry for that, guys.

Peter doesn't remember much about how he got here. He remembers digging, and he remembers running. He remembers the cold snowflakes that landed in him, signaling the first snowstorm of the season.

He remembers climbing, and he remembers shouting. The sound of yelling, screaming, gunshots, and the burning of buildings broke through his foggy memory. 

Blinking, he tried to chase away the clouds swarming his sight. Shuri and him had been walking for hours, and snow piled down from the looming pine trees above them. The night sky glared mercilessly at the two children, lost and alone. 

Shuri was shaking and shivering. She narrowed her eyes and tried to still her chattering teeth.

Peter didn't shake or shiver. He simply pulled his jacket closer to his body and tried to fight off his tiredness. He guessed his lack of thermoregulation had something to do with this, but the relentless drowsiness was new.

The instinct to burrow somewhere safe and warm was overwhelming. His thoughts wandered to a warm, safe bundle of webbing that he could sleep in.

Vision swimming, he stumbled and collapsed to the ground. Mind fogging over, he let himself wander into a warm, cozy sleep.

The snow and pine needles beneath his numb limbs faded away, as did the sound of shoes crunching against the snow. Closing his eyes, he curled into himself.

Someone was trying to wake him up, but he was too far gone. He knew nothing but that he must stay asleep. 

It was warm, in his mind. It was warm and safe. He was content. Outside, it was cold and dangerous. Whirling blizzard winds whipped at his face, turning his face blue and causing his limbs to curl.

Distinctly, he felt the warmth of someone. Someone was close, and they sounded upset. Peter wanted to comfort them, but that meant waking up.

Peter knew he couldn't wake up. Instead, he let everything slip away. His last slip of consciousness had him wondering what his own name was.

* * *

Shuri coughed, her aching legs numb from walking. Her fingers were bruised and bloodied from digging them out of their cell, and the scent of smoke lingered on her clothes.

She wanted nothing more than to curl up and cry underneath the broad pine cover, or sleep gazing up at the pale dawn light.

She kept going, however, because her little brother was on her shoulder. She tried waking him up, but he didn't stirr. 

Marching onwards, she kept her gaze set on a target in front of her.

_That pine tree over there. The small rock on the ground. The frozen puddle._

Little goals after little goal, she progressed through the wilderness. Eventually, a distant barking sound caught her attention.

Tensing, she noticed some sled marks indented into the ice. Turning, she flagged down the driver.

"What're ya doin in a place such as dis, wee las?" The driver asked, his thick Scottish accent muffled by the furs covering his mouth.

"Sir! My brother and I were kidnapped! We need help, please!" Shuri begged, concern and relief making her desperate.

"Ah shite, jump on den, don't want ya freezing out ere!" He invited, eyeing Peter with concern.

"What's up with ya fren there? He sick?" The man questioned, laying Peter down on the small sled he was driving. Shuri sat down, tied herself on, and pulled both Peter and some furs closer to them.

"I don't know. He collapsed and wouldn't wake up. He has trouble regulating temperature, but I've never seen this before." Shuri admitted, running her hand through his hair.

"Aye, dat soocks. My village healer should be able to help, ya know?" He offered, giving his dogs the order to go.

"The name's Shuri. This is my non-blood related little brother, Peter." She introduced.

"The name's Dreki, which means Dragon. Me mum was Icelandic and me pa was Scottish, so I have two names. Dreki, and Drágon. Both mean dragon in your language." Dreki explained, his tone friendly.

"Your... Your name's dragon?" Shuri blinked, confused.

"Yep! Me pa named me after my grandpa, who was named after his grandpapa. It goes back very far." Dreki answered, handing Shuri some water.

"I come from a small village a few dozen kilometers from here, or aboot 25 miles for you Americans." Dreki teased lightly. Shuri smiled, before explaining her heritage.

"That's pretty cool. Ah, we almost dere, Las! Might be a bit rough because we need to go down a hill." Dreki warned, making sure everyone was buckled in tight.

After giving a command, Dreki proceeded to drive the sled over a cliff. Screaming, Shuri held on for dear life. What seemed like forever passed before the somehow reached the village.

Panting and shaking from terror, Shuri didn't notice the small crowd.

"Dreki, what is this?" An old looking man asked.

"Glic, sir, this is Shuri of Wakanda and Peter of the U.S.A. They were kidnapped by da rebellion group cause Shuri is a Princess an Peter is the son of Tony fookin Stark." Dreki explained, as the other village members hurried to help the children.

"Aye, since when did Tony Stark, get a child?" A strange man asked from the group.

"Ah, Fuil, ya daft cunt. First oof, children tend to be born, an not summoned from hell like you were. Second, he isn't really his kid, just really close. You wouldn't know dat, though, cause you're a bitch." Dreki sassed, watching as Fuil rolled his eyes.

"Oi, where dae foock es Calman? Where does foock is ma Sugar Plum, dat beautiful cunt." Dreki said, looking around Calman.

"Who's Calman?" Shuri asked, after making sure that Peter was safe and warm.

"Me husband. He's my little pluma, and at the same time da most annoying fuck I've ever met. Aside from Fuil." Dreki replied, making a heart with his hands.

"Right. So, where are we?" Shuri asked, following as Dreki walked into the small cabin that Peter and Shuri were staying.

"Well, we are in da smool town of Baile Mòr. There's 112 odd of us beautiful fucks, and we are of Scottish, Russian, Polish, Dutch, and Swedish decent, yet we all speak Scottish. By the way, how are ya understanding us, and how are ya talking to us?" Dreki asked, suddenly intrigued.

"Well, we have these translator bands on our wrists that help us." Shuri answered, proud of her creation.

"Aye, are you an inventor?" Dreki asked. Smiling, Shuri spent the next few hours talking to Dreki about different things.

Shuri learned the history of the small town, and Dreki learned about the outside world.

After Dreki left, Shuri collapsed down on the bed with a sigh. Smiling softly, she felt hope flare in her chest. They were warm and safe now. All they had to do was wait for the team to come find them. That wouldn't be too long. 

_Would it?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "A bloody war,  
> Behind my eyes  
> I'll come out alright on the other side  
> Just close the door,  
> And shut the blinds  
> I'll come out alright on the other side."
> 
> -Free, by Mother Mother


	44. Today, Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Today, Today,  
> Is one of those days,  
> Stuck between yesterday and tomorrow  
> Everywhere to go,  
> Everything to do,  
> Hot sun drippin' down the windows."
> 
> -Today, Today by Jack Stauber

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Count your teardrops,  
> All 114 of them,  
> And sing...  
> Count your teardrops,  
> All 114 of them,  
> And sing..."
> 
> -Today, Today by Jack Stauber

No Peppermint, 8:42 A.M

HopesAndDreams: @210Bones

HopesAndDreams: did you wash the dishes?

210Bones: I thought you wanted to do that

HopesAndDreams: *laughs*

HopesAndDreams:  _you were wrong!_

210Bones: @UwU help

SnarkShark: Peter and Shuri are visiting Thor for the weekend, they probably won't respond

SnarkShark: speaking of which, @Thunderthighs how are the kids?

Thunderthighs: they weren't at the apartment

SnarkShark: what do you mean 'they weren't at the apartment'

Thunderthighs: I thought happy or you picked them up, so I left

Thunderthighs: I tried calling them but they wouldn't pick up

SnarkShark: holy shit @friday @karen run scans WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY

SnarkShark: WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY KIDS, THOR?

BigOwO: where's my sister and nephew?

friday: running scans sir

friday: a small town in Eastern Russia sent out an alert saying they found two children matching their description

SnarkShark: great. @BigOwO @Thunderthighs @Hurricane Tortilla come help me pick them up, @friday set a course for the town

friday: sir, I must warn you that the letter they sent to the neighboring town says that the one matching Peter's description is in poor condition

BigOwO: shit

SnarkShark: @7phds alert Helen Cho to get the medbay ready

SnarkShark: we're heading out immediately, everyone else stay and make sure nothing blows up

Pepperoni: @BigOwO make sure Tony doesn't have an aneurysm

BigOwO: kinda hard to do if I'm also having an aneurysm

BigOwO: but I will. Tony's like a brother to me, and Peter's like a nephew to me

210Bones: would that make Shuri his aunt?

210Bones: OW HOPE JUST HIT ME

Pepperoni: good

* * *

 

Shuri took a deep breathe as she awoke from her nap. Getting up, she headed outside.

"Aye, 'ello dere! Good ta see ya up an at 'em! We 'ave some goats here that we think ya'd enjoy! Ya can keep 'em, when ya go home." Dreki greeted as Shuri stepped out of the small cabin.

Smiling, she followed as Dreki lead her to the paddock on the outskirts of town. Peter was still in his coma-like state, but he did seem better.

"Ya see dat little black one with da white speckles in 'er fur? Dat's Stella. Means Star in Latin." Shuri was broken out of her worries by Dreki's kind voice. He was pointing to where a group of four kids (goat kids) were playing.

"Da brown one with da dorsal stroipe and da roofled fur is Leo, which means Lion. The white one 'ith a black undercoat es Luna, which means Moon. 'Er bröther, Sol, is da golden-brown one with da broken horn. His name means Sun." Dreki explained, pointing out each goat.

"That's cool. One of my friends has a herd of goats, he would love these guys." Shuri said, thinking of how they had secretly moved Bucky's herd. Somehow, Tony hadn't noticed the herd of goats eating his lawn.

Shouting distracted them from the goats. Turning back to the village, they saw a quinjet land nearby. Eyes lighting up, Shuri rushed forward and hugged the first person who exited.

Taken back, Tony paused before hugging her back. Noticing T'challa, she rushed forward and tackled him in a giant hug. Tears seeping from her eyes, she burrowed her head in his chest.

As Rhodey went off to help Tony find Peter, Thor explained everything to a confused Dreki.

After about five minutes, Shuri remembered Dreki and the goats. Smiling and thanking Dreki profusely, Shuri also gave him and Calman a hug.

After herding the goats into the quinjet, Shuri allowed herself to be looked over by T'challa. She had some minor scratches, but she'd be fine.

A few minutes later, they carried Peter in on a stretcher. He was still unconscious, and Tony was upset. Everyone calmed when F.R.I.D.A.Y's scans showed that he was simply hibernating, and would awake shortly.

Confused, they turned to Shuri. Explaining what had happened, the four hour ride back home seemed very short.

Peter woke up a few hours later, and the small, yet happy, family rejoiced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short, guys. I just didn't have a good way to end the angst arc. Hope it isn't toi bad. Let me know if you have any suggestions for the next few chapters. We have 10 in story days until Thanksgiving, so I have plenty of free space.  
> As always, enjoy reading, and have a great week!


	45. KSJWIDHSKMA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's sick, AGAIN?
> 
> Its me!
> 
> Sorry it's late. If you have any comments, questions, concerns, or suggestions (which I am desperate for) please comment them down below.
> 
> As always, enjoy reading, and have a great week!

No Peppermint, 6:42 P.M

UwU: *kicks down door*

UwU: *in Scottish accent*  **D O N K E Y**

OwO:  _ITS TIME TO **STOP**_

Thunderthighs: WHY ARE WE SHOUTING

UwU: wouldn't you like to know, weather boy?

SnarkShark: in other news, Thor and Bruce have urged me to fund a Stark Industries Eco-Box. Pepper will do the business spiel

Language: a what now? 

UwU: cool

Pepperoni: Stark Industries Eco-Box: a new, eco-friendly tourist attraction that can be fit into even the most crowded cities.

Pepperoni: these easily assembled buildings look like basic greenhouses, but can be placed on top of flat, or even curved buildings.

Pepperoni: after assembly, you simply set up the environment in a way that resembles a specific biome. Temperature, Humidity, Soil PH, Air Pressure, and Oxygen/other chemical levels can be changed to better suit the ecosystem you are trying to replicate.

Pepperoni: lowest humidity and highest heat produces a very basic desert. Highest humidity and highest heat equals a tropical forest. Lowest heat and lowest humidity equals an ice desert. Lowest heat and highest humidity equals a tundra-like biome. All settings on moderate produces a deciduous forest, etc

Pepperoni: the smallest Eco-Box can fit over 20 fairly sized organisms 

Pepperon: for example, the smallest possible coniferous box can house a gray or red fox, flying and gray squirrels, mice/other rodents, bats, coyotes, Fisher cats, bobcats, multiple insect/arachnid/invertebrae species, some songbirds, crows, and if you add water, fish, reptile and amphibian species. 

Pepperoni: we have plans to implement these boxes in Bejjing, Berlin, Washington D.C, Tokyo, Saint Peter's Burg, New York, Mexico City, Ottawa, London, Paris, Rome, Sao Paulo, and Canberra. 

Pepperoni: each city has agreed to have one or two boxes of each biome implemented onto their buildings, with each city having a bonus box of their own ecosystem.

Pepperoni: for example, Ottawa has a giant bonus box on top of one of their biggest buildings. This Eco-Box mimicks the the mixed, albiet slightly chilly, forest and rivers that used to thrive before the city became what we know today

Pepperoni: this Ottawa box includes moose, beaver, Canadian geese, lynx, white-tail deer, brown bears, eagles, squirrels, minks, voles, mice, song birds, corvids, fish, otters, reptiles, amphibians, and many types of plant/fungal life.

Pepperoni: each city has also agreed that the spawn of each organism, (lynx cubs, brown bear cubs, eagle chicks, moose calves, fish spawn, reptile eggs, etc) once they come of adult or juvenile age, along with different seeds and saplings of endangered plant life, will be used to aid in reforestation and conservation efforts.

Pepperoni: so, what do you think?

UwU: if it includes fireflies, I think it'll be pretty  _lit_

OwO: why are you like this?

UwU: when I woke up out of hibernation, the sun was shining right on my face. I hated it, and I wanted rain. I figured the best way to do that is to make God cry :)

OwO: (╬⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾)

IwI: this is the timeline that God abandoned

UwU: truly 

PKStarStar: guys I need help

SnarkShark: what's the matter? Intergalactic war Lord's? The Kree?

PKStarStar: Brunhilde will not stop making egg puns

SnarkShark: what?

Valkereee: you cannot eggscape

SnarkShark: ah, *cocks gun* I see

PKStarStar: this all started when I scared her when she was cooking, and she accidentally threw a cheese grater at me

SnarkShark: what?

PKStarStar: she saw me glaring at her and said "Don't be un **grate** ful." I threw an egg at her, in which she screamed.

PKStarStar: this was immediately followed up by her yelling that it was an eggsplosion.

SnarkShark: this reminds me, Sam tell us your Natasha story

BigBird: okay

SnarkShark: everyone buckle up, this is gonna be wild

BigBird: so it was a few days ago, I had just finished  _playing_  with Steve, and wanted to get a snack. 

BigBird: I go into the kitchen, and Natasha was looking at me with that smile that said she knew and I was trying my best to avoid eye contact.

BigBird: then, she just picks up an onion, and just fucking bites into it like an apple

BigBird: I don't think she meant too, because she looked horrified, but then she just shrugged and kept eating it  _like a fucking apple and I have never been more horrified_

R-rebecca: I mean, I had already taken a bite. Might as well commit to it

Birdbrain: that is horrifying

SnarkShark: just like the fact that Peter is out of bed. 

SnarkShark: get back to bed so Bruce can check you over

UwU: why does this always happen. Do you have a Peter detection system or something?

SnarkShark: *eyes friday's code* something like that

UwU: Godammit Friday you snitch

SnarkShark: go

UwU: fine

UwU left the chat

Hurricanetortilla: you are such a dad

SnarkShark: shut up,  _Tortilla_

 

 

 


	46. YA LIKE JAZZ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I finally have an idea for the next arch! And its one I came up with! The gang (Peter, Shuri, Groot, maybe Harley) will all be forced to endure all the Tumblr writing prompts! (Not all of them, just the interesting ones.)
> 
> What do you think? Sound Intretesting? Let me know if you have any better ideas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for not updating recently. I've recently got in touch with some friends I haven't seen in like two years, so I've been spending most of my time doing that. Also, it's fucking hot here, it's going to get up to 105° F tomorrow and Sunday. May not sound too bad, but it's humid as all hell here so it's probably gonna feel a LOT worse.

No Peppermint, 5:13 A.M

UwU: @HopesAndDreams

UwU: ya like j a z z?

HopesAndDreams: I am gonna shatter you like glass

OwO:  _earnie prepared to commit a hate crime_

UwU: UwU

SnarkShark: dONT YOU FUCKING DARE

UwU: become the dirt I walk on

SnarkShark: UwUing is illegal now

UwU: I was already planning on breaking the law by going to the Area 51 raid

SnarkShark: the what now

OwO: basically a bunch of people realized that with a big enough crowd of angry people you could overthrow a government building so everyone's 'joking' about raiding Area 51

Language: it's just a joke though, right?

OwO: ...

OwO: @MemeQueen we may need your Tyranatar

PlumsUwU: on a completely unrelated note, do you think I should get sheep for my goat herd?

PlumsUwU: I researched it and it said it was possible I just didn't know if you thought I should

OwO: do what you want

UwU: or ask your boyfriends

Language: go for it. You might wanna get some herding dogs to help keep them in check

OwO: good point. May I suggest a border collie or German Shepard? Or, when they get older, Ash and Dust?

PlumsUwU: who's Ash and Dust?

OwO: Ash is my greyhound pup, the silver one. Dust is Peter's black one

PlumsUwU: ah. They are greyhounds, but I suppose they could be trained

Language: you talking about livestock Is kinda hot

OwO: Steve has a kink for farming

UwU: Steve is a furry

IwI: if anything wouldn't he have a kink for America?

YwY: counter theory: Steve is simply into hearing his boyfriend talking about something he enjoys

UwU: nah he's a furry

OwO: agreed furry confirmed

UwU: I wonder what his fursona would be

OwO: an eagle. A Bald Eagle named Freedom, and his twinky bottom boyfriend named Liberty

UwU: there's another top, and his name is Justice

IwI: wait this just reminded me of a joke

UwU: ??? All this did is remind me if a dream I had where my grandpa (who was wearing a MAGA hat) stole MY MAGA hat, despite the fact that i don't support Trump, or have a grandpa

UwU: he then proceeded to shapeshift into a horse, break into my goat pen and set everything on fire. I couldn't hit him, though, because he was a horse and I didn't have it in me to hurt a horse (even if they were an asshole)

OwO: dude what the fuck have you been smoking

UwU: everything

UwU: nevermind I'm being sucked into a portal byeeeee

OwO: me too, this is so sad Alexa play Despacito 

YwY: fucking big moods, I am also being sucked into a portal

IwI: *Roblox death noise* im fourth

IwI: O O F

SnarkShark: you know what? I'm sure they'll be fine.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try my best to reply to your guy's comments, so if you commented you might want to check for replies. Its probably just gonna be unintelligible crack, though.
> 
>  
> 
> Just like my stories :)


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A rising villain with the power to make anyone do what they say as long as they hear them begins to take over the city. Their greatest threat? Not the well known superheroes, but rather, a brave civilian who is deaf, and thus, is completely immune to his powers.
> 
> That's the first writing prompt. I'm probably only gonna do a few of these.
> 
> The second Writing Prompt is: You’ve heard of Guardian Angel now get ready for Destruction Demon! Your own personal Demon whose entire purpose is making your life absolutely horrible every chance they get!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

As Peter, Shuri, Harley and Groot all fell through the portal, a loud, booming voice spoke.

"Greetings, fools. I am the God of Writing, and today I have created a fun little game for us to play. I will choose one, two, three, or all of you to fulfill a writing prompt. You must complete these simulations, or one of you will die. These are simulations, so do not worry about other consequences. Ready? Let the games begin."

 "Peter and Harley will be the first two to fulfill the prompt, which is 'A rising villain with the power to make anyone do what they say as long as they hear them begins to take over the city. Their greatest threat? Not the well known superheroes, but rather, a brave civilian who is deaf, and thus, is completely immune to his powers.' Good luck to you both, and remember, you must complete the prompt."

* * *

Groot and Shuri found themselves in a small black void, with a what resembled two movie screens. One screen showed Peter's point if view, and it said that this character was deaf.

The other screen showed Harley's point of view, and it said that he was the villian.

Glancing at eachother, they both got comfey and watched the show.

* * *

Harley opened his bleary eyes to the sight of a crowd, their eyes glazed over and their bodies still. They were looking right at him, seemingly awaiting orders.

"Lord Nightingale, what do you wish of us?" A smooth, drugged sound voicce sounded in the crowd.

Harley realized that he was the villian, albiet one with a stupid ass name, and that he must complete the prompt. He also realized that he had no idea how to act like a villian.

"Uhm, uh... Villainous things." He stuttered out, watching as the crowd, which was seemingly the entire city, started commiting crimes, both violent and non violent.

Before anyone could get far, a loud, obnoxious voice screeched from behind him.

"WASSUP, FUCKERS?!" Peter screamed, tackling Harley to the ground.

"Oh my god, you smug fucking frog, leave me alone!" Harley screeched, trying to get Peter off, but he must've been using his super strength.

"Let them go!" Peter yelled.

"Never!" Harley yelled back, trying his best to be dramatic.

"Harley, I swear to God I will fill your sinuses with urine!" Peter threatened, and Harley could feel the outline of Peter's claws through his hands. Harley knew Peter would never use them, but it was still intimidating.

"Fine, fine. They're released, you stupid ass fucking tadpole." Harley said, yelping as the ground fell away.

A loud clapping was heard as they tumbled on top of Shuri and Groot. 

"Very well, heros. Time for the next prompt is 'You’ve heard of Guardian Angel now get ready for Destruction Demon! Your own personal Demon whose entire purpose is making your life absolutely horrible every chance they get!' For this one, Shuri will be the person, a normal highschooler who works summers at Burger King. Harley will the guardian angel on her shoulder, guiding her and helping her with problems. Peter will be the destruction demon. Let's begin!"

* * *

Shuri stiffled a groan as she walked to work. She felt nothing but irritation and apprehension for the trouble that lay ahead. Harley was on her shoulder, trying to be comforting. Peter was on the other shoulder, making a bunch of irritating noises.

"Peter, I swear to God. If you do not stop making those noises I will kick you in the shins." Shuri threatened. 

"What do you call a guy with no shins?" Peter asked, his voice sly.

"You when I'm done with you." Shuri grumbled, ignoring the odd looks she was receiving.

"Toe-knee." Peter answered, and Harley giggled. Shuri groaned and kept walking.

"Almost there." Harley comforted, parting her cheek.

"Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in-tents!" Peter snickered, causing both Shuri and Harley to sigh.

"What's the best kind of bee?" Peter asked, turning to Harley.

"One thats pollinating our fragile ecosystem, SAVE THE FUCKING BEES!" Harley shouted, causing Shuri to wince.

"No it's a boo-bee." Peter responded, smiling devilishly.

"Knock knock." Peter began.

"Who's there?" Harley asked.

"Europe." Peter responded.

"Europe who?" Harley questioned, deadpan.

"No, you're a poo!" Peter wailed dramatically.

"I am going to kill god." Shuri muttered, glancing at her own clenched fists.

"Hey, hey Shuri. Shuri. Hey, Shuri." Peter pestered, poking her cheek.

"What?!" She snapped.

"What do you call a sketchy neighborhood in Italy? A Spaghetto!"

Shuri took a deep breath and tried to resist yeeting herself into the nearest volcano.

"So a seal walks into a club...." Peter trails away, relishing in the horrified look on both of their faces.

"Knock knock." Peter began, again.

"Who the fuck is there?" Harley asked, with a dramatic whip of his head.

"Daisy."

"Daisy who?"

"Daisy me rollin', they hatin'." Peter finished, relishing in their internal screaming.

"For my next magic trick, I will dis-a-pear!" Peter said, mimicking Strange's voice.

"Fuck you pear, you piece of shit!" Peter hissed at a non-existant pear. 

Harley made sure he had an alibi for the murder that was about to occur.

"What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?" Peter questioned.

"Finish that fucking sentence and I WILL commit a fucking war crime!" Shuri screeched through gritted teeth. She could see her work place, but she was much more tempted to jump of a bridge.

"HAAAAAANNNDDDDD EYYEEEEEEE!" Peter screamed, followed by Shuri and Harley. Then, they were all screaming because they were falling through a portal.

"Well done! I'm impressed, especially with the creativity involved. Very well, you've earned yourself a rest. Food, water, blankets, pillows, and some Disney movies to watch. Bathroom's on the right. See you tomorrow, heros, but to the others, it will only be a moment." The voice said, and true to it's word, the materials arrived.

"What do you call the security guards outside of the Samsung store?" Everyone gave him a look that said 'Don't you fuckin dare'.

"The Guardians of the Galaxy!"

"I am Groot?" Groot asked, dryly. ("Am I a joke to you?" In English)

"Fool! There are no gods here to protect you now!" Shuri hissed as Harley let out a war cry. All lunging, Peter went down in a fit of screaming and laughing as they all tickled him.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, Groot will get a turn.
> 
> Also, sources!
> 
> https://www.goodbadjokes.com/?page=4
> 
> https://writing-prompt-s.tumblr.com/archive


	48. Bongo Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I made this one on my laptop (for the first time ever) so don't mind any formatting issues. All credit for the prompts goes to Writing Prompts on Tumblr

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UwU
> 
> Sorry, it's short, (Or not, I'm on a laptop I can't tell) It's late at night and I have horseback riding lessons tomorrow so I kinda had to throw something out; Hope you enjoy anyway. As always, enjoy reading, and have a great week.
> 
> UwU

"Alright, listen up. These next few prompts will be in conversation form. I'll start a sentence or conversation, and one of you finishes it. It will start with Peter, then Shuri, then Groot, then Harley. Ready?" The Writing God explains, before smiling. 

"Most dangerous monster? Well, vampires are easy-just carry around pencils. Ghosts are mostly irritants, werewolves collapse at silver, and dragons keep to themselves... Nah, it's the one nobody expects, it's-" Writing God, or WG for short, trailed off.

"Bongo cat!" Peter immediately replied. WG sighed softly, before turning to Shuri.

"Stop waking me up in the middle of the night." WG said, faking exasperation.

"Sorry, bitch. I can't help it that I can't stop thinking about how the platypus is a venomous mammal that lays eggs, has an extra sense, and has a bill." Shuri snarked.

"This was a mistake." WG muttered to himself, before focusing on Groot.

"Time seems to slow down as you look at the scene in front of you. Emotion floods your body as you gaze at-" WG says, only to receive "I am Groot" in response. Blinking, WG turned to Harley.

"After gaining the ability to see everyone's red strings of fate tying their soulmates to each other, you realize that your's extends into the sky."

"Well, I always said that my future wife would be out of this world." Harley says, his voice deadpan. Internally screaming, WG just snaps his fingers and returns them to where they were before.

* * *

No Peppermint, 5:14 A.M

UwU: Me: *Gets stabbed*

UwU: Me: This is homophobic

OwO: I can't believe this is the first thing you say after getting back.

OwO: Also

OwO: Me: *Gets stabbed* Rude

IwI: Me: *Gets stabbed* Well this was unexpected

YwY: Me: *Gets stabbed*

YwY: Me: Not again

SnarkShark: Kid how are you so chill about getting stabbed yet get really overdramatic over the smallest things

UwU: That's just Gen Z culture, Mr. Stark

SnarkShark: yesterday you asked me "Why won't god just end me" because you got a b- on a geography test

Thunderthighs: Guys can you tell Ash and Dust that Captain America's pants are NOT fit for consumption? 

Language: ???????????

Language: You can speak dog?

7phds: dude yesterday he was borderline crying because a dragonfly said his hair looked dumb

WitchBitch: guys Vision and I are having some relationship issues

Birdbrain: Have you tried turning him off and turning him back on again

WitchBitch: Shut the fuck up this is serious

Birdbrain: Sorry kiddo :(

Birdbrain: What's the issue?

WitchBitch: We both want a baby, but Vision is a robot. We can't decide if we're gonna adopt, go to a bank, or what. It's causing some arguments

Language: Wow, a baby? That's a lot of work

WitchBitch: we know, we've talked about this a lot and we're sure we're ready. We would get married, but we both don't really like the idea

WitchBitch: we're both happy being girlfriend and boyfriend

Pepperoni: Well, I suggest fostering some kids, and if it works out, adopting them

TheProphecy: We thought about that. We just couldn't come to a decision

WitchBitch: Vision and I will think it over. Thanks, guys

UwU: I learned something today

SnarkShark: like what

UwU: What are you, a cop?

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think? They WILL be fostering, but what about character designs? Twins? Triplets? Names, ages, appearances, and personality ideas welcome.


	49. Tide Pods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally! The first prank of many! Enjoy.
> 
> There WILL be a 50,000 word special chapter coming up soon, so if you have any suggestions please let me hear them! It could be something like they all go out to dinner, or they have a nerf war, or anything you guys want! It'll also be the 50th Chapter Special, so I look forward to hearing your ideas!  
> Also I'm on laptop again so sorry for bad formatting (if there is any)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a dead meme, but I thought it would fit well for the first prank of many here. As always, if you have any questions, suggestions, or concerns, please comment down below! As always, enjoy reading, and have a great week!

"Hey, Peter!" Shuri excitedly yelled from her lab chair.

"What?" Peter replied, placing down his tools.

"I have an idea!" She yelled back in response.

"Oh no." Peter groaned. Last time she had an idea they were stuck in 12th century Europe, The Triassic Era, and WW2.

"Also, why are you yelling, I'm right next to you." Peter asked as he spun around in his spinny chair. Ignoring him, Shuri smiled as she pulled out some hastily-scribbled notes.

"I know it's a dead meme, but I made watered down tide pods! And they taste good! You know what this means, right?" Shuri asked with a mischevious smile, meeting Peter's equally mischievous eyes.  

"Edible tide pods?" Peter questioned, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

"Let's go prank T'challa and Tony." Shuri said, rushing off to create the tide pods.

 

* * *

"Look at them, having fun and stuff." T'challa said, staring at the two teens, who were hunched over something in the kitchen, giggling and laughing. 

"I don't trust it." Tony growled. Tony knew better, and the kids were acting incredibly suspicious. 

Rolling his eyes in response, T'challa turned to the teens.

"What are you kids doing over there?" He asked, thinking he was about to prove Tony wrong.

"Eating laundry detergent." Shuri said, not looking up.

Freezing, T'challa felt his blood run cold. Tony tensed beside him, and T'challa nearly had an aneurysm.

"WHY in the FUCK?!?! WHAT?!" Tony screeched as he ran forward, with T'challa in tow.

"Don't worry, it's safe." Peter assured, looking Tony dead in the eye and biting into one.

Screaming, Tony tackled Peter to the ground. Laughing her ass off, Shuri watched as T'challa waved his hands around hysterically, shouting.

"Hey, guys, anyone know where the cookies-" Clint said as he walked in. Pausing, he looked at the mess in front of him, made a face, and left.

"Nevermind, then." He muttered as he walked out.

As Peter explained the prank to Tony and T'challa, the adults calmed down. For about 3 seconds. Then, yelling and grounding followed, with Peter and Shuri deciding to book it to where Natasha and Pepper were relaxing.

Watching as Tony and T'challa gave chase, before stopping completely, the kids hid behind where Pepper was sitting.

"I don't even want to know." Pepper said as she shared a look with a defeated Tony.

Smiling smugly, Shuri revealed the last 'tide pod', before eating it. Then, Peter, like the mature 15-year-old that he is, stuck his tongue out at the adults.

* * *

No Peppermint, 3:09 P.M

OwO: Since Sam is a bird will he eat Peter because he's a spider

UwU: if he did I wouldn't mind because I'm into vore

OwO: *Earnie prepares to commit a hate crime*

UwU: Brave words coming from someone who's brother resembles H.P Lovecraft's cat

OwO: *gasps* YOU DARE?

Birdbrain: H.P Lovecraft had a cat?

Thunderthighs: KITTY?

7phds: Thor's most recent Earth obsession is cats

Thunderthighs: What was the name of the cat, you ones?

OwO: Oh well umm

UwU: *sweats nervously*

OwO: uhhhhh

UwU: We'll let you look that one up

UwU: While you guys are here I need to tell you something important

OwO: ?

UwU: Last night I had a dream where an Australian person asked me what to name their baby

OwO: ?????

UwU: YOU KNOW WHAT I FUCKING SAID

UwU: I FUCKING ANSWERED 'BANANA'

UwU: FOR A BABY

OwO:  _w h y_

UwU: You want to know my reasoning behind this?

OwO: not really but you're going to tell us anyway

UwU:  _because when someone called them 'mate' they could say bananate, or banamate_

UwU: BANANA MATE

UwU: SLEEP ME MADE A FUCKING PUN

OwO: oh my god

UwU: I woke up at 7:00 A.M on a weekend because I was so pissed at myself for making a sleep pun

OwO: This is gold

SnarkShark: Peter we need to talk about what you eat/drink before bed

Birdbrain: I want whatever you're smoking

IwI: drugs are bad, mkay?

OwO: dammit Harley stop lurking

IwI: Me, slinking back into the shadows:  _next time_

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I had this dream. I woke up at 7:00 A.M on summer vacation because I was so fucking pissed
> 
>  
> 
> Man whoever keeps drugging my drink before I go to bed needs to stop


	50. 50th Chapter Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry it was this late. Last Sunday I dislocated my arm, on Monday I was recovering, on Tuesday we had to go meet up with a family friend for dinner and bowling, on Wednesday I had an orthodontist appointment, on Thursday I had Horse Back Riding Lessons, on Friday I saw Far From Home, on Saturday I was fucking dying inside, and here we are. I may take a short break on this story for a bit, only because I am planiing on starting a new one soon. Stay tuned for that!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I claim no rights to any of the songs, go check them out. Also, feel free to comment any questions, suggestions, or concerns down below, as well as telling me how many you guessed before it was revealed. Thanks for reading, and have a great week!

No Peppermint, Who Cares When

OwO: So you guys know how its T'challa's birthday?

UwU: No????? Spill the tea????

OwO: oh well its his birthday so I thought @everyone would play a game

OwO: Peter/Harley/I will assign a song to a group, and they have to work together to sing it

OwO: then the others have to guess what the song is

OwO: Ready? The first song will be sung by Peter, Harley, and Quill

UwU: uh oh

OwO:: Don't worry it will be really easy

IwI: Alright

UwU: comin' out of my cage, and I've been doing just fine

IwI: gotta gotta be down because I want it all

StarFox: it started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?

UwU: it was only a kiss, it was only a kiss!

IwI: now I'm going to sleep, while she's calling a cab

StarFox: while he's having a smoke and she's taking a drag

UwU: now I'm going to bed, and my stomach is sick, and its all in my head but

IwI: but she's touching his chest now, he takes off her dress now

StarFox: let me gooooo

UwU: and I just can't look, it's killing me

IwI: and taking control

StarFox: jealousy, turning saints into the sea

UwU: Swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis

IwI: but it's just the price I pay, destiny is calling me

StarFox: open up my eager eyes

UwU:  **'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside**

IwI: *Background vocals*

StarFox: *Music*

UwU: comin' out of my cage, and I've been doing just fine

IwI: gotta gotta be down because I want it all

StarFox: it started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?

UwU: it was only a kiss, it was only a kiss!

IwI: now I'm going to sleep, while she's calling a cab

StarFox: while he's having a smoke and she's taking a drag

UwU: now I'm going to bed, and my stomach is sick, and its all in my head but

IwI: but she's touching his chest now, he takes off her dress now

StarFox: let me gooooo

UwU: and I just can't look, it's killing me

IwI: and taking control

StarFox: jealousy, turning saints into the sea

UwU: Swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis

IwI: but it's just the price I pay, destiny is calling me

StarFox: open up my eager eyes

UwU:  **'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside**

 

UwU: Clint, take a guess on what it was

Birdbrain: Mr. Brightside, by the killers

OwO: Correct! Now, the next song will be sung by Wanda, Gamora, and Barnes

WitchBitch: *clears throat*

WitchBitch: you tell me that I'm crazy, doing this alone

IWon'tHesistate: you don't need to save me, oh how I've grown

PlumsUwU: I am capable of anything you can see

WitchBitch: but now I want to change

IWon'tHesitate: Just blow out the candles, oh little boy, when will you learn?

PlumsUwU: you don't play with fire, unless you wanna get burned, wanna get burned

WitchBitch: just blow out the candles, oh how the tables they've turned

IWon'tHesitate: you don't play with fire, unless you wanna get burned, wanna get burned

PlumsUwU: wanna get burned, wanna-wanna get burned

WitchBitch: somethings just sound crazy, things you'll never know

IWon'tHesitate: but there's always that one 'maybe', that keeps stringing you along

PlumsUwU: 'cause I am capable of everything you can see, but now, I want to change

WitchBitch: just blow out the candles, oh little boy, when will you learn?

IWon'tHesitate: you don't play with fire, unless you wanna get burned, wanna get burned

PlumsUwU: just blow out the candles, oh how the tables they've turned, 

WitchBitch: you don't play with fire, unless you wanna get burned, wanna get burned

IWon'tHesitate: what is that, that I see, floating right in front of me

PlumsUwU: lock the doors, try to leave, but now it's clear to me...

WitchBitch: You didn't blow out the candles, oh little boy, you'll never learn

IWon'tHesitate: you don't play with fire, but you're already burned, already burned

PlumsUwU: just blow out the candles, oh how the tables they've turned

WitchBitch: you don't play with fire, 'cause you're already burned, already burned

IWon'tHesitate: wanna get burned, wanna-wanna get burned

PlumsUwU: wanna get burned, wanna-wanna get burned

WitchBitch: wanna get burned, wanna-wanna get burned

PlumsUwU: Natasha, take a guess

R-rebecca: Burned, by Grace VanderWaal

R-rebecca: it's one of my favorite songs

UwU: next up is Clint, T'chala and Shuri

UwU: ready? start!

Birdbrain: little girl, little girl why are you cryin'?

OwO: inside your restless soul your heart is dyin'

BigOwO: little one, little one your soul is purgin'

Birdbrain: of love and razor blades your blood is surgin'

OwO: run away, from the river to the street

BigOwO: and find yourself with your face in the gutter

Birdbrain: you're a stray, for the salvation army

OwO: There is no place like home, when you have no place to go

BigOwO: little girl, little girl your life is callin'

Birdbrain: the charlatons and saints of your abandon

OwO: little one, little one the sky is fallin'

BigOwO: your lifeboat of deception is now sailin'

Birdbrain: in the wake, in the wake no rhyme or reason

OwO: your bloodshot eyes will show your heart of treason

BigOwO: little girl, little girl you dirty liar!

Birdbrain: you're just a junkie preaching to the choir

OwO; run away, from the river to the street, and find yourself with your face in the gutter

BigOwO: you're a stray, from the salvation army

Birdbrain: there is no place like home, when you've got no place to go

OwO: the traces of blood always follow you home

BigOwO: like the mascara tears from your getaway

Birdbrain: you're walking with blisters and you're running with shears

OwO: so un-holy, sister of grace!

BigOwO: run away, from the river to the street, and find yourself with your face in the gutter

Birdbrain: you're a stray, for the salvation army

OwO: there is no place like home...

OwO: Scott guess the title

210Bones: uhhhh

210Bones: Little one?

OwO: close, it's Viva La Gloria, aka Little Girl by Green Day

210Bones: oof

OwO: next song is by Sam, Groot, and Thor

BigBird: you say you love me, I say you're crazy

YwY: we're nothing more than just friends

Thunderthighs: you're not my lover, more like a brother, I've known you since we were like, 10

BigBird: don't mess it up, talking that shit, only gonna push me away, that's it

YwY: when you say you love me, that makes me crazy, here we go again...

Thunderthighs: don't go look at me with that look in your eye

BigBird: you really ain't going away without a fight

YwY: you can't be reasoned with, I'm done being polite

Thunderthighs: I've told you one, two, three, four, five, six thousand times

BigBird: haven't I made it obvious? Haven't I made it clear? Want me to spell it out for you?

YwY:  **F-R-I-E-N-D-S**

Thunderthighs: haven't I made it obvious? Haven't I made it clear? Want me to spell it out for you?

BigBird:  **F-R-I-E-N-D-S**

YwY:  **F-R-I-E-N-D-S**

Thunderthighs: have you got no shame, you lookin' insane, turning up at my door

BigBird: it's two in the morning, the rain is pouring, haven't we been here before?

YwY: don't mess it up, talkin' that shit, only gonna push me away, that's it

Thunderthighs: when you say you love me, that makes me crazy, here we go again...

BigBird: so don't go look at me with that look in your eye

YwY:  you really ain't going away without a fight

Thunderthighs: you can't be reasoned with, I'm done being polite

BigBird: I've told you one, two, three, four, five, six thousand times

YwY: Haven't I made it obvious? (Haven't I made it?) Haven't I made it clear? (Haven't I made it clear?)

Thunderthighs: Want me to spell it out for you? F-R-I-E-N-D-S

BigBird: Haven't I made it obvious? Haven't I made it clear? (Haven't I?)

YwY: Want me to spell it out for you? (To spell it out for you?)

Thunderthighs: F-R-I-E-N-D-S, F-R-I-E-N-D-S

BigBird: F-R-I-E-N-D-S, that's how you f****** spell friends

YwY: F-R-I-E-N-D-S, get that shit inside your head

Thunderthighs: No, no, yeah, uh, ah

BigBird: F-R-I-E-N-D-S, we're just friends

YwY: So don't go look at me with that look in your eye

Thunderthighs: You really ain't going nowhere without a fight

BigBird: You can't be reasoned with, I'm done being polite

YwY: I've told you one, two, three, four, five, six thousand times

Thunderthighs: Haven't I made it obvious? (Have I not made it obvious?)

BigBird: Haven't I made it clear? (I made it very clear)

YwY: Want me to spell it out for you? (Yo) F-R-I-EN-D-S (I said F-R-I-E-N-D-S)

Thunderthighs: Haven't I made it obvious? (I made it very obvious)

BigBird: Haven't I made it clear? (I made it very clear) 

YwY: Want me to spell it out for you? F-R-I-E-N-D-S

Thunderthighs: F-R-I-E-N-D-S

OwO: wow

BigBird: Barnes, guess

PlumsUwU: Is it FRIENDS

BigBird: *narrows eyes* maybe....

OwO: it's FRIENDS by Marshmello and Anne-Marie

UwU: I have new found respect for women who are harrassed by guys in the 'friend zone' 

MemeQueen: *cough* the friend zone is just a way for entitled men to whine about how just because they were nice to a girl they think they should get laid but didn't and turned into a bunch of pussies *cough*

OwO; preach it, bae

UwU: anyway, it's time for Loki, Strange, and Natasha to sing

Slytherin: often, I am upset, that I cannot fall in love

HarryPotter: but I guess this avoids the stress of falling out of it

R-rebecca: are you tired of me yet?

Slytherin: I'm a little sick right now but I swear, when I'm ready I will fly us out of here

HarryPotter: I'll cut my hair, to make you stare

R-rebecca: I'll hide my chest and figure out a way out of here

Slytherin: turn off your porcelain face, I can't really thing right now in this place

HarryPotter: there's too many colors, enough to drive all of us insane

R-rebecca: are you dead? sometimes I think I'm dead,

Slytherin: 'cause I can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head, but I don't wanna fall asleep just yet

HarryPotter: my eyes went dark, I don't know where my pupils are but I'll figure out a way to get us out of here

R-rebecca: get a load of this monster, he doesn't know how to communicate

Slytherin: his mind is in a different place, will everybody please give him a little bit of space?

HarryPotter: get a load of this train wreck, his hairs a mess and he doesn't know who he is yet

R-rebecca: but little do we know the stars, we welcome him with open arms

Slytherin: time is... slowly... tracing his face

HarryPotter: but strangley he feels at home in this place...

R-rebecca: I think Peter knows. I hear him listen to it all the time

UwU: its one of my favorites! It's This Is Home, by Cavetown!

OwO: up next is Drax, Vision, and Wong

Destroyer: people are puppets held together with string

TheProphecy: there's a beautiful sadness that runs through him

EwE: as he asked me to pray to the god he doesn't believe in

Destroyer: time and again boys are raised to be men

TheProphecy: impatient they start, fearful they end

EwE: but here was a man, mourning tomorrow

Destroyer: he drank, but finally drowned in his sorrow

TheProphecy: oh he could not break surface tension

EwE: he looked in the wrong place for redemption

Destroyer: don't look at me with those eyes

TheProphecy: I tried to unweave the ties, turn back the time that drew him

EwE: but he couldn't be saved, a sadness runs through him, through him

Destroyer: time and again boys are raised to be men

TheProphecy: impatient they start, fearful they end

EwE: but here was a man, mourning tomorrow

Destroyer: he drank, but finally drowned in his sorrow

TheProphecy: oh he could not break surface tension

EwE: he looked in the wrong place for redemption

Destroyer: don't look at me with those eyes

TheProphecy: I tried to unweave the ties, turn back the time that drew him

EwE: but he couldn't be saved, a sadness runs through him, through him

Destroyer: don't look, don't.... don't, don't

TheProphecy: don't look at me with those eyes

EwE: I tried to unweave the ties, turn back the time that drew him

Destroyer: but he couldn't be saved, a sadness runs through him

TheProphecy: through him, through him, a sadness runs through him, through him...

EwE: Strange I hope to The Ancient One you know this

HarryPotter: how could I not? you played it non-stop as your way of coping with her death

HarryPotter: it's A Sadness Runs Through Him by the Hoosiers

OwO: Peter, Bruce, Brunhilde, you're up

UwU: circling around the kitchen, why has nothing changed?

7phds: feed cucumber sandwhich to a pigeon, chipping nail varnish on guitar strings

Valkeree: got a pillow case made out of money, feelin pretty fake when i wake up

UwU: tissue paper castle paper caddy, scaly little friends got my back up

7phds: didn't give me time to say goodbye in the way that I wanted to

Valkeree: so honey close your eyes and stay, like you're supposed to do

UwU: don't you wanna give me time to write another song for you?

7phds: *music*

Valkeree: *guitar strums*

UwU: fuzzy feeling and I miss you, why can nothing stay the same?

7phds: fucking stupid and I'm gonna kill you

Valkeree: melt all your art and drink the paint

UwU: I am not a beast, I'm not a monster, I don't care what you say

7phds: you can't have the bad guys without a hero, and I'm the only one who's got a cape

Valkeree: don't you wanna give me time to say goodbye in the way that I wanted to

UwU: so honey close your eyes and stay like you're supposed to do

7phds: don't know how I'm gonna live without

Valkeree: but I'll stay strong for you

OwO: oof that was really good

UwU: listening to that song always feels like someone kicked me in the gut with emotion

IwI: it's Pigeon by Cavetown, aka the best band

SnarkShark: hey we have one for you

BigOwO: for Peter, Shuri, Groot, AND Harley

UwU: someBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME

OwO: I AINT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED

YwY: she was lookin kinda dumb, with her finger and her thumb

IwI: In the shape of an L on her forehead

UwU: well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming

OwO: fed you the rules and you hit the ground runnin

YwY: didn't make sense not to live for fun

IwI: your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

UwU: so much to do so much to see, so what's wrong with taking the back street?

OwO: you'll never know if you don't go

YwY: you'll never shine if you don't glow

IwI: hey now, you're an all star, get your game on, go play

UwU: hey now, you're a rock star, get your show on, get paid

OwO: all that glitters is gold, only shooting stars break the mold

UwU: please don't make us continue this

SnarkShark: fine. Ned, MJ, Rhodey, you're up

ChairDude: this is gospel, for the fallen ones

MemeQueen: locked away in permanant slumber

Hurricanetortilla: assembling their philosophies, from pieces of broken memories

ChairDude: oh oh oh oh oh oh oh this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart

MemeQueen: oh oh oh oh oh oh oh this is the beat of my heartm this is the beat of my heart

Hurricanetortilla: their gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds

ChairDude: but they haven't seen the best of us yet

MemeQueen: IF YOU LOVE ME LET ME GOOOOOOOOOOO,

Hurricanetortilla: IF YOU LOVE ME LET ME GOOOOOOOOOOOO

ChairDude: 'cause their words are knives and often leave scars

MemeQueen: the fear of falling apart

Hurricanetortilla: truth be told I never was yours

ChairDude: the fear, the fear of falling apart

MemeQueen: oh oh oh oh oh  oh oh 

ChairDude: this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart

Hurricanetortilla: oh oh oh oh oh  oh oh

ChairDude: this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart

MemeQueen: this is gospel, for the vagabonds, never-do-wells and insufferable bastards

Hurricanetortilla: confessing their apostasies, lead away by imperfect imposters

Chairdude: oh oh oh oh oh  oh oh

MemeQueen: this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart

Hurricanetortilla: oh oh oh oh oh  oh oh

ChairDude: this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart

MemeQueen: don't try and sleep through the end of the world and bury me alive

Hurricanetortilla: cause I won't give up without a fight

ChairDude: IF YOU LOVE ME LET ME GOOOOOOOOOOO

MemeQueen: IF YOU LOVE ME LET ME GOOOOOOOOOO

Hurricanetortilla: cause these words are knives and often leave scars, the fear the fear of falling apart

ChairDude: oh oh oh oh oh  oh oh

MemeQueen: The fear of falling apart

Hurricanetortilla: oh oh oh oh oh  oh oh

ChairDude: the fear, the fear of falling apart

MemeQueen:  oh oh oh oh oh  oh oh

Hurricanetortilla: this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart

ChairDude: the fear, the fear of falling apart

MemeQueen: oh oh oh oh oh  oh oh

Hurricanetortilla: this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart

ChairDude: the fear, the fear of falling apart

MemeQueen: oh oh oh oh oh  oh oh

Hurricanetortilla: this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart

ChairDude: the fear, the fear of falling apart

MemeQueen: oh oh oh oh oh  oh oh

Hurricanetortilla: this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart

ChairDude: the fear, the fear of falling apart.....

UwU: wow, that was good

OwO: agreed

UwU: I think Loki might know

Slytherin: of course, it's This Is Gospel by Panic! At The Disco

Thunderthighs: Loki loves the mortal bands such as Panic!, My Chemical Romance, and Linkon Park

OwO: XD

Slytherin:  _I will end you_

IwI: Coulson, Fury, Daisy, your turn

ThisBitchEmpty: now and then I think of when we were together

pirateman: like when you said you felt so happy you could die

UwO: told myself that you were right for me, but felt so lonely in your company

ThisBitchEmpty: but that was love and it's an ache I still remember

pirateman: you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

UwO: like resignation to the end, always the end, so when we found that we could not make sense

ThisBitchEmpty: well you said that we would still be friends, but I'll admit that I was glad it was over

pirateman: **but you didn't have to cut me off, make out like it never happened and that we were nothing**

UwO: **and I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough**

ThisBitchEmpty: **no, you didn't have to stoop so low, have your friends collect your records and then change your number**

pirateman:  **I guess that I don't need that though, now you're just somebody that I used to know**

UwO:  **now you're just somebody that I used to know, now you're just somebody that I used to know**

ThisBitchEmpty: now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over

pirateman: but had me believing it was always something that I'd done

UwO: but I don't wanna live that way, reading into every word you say

ThisBitchEmpty: you said that you could let it go, and I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

pirateman: **but you didn't have to cut me off, make out like it never happened and that we were nothing**

UwO **: **and I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough****

ThisBitchEmpty **: **no, you didn't have to stoop so low, have your friends collect your records and then change your number****

pirateman ** **: **I guess that I don't need that though, now you're just somebody that I used to know******

UwO ** ** **: **now you're just somebody that I used to know, now you're just somebody that I used to know********

ThisBitchEmpty: s **omebody (I used to know), (Somebody) Now you're just somebody that I used to know**

pirateman: s **omebody (I used to know), (Somebody) Now you're just somebody that I used to know**

UwO:  **I used to know, that I used to know, I used to know somebody**

IwI: Pepper, guess what it is

Pepperoni: Somebody That I Used To Know, but I don't know who wrote it

UwU: of course not, now he's just somebody that we used to know

OwO: it was by Gotye, featuring Kimbra

UwU: Friday, Pepper, Karen, you guys are singing now

friday: a cardinal crashed into my window, I think he might die

Pepperoni: planned him a funeral and read his last rights

Karen: 'cause I know what he saw in that reflection of light

friday: on the glass was a better life

Pepperoni: staring at a hole in your chest that's been dug there for decades

Karen: American boken promises

friday: caught between the lies you've been fed and the war with your bloodstream

Pepperoni: I should've been there when you needed me, friend

Karen: I was off on my own again, selfish and stupid

friday: so if you call me back or let me in, I swear I'll never let you down again

Pepperoni: I know the devil you've been fighting with

Karen: I swear I'll never let you down again

friday: I had that nightmare again, you're 7 and helpless

Pepperoni: angry as hell and you ball up your fists but I beat you half-concious

Karen: know that I failed you, woke up in a sweat

friday: I want those years back...

Pepperoni: so if you call me back or let me in, I swear I'll never let you down again

Karen: I know the devil you've been fighting with

friday: I swear I'll never let you down again

Pepperoni: we're no saviors, if we can't save our brothers

Karen: we're no saviors, if we can't save our brothers

friday: so if you call me back or let me in, I swear I'll never let you down again

Pepperoni: (we're no saviors, if we can't save our brothers)

Karen:  I know the devil you've been fighting with, I swear I'll never let you down again, never let you down again...

OwO: Strange?

HarryPotter: Cardinals by The Wonder Years, I listened to that a lot after my sister died

OwO: sorry for your loss

HarryPotter: it's fine, who's singing next?

UwU: Goose

Goose: hp aidujndm,mdreds a

Goose:  jepiqmk,3jmdi4rmguam4,8

Goose:  wqpj9msjufhnm,p)zhfuujvrhrffawd

UwU: thank you, Goose, that was Ocean Man

OwO: up next: Hope and Scott

HopesAndDreams: we're no strangers to love, you know the rules and so do I

210Bones: a full commitment's what I'm thinking of, you wouldn't get this from any other guy

HopesAndDreams: I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling, gotta make you understand

210Bones: never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down

HopesAndDreams: never gonna run around and desert you, never gonna make you cry

210Bones: never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

SnarkShark: enough of that

Birdbrain: I CANNOT belive we just got Rick Rolled by a guy named '210Bones'

OwO: we've been tricked, lied to, and quite possibly, bamboozled

UwU: oof

IwI: owie my prostate

IwI: anyway, Peter, Wanda and Shuri are gonna sing now

UwU: CRAWLING IN MY SKIN, THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEAL

WitchBitch: FEAR IS HOW I FALL, CONFUSING WHAT IS REAL

OwO: there's something inside me that pulls beneathe the surface,

UwU: consuming, confusing

WitchBitch: this lack of self control I fear is never ending

OwO: controlling, I can't seem, to find myself again, my walls are closing in

UwU: (without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)

WitchBitch: I've felt this way before, so insecure!

OwO: CRAWLING IN MY SKIN, THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEAL

UwU: FEAR IS HOW I FALL, CONFUSING WHAT IS REAL

WitchBitch: discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me, distracting, reacting

OwO: against my will I stand beside my own reflection, it's haunting how I can't seem

UwU: to find myself again, my walls are closing in

WitchBitch: (without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)

OwO: I've felt this way before, so insecure!

UwU: CRAWLING IN MY SKIN, THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEAL

WitchBitch: FEAR IS HOW I FALL, CONFUSING WHAT IS REAL

OwO: CRAWLING IN MY SKIN, THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEAL

UwU: FEAR IS HOW I FALL, CONFUSING WHAT IS REAL

WitchBitch: there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface

OwO: consuming (confusing what is real)

UwU: this lack of self control I fear is never ending

WitchBitch: controlling (confusing what is real)

IwI: Coulson, take a guess

ThisBitchEmpty: I don't know, but Daisy references it a lot

UwO: it's Crawling by Linkin Park

IwI: Next up is Carol, Tony and Clint

PKStarStar: feels like we're on the edge right now

SnarkShark: I wish that I could say I'm proud

Birdbrain: I'm sorry that I let you down,  let you down

PKStarStar: all these voices in my head get loud

SnarkShark: I wish that I could shut them out

Birdbrain: I'm sorry that I let you down, l-l-let you down

PKStarStar: yeah, I guess I'm a disappointment

SnarkShark: doing everything I can, I don't wanna make you disappointed, it's annoying

Birdbrain: I just wanna make you feel like everything I ever did wasn't ever tryna make an issue for you

PKStarStar: but, I guess the more you thought about everything, you were never even wrong in the first place, right?

SnarkShark: yeah, I'ma just ignore you, walking towards you, with my head down, lookin' at the ground, I'm embarrassed for you

Birdbrain: paranoia, what did I do wrong this time? That's parents for you

PKStarStar: very loyal? Shoulda had my back, but you put a knife in it, my hands are full

SnarkShark: what else should I carry for you? I cared for you, but...

Birdbrain: feels like we're on the edge right now

PKStarStar: I wish that I could say I'm proud

SnarkShark: I'm sorry that I let you down,  let you down

Birdbrain: all these voices in my head get loud

PKStarStar: I wish that I could shut them out

SnarkShark: I'm sorry that I let you down, l-l-let you down

Birdbrain: yeah, you don't wanna make this work, you just wanna make this worse

PKStarStar: want me to listen to you, but you don't ever hear my words, you don't wanna know my hurt

SnarkShark: let me guess you want an apology, probably

Birdbrain: how can we keep going at a rate like this? We can't, so I guess I'ma have to leave

PKStarStar: please don't come after me, I just wanna be alone right now, I don't really wanna think at all

SnarkShark: go ahead, just drink it off, both know you're gonna call tomorrow like nothing's wrong

Birdbrain: ain't that what you always do? I feel like every time I talk to you, you're in an awful mood

PKStarStar: what else can I offer you? There's nothing left right now, I gave it all to you

SnarkShark: feels like we're on the edge right now

Birdbrain: I'm sorry that I let you down,  l-l-let you down

PKStarStar: all these voices in my head get loud

SnarkShark: I wish that I could shut them out

Birdbrain: I'm sorry that I let you down, l-l-let you down

PKStarStar: yeah, don't talk down to me, that's not gonna work now

SnarkShark: packed all my clothes and I moved out, I don't even wanna go to your house

Birdbrain: everytime I sit on that couch, I feel like you lecture me

PKStarStar: eventually, I bet that we could have made this work and probably woulda figured things out

SnarkShark: but I guess that I'm a letdown, but it's cool, I checked out

Birdbrain: oh, you wanna be friends now? Okay, let's put my fake face on and pretend now

PKStarStar: sit around and talk about the good times that didn't even happen

SnarkShark: I mean, why are you laughing? Must have missed that joke

Birdbrain: .et me see if I can find a reaction... no, but at least you're happy

PKStarStar: feels like we're on the edge right now, I wish that I could say I'm proud

SnarkShark: I'm sorry that I let you down, oh, I let you down

Birdbrain: and I wish that I could shut them out, I'm sorry that I let you down. oh let you down

PKStarStar: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry now

SnarkShark: I'm sorry that I've let you down

IwI: oof

IWon'tHesitate: Let You Down by NF

StarFox: how the hell do you know that

IwI: bad parent gang rise up

UwU: I wish I had parents instead of just being summoned from hell

OwO: pathetic. I was born when our lord and savior, Obama, threw me up

Slytherin: Wanda would find this funny IF SHE WASN'T HAVING LOUD PHONE SEX WITH VISION  _ON THE DISCORD CALL_

WitchBitch: whoops

SnarkShark: wait you guys have a discord call

WitchBitch: Loki, Vision, Natasha and I are all on a server for those who don't identify as their biological gender

WitchBitch: I identify as female but I'm there just to make sure nothing happens

WitchBitch: anyway Pepper, Natasha, Shuri, MJ, Carol, Gamora, Nebula and I are all on a female-only server

OwO: anyway it's Steve, Natasha and Nebula's turn

Language: step one, you say we need to talk, he walks, you say sit down, it's just a talk

R-rebecca: he smiles politely back at you, you stare politely right on through

Number1: some sort of window to your right, as he goes left, and you stay right

Language: between the lines of fear and blame, you begin to wonder why you came

R-rebecca: where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness

Number1: and I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life

Language: let him know that you know best, 'cause after all, you do know best

R-rebecca: try to slip past his defense, without granting innocence

Number1: lay down a list of what is wrong, the things you've told him all along

Language: and pray to God he hears you, and I pray to God he hears you

R-rebecca: where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness

Number1: and I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life

Language: as he begins to raise his voice, you lower yours and grant him one last choice:

R-rebecca: drive until you lose the road, or break with the ones you've followed

Number1: he will do one of two things: he will admit to everything,

Language: or he'll say he's just not the same, and you'll begin to wonder why you came

R-rebecca: where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness

Number1: and I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life

Language: where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness

R-rebecca: and I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life

Number1: how to save a life, how to save a life

Language: where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness

R-rebecca:and I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life

Number1: where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness

Language: and I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life

R-rebecca: how to save a life, how to save a life

SnarkShark: How To Save A Life, by The Fray

OwO: Fury, Harley, Hope

pirateman: well you only need the light when it's burning low

IwI: only miss the sun when it starts to snow

HopesAndDreams: only know you love her when you let her go

pirateman: only know you've been high when you're feeling low

IwI: only hate the road when you're missing home

HopesAndDreams: only know you love her when you let her go, and you let her go

pirateman: staring at the bottom of your glass, hoping one day you'll make a dream last

IwI: but dreams come slow and they go so fast, you see her when you close your eyes

HopesAndDreams: maybe one day you'll understand why everything you touch surely dies

pirateman: 'cause you only need the light when it's burning low

IwI: only miss the sun when it starts to snow

HopesAndDreams: only know you love her when you let her go

pirateman: only know you've been high when you're feeling low

IwI: only hate the road when you're missing home

HopesAndDreams: only know you love her when you let her go, and you let her go

pirateman: staring at the ceiling in the dark, same old empty feeling in your heart

IwI: love comes slow and it goes so fast, well you see her when you fall asleep

HopesAndDreams: but never to touch and never to keep, 'cause you loved her too much and you dived too deep

pirateman: 'cause you only need the light when it's burning low

IwI: only miss the sun when it starts to snow

HopesAndDreams: only know you love her when you let her go

pirateman: only know you've been high when you're feeling low

IwI: only hate the road when you're missing home

HopesAndDreams: only know you love her when you let her go, and you let her go

pirateman: and you let her go, oh oh oh no

IwI: and you let her go, oh oh oh no 

HopesAndDreams: and you let her go

 well you only need the light when it's burning low

IwI: only miss the sun when it starts to snow

HopesAndDreams: only know you love her when you let her go

pirateman: only know you've been high when you're feeling low

IwI: only hate the road when you're missing home

HopesAndDreams: only know you love her when you let her go, and you let her go

pirateman: 'cause you only need the light when it's burning low

IwI: only miss the sun when it starts to snow

HopesAndDreams: only know you love her when you let her go

pirateman: only know you've been high when you're feeling low

IwI: only hate the road when you're missing home

HopesAndDreams: only know you love her when you let her go, and you let her go

pirateman: and you let her go

Rabbit: Let Her Go by Passenger

Rabbit: Mantis made me listen to a bunch of newer terran music and this was one of her favorites

Destroyer: that is my hideous, wonderful fiance you are talking about

Rabbit: yeah, yeah it is Mr. 'My-Reflexes-Are-Too-Fast"

IWon'tHesitate: guys please don't have the daily family squabble in the chat

Number1: do it someplace more reasonable, like the nearest black hole

Rabbit: fine. who's next?

OwO: Bucky, Vision and Groot

PlumsUwU: lately I been, I been losing sleep, dreaming about the things that we could be

TheProphecy: but baby I been, I been prayin' hard, said no more counting dollars

YwY: we'll be counting stars, yeah, we'll be counting stars

PlumsUwU: I see this life like a swinging vine, swing my heart across the line

TheProphecy: in my faces flashing signs, seek it out and ye shall find

YwY: the old, but I'm not that old, young, but I'm not that bold

PlumsUwU: and I don't think the world is sold, I'm just doing what we're told

TheProphecy: I, feel something so right, doing the wrong thing

YwY: I, feel something so wrong, but doing the right thing

PlumsUwU: I could lie, could lie, could lie

TheProphecy: everything that kills me makes me feel alive

YwY: *Music*

PlumsUwU: lately I been, I been losing sleep, dreaming about the things that we could be

TheProphecy: but baby I been, I been prayin' hard, said no more counting dollars

YwY: we'll be counting stars, yeah, we'll be counting stars

PlumsUwU: lately I been, I been losing sleep, dreaming about the things that we could be

TheProphecy: but baby I been, I been prayin' hard, said no more counting dollars

YwY: we'll be counting stars, yeah, we'll be counting stars

PlumsUwU: I feel the love and I feel it burn, down this river every turn

TheProphecy: Hope is a four letter word, make that money, watch it burn

YwY: old, but I'm not that old, young, but I'm not that bold

PlumsUwU: and I don't think the world is sold, I'm just doing what we're told

TheProphecy: I, feel something so wrong, but doing the right thing

YwY: I could lie, could lie, could lie, everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly

PlumsUwU: lately I been, I been losing sleep, dreaming about the things that we could be

TheProphecy: but baby I been, I been prayin' hard, said no more counting dollars

YwY: we'll be counting stars, yeah, we'll be counting stars

PlumsUwU: lately I been, I been losing sleep, dreaming about the things that we could be

TheProphecy: but baby I been, I been prayin' hard, said no more counting dollars

YwY: we'll be counting stars, yeah, we'll be counting stars

PlumsUwU: take that money and watch it burn, sink in the river the lessons I learned

TheProphecy: take that money and watch it burn, sink in the river the lessons I learned

YwY: take that money and watch it burn, sink in the river the lessons I learned

PlumsUwU: take that money and watch it burn, sink in the river the lessons I learned

TheProphecy: everything that kills me makes me feel alive

YwY: *Music*

PlumsUwU: lately I been, I been losing sleep, dreaming about the things that we could be

TheProphecy: but baby I been, I been prayin' hard, said no more counting dollars

YwY: we'll be counting stars, yeah, we'll be counting stars

PlumsUwU: lately I been, I been losing sleep, dreaming about the things that we could be

TheProphecy: but baby I been, I been prayin' hard, said no more counting dollars

YwY: we'll be counting stars, yeah, we'll be counting stars

PKStarStar: Counting Stars by OneRepublic

friday: very good. next up is Peter, Shuri, and Rhodey

karen: it will be in a different style than the others

UwU: I'm gonna be a mighty king, so enemies beware

Hurricanetortilla: well, I've never seen a king of beasts with quite so little hair

UwU: I'm gonna be the main event, like no king was before, I'm brushing up on looking down, I'm working on my roar

Hurricanetortilla: thus far, a rather uninspiring thing

UwU: oh, I just can't wait to be king

Hurricanetortilla: you've rather a long way to go, young master, if you think-

UwU: no one saying, "do this"

Hurricanetortilla: Now when I said that, I-

OwO: no one saying, "be there"

Hurricanetortilla: what I meant was-

UwU: no one saying, "stop that"

Hurricanetortilla: look, what you don't realize

OwO: no one saying, "see here"

Hurricanetortilla: now see here!

UwU: free to run around all day

Hurricanetortilla: well, that's definitely out

UwU: free to do it all my way

Hurricanetortilla: I think it's time that you and I arranged a heart to heart

OwO: kings don't need advice from little horn-bills for a start

Hurricanetortilla: if this is where the monarchy is headed, count me out, out of service, out of Africa, I wouldn't hang about

Hurricanetortilla: this child is getting wildly out of wing

UwU: oh, I just can't wait to be king!

UwU: everybody look left

OwO: everybody look right

UwU: everywhere you look I'm standin' in the spotlight

Hurricanetortilla: not yet!

UwU: let every creature go for broke and sing

UwU: let's hear it in the herd and on the wing

UwU: it's gonna be King Simba's finest fling

UwU: oh, I just can't wait to be king

OwO: oh, he just can't wait to be king

UwU: oh, I just can't wait to be king!

Language: I know! I know this one!

SnarkShark: enlighten us, Capsicle

Language: Just Can't Wait To Be King from the Lion King

PlumsUwU: good job

BigBird: *wipes tear* I'm so proud

UwU: alright guys, last one, Tony and Steve

SnarkShark: anything you can do, I can do better

Language: no you can't. 

SnarkShark: yes, I can.

Language: no, you can't. 

SnarkShark: yes, I can.

Language: no, you can't. 

SnarkShark: yes, I can, yes, I can!

Language: anything you can be, I can be greater, sooner or later I'm greater than you

SnarkShark: no, you're not. 

Language: yes, I am.

SnarkShark: no, you're not. 

Language: yes, I am.

SnarkShark: no, you're not. 

Language: yes, I am.

Language: I can shoot a partridge, with a single cartridge

SnarkShark: I can get a sparrow, with a bow and arrow

Language: I can live on bread and cheese

SnarkShark: and only on that?

Language: yep!

SnarkShark: suck on a rat

Language: any note you can reach, I can go higher

SnarkShark: I can sing anything higher than you

Language: no, you can't

SnarkShark: yes, I can

Language: no, you can't

SnarkShark: yes, I can

Language: no, you can't

SnarkShark: yes, I can

Language: no, you can't

SnarkShark: yes, I can

Language: no, you can't

SnarkShark: YES I CAN!

Language: how can you sing that high!?

SnarkShark: I'm a GORL

Language: *shocked pikachu meme*

SnarkShark: anything you can buy, I can buy cheaper, I can buy anything cheaper than you

Language: fifty cents?

SnarkShark: forty cents! 

Language: thirty cents?

SnarkShark: twenty cents!

Language: no, you can't!

SnarkShark: yes I can!

Language: anything you can say, I can say softer

SnarkShark: I can say anything softer than you

Language: no, you can't

SnarkShark: yes, I can

Language: no, you can't

SnarkShark: yes, I can

Language: no, you can't 

SnarkShark: yes I can, YES I CAN!

Language: I can drink my liquor faster than a flicker

SnarkShark: I can drink it quicker and get even sicker!

Language: I can open any safe

SnarkShark: without being caught?

Language: you bet!

SnarkShark: that's what I thought, ya crook

Language: any note you can hold, I can hold longer 

SnarkShark: I can hold any note longer than you

Language: no, you can't 

SnarkShark: yes, I can

Language: no, you can't 

SnarkShark: yes, I can

Language: no, you can't 

SnarkShark: yes, I can....Yes, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I CA-A-A-A-N!  *collapses*

Language: yes, you ca-a-a-an!

Language: anything you can say, I can say faster

SnarkShark: I can say anything faster than you

Language: no, you can't 

SnarkShark: yes, I can

Language: no, you can't

SnarkShark: yes, I can

Language: no, you can't 

SnarkShark: yesIcan!

Language: I can jump a hurdle

SnarkShark: I can wear a girdle

Language: I can knit a sweater

SnarkShark: I can fill it better

Language: I can do most anything

SnarkShark: an you bake a pie?

Language: no...

SnarkShark: neither can I

Language: anything you can sing, I can sing sweeter

SnarkShark: I can sing anything sweeter than you

Language: no, you can't

SnarkShark: yes, I can

Language: no, you can't

SnarkShark: yes, I can

Language: no, you can't

SnarkShark: yes, I can

Language: no, you can't

SnarkShark: yes, I can

Language: NO, YOU CAN'T

SnarkShark: YES, I CAN

UwU: wow. pure gold

Birdbrain: this isn't even a song, this is literally what happens every day at training

OwO: are there lots of team rivalries?

R-rebecca: between Tony and Steve, Thor and Hulk, Loki and Strange, Bucky and Sam, and Clint and Scott, it's amazing that we get any training done at all

PlumsUwU: the main thing that motivates my power is spite

UwU: mood

OwO: mood

IwI: mood

YwY: mood

ChairDude: mood

MemeQueen: mood

WitchBitch: mood

Slytherin: mood

TheProphecy: mood

pirateman: the song is Anything You Can Do by Howard Keel and Betty Hutton, though I noticed you changed some things

SnarkShark: seriously though, eating rats is actually good for you

7phds: I WISH you could see the face that Steve and Sam just made

SnarkShark: if you clean and cook them properly, they taste like normal meat

Language: tony what is 'normal meat'

UwU: I don't know why but this reminds me of the meme

OwO: the Shakespeare-Harambe one?

Birdbrain:  _the what now_

UwU: Hell? Empty

OwO: The devils? Here

IwI: Dick? Out

YwY:  ** _I  AM GOING TO SCREAM_**

Pepperoni: all of you need to go the fuck to bed

R-rebecca; Thus sayeth the Spanish Inquisition!

IwI: AH FUCK THE SPANISH INQUISITION IS HERE AGSGHAGSHAGGAGAGAG

UwU: *deadpan* wow, I totally wasn't expecting this

WitchBitch:  **N O W**

UwU: no

IWon'tHesitate:  _ **I will debone you like a fucking trout**_

UwU: okay I'm going to bed now 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope you all enjoyed that. May not be my best chapter, but it certainly is the longest. Thank you all for sticking with me since Chapter 1! Shout out to Emerald_Break, who has been with me since the very first day! Along with being a great person, they have also given me help and suggestions for writing. Thank you all to everyone else, for being great people in general. As always, enjoy reading, and have a GREAT week!


	51. A Special Announcement From The Avengers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> R A I N B O W S B I T C H E S

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more serious fluff. It's pure, but it's also serious and sensitive. 
> 
> PLEASE, NO ARGUING IN THE COMMENTS. I WILL DELETE DEROGATORY MESSAGES AND ARGUMENTS.

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

Us Avengers have a very special announcement for the world

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

You may or may not know that, in the U.S, 5.1% of women identify as part of the LGBT+ community. You may or not be aware that 3.9% of men identify as LGBT+ (in the U.S)

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

Perhaps you know that, in the U.S, 0.6% of people are transgender. Maybe you knew all of this. Maybe you didn't. That's not important

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

What's important is that a majority of those people are discriminated against, kicked out, shunned, and mocked by others

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

What matters is that many of those people, living, breathing humans, are considered lesser than by close minded individuals 

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

What fucking matters is that those very people that we, as a country, as a species, claim we are fighting for, are alienated and abandoned by those they need the most

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

What matters is that, while you go off and rant about how 'straight white men are evil', the suicide rates for lesbian, gay and bisexual children are 29%

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

It doesn't matter wether video games cause violence, (they don't), what matters is that 34% of lesbian, gay and bisexual teens are bullied, simply for loving someone of the same gender

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

What fucking matters is that 28% of lesbian, gay and bisexual students were bullied online by insecure assholes that are shallower than a puddle

 

Murder @Natasha

^^^^^^^

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

Preach it, sis

 

Jellybean @peterparkour

This ^^^

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

Just want to point out that I am, in fact, pansexual. I identify as male, and that shouldn't matter, unless you want to date me

 

Country Rhodes @takemehome

Heterosexual male who is valid, despite what many 'activists' want you to believe. To say that one is lesser because of their gender and sexuality is hypocritical

 

Bider-Man @spooderman

I'm bisexual, male, and single like a Pringle

 

Maxifuckoff @witchbitch

Heterosexual female who is in love with a Non-Binary bisexual Android named Vision

 

Capsicle @thelivinglegend

Bucky, Sam and I are all bisexual males in a three-way relationship

 

Murder @Natasha

I am a non-binary asexual heteromantic (I identify as neither male nor female, I do not wish to have sex with anyone, but I am attracted to guys in a non-sexual way)

 

Hitormiss @Inevermiss

I am a heterosexual male. Nothing special, but it's important that we don't discriminate others when pushing for equality

 

Thor @thundergod 

I am unfamiliar with human gender terms, but I am in love with another guy. I suppose I would be bisexual

 

Bruce Banner @7phds

I am a pansexual male, I am engaged to Thor

 

Better Than You @slytherin

I am a Genderfluid pansexual

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

I'm lesbian, bitch

 

King T'challa @whatarethose

I am a heterosexual male, and like Clint said, it's important not to neglect one sexuality when trying to shine lights on others 

 

Teenyman @scottbott

I too, am a heterosexual male. Once again, important reminder that being heterosexual is also valid

 

Director Fury @pirateman

The world's most dangerous spy and leader of one of the most dangerous government agencies to date is bisexual. What the hell are you going to do about it?

 

Agent Coulson @sonofcoul

I'm on the older side and I still do not know what I am, which is also okay

 

Senpai @noticeme

I'm bisexual, but I'm also fucking fabulous

 

Bitch Lasagna @Emjay

I'm gay, slay, and ready to make you pay (lesbian, gender is simply your genitals and a social construct and is ultimately meaningless)

 

NedLeadstheteam @NedLeeds

Heterosexual, male, and I just want to let you know that as long as you are a good person who always tries to do what's right, you are valid

 

Jellybean @peterparkour

Bisexual, male, I once ate a Pringle, it was stale

 

We're connected @potatoface

Pan, male, life is meaningless and we all exist to pet different animals

 

Tawny Fawn @tawnyfawn48

I'm fucking crying thank you all so much this means a lot to us

 

Citrus And Mint @owiemyprostate

I feel like I'm in that 'Touch of God's painting and I'm the human and the Avengers are god. I feel so touched is what I'm trying to say

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

I'd also like to annojnce Stark Industries' new charity, which goes into providing support for the homeless (both for lgbt people and for straight people)

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

At the end of the day, the second word after the title is what's most important. People. Straight people, gay people, transgender people, etc, we are all people

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

Just a little something to think about next time you feel superior to others simply because they love the same gender

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's not pride month, both in this story or in real life, but I figured that at least some of you needed to hear this. Besides, any month is pride month if you're a good person.
> 
> Sources:
> 
> https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_demographics_of_the_United_States
> 
> https://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/youth.htm


	52. The Sun Sets Only To Rise Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Any suggestions or ideas for the next few chapters? I love hearing the diverse ideas everyone comes up with. It could be angst, crack, fluff, a mix of all three, whatever you want!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Loki boi :(
> 
> EDIT: I was going through some comments and I realized that I had told Emerald_Break that I would name one of the children after them, which I totally forgot to do. Hopefully, adding a small section with their middle names will do. Sorry about that :/

No Peppermint, 3:57 P.M

Thunderthighs: did you guys hear the news?

SnarkShark: no? What news?

Thunderthighs: it turns out that Loki had been dating Rowan ever since we set up New Asgard, which was about two years ago

Thunderthighs: as it also turns out, the reason Rowan was wandering the nine realms and helping others is because he wanted to leave behind a legacy

Thunderthighs: he had lung cancer. He died around midnight

Pepperoni: oh my god that's horrible

210Bones: I'm so sorry for your loss, but who was Rowan? He sounds nice

Thunderthighs: Rowan was Loki's boyfriend

R-rebecca: how is he

Thunderthighs: not doing too well I'm afraid

Thunderthighs: Strange is with him now

Thunderthighs: does anyone have any good news? It might help a bit with the grief

WitchBitch: yeah. Vision and I have been approved to start fostering some triplets

SnarkShark: congratulations!

Birdbrain: I'm so proud :')

R-rebecca: congrats, Clint. You're gonna become a grandpa

WitchBitch: there's Toby, the youngest (by a few seconds), who is very sweet and almost never gets into trouble

WitchBitch: there's Lily, who is either good or mischievous, depending on her mood/if it benefits her. She usually does the right thing, however

WitchBitch: then there's Tony, who causes harmless chaos (pulling small, confusing pranks and making jokes about everything) he's a good kid, though

Pepperoni: they sound amazing

SnarkShark: from now on, I'm Big Tony

TheProphecy: no need, they come with nicknames

SnarkShark: ?

WitchBitch: they chose them on their own, and now they only refer to eachother with those names

ThePropechy: Toby is Jormungand, Lily is Hela, and Tony is Fenrir, the fabled children of Loki

Thunderthighs: which is wrong, Hela is our sister, Fenrir is her pet wolf, and Jormungand is... Jormungand

SnarkShark: I for one dig the nicknames

SnarkShark: they sound pretty badass

WitchBitch: please welcome to the family Toby Ashler Maximoff, Lily Emerald Maximoff, and Tony Dyan Maximoff

friday: everyone says congrats

PlumsUwU: I also have good news! Though, it's not as important as Wanda and Vision's announcement

WitchBitch: well now we're interested

PlumsUwU: I'm getting some sheep for my goat herd

PlumsUwU: three ewes and a lamb, along with a gift for Steve and a gift for Sam

PlumsUwU: the ewes are black, white, brown, and gray. I have named them Night, Cottonball, Cocoa and Slate

BigBird: you got us a gift?

PlumsUwU: yep! I got you... (Drumroll please)

PlumsUwU: a ferret!

BigBird: what?

PlumsUwU: two ferrets, technically, but nonetheless they are ferrets

BigBird: not that I'm not grateful or anything, I do like ferrets, but why ferrets?

PlumsUwU: I was planning on just getting Steve his gift but then felt bad and wanted to get you something

PlumsUwU: it was the ferrets, a feral looking rabbit, some rats who looked like super villians, and a chinchilla who I was 90% sure had the plague

PlumsUwU: two ferrets, one has a 'normal' coat, the other is depigmented (not albino, but still lacking most of their pigment). They're already in your room

BigBird: I noticed :)

BigBird: I shall call the gray one Rascal and the white one Bastard

Language: want did you get me?

PlumsUwU: a 7-year-old Icelandic Horse, named Boi. I'm not making this up. That is his real name

Languages: I love it

UwU: uwu

SnarkShark: more good news from Pepper and I

SnarkShark: the very first animal (a juvenile canadian lynx) born and raised in one of our eco-boxes has been successfully released

IwI: that's great! 

BigOwO: you know, I'm sure the people of Wakanda would love it if the animals we worshipped lived among us

UwU: Im gonna go take a nap. Tell Mr. Loki I'm sorry for his loss

Thunderthighs: I will, son of Stark

UwU: I'm not his son

SnarkShark: he's not my kid, point break

Birdbrain: Tony when will you break out of your denial and realize that you are father and son

R-rebecca: a blind man could see it, and an idiot could make the connection

UwU: I'm gonna nap, I'll let you deal with this Mr. Stark

SnarkShark: thanks, kid

UwU left the chat

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the abrubt ending, but it's midnight here and I'm exhausted. Sorry in advance for any spelling/grammatical errors.


	53. The Scent Of Rain, Rock, And Evergreen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is my own little prompt, which will be part of a small arc. 
> 
> "How do you describe the scent of your loved ones?" 
> 
> As someone who's strongest sense is smell, this is quite easy for me. In the end notes, I will be explaining what each if my family members smells like. (Sorry if that seems kinda weird, I find it sentimental)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure to read the summary, it's important. Also, I'd love to hear what you guys think your family is like. Don't be afraid of coming off as weird, as all of this is kinda odd. I won't judge.
> 
> Also, hopefully this will encourage you to spend time with your family and loved ones.

No Peppermint, 8:13 P.M

UwU: you guys ever stop to think about what your loved ones smell like?

UwU: I know it's a weird question, but I feel like it's important

UwU: May smells like a meadow, like, warmth and safety

UwU: I don't know if that makes sense

OwO: strangely it does and it is a big fucking mood

OwO: T'challa smells like wood, like bark and sap

BigOwO: that's strangely nice of you

BigOwO: you smell more like metal, leather and evergreen

SnarkShark: pepper smells like feathers, if that makes any sense

SnarkShark: soft, yet with the slightest scent of musk and fresh air

Pepperoni: Tony smells like his cologne, motor oil, and metal

Birdbrain: Natasha smells like danger. Danger and black licorice

R-rebecca: Clint smells like freshly cut wood

EwE: strange smells like rain on hot asphalt, along with a slight tang of salt

HarryPotter: how do you know what I smell like???

EwE: because you're my best friend?

HarryPotter: you smell like old books, which is actually very nice smelling

7phds: Thor smells like electricity and rain

Thunderthighs: Bruce smells like herbs and fresh air

IwI: I'd imagine Groot smells like a tree

YwY: and I'd imagine you smelling like hay

Language: Bucky smells like metal and goat musk, Sam smells like fresh air and coffee

PlumsUwU: Steve smells like ice, water, and mud

SnarkShark: what does mud smell like

Hurricanetortilla: earthy, rich, but also watery

WitchBitch: vision doesn't really have a smell, but if he did it would probably be like the seasonings he uses while 'cooking'

TheProphecy: I do not have a sense of smell, but I have been told she smells like clay and Earth

Hurricanetortilla: I've been told I smell like mist and planes

Slytherin: I supposedly smell like mushrooms and deciet, whatever that means

UwO: Coulson smells like cedar and laundry detergent, Melinda smells like alcohol (slightly) and dandelions

ThisBitchEmpty: Daisy smells like fog and chocolate, both Fitz and Simmons smell like their work, but while Fitz smells more like citrus, Simmons smells like heather

pirateman: I've been told I smell like cold metal and embers

PKStarStar: nobody has ever said that. You smell like oak trees and plums

pirateman: you smell like apples and failure, bitch

StarFox: Gamora's scent is like... Fire, but not really. I dont know how to describe it

IWon'tHesitate: quill's scent is more along the lines of dust and dry wind

Rabbit: drax smells like blood and sweat. Mantis smells like those weird alien flowers we keep finding

UwU added Mantis to the chat

UwU changed Mantis' name to PrayingMantis

PrayingMantis: hello, friends!

Destroyer: rocket smells like a raccoon that got into some gunpowder

Destroyer: also, hello my hideous girlfriend

PrayingMantis: hello, my equally hideous boyfriend

210Bones: hope smells like dew, along with that specific unidentifiable scent in the air around dawn

HopesAndDreams: Scott smellsvlike bacon and dirt

SnarkShark: Peter smells like honey, brown sugar and vanilla

UwU: Ned is more like cardboard and sage

UwU: while MJ is like lavender and old books

UwU: sorry if this has been kinda weird, thank you for coming to my Ted talk

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My mom smells like softness. I don't know how else to describe it. Her scent is like soft sand, warmed in the sunlight. Not the kind of sand that scratches your skin or gets in your clothes, it's the kind of silky sand that gives away when you touch it. She smells like warmth, safety, and home.
> 
> My dad smells like fire. Not a campfire, nor a wildfire. He smells more like those tiki torches you put up to keep bugs away. The faintest scent of alcohol can be scented, even if he has had nothing to drink.
> 
> My sister's smell is odd. Personally, I don't like it. It reminds me of mushy bananas. 
> 
> One if my cats, Oreo, smells like hickory wood smoke. The kind of smoke that smells both tangy and sweet at the same time.
> 
> My grandma (paternal) smells like cigarette smoke, stale perfume, and dog fur. I don't know why, but I actually kinda like it (minus the cigarette smoke)
> 
> I don't know what my scent is, but I'd imagine it'd be like water. Ocean water right before a storm. Icy, salty, yet carried softly by the wind. Or perhaps I smell like the forests that I grew up in. Perhaps I smell like leaves, bark, and evergreen sap. Perhaps I smell like mint, or perhaps I smell like mushrooms after it rains. I don't know, but I hope that I smell pleasant.


	54. Blue And Green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Two of my little prompt arc!
> 
> "What is your favorite physical feature about yourself and your loved ones?" 
> 
> Not only does this prompt make you think about your favorite qualities of your loved ones, it also helps with your self confidence. If you don't have a favorite part of you, ask a loved one. Chances are, they'll tell you something that helps boost your self esteem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favorite thing about myself is my heterochromia, which means that my eyes are two different colors. It's barely noticable, but if you look closely, my left eye is more blue, while my right eye is more green.
> 
> Also, I'm aware that I skipped some characters. I skipped them to make the chapter flow more easily.

No Peppermint, 8:26 P.M

UwU: let's continue this, because I'm curious

UwU: what's your favorite physical feature about yourself and your loved ones?

UwU: my favorite feature about myself is probably my hair. It's very very curly :)

UwU: my favorite feature about Mr. Stark is his goatee

SnarkShark: I'd have to say my favorite thing about myself is also my goatee

SnarkShark: the best (physical) thing about you kid is your eyes, you can get anything you want with those

SnarkShark: I love peppers hair, but I also love the way her eyes soften when she looks at something she likes

Pepperoni: I live the way my skin is always clear, even when I was a teen. Peter already said my favorite thing about you (physically)

Pepperoni: Rhodey's face looks very kind. He looks approachable

Hurricanetortilla: thanks :)

Hurricanetortilla: my favorite thing about myself? Probably how I can keep my teeth white with just brushing

Hurricanetortilla: my favorite parts about you guys had already been said

7phds: Thor's best physical features are his hair, his muscles, and his dreamy blue eyes...

R-rebecca: Bruce is literally drooling right now

Pepperoni: I don't blame him

Pepperoni: I'm just saying, if I had that as my fiance I would fucking die with joy

SnarkShark: :(

Pepperoni: I still live you, babe

UwU: if it makes you feel better, Mr. Stark, everyone is gay for Thor

UwU: unless your female. Then your straight for Thor

OwO: even if your lesbian

UwU: even if your lesbian

7phds: all the favorite parts if me are inside, but I suppose the way my hair curls is kinda cool

Thunderthighs: my favorite thing about Bruce is that he's Bruce. He's also very cute! And tiny! 

Thunderthighs: my hair is my favorite part of myself!

Slytherin: shame. Your muscles are your best feature, brother. Too bad you're an idiot 

Slytherin: my favorite part of me is everything. If I had to choose one, it would have to be my eyes

Valkereee: I'm sorry I'm late, there was a battle

Valkereee: my muscle is my favorite feature

Valkereee: Carol's best physical quality is the way she glows when she activated her powers

Valkereee: it's really fucking hot

PKStarStar: I agree with both of your opinions 

R-rebecca: guys fury is literally pouting because he thinks he's been replaced and it's hilarious but at the same time it's really weirding me out

PKStarStar: fury your eye patch is your best feature. Goose did you a favor

ThisBitchEmpty: I thought he lost it to the Kree?

PKStarStar: thats what you told them?

PKStarStar: he lost it to Goose

pirateman: >:(

UwO: my favorite physical feature about myself is how my hair stays reletivley clean through missions

UwO: I like how Coulson's face is very easily readable

ThisBitchEmpty: I love how Daisy's eyes gleam when she gets into something. I also like how I seem very trustable

Language: I love Bucky's arm, Sam's hair, and my muscles 

PlumsUwU: I like my hair, Sam's flexibility, and Steve's hair

BigBird: I also like my hair, Bucky's metal arm, and Steve's stocky build

Birdbrain: I like my hair and Natasha's dangerous aura

R-rebecca: I appreciate Clint's sharp eyes and my dangerous aura

OwO: T'challa is very cat-like, and I'm very confident looking

UwU: Shuri those aren't very physical, but I'll let it slide because it's true

BigOwO: I like how I'm flexible and how Shuri is... Shuri

EwE: gonna be honest, Strange's scars are pretty cool

EwE: I also like how my head is shiny

HarryPotter: I agree, Wong, but I like my hair the best

WitchBitch: the way my hands glow is pretty cool, and so are the patterns of Vision's skin

TheProphecy: it's true, she loves to trace them when we cuddle

StarFox: I like Gamora's green coloration and how I rock the 'rouge ravager' look

IWon'tHesitate: i agree with quill, but I also like how my hair is both black and red

IwI: I like how I'm a human and how groots a tree

YwY: very specific

UwU: I ship it

OwO: yep

UwO: definitely

friday: everyone else has left to go do other stuff

UwU: shame

UwU: ah well

IwI: it's fine, Groot and I are going to sing a duet real quick

UwU: okay hold on let me go get more popcorn

OwO: same

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right, folks! Multiple chapters in one night! This is an apology for being late, again. Enjoy!


	55. Harley And Groot Sing A Duet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Three chapters in one night!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a small break in the arc, next up will be the prompt about favorite personality traits.

No Peppermint, 8:32 P.M 

IwI: Dear Evan Hansen, we've been way too out of touch

IwI: things have been crazy and it sucks that we don't talk that much

IwI: but I should tell you that I think of you each night, I rub my nipples and start moaning with delight

YwY: why would you write that?!

IwI: I'm just trying to tell the truth

YwY: this needs to be perfect. These emails have to prove that we were actually friends.

YwY: just... I'll do it

IwI: I've gotta tell you, life without you has been hard

YwY: hard?

IwI: has been bad

YwY: bad?

IwI: has been rough

YwY: ... Kinky!

IwI: and I miss talking about life and other stuff

YwY: very specific

IwI: shut up!

IwI: I like my parents

YwY: who says that?

IwI: I live my parents but each day's another fight

IwI: if I stop smoking drugs, then everything might be alright

YwY: smoking drugs?

IwI: just fix it!

IwI: if I stop smoking crack,

YwY: crack!?

IwI: if I stop smoking pot then everything might be alright

IwI: I'll take your advice, I'll try to be more nice

IwI: I'll turn it around, just wait and see

IwI: 'cause all that it takes is a little reinvention

IwI: it's easy to change if you give it your attention

IwI: all you gotta do is just believe you can be who you want to be

IwI: sincerely, me

IwI: are we done yet?

YwY: well I can't just give them one email

YwY: I want to show that I was, like, a good friend, you know?

IwU: oh my god

YwY: dear Connor Murphy, yes, I also miss our talks

YwY: stop doing drugs, just try to take deep breaths and go on walks

IwI: no.

YwY: I'm sending pictures of the most amazing trees

IwI: no!

YwY: you'll be obsessed with all my forest expertise

IwI: absolutely not

YwY: dude I'm proud of you, just keep pushing through

YwY: you're turning around, wait and see

IwI: just wait and see

YwY: Cause all that it takes is a little reinvention

YwY: it's easy to change if you give it your attention

YwY: all you gotta do is just believe you can be who you want to be

YwY: sincerely, Me

IwI: my sister's hot

YwY: what the hell

IwI: my bad

IwI: dear Evan Hansen, thanks for every note you sent

YwY: dear Connor Murphy, I'm just glad to be your friend

IwI: our friendship goes beyond your average kind of bond

IwI: but not because we're gay

YwY: no, not because we're gay*

IwI: we're close, but not that way, the only man that I love is my dad

YwY: well anyway!

YwY: you're getting better everyday!

IwI: I'm getting better everyday!

YwY: keep getting better every day!

IwI: 'cause all that it takes is a little reinvention

YwY: it's easy to change if you give it your attention

IwI: all you gotta do is just believe you can be who you want to be

YwY: sincerely,

IwI: I'll miss you dearly,

YwY: sincerely, me

IwI: sincerely, me

YwY: sincerely, me!

IwU: sincerley, me!

UwU: that was amazing

OwO: 10/10 would totally watch live

UwU: Grooley or Haroot?

OwO: depends on who bottoms

UwU: I mean, I don't think it's specified

OwO: yeah probably

UwU: anyway we should probably go to bed early. We have a Spanish test tomorrow

OwO: oh great

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *They're totally gay


	56. The Gang Recreates Vines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I know I said that after the last chapter I would be going back to the arc, but there's been a change in plans. Here's the schedule:
> 
> Chapter 57: The next two prompts in the arc, "Favorite Personality Traits" and "Favorite Quirks".
> 
> Chapter 58: You guys get to vote for either a Cards Against Humanity chapter, a angst-with-comfort chapter that expands upon Groot and Harley's relationship, and a fluff chapter where Strange cheers up Loki by gifting him a cat (the other ideas will be implemented later on)
> 
> Chapter 59: Thanksgiving, along with the prompt "Favorite Memories". This will complete the mini arc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I have some art (on paper) that I wanted to add to this story. Unfortunately, I'm addicted to idiot juice™ and I don't know how. Could somebody please explain to me how, in a simple, easy to understand way? Like I said, I'm a dumb bitch™.

_The video begins with Peter, in his Spider-Man suit, is holding up a sign with 'Technology' written on it._

"So, is it any wonder that people are afraid of technology?"  _He questions, before the video cuts to a dark kitchen._

 _Peter, still in his suit and holding the sign, is on the ceiling, hidden in a dark corner. As Tony walks in, eating a bagel and engrossed with his iPad, Peter jumps down from his spot. Shoving the sign in Tony's face, he screams_ "TECHNOLOGY!" _In his shock, Tony dropped his bagel and iPad._

"FUCK WALRUS!"  _He shouted in surprise. The video ends with Peter laughing as Tony glares at him._

* * *

_Peter, Steve, Tony, and Strange were training in the gym. All of them were suited up, and each fighting different LMDs._

"Spider-Man, toss me my shield!" _Steve ordered as he punched one of the robots._

_Grabbing the shield, he turned to Steve._

"This bitch empty, YEET!"  _He screamed as he threw the shield into the LMD Steve was currently fighting. A loud sigh was heard from Tony, while Strange rolled his eyes._

"Language!"  _Steve gasped, seemingly horrified by the fact that Peter swore._

* * *

 

_Spider-Man stood in front of an old, broken down warehouse._

"Welcome to Bible study, we're all children of J E S U S."  _He said as the video cut to a first person view of him crashing through a window screaming "_ KUMBAYA!"  _Criminals fled in terror as they abandoned their drugs and money._

* * *

_The next video opened with Peter and Shuri in the car with Happy, being driven to school. A bright orange sign reading 'ROAD WORK AHEAD' could be read as they waited for a traffic light to turn green._

"Road work ahead?"  _Shuri began._

"Well yeah, I sure hope it does!"  _Peter finished as Happy looked them dead in the eye and rolled up the divider._

* * *

_Spider-Man smiled as he unsheathed his claws and fangs, showing them off. He then turned to where he was hiding, waiting for someone to walk by. After a few minutes, Shuri could be heard walking towards him._

"Boo!"  _He shouted, baring his claws and fangs._

"Stop, I could've dropped my croissant!"  _She hissed in mock anger._

* * *

"What the FUCK is up, KYLE?! No, what did you say?! What the fuck, DUDE? Step the fuck up, Kyle!" _Peter shouted in an overdramatic voice, while Shuri and Groot laughed in the background._

"Getting... A drink?" _Drax said, handling the situation with a stunning amount of grace_.

* * *

_Rocket and Gamora stared, dumbfounded as Loki, Shuri, Groot and Wanda all danced like their lives depended on it while the 'Little Einsteins' played in the background._

"Earthlings."  _The said at once, ignoring the fact that only half of them were from Earth._

* * *

"I'm in me mum's car, vroom vroom." _Peter said, mimicking a British accent_.

"Get out me car!" _Tony shouted back, glaring at Peter_.

"Aww..."

* * *

"WhY tHe FuCk YoU lYiNg? WhY yOu AlWaYs LyInG? MmMmM oH mY gOd, StOp FuCkIn LyInG!"  _Shuri sang to Tony after he denies being Peter's father._

* * *

"Wooow."  _Harley drawled as he saw Peter fall flat on his face._

* * *

_Steve sighed as the teens handed him the script. He had lost a bet, and this was his punishment._

_Walking into the main living room, he faced Tony, Bruce, Sam, Bucky, Thor, Clint, and Natasha._

"It's the 4th of July, yeah, no, it's true. The colors of the flag are red, white, and blue, ayyy!"  _He announced loudly, doing a small dance as the others stared at him in bewildered._

"Are you having a stroke?"  _Tony asked, as Steve did what the kids called 'The Worm'._

* * *

"I'm John Cena!"  _Harley declared as he played the iconic theme with two flutes in his nose. Tony stared in horrified confusion as Peter, Shuri, and Groot all began 'flossing' nearby._

* * *

"Hey there, kiddo. What's that you're looking at?"  _Tony asked, slightly dreading the answer._

_Sharing a look with Shuri, he turned to Tony._

"LeBronnn Jammmeeesss."  _He drawled, and Tony decided he didn't want to know._

* * *

"Go suck a dick, suck a dick, suck a motherfucking dick."  _Harley sang as Peter played the piano_. 

"Suck one, huge or small!"  _Peter added, still playing beautifully._

* * *

 _Shuri walked up to where MJ was sitting with_ Peter. _Clasping the guitar in her hands, she turned to MJ._

"I love you, bitch." _She began, ignoring how Peter muttered a small 'Oh my god'._

"I ain't ever stop lovin' you, biiiitch." 

* * *

_Peter and Tony stood, staring down at the streets of New York from the living room window._

"Look at all those chickens!" _Peter said, suddenly, causing Tony to facepalm._

* * *

_The video ended with Peter, Shuri, Harley, Groot, Wanda, and Loki all having a Nerf war with Tony, T'challa, Natasha, Steve, Clint and Thor._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to comment wether you want a fluff chapter, a angst with comfort chapter, or a cards against humanity chapter.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed!


	57. Quirks And Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ITS A STAR!
> 
> Seriously, Bill Wurtz is the best.

No Peppermint, 8:27 P.M

UwU: guys I've done fucked up

SnarkShark: uh oh what did you do

UwU: so, I was patrolling and I saved a bartender from a attempted mugging turned bar fight 

UwU: I'm return he offered me a drink

SnarkShark: Spiderling I swear to fucking Christ if you accepted his offer I will personally come over there, kill you, bring you back, and kill you again

UwU: wow

UwU: I didn't

UwU: I said I couldn't accept his offer and he asked why

UwU: I was trying not to reveal my age so I panicked and told him I was pregnant

OwO: PREGANANANT?!

IwI: PERGENANT?!

UwU: he looked s h o o k e t h and he asked me if it was a girl or a boy

UwU: I panicked again and said it was a spider

SnarkShark: kid. I don't even need to kill you. You did that yourself

UwU: Mr. Stark, my favorite personality traits of yours is that you're an asshole

SnarkShark: hey

UwU: kidding, it's your snark

SnarkShark: my favorite part of your personality is your purity

IwI: that sounds like something a serial killer would say

OwO: dude. That's creepy

SnarkShark: oh shut the fuck up

SnarkShark: Harley's resourceful, Shuri's relatable, Peter's simultaneously a genius and a dumbass

UwU: Cap's honorable (for the most part)

IwI: Bucky is a softie at heart

OwO: Sam is easygoing

UwU: Clint is loyal

IwI: Natasha is secretive

OwO: Wanda is confident

UwU: Vision hard-working

IwI: Bruce is understanding

OwO: Thor is brave

UwU: Brunhilde is adaptable

IwI: Loki is sly

OwO: cunning

UwU: mischievous

IwI: fury is elusive, dare I say mysterious

OwO: Coulson is, for the most part, honest

UwU: Daisy is committed and loyal

UwU: speaking of which

UwU added Fitz, Simmons, Mack, Yo-Yo, Melinda, Bobbi, and Hunter

UwU: changed Fitz's name to Ying

UwU changed Simmon's name to Yang

UwU changed Mack's name to ShotgunAxe

UwU changed Melinda's name to Sunshine

Sunshine: Coulson was behind this, wasn't he

ThisBitchEmpty: perhaps

UwU changed Bobbi's name to BobbiPin

UwU changed Hunter's name to Gatherer

UwU: anyway, Strange is decisive

OwO: Wong is dedicated/devoted

IwI: Groot is a tree

UwU: Scott is playful

OwO: Hope is encouraging

IwI: her father is well-educated and very engaged is his work

UwU: rocket is destructive, but in a fun way

OwO: quill is imaginitive

IwI: Gamora is hardworking and innovated

UwU: drax is keen on destroying

OwO: T'challa is well-mannered (compared to me)

IwI: I've heard that Okoye is logical when it comes to making decisions

UwU: Ive also heard that Thor snores

OwO: so does T'challa

IwI: Loki only drinks his koolaid warm

SnarkShark: what a psychopath

SnarkShark: Rhodey hates being late

UwU: Mr. Stark doesn't like to be handed things except by people he trusts

OwO: Harley is afraid of the jumping sequoia cactus

IwI: who the fuck wouldn't be those things can impale your feet 

UwU: Shuri you hate grapes

OwO: and you prefer liquid/semi-solid foods over solid foods

UwU: that has something to do with my powers

SnarkShark: speaking of which, Bruce needs to run some tests on your new features

UwU: rip

IwI: F

OwO: rip in the chat

UwU left the chat


	58. Wot In Tarnation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ying: quip la I'm going in to work tomorrow night so I iiwi waVnl it q we tuopbbxssfffffff
> 
> Yang: am looking wellq is the same as the others and I will not be able to find the wenclose at the same place as last year but fa about the will or else go it's cool it dhhkjygfdds we rffc c aCjiygb so as
> 
> SnarkShark: fuck this, I'm going back to bed
> 
> WitchBitch: well pics are attached? Wei I will be the best time for me is the is New so la I'm new account let out be seen ehjeewsxghhhh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, you know how I said I'd be sticking the schedule? 
> 
> *Throws a bunch of papers out the window*
> 
> New plan. It's 12:30 at night (1:15 by time I finish), my joints are killing me again, and I wanted to give you more time to vote. So far, I'm leaning towards another Cards Against Humanity chapter. However, the angst + comfort chapter and the fluff chapter are both valid options.

No Peppermint, 12:34 P.M

SnarkShark: I know everyone's enjoying their weekend, but there's a mission

SnarkShark: just a simple Hydra attack

R-rebecca: I'm in

Birdbrain: so am I

BigBird: count me in

Language: Bucky and I are coming

WitchBitch: cant, Vision and I are watching our kids

UwU: me too!

SnarkShark: nope, too dangerous

UwU: :'(

OwO: don't worry, we have a mission if our own

UwU: you don't mean...

OwO: oh yeah I do >:)

UwU: ahhh yeah, let's do this >:)

UwO: hey, don't forget me >:)

ThisBitchEmpty: uh oh

UwU changed ThisBitchEmpty's name to DaddyShield

UwO: fitting

Ying: yeah, also count us in

Yang: agreed for both parts

Sunshine: how does he feel knowing that two of his so-called children are having sex?

UwO: wow, may just fucking outed them

UwO: no hesitation or anything

UwU: that's like, Mrs. Romanov levels of cold

Sunshine: anyway, whatever you guys are planning, don't

Sunshine: there's no way it will end well

UwU: >:)

OwO: >:)

UwO: >:)

Ying: >:)

Yang: >:)

DaddyShield: gotta admit, I'm kinda scared

****

* * *

 

No Peppermint, 10:47 A.M

PlumsUwU: okay who the fuck did this

Language: language

PlumsUwU: fuck off

SnarkShark: whatever it was, it was probably the kids 

ShotgunAxe: OKAY WHO THE FUCK DID THIS

Language: LANGUGE

DaddyShield: what happened

ShotgunAxe: everywhere we go, there's these creepy printed out pictures of Nicolas Cage's face 

ShotgunAxe: in my closet, in the fridge, in the bathroom, there is no escape

PlumsUwU: same here, I opened the bathroom door this morning and nearly screamed

BigBird: you did scream, I heard you

PlumsUwU: perish, you termite

SnarkShark: dammit, why the fuck is there a bunch of mini cow boy hats on my bed

UwU: wot in tarnation

SnarkShark: y o u

UwU: who me?

SnarkShark: yes, you!

UwU: couldn't be!

SnarkShark: I am going to gut you like a fucking trout

Language: language

Yo-Yo: w h y

Yo-Yo why are there all these yo-yos outside my door

Yo-Yo: fuck you Mack this all your fault

ShotgunAxe: why are you blaming me?

Yo-Yo: because you gave me this name, turtle man

UwU: lame bird get is an me same will make sdh no sshhk he sdgfssgjjrdnk I jujjkktd

SnarkShark: kid? You okay there?

SnarkShark: I should probably go check on him

OwO: the frame has claimed it was but will let an be go out as he cut to let was lot once ate g few he tr hi I was dghgssggxcjklkkj. Hggkk so sry

SnarkShark: what the fuck 

IwI: v cell new am let was see ex girlfriend you by I'm too old looking it was a so care jkjj re szwaxvjkkydcjjkjtrtyjjjk

SnarkShark: okay, you guys are messing with us

YwY: quip la Crosse was wondering even though the the I'm I'll of o hkjh do aa as vjk it ec hi we are no to his Co he's but yj

SnarkShark: am I the one having the stroke here

AwA: will la M my the cry as saw the none on the job front of her best interest in the corner of the house that is a uijjjjjjnsdhjjhtfjj do aazxfdd

EwE: I have no clue what you are talking to Dreki about i and i and i and i yo I i and the kids are the hhvschkrsdghhhhhhhjjjjjjsCaawsvv

SnarkShark: I don't understand

Language: neither do we

UwO: to the ground? Be ex is an me or all has to j he a hk it was clear jkudawdcjkh do aaxbhh

Sunshine: ???

Ying: quip la I'm going in to work tomorrow night so I iiwi waVnl it q we tuopbbxssfffffff

Yang: am looking wellq is the same as the others and I will not be able to find the wenclose at the same place as last year but fa about the will or else go it's cool it dhhkjygfdds we rffc c aCjiygb so as

SnarkShark: fuck this, I'm going back to bed

WitchBitch: well pics are attached? Wei I will be the best time for me is the is New so la I'm new account let out be seen ehjeewsxghhhh

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys know that they made marvel anime?


	59. Diddly Dee It's Cards Against HUwUmanity 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School has started back up for me, so rip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this will be the Thanksgiving chapter, then after that a small arc where the avengers volunteer to teach at Peter's school.

Once again, five people say in the ritualistic circle. This was a tradition, one that would outlive them all. The people in the circle changed, but the game did not. Welcome, to  ~~ **CARDS AGAINST HUWUMANITY.**~~

 

Yawning, Shuri waited for everyone to settle down. Peter sat to her right, Gamora to her left. In front of her sat Brunhilde and Carol. Looking eachother in the eyes, they set up the game.

Shuri would be the first card master, as was tradition. After everything was set, she turned away with baited breath.

There were more custom cards this time, courtesy of Harley. 

"Set? Good. Out of 'I got 99 problems but Object Permanence ain't one', 'I got 99 problems but Sperm Whales ain't one', 'I got 99 problems but Self-loathing ain't one', and 'I got 99 problems but the milk man ain't one', I have to say the milk man one wins, simply because of how ominous it sounds." She decided, and Carol took her first card.

Resetting, Gamora placed down the next black card. 

"'The healing process began when I joined a support group for victims of _______________.'"

Silence fell upon the group once more as she turned away and the others played their hand.

"The options are 'Necrophilia', 'A salty surprise', 'Vigotous jazz hands', and 'Italians'. I don't really understand, but 'Italians' win." She decided, nodding as Brunhilde took the card.

 Brunhilde smirked as she set out the next card. 

"Who's Obama?" She asked, confused. 

"He was our president for a while." Peter answered.

"Right. 'What helps Obama unwind?'"

Stiffled laughter was heard from Peter and Shuri as Brunhilde turned away. Turning back, she picked up the cards.

"The cards you guys played are 'Stalin', 'balls', 'The violation of our most basic human rights', and 'Dick Cheney'. Since you guys said he was your leader, 'The violation of our most basic human rights' wins."

Carol took her card, and set up the next round. 

"'__________. That's how I want to die.'" she read, before turning around as they played their hand. Once ready, she turned back and read the cards aloud.

"So, out of 'Cards Against Humanity', '8 oz. of sweet Mexican black-tar heroin', 'Genital piercings', and 'Friction', I have to say the heroin one wins." Shuri took her card with pride, and flipped over the next black card.

"Oof, this one's a pick three. 'I went from ________ to _________ all thanks to __________." She announced, slight disappointment in her tone.

"You all set? Good. In last place we have 'I went from capturing Newt Gingrinch and forcing him to dance in a monkey suit to The Great Depression all thanks to The Hamburgler'. In third place we have 'I went from hormone injections to the taint; the grundle; the fleshy fun bridge all thanks to Sunshine and rainbows'. In second we have 'I went from sexual tension to famine all thanks to a death ray'. Finally in first place, we have 'I went from glory holes to Golden showers all thanks to third base'. Take your card, you scoundrel." Peter quickly nabbed his first black card and set up the next round.

"So, I have one, Gamora has none, Carol has two, Brunhilde has one, and Shuri has one. With that being said, 'In 1,000 years, when paper money is a distant memory, how will we pay for goods and services?'"

Quickly, everyone chose their cards.

"Right. The options are 'Hot cheese', 'Extremely tight pants', 'Amputees', and 'The token minority', the last one wins." As Shuri took her second card, Gamora set up the next round.

"Next one is a pick two. It says 'I spent my whole life working toward __________ only to have it ruined by ___________.'" Gamora was silent as everyone chose their cards.

"'I spent my whole life working towards the clitoris, only for it to be ruined by the gays', 'I spent my whole life working towards finding Waldo, only for it to be ruined by being on fire', 'I spent my whole life working towards Michelle Obama's arms, only for it to be ruined by a zesty breakfast burrito', and 'I spent my whole life working towards dead parents, only to have it ruined by an icepick lobotomy'. The first one definitely wins." Peter's eyes lit up as he gained his second black card.

After everything was ready, Brunhilde flipped over the next card.

"'During sex, I like to think about ________.' Someone played 'A fetus', someone else played 'Being fats and stupid'. Another person, probably Carol, played 'The folly of man', but the winner is 'Horrifying laser hair removal accidents'." Taking her first black card, Gamora smirked. It was Brunhile's turn to be the card holder next.

"Alright. 'In his farewell address, George Washington famously warned Americans about the dangers of _______.' I don't know who that is, but it he sounds important." Brunhilde admitted as everyone played.

"So, you guys played 'A super soaker full of cat pee', 'Licking things to claim them as your own', 'Soup that is too hot', and 'Not reciprocating oral sex'. I don't know why, but 'Soup that is too hot' just sounds hilarious to me." As Gamora took her second card, it was clear that she was now catching up.

"Another pick two. 'That's right, I killed _______. How, you ask? __________'. Carol said as she closed her eyes.

"Right. 'That's right, I killed a gassy antelope. How, you ask? The Trail of Tears', 'That's right, I killed a falcon with a cap on it's head. How, you ask? Poor life choices', 'That's right, I killed my ex-wife. How, you ask? Multiple stab wounds', 'That's right, I killed MechaHitler. How, you ask? Making a pouty face'. The third one wins. She stated, and Brunhilde took her second card."

"We're all tied at two." Shuri stated as he played the next card.

"Right. 'I don't mean to brag, but they call me the Michael Jordan of _______'. So, play away." Shuri read aloud.

"You guys done? Good. Out of 'A lifetime of sadness', 'Being a dick to children', 'An ugly face', and 'pictures of boobs', the winner is 'A lifetime of sadness'. Though, the ugly face' one is a close second." She explained as Peter nabbed his third black card. He was now in the lead.

"The next one says 'What's harshing my mellow, man?'" 

Silence befell the group once more as they set down the cards.

"Dammit Harley." He muttered to himself as he saw the two custom cards.

"So, you guys answered with 'A raging boner', which is custom, 'Smokey the Bear', which is also custom, 'World Peace', and 'The miricale of childbirth'. The last one wins." He said, watching as Carol grabbed another card.

"'My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of _______."' Gamora stared bluntly as she turned away.

"Now, I just want to say that, based on my knowledge of the U.S so far, 'A hot mess' wins." She decided, watching as Peter took his fourth black card. He was only one away from winning.

"However, 'Destroying the evidence', 'An M16 assault rifle', and 'Explodions' also seem very accurate." She said as Brunhilde flipped over the next card.

"Now, 'White people like _______'. Peter and Carol are going to be the only ones who can actually answer this." She joked as everyone else set down their cards.

"Okay, you guys answered this  _very_ serious question with 'Firing a rifle into the air while balls deep into a squeaking hog', 'Harry Potter erotica', 'Some god-damn peace and quiet', and 'Fingering'. Shame on you. The first one wins, you shameless degenerate." She stated as Shuri grabbed her third black card.

"Next up is 'This is your captain speaking. Fasten your seat belts and prepare for __________'. Get going." Carol announced as she turned away.

"Good. Out of 'A sea of troubles', 'A saxaphone solo', 'Rehab', and 'Racism', fascism wins." Carol decided. Grabbing her card, Gamora watched as Shuri set up the next round.

'"Well, what do you have to say for yourself, Casey? This is the third time you've been sent to the principal's office for ________'. Oh boy, this is gonna be.... Interesting." Shuri stated as she hesitantly turned away.

"Now, out of 'Suprise sex!', 'Nectophilia', 'Picking up girls at the abortion clinic', and 'Parting the Red Sea', the first one wins." Shuri said, watching as Peter exclaimed that he won.

Sighing in slight disappointment, the adults cleaned up the game while Shuri smacked Peter with a pillow. Soon, this dissolved into an all out pillow war. After cleaning up, the adults joined in. It was everyone for themselves.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UwU


	60. Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeehaw! It's finished! Guess who's also sick? It's me! Again! I fucking hate my immune system. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that next up is an arc where the Avengers teach at Midtown. Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something worth pointing out is that Fury and Coulson (and the gang) are all having a separate dinner. Scott is with his family. Sorry in advance if I missed anyone else.

The sweet, smokey scent of ham wafted through the room, making everyone's stomaches growl in anticipation. The table was big, and the feast bigger. Wanda, May, Steve, and Vision were finishing up the last of the cooking, while everyone else waited patiently.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the food was finished. Before they could start, however, Steve stood up and cleared his throat.

"Right. Before we begin, we are all going to go around and share who we are thankful for, and our favorite memory of them." He explained, motioning for Sam, who was to his left, to start.

"Right. I'm thankful for my two wonderful boyfriends. My favorite memory, is probably when I first met Steve. He lapped me, like, three times." He said warmly, as everyone chuckled.

"I guess I'm thankful for my team." Natasha began. 

"My favorite memory is the one after New York, our very first mission together. We were just sitting around, drinking, talking, it was fun." She explained, letting her usual mask of indifference slip for a second.

"I'm thankful for my family. My favorite memory has to be when we all came here for a few days. We went to the zoo, and then we went to Coney island. It was great watching them have fun." Clint added, smiling down at his food.

"Shouldn't you be with them?" Bruce questioned, his hand intertwined with Thor's.

"We have a second Thanksgiving as a family." He said, an excited look in his eye.

"Well, I'm thankful for you guys, for treating me like family even though I hurt you. I love you all as my family, and I'm proud to be called an Avenger." Wanda continued the conversation. Her head was tilted upwards in pride, her eyes gleaming with joy.

"My favorite memory was when I first met Vision. I remember thinking that I HAD to get a piece of that." Wanda added, a mischievous smirk on her face.

"I'm thankful for the family that Wanda and I have created together. Our kids are doing great, especially after dealing with the stress of the adoption process. This is probably my favorite memory." Vision stated, his voice still robotic, yet somehow warm.

"I am thankful for the health and prosperity of Wakanda. My favorite memory is when all the tribes did that drum circle. You know, the giant one in the shape of the 'Wakanda Forever' symbol?" T'challa announced, his posture regal, yet friendly. Shuri nodded in agreement.

"I'm thankful for my friends. Peter, who is sitting right next to me, Groot, who is across from me, and Harley, who traveled all the way from Tennessee to join us. I'm also thankful for the fact that he's joining us for the rest of the school year, which gives us more opportunities to embarrass Peter." Shuri informed, winking at Harley.

"My favorite memory? When I first met Peter. I remember thinking "Oh boy, I can't wait to terroroize this intern!". Turns out, this 'intern' would soon be a part of my family." She added, her voice softening.

"Oh, well, I'm thankful for all of you. My family has expanded by... Uh... A lot since I met you. I'm too hungry to do math right now." He said, he words followed by a chorus of laughter.

"I like the memory where we all went to mini golf. That was fun, especially since Mr. Stark kept hitting the balls into the water." He continued, earning a sigh from Tony.

"I'm thankful for this team, who became a family to me." Tony stated, his words blunt, yet warm.

*My favorite memory was when we all had that game night. Steve, Thor, Bruce, and I played Monopoly, Clint and Natasha played Battleship, Loki, Wanda, Brunhilde, and T'challa were having a discussion of the ethics of lobsters, and Peter, Shuri, Bucky, and Sam were playing Uno. That was fun." He explained.

"I'm thankful for the fact that Tony has been acting less like an idiot lately." Pepper joked, before nodding to Rhodey.

"I'm thankful for Tony, and the little family he's built around himself. Specifically, the fact that I'm part of that family." Rhodey mused, a grin on his face.

"My favorite memory is when I was in college, and this little shit just. Appears. Out of nowhere. I tried to ignore him to see if he would go away. Guess what? He didn't. Now I'm stuck with him." Rhodey complained, but there was no real heat behind his words.

"I'm thankful for the fact that my family is all safe and happy, despite being stranded on a planet that is alien to them." Quill said, his hand clasped gently around Gamora's.

"We all share a favorite memory, which was when we were all together for the first time. We were in that alien prison, and Rocket had me steal this guy's prosthetic leg." He added, causually, as if he didn't just drop a fucking bomb.

"We don't have to time unpack  _all_ of that." Shuri and Peter quoted at the same time.

"I'm thankful that Quill isn't throwing a hissy fit about being back on Earth." She added, poking curiously at her ham.

"I'm thankful for all this food, even if it is odd Terran food." Drax declared, eyeing the food in front of him with anticipation.

"I'm also thankful for this odd Terran tradition that enables us to feast without feeling guilty." Rocket agreed, lapping eagerly at some wine.

"I am Groot." Groot said, which translates to "I am thankful for my Terran friends, and their acceptance."

"I am thankful for the fact that my brother not tried to kill anyone!" Thor announced, to which Loki's replied with a quick 'yet'.

"My favorite memory was when I proposed to Bruce. It was in Norway, near a lake. We were watching the stars." Thor explained, eyes gleaming with adoration.

"I share Thor's favorite memory, and I am thankful for the fact that the big guy and I have finally made peace. He comes out during battles, and I remain in control for the rest of the time." Bruce stated, cuddling up to Thor as much as he could.

"I am thankful for the fact that I finally have people to prank with." Loki inturrupted the moment. Sparing a glance at Peter, Shuri, Groot, Harley and Wanda, he smiled.

"My favorite memory was when Thor and I were kids. I shape-shifted into a snake, because I knew that Thor loved snakes. I also knew that he would pick me up. When he did, I turned back, screamed "Mblrgh, it's me!" And stabbed him." Loki finished his story. Brunhikde and Bruce just nodded, apparently already have heard the story. Everyone else stared in horror and confusion.

"I am thankful for the fact that I have a beautiful space girlfriend." Brunhilde slurred, obviously drunk. 

"My favorite memory was when Thor, Loki, Bruce and I were escaping Sakkar through this wormhole, called 'The Anus', and Bruce totally kicked their asses." She informed, before collapsing in her seat.

"How is she already drunk?" Tony questioned, slightly envious. Everyone simply shrugged, before turning to Carol.

"I'm I'm thankful for the fact that Earth has totally been destroyed since I left. My favorite memory was when I first met Brunhilde. It was honestly kinda boring, and J really should take care of her." She explained, grabbing Brunhilde's unconscious form and dragging her to the couch.

"Well, I'm thankful for the fact that we finished, so let's start eating!" Bucky exclaimed, digging into his food. Soon, everyone followed his example.

As they all chatted, Peter felt whole for the first time in a long while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed reading this! As walways, enjoy reading, and have a great week!


	61. Surprise, Motherfucker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepperoni: okay that's genius
> 
> SnarkShark: pepppppeeeerrrrrr
> 
> Pepperoni: alright alright I'll figure out who it was
> 
> Pepperoni: ya big baby
> 
> SnarkShark: thank you

No Peppermint, 6:42 A.M

SnarkShark: I'm about to commit a war crime

SnarkShark: whoever did this is getting nothing for breakfast except these hands

Pepperoni: what happened

SnarkShark: somebody put a meme on the fridge

Pepperoni: what's wrong with that

SnarkShark: it was a picture of Marlin from Finding Nemo screaming "Where's my fucking son"

SnarkShark: but somebody put a picture of my face on it

Pepperoni: okay that's genius

SnarkShark: pepppppeeeerrrrrr

Pepperoni: alright alright I'll figure out who it was

Pepperoni: ya big baby

SnarkShark: thank you

Pepperoni: now go and prepare for the event

SnarkShark: already on it

* * *

Peter groaned as he sat down. Shuri gave him a questioning look, and Harley was busy staring at the whiteboard, which said something about a special event.

"Alright class, listen up! This is incredibly important! As you all know, today is Friday. On Monday, we will be having some very special guests, who will be taking over teaching for the week. Today, they will be coming in and introducing themselves, and answering questions. Now, I expect you all to be on your very best behavior. Any questions?" Mr. Harrington asked, and Cindy's hand shot up immediately.

"Yes, Cindy?" 

"Who are they?" She asked, and Mr. Harrington smiled.

"Well, how about they tell you?" He replied as Tony Stark walked into the room, sunglasses and all. 

Peter gawked at the sight in front of him, while Tony sat in Mr. Harrington's chair.

"Well, as you all know I am Tony Stark. I'm an Avenger, genius, billionaire, etc... For the next week, however, I will be your Physics and Engineering teacher." He passed for a moment to let the kids chatter excitedly among themselves, before quieting down the class.

"Starting Monday, Bruce will be your Science teacher, Steve will be your art teacher, Natasha will be your English teacher, Clint will be your gym teacher, Vision will be your math teacher, Wanda will be your Spanish teacher, and Thor will be your history teacher. Bucky, Sam, and Scott will be your teaching assistants. Bucky will assist in history and art, Sam will assist in P.E and history, and Scott will help in Spanish and band. Any questions?" He explained, watching as some students frantically jotted this information down.

15 minutes of answering questions later, Tony said his farewells and left.

Surprisingly, classes were reletivley normal afterwards, aside from the excited chatter. Most students spent the day whispering with their friends about how the freaking avengers were teaching at their school for a week, but Peter spent the day dreading what was to come.

"Wow. I don't think I've ever seen so many kids excited for a Monday before. Or any school day for that matter." MJ commented as the five of them were leaving the school.

"Yeah, I've never seen it either." Harley said, his Southern accent painfully obvious amoungst the New Yorkers.

"What do you think, Peter?" Ned asked, turning to his best friend.

"I think I'm going to die." He responded, internally screaming.

"Don't be overdramatic, it won't be that bad!" Shuri comforted, to which Peter rolled his eyes.

"Shuri, it's the Avengers. They're going to make it their mission to embarrass me. Especially Tony, I know he's already planning something." Peter countered, waving goodbye to MJ and Ned as Happy rolled up.

"He's got a point, Shuri." Harley pointed out as they all entered the car.

"You kids talking about the surprise on Monday?" Happy asked, scowling at some jay-walking pedestrian.

"You knew?!" All three kids whined at once.

"Of course I knew, I drove Tony here." Happy replied, to which Peter put his head in his hands.

"I am going to die." He groaned.

"I mean, probably." Harley joked, earning a snack from Shuri.

"You're not going to die, Parker. Just keep your head down and don't cause trouble. It's only a week!" Shuri reasoned, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Peter conceded, his face brightening.

"Of course I'm right! I can't remember a time I was goddamn wrong!" Shuri said with a small part on the back.

"It won't be that bad." Peter told himself.

(It was that bad)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! If you guys think that an avenger should be teaching a different subject, for example Steve teaching History instead of art, then tell me in the comments. If you guys have any other questions, comments or concerns, please comment them and I will try my best to reply.
> 
> As always, enjoy reading and have a great week!


	62. Email?!?!? The Audacity!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My next chapter will be covering the weekend, and how Peter has to deal with Flash's constant taunting. It's name shall be 'Harry Potter And The Audacity Of This Bitch'. I'm telling you guys this because if I didn't, I most likely would've forgtten.

Midtown_High @midtownhighschool

Attached is an important announcement to all Midtown students. Make sure to go over it, as we will not be going over it in school on Monday.

Below is a list of all electives and after school events generously hosted by the Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D.

Please be sure to carefully read before signing up for a class.

 

Advanced Physics - Hosted by S.H.I.E.L.D's best scientists, Agent Fitz and Agent Simmons, this elective goes over incredibly advanced Physics, such as light speed travel, wormholes, space-time, quantum entanglement, black holes, and much more. This elective is takes place during Physics and Engineering, from Monday to Friday.

Advanced Engineering - Hosted by Agent Mackenzie, this Monday through Friday elective takes place during Physics and Engineering. In this elective you can learn about topics such as automobile engineering, the science behind engineering, the history of engineering, aircraft engineering, engineering jobs and requirements, and the different tools that engineers use.

Business and Economics - Hosted by none other than the director of S.H.I.E.L.D himself, Director Phil Coulson, this elective covers topics such as marketing, economics, interest rates, the history of business, different business and economic systems, market crashes, and much more. Taking place during Basic Math, this elective goes from Monday to Friday.

Coding - Hosted by Agent Johnson of S.H.I.E.L.D, also known as 'Quake', this elective takes place during Basic Math, Monday through Friday. This elective includes topics such as an introduction to coding, different scripts used, uses for coding, job opportunities, how to code, along with much more.

Inhuman Biology - Hosted by Agent Rodriguez of S.H.I.E.L.D, this elective is an alternative to Science, yet only occurs on Tuesday and Thursday. This course covers basic inhuman biology, terrigenesis, inhuman abilities, inhuman history, and famous inhumans.

Martial Arts Science - Hosted by Agent May of S.H.I.E.L.D, this elective covers a variety of topics, some of which are the different forms of martial arts, the history of martial arts, differences between different forms, differences in cultures, modern day martial arts, and many other interesting topics. As an alternative to Science, this week-long elective runs from Monday-Friday.

We are also proud to announce three new after school programs, all hosted by the Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D, all of which will count towards extra credit. All courses are optional, and occur weekly. If you so choose, you can do an activity for a single day.

 

Alien Biology - From 3:00 P.M. to 4:00 P.M. Simmons, along with Agent Deke, will be hosting a basic course on alien Biology.

Physical Activities* - From 4:30 to 5:30 P.M, Clint Barton, Steve Rogers, Thor, Melinda May, and Daisy Johnson will be hosting a certain physical activity to help boost student's athletic skills.

Community Volunteering - From 6:00 P.M to 7:00 P.M, students meet with Scott Lang, Steve Rogers, and Phil Coulson to help their community. Cleaning up trash, cleaning graffiti, and helping citizens are a part of this course.

Friendly reminder that all of these are optional, and while some may give extra credit, they are not required.

*On Monday it's soccer, Tuesday is basketball, Wednesday is lacrosse, Thursday is swimming, and Friday is bowling.

Kind Regards,

Midtown High

* * *

No Peppermint, 3:09 P.M

UwU: so I got an email that says that you guys are hosting different electives and after school activities

SnarkShark: are you joining any

UwU: the inhuman biology one sounds great, but other than that, no

UwU: I am doing all the after school ones though

UwU: I saw that Mrs. May was teaching a martial arts science class

Sunshine: only because actually hitting children is illegal

UwU: great! Now I'm going back into my rooms and die

UwU: and by that I mean nope for several hours until I fall asleep

UwU: goodbye forever

UwU left the chat

 


	63. Harry Potter And The Audacity Of This Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I added a little bit of angst in here, because fuck you, that's why

Flash Thompson @gottagoflash

Can't wait for Monday so Penis Parker can be outed as the fucking liar he is

 

Bitch Lasagna @EmJay

Didn't you learn your lesson last time

 

Jellybean @peterparkour

Flash please stop, you're gonna get hurt

 

Flash Thompson @gottagoflash

Is that a fucking threat, Penis?!? We all know that you're a dumbass poser with no mom, no dad, and only has two nerdy friends, one of which is a fatass and one of which is a bitch

 

Jellybean @peterparkour

Flash, please, you don't want to do this

 

NedLeadstheteam @NedLeeds

I'd stop if I was you

 

Bitch Lasagna @EmJay

Stop. Or else.

 

Flash Thompson @gottagoflash

Or else what? We all know that he's a worthless disappointment that has to lie in order for anybody to like him, and even then he's just pretending

 

Jellybean @peterparkour

Flash if you don't stop I won't be able to help you

 

Flash Thompson @gottagoflash

Help me? Bitch, you couldn't even help your uncle, you ain't helping anybody you useless coward

 

Jellybean @peterparkour

Flash. Stop.

 

Flash Thompson @gottagoflash

Why should I? We both know everything I said was true

 

Bitch Lasagna @EmJay

He already proved he was an intern at Stark Industries

 

Flash Thompson @gottagoflash

Only because he probably sucked someone's dick. I mean, why would he choose Parker when he could choose someone like me

 

Flash Thompson @gottagoflash

My dad is rich and powerful, my mom is a model, I'm smart, popular and better than Penis in literally every way

 

Jellybean @peterparkour

Flash, last warning. Stop.

 

Flash Thompson @gottagoflash

I bet you can't even get laid, despite the fact that you're sooooo smart, eh, Einstein?

 

Flash Thompson @gottagoflash

Too cowardly to answer me?!

 

Flash Thompson @gottagoflash

Do everyone a favour and go to a bridge or building and kill yourself

 

Flash Thompsom @gottagoflash

Do a backflip

 

* * *

 

Peter couldn't see. He couldn't see, he couldn't hear, he couldn't breathe. His vision was swimming, and he could feel tears dripping down his face.

Choked sobs escaped him as he struggled to draw in air. He was drowning, and nobody was around to help him.

Nobody was there.

_He was being dragged by his arm, the man's fingers leaving red marks on his fragile skin._

Where was everybody!? Did they leave him? Was he really just a worthless, idiotic coward that everybody hated? Was he abandoned, again? 

_He was sobbing, screaming, but nobody was around to hear. Even if they were, would they care?_

Darkness swirled in thee corners of his vision as his shallowed breaths came shorter, a too-long pause between each breath. 

_His glasses were taken off his face, his tears wiped away. It was a gesture that Aunt May had done many times, but this touch felt cold and dark._

"Activating Emergency Protocol: Save The Spiderling." Friday's voice rang above him, but he barely heard it. It sounded far away, like he had heard it from underwater.

_"Fucking useless little shit!" Skip hissed, venom lacing his words as he shoved Peter down. "No one will ever love you! You're lucky that I take care of you like I do!"_

Numbness tingled his limbs, his red, watery eyes bulging as he gasped desperately for air. Despite his efforts, he couldn't suck in a single breath. Icy hot pain engulfed his lungs. Conciousness slipped away from him like water in a loosley cupped hand, and, despite how hard he tried he lost control. 

_"Nobody else defends you from bullies! Nobody else helps you carry your books! Nobody else wants to be friends with you, or loves you! I've given you everything, don't you think I should get something in return, Einstein?"_

Just as he fell unconscious, he saw Tony, Bruce, Pepper, and Natasha running into the room.

* * *

Making Copies @moveimgay

What. The. Fuck.

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

@gottagoflash What the fuck is wrong with you you absolute piece of shit

 

Flash Thompson @gotragoflash

Who the fuck are you

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

Princess Shuri of Wakanda, daughter of king T'chaka, sister of King T'challa, the Black Panther

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

I would ask who you are but I already know. You're an insecure cunt who simultaneously has a superiority complex and an inferiority complex

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

You're a whiny little bitch who bullies others out of jealousy and hate, who makes fun of others who have built masterpieces out of nothing while you sit upon a throne made of lies pre-built for you by actual hard-working individuals

 

Flash Thompson @gottagoflash

What do you want

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

I want to know why you thought it was okay to bully my best friend, who is like a little brother to me, to the point of a panic attack

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

MY LITTLE BROTHER IS IN A HOSPITAL ROOM AFTER FALLING UNCONSCIOUS DURING A PANIC ATTACK BEACAUSE OF YOU

 

Flash Thompson @gottagoflash

How was I supposed to know he was going to take it seriously

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

BECAUSE HE IS THE SWEETEST, KINDEST, MOST EMPATHETIC PERSON I HAVE EVER MET AND IS 100,000,000,000,000 TIMES BETER THAN YOU 

 

Flash Thompson @gottagoflash

Fuck off

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

You want to know what I think of you?! Here's what!

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

I THINK YOU'RE A COWARDLY, GOOD FOR NOTHING WORM WHO HAS DONE NOTHING BUT LEECH OFF OF THE HARD WORK OF OTHERS HIS ENTIRE LIFE

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

I THINK THAT YOU ARE THE LOWEST SCUM OF THE EARTH AND THAT YOU'RE A MOTHER FUCKING GODDAMN SON OF A BITCH ASSHOLE DOUCHEBAG CUNT YOU FUCKING RETARDED WALNUT

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

I want you to take a bunch of laxatives and shove a cactus so far up your ass it reaches your shit-stained intestines so you can finally have a proper metaphor for being around you you absolute llama fuck

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

I hope you have another beer or whatever alcoholic drink that you're soooo proud of for being allowed to drink and decide to go for a drive in you're father's most expensive car, I hope that there's ice on all the roads

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

I hope you think of what you've done to Peter and everyone else around you when you forget your seatbelt and again when your head goes through the windshield

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

I've seen more spine in jellyfish, I've seen more guts in 11 year old kids, you're a spoiled, entitled brat who thinks everything of himself and who's head is so far up his own ass he can see himself for what he really is: A giant piece of shit

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

You're a pot smoking, good-for-nothing fake ass bitch who thinks his shit don't stink, that that everyone else is dumb, you're an unbearable prick to be around and I've had enough of your shit

 

Making Copies @moveimgay

If you EVER come after Peter again I will personally come to your house and beat the ever loving shit out of you, then call the Avengers, and have them do the same. Bitch.

 

We're connected @potatoface

Dude stop he's already dead

 

Bitch Lasagna @EmJay

I'm in fuckin love, that was amazing

 

Murder @Natasha

@snarkshark do you think we should get involved

 

Tony Fucking Stark @snarkshark

Nah, like Harley said, he's already dead

 

Tony Fucking Stark @ snarkshark

But if he EVER hurts Peter again I will not HESITATE to release Natasha on him

 

We're connected @potatoface

The avengers @ flash: go SUCK a DICK SUCK a DICK SUCK a MOTHERFUCKING DICK

 

We're Connected @potatoface

Shuri @ flash: SUCK one HUGE or SMALL

 

 


	64. A Close Encounter With An Alien

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UwU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UwU

Sun shone down on Peter as he gazed in wonder at the small stands. His hoody was thick and warm, so he didn't even feel the chilly late November air as he browsed through the goods. 

Surprised to find a bunch of apples this late in the season, he picked one up and admired it. Smiling, he bought a bag for the rest of the Avengers to enjoy as well. So far he had some home-made cookies, a nice blanket for the couch, and now a bag of crisp, red apples.

As he left, an apple fell from the stall. Apologizing, he turned around and cleaned it off. As he stood back up, he saw what appeared to be a sickly homeless man staring at him, before quickly looking away. For whatever reason, this man made his spider-sense tingle. 

Shaking his head, he gave the apple back to the vendor and carried on.

A few minutes later, he stumbled upon a vendor who sold different types of seeds for reletivley cheap. Deciding to buy a few bags of seeds for his birds, who were now fully grown and happy, he stopped.

As he finished paying, he noticed the same man as before, slightly closer this time.

Back away, he walked quicker through the different stalls. 

Peter knew he should get out of there, but once again he was distracted. There were these beautiful pillows that he knew May would absolutely ADORE. As he sifted through them, trying to decide, he noticed that the man was even closer, and that he was talking to himself.

Listening in, he could barely hear the mutterings.

"Why are we doing this?" He asked himself.

"Kin? How?" A pause.

"Interesting." Another pause.

"What? No! He's just a child." The man seems hesitant, and almost remorseful as he sighed. 

"Fine." He mumbled, sighing once more before walking towards Peter.

Spider-sense blaring, he quickly turned away and began walking. This dude kept up, obviously following him.

Getting to the edge of the street, Peter thought fast. Pulling out his phone, he called Me. Stark.

"Hey kiddo, what's up?" Mr. Stark asked.

"Hey,  _dad_." He replied.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm at the little farmers market thing and that I was done. I have a pretty heavy bag, and I kinda need your help.  _Please_?" He asked, desperately hoping that Tony would get his message.

"I'll be right there." Tony's serious voice answered, and Peter sighed in relief.

"Thanks, see you in a few minutes." Peter responded, a bit louder than usual.

Some screams sounded from nearby. Instinctively, he dropped his stuff and ran to the nearest alley to change into his suit.

Before he could change, however, his spider-sense screamed at him. Tensing, he barely had time to turn around before he was being hit from behind. Vision swirling, he tried to get back up, only to be hit again.

* * *

As Tony arrived at the market, he pinpointed Peter's last location. His heart sank, however, when he only found a discarded bag with Peter's phone and his items in it.

Eyes scanning the area, he saw an alley. Quickly walking towards it, he held his breath as he fucked in there. Disappointed to not find Peter, but relieved to not find a body, he searched the alley.

A speck of blue caught his eye. After Peter grew his fangs and claws, his blood also turned blue. It was unnerving, sure, but after a while he got used to it.

Breath catching in his throat, he immediately ordered F.R.I.D.A.Y. to track the suit. Surprisingly, it was still on.

"So this isn't a professional hit." He mumbled to himself, before activating his armor and flying off.

* * *

When Peter came too, he was zip-tied to a chair, with the homeless dude staring at him.

Testing his restraints, he growled in frustration as they just dug into his wrist. He could easily slice them off with his claws, but the homeless dude may not know about his powers.

"What do you want from me?" Peter snapped, snarling at the man.

"I didn't want anything to do with this. It was the other guy who made me do this." The man defended, seemingly uncomfortable.

"Sooo... Can you release me?" Peter asked, to which the man hesitated.

"I don't know. Will you attack me?" He asked, and Peter nodded no.

"Alright." He conceded, but before he could do anything, Peter unsheathed his claws and tore the zip ties off. 

"Couldn't... Couldn't you just do that before?" The man asked, staring warily at Peter's claws.

"I wanted to make sure you weren't a threat." Peter answered.

"Name's Eddie. Eddie Brock." Eddie said, offering his hand.

"Peter Parker. What did you mean by 'the other guy?' And why were you talking to yourself?" Peter asked.

"Oh, well, I'll probably sound crazy." Eddie said.

"Don't worry, I've probably seen crazier." Peter assured.

"Alright, then. Come on out, V." Eddie said, and Peter watched in amazement as a black goo-like creature slithered out of Eddie's hoodie and onto his head. Large, white eyes stared at Peter, as a somewhat cursed smile formed on it's face.

"This is Venom, my alien symbiote." Eddie explained, without actually explaining anything.

"That's so cool! May I touch it?" Peter asked, squealing slightly when Eddie nodded.

"What does it eat?" Peter questioned as he stroked the symbiote like a cat.

"Tater tots and chocolate. Lots of those." Eddie answered.

As Venom purred, retreating back into Eddie's hoody for warmth, Peter laughed slightly.

Before Peter could bombard Eddie with more eager questions, the window next to them shattered. Iron Man burst in like the Kool Aid Man, repulsers raised.

Eddie let out a very manly shriek and fell to the floor.

His face changed from fear to embarrassment and irritation.

"I am not a pussy!" He snapped. Tony kept his repulsers aimed at the man, even as Peter assured him he was okay.

"Yeah, well, you try seeing Iron Man break through your window and see how brave you are!" Eddie argued, and Tony lowered his repulsers slightly.

"Mr. Stark! It's okay! This is Mr. Brock! You know, like the Pokemon gym leader! Isn't that cool?" Peter rambled, and Tony turned to him.

"Oh thank god. Are you alright? Did he hurt you? I as a few drops of your blood in the alley, are you still bleeding? Do you-" Bombarding him with questions, Peter just laughed.

"Mr. Stark! I'm fine! It was a simple misunderstanding!" Peter assured.

"That lead to you getting kidnapped." Tony argued.

"He's my friend now!" Peter protested.

"Peter, you can't just go around befriending your homeless, schizophrenic, kidnapper." Tony said with a sigh.

"Excuse me? I'm not homeless, or schizophrenic." Eddie assured.

"Yeah! Sit down and we'll explain everything!" Peter insisted, and Tony reluctantly agreed.

* * *

An hour later, and Tony was flying Peter back to the tower. After putting all the new stuff away, Peter went to his room and got ready for bed, despite it only be 7:00. School was tomorrow, and as much as he was dreading it, he still wanted to be well-rested 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this little chapter! Yes, he will be added to the group chat. Yes, he will be coming back.


	65. Lesson 1: Tony's A Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this was delayed for so long. Here's what happened in the month or so I was gone:
> 
> I was diagnosed with Hyper-Mobility Syndrome, which means that my joint have been bothering me. I (sorta, it's really complicated) own a horse. His name is Whiskey and he's three years old. I started school, and it's been going pretty good. I also now volunteer at the MSPCA, an animal shelter near my school, every Tuesday. Overall, I'm doing pretty good.

No Peppermint, 8:15 A.M

UwU: nobody:

UwU: absolutely nobody:

UwU: Thor: LOOOOKKKKIIII, THATS HOW YOU KILL PEOPLE

SnarkShark: get to class

UwU: you will all soon learn to appreciate me

* * *

Smiling, Peter put his phone in his pocket and grabbed his textbooks. Ironic that his first class of the day would be with Tony. 

As he trotted to class, he couldn't help but feel as if he were being watched. Slowing down, he listened closely. A slight shuffling was heard from the vents.

Sighing, looked Ned in the eye. Both he and MJ were staring at him with confusion.

"Man, I sure hope Hawkeye isn't in the vents!" He said, loudly and sarcastically. Everyone gave him an odd look, before Clint poked his head through a vent opening.

"I'll get you next time, He-Man!" He said in his best Skeletor impression, before scuttling away.

Rolling his eyes, Peter continued to class.

Finally reaching his room, Peter stifled a groaned as he sat down at his desk. 

A few minutes later, Tony walked in, sunglasses still on.

"Good morning, class! Now, before we start off with all the very exciting math and engineering stuff, first we've got to do some icebreakers!" Tony said, faking a chipper attitude.

"I'll start. My name is Tony Stark, and I once bought my now-wife a 10 foot tall teddy bear. Who's next?"

It went on like this until it reached Peter.

"My name is Peter Parker, and I have never eaten a walnut." He said, just choosing something random in hopes of Tony leaving him alone.

No such luck.

"I guess I'll have to bring in a bag of walnuts." Tony said, in a way that made Peter's heart fill with dread.

"I'll just bring in a big ol' sac if nuts. Wouldn't you enjoy that?" Tony joked, and the class all erupted into laughter.

Cheeks red from embarassment, he groaned and hid his head in his hands.

"All right, all right, now it's time to actually teach some engineering, starting with the arc reactor."

 

Surprisingly, the class was reletivley normal, aside from a few inside jokes that only Peter understood.

As he checked his schedule, he realized he had art next. Feeling both equal parts excited and hesitant, he put his books in his locker and headed to the art room.

 Waving to Steve as he took his seat, he noticed that he had a notification on his phone. Discretely pulling out his phone, he saw that that Shuri had texted the group a pun. Sighing, he put his phone away.

"Alright, class! As you all know, I am Steve Rogers, also known as Captain America. Now,  a fellow teammate of mine, who is your age, asked me not to do the whole moral lectures thing. So, we'll be jumping right into the lesson." Steve explained as he passed around blank sheets of paper.

"Alright. At the top of that paper, write your name and the date. In this, we will be drawing two different landscapes. In one landscape, we will be using similar colors to blend the landscape together. In the other, we will be using contrasting colors to make each factor stand out." Steve continued, demonstrating on his own paper. 

"See how I made a line in the middle? That will be the border. Now, on the left, I will be doing my contrasting image. You can do the same, or have the contrasting image on the right." He said, watching as the students made a line in the middle of the paper. 

"Before continuing, make sure that you have an idea for what you are going to do. I will be making my contrasting image an Arctic landscape. I'll be using white for the snow and ice, gray for shading, dark blue for the ocean, and light blue for the sky. You guys can do whatever landscape you want, just make sure you outline the different areas." Steve instructed, sketching out an image of an ice sheet contrasting with the ocean, withe a clearly visible line between the water, ice, and sky.

"Next, you will sketch out the blending landscape. I will be doing a desert landscape, using brown, tan, cream, red-brown, rust, and beige. I'll sketch out the sand, and make the sky a reddish-brown color to signify a sandstorm. Watch as I make the outlines of the rows of sand the same color, blending my colors more towards the middle. Now that we have a sketch, labeled with what colors they're gonna be, you can start coloring. I suggest using paint for the contrasting image, and colored pencils for the blending image. Now that you have your instructions, you may begin." Steve said as he removed his sketch from the board, moving it to a desk where he continued to work on it.

"What are you gonna do for yours?" Ned asked, addressing the group of friends.

"I'm going to do New York for the contrast and Tennessee for the blend." Harley answered, already sketching.

"I'm gonna do Rural Wakanda and Urban Wakanda." Shuri replied.

"Interesting. I'm probably gonna do a coral reef landscape for my contrast and a deep sea landscape for my blend." Ned remarked, looking to Peter expectantly.

"Uhh... I don't know. I might do a mountain sunset landscape for the contrast and a grasslands landscape for the blend. I don't know." Peter mused, tapping his pencil against the desk.

"Well, I'm going to do a city for the contrast, and a forest for the blend." MJ interjected. Nobody was surprised by this.

After working for around 30 minutes, the group had finished their sketch and was starting to color their image. 

Steve, who had already finished, placed his work up on the board as an example. Walking around the tables, he looked on at the student's work with curiousity. 

10 more minutes passed like this, and a few people had already finished. The group of friends were still working, but a few, like Harley and MJ, were close to being finished.

"Alright, class. We'll be finishing these next class. Hopefully by then we'll be done. These are looking great. Please clean up your workspace and head on out!" Steve said, giving a small, discreet nod to Peter as he rushed to his next class.

"Dude, what do we have next?" Ned asked, trying to keep up with his friend.

"Uhhh... Science?" Peter guessed, hoping he was right.

"Great! I hear THE Dr. Banner is teaching us!" Ned squealed in excitement.

"Yeah, he's really cool. I've worked with him on a few projects before." Peter said, smiling slightly at the fun memories.

"You've worked with THE Dr. Banner?!" Bed squealed once more, thankfully keeping his voice down.

"Nerds." MJ remarked as she walked past into the classroom.

Quickly finding their seats, Peter noticed an array of a few cages covered in cloth.

"Hello, class! I'll be teaching science today! I also have some very special guests here, and before you ask, we will not be doing ANY experiments, tests, or anything that will, in any way, harm them." Bruce explained, and a few of the animal-loving people sighed in relief.

"These guests actually belong to Tony's personal intern, who's actually in this class!" Bruce announced, nodding towards Peter. He would've been embarrassed, but he was trying to figure out if his birds would be okay with everyone looking at them. 

"Alright, so in the first cage are Peter's original three birds, Emerald, Ruby, and Sapphire." Bruce said as he pulled the cloth off of the cage. 

"These three are Mourning Doves, and are quite gorgeous specimens. Peter, would you mind coming up here and telling us about your birds?" Bruce asked, and Peter nodded shlyly.

"Umm, alright, so this one here is Ruby. She has a red band and she is very small. This one here, Emerald, is the largest of the three. She's very calm, and you can hold her, as long as you're gentle." He said as he tenderly passed Emerald on to the class.

"This one here is Sapphire, and he's the father of the four chicks that they've raised together. The chicks technically belong to Shuri, and will hopefully be part of a Wakandain breeding program for exotic animals."

As he placed Ruby and Sapphire back into their cage, he went to the next one and opened it.

"Now, in this one are the chicks. There are four, two males and two females. The largest one, Diamond, is a female, and most likely one of Emerald's chicks. Like her mother, she is very calm. Here, just be very gentle." He said as he once more gently passed the bird around.

"This one here, is most likely Emerald's other chick, Jasper. He's pretty docile, but he may get stressed out, so he'll stay in here. This one is Topaz, he's the smallest, and he is most likely one of Ruby's chicks. He's too small to be handled by a lot of people, so he'll also be staying in here. His sister, Amethyst, will be staying with him, because she is territorial." Peter explained, lovingly stroking each bird's feathers and he spoke. 

As Emerald got passed back towards him, he placed her in her cage and placed the cloth back over it. He did the same with Diamond once everyone was done.

"Thank you, Peter. Stay up here, you'll be helping me with these next two cages." Bruce said as he unveiled the third cage, revealing Small Bean and Anger.

"You brought Anger here?" Peter asked, eyeing the small kestrel warily.

"I couldn't leave him behind!" Bruce protested, and Peter shrugged. Slipping on his raptor glove that Bruce handed to him, he opened the cage door.

"Alright. This here is Small Bean, which I know is ironic because Angry is smaller than she is, but it fits her more. She's very sweet, but I will not be passing her around because she's a bird of prey, even if she is small. Both she and Anrgy are American Kestrels, the smallest breed of falcon in the world." Peter explained, holding her up.

"This one here is Angry, because he's very angry. He's not mean, just mad all the time. I'm going to place him back in his cage now." Peter stated as he put the cloth over the cage.

"Right. So, I assume this last cage has UwU?" Peter asked, and Bruce nodded.

Opening he cage door, he placed his arm out and UwU hopped up.

"Right. This is my peregrine falcon, UwU. She's amazing, and is generally well behaved." Peter said, watching in pride as everyone stared in wonder, awe or curiosity at the magestic bird." Smiling, Peter placed UwU back, and removed the glove.

"Any questions?" Peter asked, to which many hands shot up.

"Yes, Cindy?" 

"What do they eat?" She questioned.

"Well, the doves eat mostly seeds. They like sunflower and corn seeds the best. Occasionally they'll eat an insect treat or two. The Kestrels eat small rodents, like mice, and occasionally fish. UwU eats larger meat, like chicken breasts without the bones, scraps of meat or fish, and small rodents." Peter answered, trying to remember their exact diets.

"Yes, Abe?" He asked, nodding to him.

"Do you fly them or excercise them?" He inquired, curiosity in his tone.

"All the time. They're kept at the upstate compound, so there's plenty of space for them to fly. There's also some other birds, such as the peacocks that Tony bought, and now terrorize everyone who walks by them." Peter said, a smile on his face. Just as he was about to call on someone else, the bell rang.

Quickly grabbing his stuff, he said his farewells to Bruce and went on his way.

This day wasn't turning out to be so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to split this chapter in half because it's already pretty long and it's late as hell, so... Here ya go!


	66. Oh Nooooo, I'm Being Kidnapped.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, I was going to continue the school theme, but then I decided "fuck that, that's boring." So, here's something new! Includes angst, blood, gore, torture, angst, kidnapping, multi-verse theory, starvation, human expirementation, and did I mention angst?
> 
> Enjoy!

"Thanks! I hate it!" Peter whispered as he listened to Clint's idea of a gym class. 

"Ready?" Clint asked, before throwing the first ball. 

Peter really hated dodgeball.

The gym soon erupted into a chorus of whoops, howls and screaming. It was chaos, as each kid frantically ducked and dodged the flurry of balls flying at their face. Peter, trying his best not to reveal his identity, got hit in the face at least a dozen times. 

Groaning, he rubbed his eyes as Flash threw one at his face as hard as he could.

Before it could hit him, another ball came flying and hit it out of the air. Clint shared a mischievous smirk with Peter, before blowing the whistle.

"Alright, class. It's time to-" Before Clint could finish, an explosion rocked the building. Peter's spider-sense blared in his skull as he stumbled.

Clint immediately dove to protect some of the kids from falling rubble, while Peter ran away to suit up. Throwing open the emergency door, he sprinted to a nearby alley. 

Footsteps sounded from behind him, but before Peter could turn around, without so much as a peep from his spider-sense, something hit him on the head, hard.

Vision swirling, he collapsed to the ground with a groan. 

"This the one?" A voice, much like his but deeper, said above him. Rolling into his side, he was met with a gray, ominous mask.

"Yes, scans show he's the only one." Another voice said through the coms, so faint that Peter had to strain to hear.

"Good." The masked figure said, before throwing a well aimed punch at the still stunned Peter. As his vision went black, he could feel dread, cold as ice form in his gut.

* * *

"What are these things?!" Clint yelped at Tony as he shot at some small, gray robots. 

"Don't know. F.R.I.D.A.Y can't scan them. This tech is advanced." Tony answered, unibeaming one into oblivion.

"Are the kids safe?" Steve asked through the coms.

"Yeah, all of them were evacuated." Falcon replied.

"And there's no one else here?" Steve pried, and Clint could almost see the blonde's furrowed brow.

"Yeah? Why?" He asked, dread already digging it's icy claws into his gut.

"Then where's the bad guy?" Steve questioned, his voice clipped, seemingly with tension.

"I mean, there's the robots. That's something." Sam argued back.

"I mean... Is it really?" Bucky asked, and Clint snorted.

"No, seriously. I mean, they're not really doing anything. They're just... Jumping at us." He continued, and Clint paused.

Lowering his bow, he watched as one simply leapt and landed on his arm. Yelping as the bot sent a powerful shockwave through his arm, he shook it off.

"Guys, he's right. They're shooting to stun. Not even that, they're like... I don't know." Clint said with a shrug.

"This is weird. Kid, what do you think?" Tony inquired, only to be met with silence.

"Kid?" Tony asked once more, as everyone went silent to try and hear a response.

Shooting a glance at Tony, Clint lowered his bow.

Sure enough, Tony shot off towards the back of the school, where thettracer said he was, with Clint close behind him. Concern flooded his chest as his mind raced with possibilities. 

Finally, as they threw open the metal door at the back of the school, Clint's heart sank as he saw nothing. 

Clint's blood ran cold as he saw Peter's backpack.

"Tony." He said, motioning towards it. Small drops of blue blood were splattered against the concrete, and Clint's heart sank even deeper.

"Guys, Peter's missing."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is nigh, fools. Do not fret, however, for there shall be a sequal!


	67. Owie My Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Schedule:
> 
> Chapter 68: The Stars Came Crashing Down (previously Little Pistol)  
> Shuri makes an appearance
> 
> Chapter 69: Family is found in odd places  
> A special chapter where we explore the different universes, and how the Peter Parker of each universe found family
> 
> Chapter 70: Big Bang  
> The end of the first book, but there WILL be a second

When Peter awoke, he was strapped to a table. Growling, he tested his restraints, only to find he couldn't break them. He also couldn't unsheathe his claws, as some sort of metal gloves were placed on his hands. He growled, and realized that he was muzzled. 

Struggling even harder against his restraints, he froze as he heard a chuckle from above him. Struggling to see up into the seemingly endless darkness, he could faintly make out a figure on the ceiling.

"Oh, did the poor little spider fall into our trap?" The figure asked.

Peter was about to retort, irritated by the mocking tone, but froze.

"Our?" He wondered, trying to figure out if the figure was alone.

"Stop taunting the specimen." Another voice retorted, just out of view. 

"C'mon, Superior. Live a little, why don't ya? I mean, if I have to go out and catch your guinea pigs, might as well let me have my fun." The figure stated, hopping down from its perch on the ceiling.

The person wore a gray mask, with blood red lenses. It's suit was dark gray and black, with a crimson spider on it's chest. Four metallic spider legs came out of it's back, seemingly attached to the suit.

"You're... You're like me." He tried to say, but it came out muffled.

The other spider ignored him, and instead leaned against the nearest wall and fidgeted with a gadget on his wrist. 

"Wolf, make yourself useful and check on the other two specimens." The other person, that 'Wolf' had called Superior, demanded.

Snorting, Wolf stalked off, but not without glaring at Superior.

"Remember who's in charge, here." Wolf growled, before disappearing into the shadows.

Scoffing, Superior approached Peter. Tensing, Peter narrowed his eyes, attempting to look threatening.

"Incompetent fool." Superior grumbled as he came into view.

Superior was another spider, though once again his suit was different. His suit was mostly dark blue, with a red upper half and a dark blue spider symbol on his chest. Black lenses stared ahead, an intimidating glare plastered on the mask.

Superior was holding a large syringe, full of a mysterious fluid. Still grumbling, he stuck the needle into Peter's arm. Hissing in pain, Peter tried to writhe out of Superior's grip, to no avail.

Static numbness slowly trickled its way through his body, until he couldn't move anymore. Superior, now with a scalpel in his hands, approached. Eyes widening in fear, Peter tried desperately to get his numb limbs to move. Finally, just as the scalpel was about to cut into his skin, blackness encased his vision and he passed out.

* * *

 

_"What happened?" He wondered, taking note of his surroundings._

_"You don't want to be awake for this, little one." A deep, feminine voice with a slight Russian accent answered. It wasn't Wanda's voice, but it sounded similar._

_"What's happening?" He asked, but he did not move his mouth._

_"Superior is doing his expiriments. I did not want you to experience pain." The voice replied, seemingly everywhere at once._

_Peter stayed silent, not knowing how to respond. As the seconds stretched on in complete silence, he cursed himself for somehow making the void feel awkward._

_"Who were they?" He said at last, finally breaking the tension._

_"Wolf Spider and Superior Spider-Man. Also known as Wolf and Superior." The voice responded, also relieved to have broken the silence._

_"Who?" He inquired, confused._

_The voice sighed, and Peter felt a warm, comforting sensation engulf him._

_"My name is Night Spider, but they call me Night. You do not have a name yet. For now, I shall call you Cub Spider. There are trillions of universes out there, some like yours, and some wildly different." The voice explained._

_Nodding, Peter closed his eyes. It was getting harder to think._

_"Sleep now, little one. You are not part of this war." Night whispered as the soft lull of sleep encased him._

 


	68. The Stars Came Crashing Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short, and late. So very late. I've had writer's block for like, the longest time. I've had so many ideas for the next book, but none for this one. Apologies.
> 
> In case I don't make the next chapter in time for Christmas or the New Year, happy holidays!

Peter was awoken by the sounds of screaming. His head was spinning and his limbs heavy and sore from the different serums injected into him by Superior. Whimpering in pain and fear, he realized with a jolt that Shuri was next to him. 

"Jesus Christ!" He swore in alarm.

"How long have you been here?" He asked, curling up to her more.

"At least two days. You were unconscious for most of it." She whispered, motioning for him to be quiet. Nodding in response, he wrapped the soft, blue blanket around them.

"Where are we?" He whispered.

"In some sort of crate." She whispered back.

"They put some sort of blanket on top so we can't see out, and they tied it shut with zip ties and chains. There's enough space to sit up and turn around, maybe to lie down, but nothing else." She whispered back, trying to distract him by explaining theit surroundings in too much detail.

Nodding, another explosion shook the room, and with it came a fresh wave of pain. 

Another explosion. More pain. Too loud. Too bright. 

A loud roar echoed through the room, way too close for comfort. Squeezing his eyes shut and pressing even harder against Shuri, he whimpered.

Light flooded into the small crate, and Peter snapped his eyes open just as a pair of hands came to grab him.

Snarling, he struck out with his claws, which did no damage to the arm, seemingly protected by a thick, leathery armor. 

Baring his fangs, he let out a warning hiss. Shuri looked at him in confusion, and Peter realized this must look to her. He was curled up, fangs bared like a cobra, hissing furiously like a cat. 

"Grab the Lunar Dust. This one isn't coming easily." An unfamiliar feminine voice called from outside. A few moments later, a silvery-green powder was being blown into the crate, making them cough and sneeze. 

"Poor thing must be so scared..." Said the same voice.

"We'll comfort them when we get back to camp, for now we have to get out of here." A second, male voice  replied. 

Again, a pair of hands reached into the cage, and Peter tried to slash at them again. His limbs, however, had different plans. 

His limbs were heavy and numb, making it impossible to fight back. He was dragged out of the kennel, still tangled in the blanket, and borderline unconscious. 

Growling softly, he tried once more to bat at the arms holding him, to no avail. Drifting into unconsciousness, he realized that he felt safe with these people.

 


End file.
